Random Thoughts

A whole 'nother year MERRY FREAKIN' NEW YEAR ALL. Here is hoping that you are all having wonderful nights like me.

Loved this phrase from my new CD. I know, not very original and all that, but it fits the song for sure. Anyway, I thought it was appropriate for how I just keep rambling. I've decided I am not making any damn New Years resolutions. They are only made to be broken, I am convinced. At least in my case. Ok, maybe one resolution.....to keep in touch with all my friends and actually go visit them. Of course, this goes until I get lazy. Actually, I should make the resolution to spend at least one day a weekend not doing anything terribly important. That one I might be able to keep. I guess we'll see. I freaked myself out yet again. I was feeling sick a little too often, and of course when I feel sick to my stomach everyday for awhile, I freak out. I hope some other girls understand. But, I've verified that I have no need to freak out, so I am going to drink tonight and screw the stomach ache. I don't know how many drinks I've passed up being worried about that stupid thi...

I've decided that I love Maroon 5. One of my Christmas presents was their CD and it rocks! Also, I went and bought myself the present that my friend could not buy. If anyone read that post, you know what I am talking about. So, YAY for me. I was counting my posts and realized that I passed the 20 post mark I had set for myself before I lost interest. I am terribly excited about all this. I also saw that I had 60 hits and I must admit, I am excited about all of that. WOOfreakinHOO! It's been a strange day, my Boy's mother has decided that she must always call me to get ahold of him. She just called to let me know (or rather let him know) that she was on her way to pick him up and I couldn't help but think....I hope she goes to his house and not mine, because no one is there to answer the door. Maybe she thinks that my phone is his cell phone which kind of offends me because I pay the damn bill, month after month. I should prolly mention that people calling me for other p...

Well, I tried to think of a song title or phrase that would match with this post, but it isn't happening. Oh well. Went to play pool and I actually won! I can't believe it. I honestly won, not by default. So, I lost 2 times, that doesn't matter. I might actually be getting better. WOOHOO! It is only Wednesday. Good lord, why can't it be Friday yet. Hey, That Girl....found anything to do for New Years yet? I am sure that many people will be going out to bars, but I had one double last night, and i felt super sick. YUCK! Add that to how many people will be there and I have no plans on going to the bar. Oh well. I'm still going to my best friend's house. I like the sound of that. Hey, if anyone needs a laugh today, go to illwillpress.com and look for Foamy the neurotic squirrel. It is so funny, but don't listen to them at work, unless you have headphones. Let me know what you all think.

I'm fairly certain my head might explode soon. Good lord. All this answering phones and people and being stuck behind a desk. Because at my work, you always have to "man" the front desk. Otherwise people might think that we are actually here to work and not answer stupid questions. I always get a headache and it keeps me from doing my work at my own desk, god forbid. I know, I know, this isn't helping either. But, I skipped my break just for this. So, screw 'em, I am going to post today. I actually spent much of the day being productive, which is prolly why this pisses me off so much. I could be at my desk with no one around to bother me, but now I gotta make sure there isn't anyone behind me trying to see what I am doing and all that bullcrap. Ok, I think that is enough. At least for today. I get off in 1/2 hour at the most, so there is something to be happy about. WOOHOO! Then, my boy is coming to take me out for a drink. I feel special, just wish I had spe...

I love coffee. Jeez, have I mentioned that before? I went out on Christmas Eve and spent 2 or so hours drinking coffee. Wow, I haven't been that buzzed in awhile. It was all much fun. Talking and drinking far too much coffee. Why don't people do it more often? It is cheap, so much more affordable than bars. Of course, alcohol is more fun I guess. Sometimes when I have far too much money it is fun. But most of the time, I can think of far better things to spend my money on than going to the bar. My objective at the bar is usually to drink far too much (because I seem to forget that there are other beverages that are not alcoholic), get some good bar french fries, and play some pool. But most of the time when I go, there aren't any tables free, or else someone puts their money down and decides to "challenge" me to the table. Well, I am not anything resembling good enough to "win" the table. Hell, I can't even break well. I usually just let them have it...

