Random Thoughts

An ode to my procreational bits.   I call it  Tricky little bitch.  I go pee. I wipe. I study the toilet paper like it’s a religious tome. Does it look slightly pink? Will it ever? Did I get magically, elderly uterus pregnant for Christmas? It IS 2020!  On impulse I wipe again. Blood all over. Where the fuck was it hiding the first time??  Is she magic? Thanks for ruining New Year’s Eve uterus! 

Ugh my day kicked off with a Post Secret postcard that said "my mom picked my step dad over me" and then I'm ending my work day with the podcast that is unfortunately all about this girl who is being sexually molested for years and is hopeless and ready to commit suicide. Thanks Monday. Please give me some extra shit to ponder. I didn't sleep bad enough last night.  How many kids are being put through shit I went through right now? I honestly thought about this the other night, and thought...well, it would only happen when my mom would leave, but what if someone's mom is quarantined somewhere else? What if someone's mom is sick right now? She DID pick him over me. There is no way she didn't know, but I suppose since yesterday was mother's day, I can give her this much. When she was in the house, she was a silent protector of sorts.  His own weird sense of decency? She knew and she'd say things like "You shouldn't walk around in a nig...

Me all weekend - let’s eat fried things and sugar. One - this gets B to leave. Then I get alone time. I can podcast. Masturbate. Watch porn. Sing as loud as I want. Two - I really did have some cravings. Last night after he gets back, I said sorry, I must be getting my period or something. I want to eat ALL EAT THE THINGS. Thinking I was kinda joking. Joke is on me this morning. Fuck periods. At least I didn’t get it for Valentines which is what I figured would happen. Ugh. I’ll just be here. Under my heated blanket (probably sharing it with a spider too) with my hot water bottle on my thigh, my back, if only I could get it directly on my uterus. I have a hazy memory of laying in the sun in my grandma’s backyard. I don’t know if she was still alive. If I had my period already, she wasn’t. I just very vividly recollect the feeling of drowsiness and general well being as I lay in the yard on my stomach in my black jeans. The heat of the sun created this lovely wa...

I sent in an application to see if Providence would lower my costs for medical stuff based on my income. They wanted all adult income. I estimated D's unemployment, and then wrote at the bottom that I had failed as a mother as he was hopelessly unorganized so I had no clue how much he was getting.  That couldn't be more fucking true, as apparently he's only occasionally getting unemployment. He's only barely over half a month behind on paying rent, but I'm still fucking pissed. I have failed. He doesn't want to be a corporate cog either (I can't even blame him, I'm so fucking sick of working and I still have so many years before I could even think of retiring).  Instead he will spend all hours in the bathroom with stomach issues (is that disability? No fucking joke, he was in there from before 5 am until almost 6 this morning and this happens all the time. When I ask, he says diarrhea issues. Which I also have, I mean, I have what I call nervous stom...

Anyone who really believes any fat person is trying to say EVERYONE should be fat, clearly missed the point. The point is not to say we must all be fat. In my opinion the point of the whole matter is that us fatties are sick of waiting to love ourselves and our bodies. If being fat is unhealthy, well, we owe NO ONE our health. No more so than a skinny person who smokes or is unhealthy in a different way than being fat. The point is that we’re sick of people telling us about our “pretty faces” and we’re sick of people thinking they should advise us on our diets. The point is that perhaps younger people who are overweight won’t have to deal with people yelling at them out their car windows as they drive past. The point is that maybe these same people will be able to see that the world takes all kinds of people. All sizes of people. The point is that maybe no one will have crap thrown at them from cars (I have, I couldn’t tell you why. Maybe it was a mortal enemy, maybe it wasn’t be...