Random Thoughts

Me all weekend - let’s eat fried things and sugar. One - this gets B to leave. Then I get alone time. I can podcast. Masturbate. Watch porn. Sing as loud as I want. Two - I really did have some cravings. Last night after he gets back, I said sorry, I must be getting my period or something. I want to eat ALL EAT THE THINGS. Thinking I was kinda joking. Joke is on me this morning. Fuck periods. At least I didn’t get it for Valentines which is what I figured would happen. Ugh. I’ll just be here. Under my heated blanket (probably sharing it with a spider too) with my hot water bottle on my thigh, my back, if only I could get it directly on my uterus. I have a hazy memory of laying in the sun in my grandma’s backyard. I don’t know if she was still alive. If I had my period already, she wasn’t. I just very vividly recollect the feeling of drowsiness and general well being as I lay in the yard on my stomach in my black jeans. The heat of the sun created this lovely wa...

I sent in an application to see if Providence would lower my costs for medical stuff based on my income. They wanted all adult income. I estimated D's unemployment, and then wrote at the bottom that I had failed as a mother as he was hopelessly unorganized so I had no clue how much he was getting.  That couldn't be more fucking true, as apparently he's only occasionally getting unemployment. He's only barely over half a month behind on paying rent, but I'm still fucking pissed. I have failed. He doesn't want to be a corporate cog either (I can't even blame him, I'm so fucking sick of working and I still have so many years before I could even think of retiring).  Instead he will spend all hours in the bathroom with stomach issues (is that disability? No fucking joke, he was in there from before 5 am until almost 6 this morning and this happens all the time. When I ask, he says diarrhea issues. Which I also have, I mean, I have what I call nervous stom...