Well, I hope I didn't offend anyone by saying "happy holidays". After reading That Girl's post I realized that I should not bend my feelings and thoughts on the holiday to other's thoughts and feelings. Anywho, had a relatively productive Christmas. I visited my boyfriend's parents and they talked to me a bunch about Christmas and people I don't know, but I survived. Then we decided to go and visit a friend, which turned into a 2 or 3 hour visit. Which included Video Games. Can I ask what is so frickin cool about video games? I don't get it, especially when they are on the computer and all you see is text scrolling. Not very entertaining, but the boys were amused while I sat and listened to my friend's parents. His dad tried to tease me, but I am not good with parents. He asked if he was scary and I said something about, "well not from over here". Which got a good laugh. We also decided to go to breakfast, which was a hassle. Apparently, ...

Merry Christmas to all. And if that offends you, Happy Holidays.

Here's some good feelings to appreciate. I've decided the post as many times as possible today so you all have something to read over the weekend. I was cleaning my child's room when I found some rather young books. Such as a "flush the potty" book. I put it on the table in the hopes of passing it on. When he came home from school, he picks it up and pushes the button to make the flushing noise repeatedly. He said something about loving that sound, and it took all my will not to ask why he doesn't flush the toilet more often then. I also found a little golden book of Mother Goose nursery rhymes. It is terribly cute and I opened it to look at it, and saw a tiny footprint and printed on the page next to it was 11-21-97, which has to mean this was his first book. I believe the hospital gave it to him, but I was doped up and did not remember. What a wonderful thing to still have. I am so happy that it didn't get lost in the moving process or thrown out along t...

People who live here is Oregon love snow. They are terribly excited whenever the thought of snow comes up. I hate snow. Growing up in Colorado, I had my fair share of snow. I'd walk to school every morning in the snow, uphill both ways (just kidding). I am trying to keep with the Christmas holidays and think of Christmas songs to use for my titles. It is getting hard to keep it up. I need new CDs, which shouldn't be a problem, considering that is about all I really ask for. Sometimes books and movies, but mostly CDs. We had a raffle at work, because we all have to work on Christmas Eve and they feel bad. So, of course, I win a telephone. I have only a cell phone and this might never help me. Which is prolly why I won. I traded it, but instead got a stupid bear that plays the Oregon Duck fighting song. ICK! Now my friends will really make fun of me. I am hoping to pawn it off on someone else before the kid gets home and pushes the button over and over, because that is what he l...

Three posts in one day. I totally rock. Although I have a little problem, I keep trying to start all my posts with "wow". Damn, I need to strike that word from my vocabulary, it doesn't make me sound terribly smart. Especially when I use it all the time. Now, the recurring theme here seems to be that I need more girlfriends and all that. In looking back through my posts and the comments, I thought about the whole girl's night thing. And I think I might have enough room. I only have two couches, and the young boy's twin when he isn't there and my bed, which is a queen and I would be willing to share with girls as long as they don't fondle me.....much. Sorry, had to throw that in. Hope I didn't scare anyone. Just my little flirting and girls are cute. So if I get enough answers I think we should all hang at my house and watch girly movies and drink girly drinks and do girly things. I'll get a babysitter and I'll be all set. The best time for me i...

I figured I would throw this in by itself. All I really want for Christmas is........to go to the Ocean. I know it is prolly unbearably cold, but I love the Ocean. It is so beautiful, and astounding, and amazing. Can you tell I love it? I am such a cancer (the sign, not the disease) and I love all things water. I love to play in the water and even though I can't technically swim, I can make it from one place to the next. Unfortunately, the boy's parents only condition on the van is we can't take it out of town. It is old and smokes a lot. God forbid we get stuck on the coast. Maybe a Christmas miracle will happen. Maybe a Tidal wave will bring the Ocean to me. ;p. Just kidding, I wouldn't want to kill everyone on Christmas.

So, I just realized that if I keep posting I might actually get up to 20 posts before I lose interest. You know us kids. We watch to much TV. And have no attention span. Thinking up different song phrases is getting to be hard. Which doesn't make any sense, because I have far too many CDs and I know way too many songs. At least it has renewed my quest to listen to all of them sometime soon. Every so often I come across a CD I particularly love and I listen to it alot. Which holds me back. My current one is Janet - Janet. I love that CD, particularly "Anytime, Anyplace". YUM. One of the sexiest songs I know. It makes me want to do all kinds of things that could get me in trouble. I am enjoying not having the child around. I miss him, but I have made plans and I can actually go places. WOOHOO! Went out Monday, had a friend over Tuesday, nothing Wednesday (gotta have one day of rest), Dinner at my best friends house tonight, and Coffee tomorrow. Plus, the boy's parents h...

