Wait, I thought I had this down.
So, another dream last night. A regular "melting pot" of things.
Some work related and others not.
The non-work related stuff is what bothers me.
So, like Jake's ex-wife wasn't enough for me, last night I dreamt about feeling helpless and frustrated and just impotent.
The person in particular was just my boyfriend. And I am not talking about the current one, cause either he didn't have a face, or I don't remember.
Anyways, he was leaving me, and he made it known. And I've had this happen and there isn't anything you can do about it. I was so confused and pissed off at the same time.
I think I begged him to stay and it was no use.
Did I beg Paul to stay? I can't even remember. I don't think so, I think I had too much pride. I believe he told me later that if I had asked, he would have stayed, but I don't believe that he was telling me the truth than.
I'm not sure he ever told me the truth. And I blame him for these feelings of helplessness that take control when I am dreaming and feeling defenseless.
Usually, if I am having a scary dream, or a totally outlandish one (used to dream all the time that I left my son at daycare....did I ever leave him there? NO), I can have some control. Even if it is only me saying, "well, this has to be a dream".
This didn't feel like a dream. This felt real and all the old feelings came back. Just utter frustration with the whole situation. The only reason I even hoped was because he told me that he thought his relationship was over........otherwise, I would have tried harder to keep my distance.
Not that that ever worked too well regarding him. I had a fucking weak spot for that man. I am SO glad that I don't see him. If any of you know him, don't tell me. I might be tempted to see him and try to be friends with him again, which really never worked for us.
Our type of friendliness was mostly flirting and I will NOT go there with him again. He actually had the nerve, last time I was actually trying to be friendly, (after he got MARRIED) to say something about my getting a new bed and I was like, not like you are ever going to be jumping around on my new bed. To which he replied something to the effect of, not right now. WTF?
Freshly married and he is still flirting? I'd like to say it was just friendly, but he is an asshole, so I don't know for sure.
Some work related and others not.
The non-work related stuff is what bothers me.
So, like Jake's ex-wife wasn't enough for me, last night I dreamt about feeling helpless and frustrated and just impotent.
The person in particular was just my boyfriend. And I am not talking about the current one, cause either he didn't have a face, or I don't remember.
Anyways, he was leaving me, and he made it known. And I've had this happen and there isn't anything you can do about it. I was so confused and pissed off at the same time.
I think I begged him to stay and it was no use.
Did I beg Paul to stay? I can't even remember. I don't think so, I think I had too much pride. I believe he told me later that if I had asked, he would have stayed, but I don't believe that he was telling me the truth than.
I'm not sure he ever told me the truth. And I blame him for these feelings of helplessness that take control when I am dreaming and feeling defenseless.
Usually, if I am having a scary dream, or a totally outlandish one (used to dream all the time that I left my son at daycare....did I ever leave him there? NO), I can have some control. Even if it is only me saying, "well, this has to be a dream".
This didn't feel like a dream. This felt real and all the old feelings came back. Just utter frustration with the whole situation. The only reason I even hoped was because he told me that he thought his relationship was over........otherwise, I would have tried harder to keep my distance.
Not that that ever worked too well regarding him. I had a fucking weak spot for that man. I am SO glad that I don't see him. If any of you know him, don't tell me. I might be tempted to see him and try to be friends with him again, which really never worked for us.
Our type of friendliness was mostly flirting and I will NOT go there with him again. He actually had the nerve, last time I was actually trying to be friendly, (after he got MARRIED) to say something about my getting a new bed and I was like, not like you are ever going to be jumping around on my new bed. To which he replied something to the effect of, not right now. WTF?
Freshly married and he is still flirting? I'd like to say it was just friendly, but he is an asshole, so I don't know for sure.
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Don't rightly know, cause I never let it get that far until he said that his relationship was over.
It's just a blessing that we don't run in the same circle anymore.