Random Thoughts

The computer is fixed. I KNEW that having a boyfriend would come in handy. LOL. Between him and his dad, they seem to have got it fixed. Both hard drives have been tested with no problems, thank goodness, as they are not that old. One is just over a year old, the other is only months old. I would have been pissed if that was the case. Ben's dad's friend (is that confusing?) said that it's unlikely that the RAM is the real problem, so we were able to put the 512 back in, and now it seems to be running just fine. He also mentioned that trying to buy RAM for this specific computer would be stupid, as it would cost more to find this kind of RAM than just buying a new computer. So far, so good. Ben is still installing programs back onto the computer, but at least we were able to plug in our iPods and they worked. Perhaps the funky little weird problems were just an impending sign of doom. Perhaps now that we've re-installed and started anew, we won't have the monitor go ...

Though I have no idea if this will make sense to anyone, as I am drunk and typoing a LOT. I'm catching most of it but I caught myself typing "so" instead of "no" the other day, so I am rather embarrassed. Way to ruin the empowerment. LOL. I made it all the way home. I navigated the cab home, I even pulled the bike out of the back. I feel weird all the time about my knowledge of alcohol, yet it saved me tonight. It's saved me before, but tonight was awesome. The party that I felt so weird about in the beginning? I'll admit, I had very weird thoughts about going to Paul's birthday party, but I wanted to do it, I wanted to be able to say I did it. He's just like some old friend, that's all. It was nice to see him and hang out with him, but I didn't feel hurt, I didn't feel sad, it was just weird and full of memories. Ben actually got drunker than me somehow, which seems rather rare. I'm usually the stupid one, but I was good this tim...

In my head, I call it a birthdayversary. Only in my head, as this is completely not fair to Ben. It’s his birthday and he has to share with me. LOL. I told him many, many years ago that we could break up for a few months and then get back together and change the date that way? Ha ha. He didn’t like that idea either. Although I’ve been thinking about it since the end of February. That was when he asked me if he could sleep in my bed that night, and I was sick of sleeping alone so I said yes, with the add on that he had to keep his pants on. Which he did. But a bit of making out happened in the morning. That time when you’re not even fully awake, but all you know is that someone is doing something nice to your neck? *blush* We took it very slow for a bit, but then just dove in head first. People were angry, and I guess people had a right to be, but seeing as how we’ve lasted 7 years, I’d like to think it was meant to be and angry people can suck it. =) This makes year number 7 for us, an...

What little I had of a weekend anyhow. I worked today, but I get next Friday off and have a three day weekend. It's the getting to Thursday that sucks. Actually Sundays are mellow. The phone hardly rings, I only have to work with one other person from my department, and today it's Mike. He's mellow, laid back, basically he's totally awesome to work with. I went out with Tammi for a beer and pool date yesterday. She had issued the invite since it's been a hell of a February, or rather it WAS a hell of a February, all done now. I ate spinach and artichoke dip and I liked it..0_o. I'm so picky, it's hard to get me to try things, but Tammi was encouraging and so I ate it, and it was GOOD. We also had the best bar fries ever, at Good Times. They always have the best fries. Cruz came out with us and it was very entertaining. He tried to show us how to shoot pool, but it was an uphill battle. I am truly lame at pool, but I always have fun playing. =) Turns out he k...

I just searched my house for some suitable munchable that would not take a thousand hours to prepare.... and I can't find crap. Ben's mom has been to visit, which means the house has been invaded by Trader Joe's. I rarely have to see her but when she comes over to see Derek and Ben without me here, I can always tell, cause of the Trader Joe's stuff. Which involved black licorice this time. =( It smells bad when Ben eats it. The only thing I could say as I saw all the evidence of Trader Joe's? Fucking Hippies. I growled it all over the kitchen as I continued to find nothing worthwhile that wouldn't take an hour. Not that I hate Trader Joe's...I really like their selection of cheeses and I adore their truffles, but BLACK LICORICE? Does she hate me? Or just love her son, who likes the crap? Grr. If I knew how long Ben and Derek would be, I would make the macaroni and cheese that takes an hour, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the INSTANT I put it in the ove...