No, that is not some perverted title meaning anything, just a very good Matchbox Twenty song. Sorry all. Normally, I would not correct you, but today I felt like it. I had far too much fun at Karaoke. It makes me wish I could go all the time, but no luck. Children are so expensive. Oh well, when I am 35 I will be done, and my friends will just be starting. Oh, sad day. Will I never get to hang with people on a regular basis? It just goes to show that you can't have your cake and eat it too. Oh well. Someday I will be perfectly happy. And then what will I have to bitch about? Not that I am terribly upset, I find I am a homebody more and more. And my son has made so many things possible for me. Like having the drive to make a difference in my life, instead of perpetuating the white trashness (not a word, I know) of my family. I love them, but they are so white trash. They try, but it is hard to get away from that when you name your kid "Jimbob". And I am not kidding. Sure, ...

Alright, Monday is here. The child is gone (since Sat.) and I haven't done anything special. Although, I did just lay around in bed and watch Caddyshack II. Not something I can do very often. Most of the time, my 7 year old decides that he absolutely has some question or another that has to be answered right then. And, tonight I get Karaoke. WOOHOO! Now I only wish I had enough guts to get up there and sing. I love to sing, just not around people. I used to sing all the time and annoy the hell out of my mother, because one day she said something rude about it and I haven't sung in public (by myself) since. Sure, I've sung in chior, but it isn't the same with others voices to cushion. I have this secret fantasy that I am really good, even though I've never had lessons, and I could blow people's minds. Since I won't sing in front of people though, the world may never know. I do love music. Obviously. So, I am looking forward to listening to others who enjoy it...

Well, my goal (in my head - Scary place there) is to post once a day. I am sure that there will be days when I can't though. Including anytime after today until Monday. I have tomorrow off, and I know everyone is thinking - 3 Day weekend Woohoo!, but I have to clean and get my son's stuff in order so he can spend Christmas with his dad. Such is life though. I already feel super special because I have special plans while he is gone already. I get to go to my first night of karaoke. Yay! I went home and informed my boyfriend of this, and he got quiet and I was like, well, I guess you could prolly come with us if you would like. And then he remembers that my child won't be there and I don't need a babysitter (namely, him), so I think he feels better about it. But, he might want to come out. I hope that is OK, That Girl. I am assuming he will have his own money and not expect you to buy him drinks. I told him that you and I were trading off. Anyhow, he might decide it is no...

I have two rather big rant-worth items that have plagued me recently. First of all (and definitely less of a problem, but still annoying) is when you are so used to doing something, that you automatically do it, but then you have to wonder later, if you really did do it. Like flushing the toilet. Or closing and locking the door. Or this thing I have to do at work with the check signing machine. Then, you don't want to go back, but it keeps bugging you until you check. ARGH! Then, secondly, I hate all the guilt that comes with this season. For instance, a friend of mine, (who shall remain nameless) decided that he should get me something. And even though I have bought him things before and he did not return the favor, I felt like I had to buy him something. So, I found the perfect things, and he was excited. Now, I do enjoy shopping and I did enjoy the look on his face, but I felt like I was forced into it. Then, I invited someone else over and felt bad because I went on and ...

I was filling out my profile. At least as much as I wanted to. And I started thinking about my preference for Romance novels. I read these awful things and know that life isn't like that, but I keep reading them. So, I started thinking about how my Dad is the one who bought me my first romance book, and I have to wonder, Was it all a big plan? To set me up for failure? God, I hope not, that would be depressing. Not like it has worked, I am way too boy crazy and had to be an any relationship I could throughout High School. The whole mentality was something about not being "normal". Jeez, there is a surprise. Like anyone is "normal".

Not having nicotine has only made this urge for coffee stronger and more justifiable. At least I am not spending the money on cigarettes, I keep thinking. But, I might be spending more for something that lasts much less time. Oh the irony. I had coffee this morning and still I want to buy a mocha, at the expense of one less thing for my boyfriend for Christmas. Oh, hold me back. Where is all my willpower now? And now for something completely different, I am terribly excited. I set up a site counter with the help from That Girl .....You rock..... And I have 15 hits. Alright, so at least 4 were from me before I set up my computer to be ignored, and I am sure some more will be from me checking on other people's 'puters. Oh well, nice to know that people are reading my craziness. WOOFREAKINHOO! Yet another side note, I read Wren's post about her roommates son calling her a "Pagina" face and I have told everyone I know that story. Only children can come up with this st...

Well, this is like therapy without paying people way too much money. Anywho, had a little get together (five adults, all in all, and two kids). All in the name of gift giving and Scrabble. Without sounding too smug, I have too say, from the responses I got, I am the present master. (insert evil laugh here). Bought Army of Darkness for a recent Bruce Campbell fan. He freaking rocks! And she about flipped out. Then I bought a Tom Petty CD and the first season of Simpsons for another friend and again....very good choice. It was wonderful. Hooray for me. Then we played Scrabble and my ridiculously good friend also managed to get some damn good luck. It never fails when I get to go first that I only have some super small word, or can use 5 of my seven letters, but they are all only worth 1 point each. So, she makes "unbraid" and uses all seven letters and then gets the damn 50 points for using all her letters. I think she started the game with 70 some odd points. Needless to say, ...

To anyone who doesn't have time to read this ridiculously long post, please don't. I just have to get things out somehow. It is all relationship crap anyways. Here is yet another thing that I can not talk about with very many people. Because yet again, I am afraid that they will think I am "stupid". S***, I think I am stupid for it, so I can understand and yet at the same time maybe talking about it will lessen this unnatural obsession I have. Many, many years ago (be glad I didn't start with Once upon a time), I had roommates. Two of them, plus I was living with my boyfriend (at the time) and our son. The two roommates were in a relationship. Well, the boy flirted with me a lot and I flirted right back because I am a flirt. (Much to the annoyance, of our respective partners). Now, I am pretty sure it all started as a "grass is greener" thing (probably for both of us), but it all spiraled rapidly out of control. We would be home while the other two were ...

So, after all this talk about best friends, I called a friend last night who I hang out with on a regular basis and she prolly thinks I am crazy, but right before I got off the phone with her, I asked her if she would be my best friend. She said that she would. So, of course I try to be funny and I said something about oh, good I thought everyone was paired off already. Then she said something about having a best friend in high school, but they aren't terribly close anymore. I realize that this happens, but I didn't think it happened so frequently. I had my own little group from high school, and I thought we would never stop hanging out, but lo and behold we all went our own ways. I dropped out and Another dropped out. The third finished high school (i think) and I see her occasionally on campus. i am guessing she is going to college. Well, i gave her my number, no call. So that last time I saw her I ignored her. The strange thing is she got pregnant at 15, I got pregnant at 16...

Alright, after thinking all night about my first post and all the talk about getting married, I was thinking about it and I am not even sure I want to be married right now, I think I just want to have the option open, and know that it is somewhere my relationship is heading. So, since I am crazy and look a little too in depth about everything in life, and try to see both sides, I am going freaking nuts. AHHHH! I can't take this kind of pressure. And now for something completely different, and much happier. I am a huge South Park fan. I am such a Cartman. Just a total craphead. It is too damn funny, so anybody want to comment on that?? And anybody get the title? I love that song.

I had an epiphany the other day. I realized that I have no special girlfriends who I see regularly. I have girls who I would probably call my "best friends" but would prolly not get the same response back. In fact, they would prolly say someone else is there "best friend". Granted I am not in High school anymore, but I miss that feeling of comraderie and being able to laugh my ass off at nothing at all. So, I think I should take out an ad for a best friend, but I am too afraid of the responses. It would go something like this: Wanted: Best Friend Must be dependable Must be flexible Must be "silly" Must love coffee Must not make too much fun of me when I am serious Must be able to make fun of herself lightheartedly. Must love the water and the ocean. Must be able to listen without judging, unless I ask for an honest opinion. And above all, must be slightly sarcastic. Anybody think I am asking too much?

Well, boredom makes you do crazy things. What I should be doing is working, but after checking a friends blog for the thousandth (exaggerating, of course) time and finding nothing new, I decided to share my own thoughts. Not that I will be able to post all the time because I am too busy and my life isn't terribly exciting. But, I thought I could use this as my own diary. And it shouldn't matter because I plan to tell no one about it. I really have no avenue for letting my thoughts out. Occasionally, I talk to people, but I never go very deep for fear of being labeled "crazy". I do my best to "project" confidence and it actually works in most instances, except when I am being truthful with myself and then I usually feel less than confident. To put it a nice way. I know everyone is plagued by doubts and insecurities, it is just that some people hide it better than others. For awhile now, I have been having these crazy ideas, like I need a baby.. My son is 7 no...