Seems like it always happens that whenever I have to get up early, early and go to work I don't sleep well. At all. It makes me sad, cause then I have to be here for like..almost ten hours today and on top of everything I'm so tired. Meh. Coffee only irritates my stomach, so keeping awake that way does not help me. I'm seriously entertaining the thought though, even though I know it's a bad idea. In any case, I hope everyone else's Saturday was better than mine, as I am working. And hope that the Ducks win, k? I have a real, honest to god vacation coming up. I've never had enough time saved up to take a week off, and so in like...May last year I sat down and figured it all out and realized it was my year for Christmas with Derek, so I planned well. I'm going to be off from the 21st to the 2nd. People keep asking me what I'm going to do on my vacation. HA! I'm gonna sit at home, it's Christmas time, I don't have any extra money, I'm just g...

I just realized something. NONE of my siblings (that lived with me, one is) are married. Some of them can't be, as they are too young, so that skews the odds, but Misty is at least as old as my mom was when she got married to my dad. I just think it's weird that the only person married is the one who didn't grow up with our mother all those times she was (unhappily) married. Marriage and hard and scary. It looks like that from my point of view. Perhaps theirs as well. Don't get me wrong, I beat my mom by a good 4 years when I got pregnant, and I think she might have miscarried before me, so maybe I only have 3 years on her? Still I beat her at that. And I'm still not married. And I only have one kid. And I'm only gonna have one kid. Will I ever be married? I really like the idea of the wedding, I think, and I don't imagine it's much different than living together. Except part of me is not sure of that at all. Will we take each other for granted? Will we ...

That really annoy me. We seem to need to have this desk fan on all the damn time. I get it, I'm usually hot, but I don't like it blowing RIGHT AT ME. My hair gets all up in my face, my bangs actually hit me in the eye often. It hurts! I've been lax with the blogging. But so have most people. It's summer and maybe that's why? Or perhaps I'm growing out of my blogging craze. I like the idea of something to look back on. Something being out there, maybe even after I'm dead, but blogging every day doesn't really seem to be working. I get little ideas in my head, and then they flutter off. My life is pretty fucking boring most of the time. Especially now that the kid is out of town. He's a great comic relief. There are still little things that amuse me. Accountants, and especially female ones? Completely neurotic. I know, I am one. I have my days, but for the most part I can laugh it off. It's just so hot and cold from day to day around here. Ben i...

My boyfriend is awesome. We like spending time together. It honestly boggles my mind. Shouldn't we be sick of each other by now? I used to know people who swore by the "open relationship" way of life. Insisted that your body would get used to the feel of theirs, and so to keep things different, you had to sleep with different people. I think that's bullshit, and I'd like to use my 6 year relationship to prove that. Yes, it might not be as passionate as it used to be, but it's still damn good. He still FEELS good to me. (Ok, this is one of those different strokes things. I mean, if it works for you, good. I couldn't do an open relationship. I am jealous and have a really hard time communicating with one person sometimes. But I still don't believe that your body will get used to the feel of someone's "member" and it won't feel as good. Maybe I'm naive.) Some times I stare at him in the morning before he wakes up. Most likely I slobb...

(Disclaimer: I don't talk much about my boyfriend here, because most of it is venting, and I think it leans towards him always doing something wrong, when he really doesn't. I'm not looking for advice really, cause no one knows us, no one really knows how we are. Unless someone has lived with him for years and years, I don't think I'm gonna get any sort of insight. I'm just venting. I'm just getting it out before I let it poison my emotions.) Had another one of those dreams last night. The one where I tell someone that I'm leaving my boyfriend, or at least intimate that I will. In any case, the guy in the dream was a completely fictional character from one of my soaps. So it feels safer than my dreams where idiot ex-boyfriend prevailed. It's helped me a LOT to realize he's a pretentious ass. His MySpace page even says he "is the elite geek". But you know, spelled like L33T. Cause he's SO on top of web speak and the internet. Yet I...

First, background. I like porn. I'm not afraid to admit it. The other night I was looking for something with rough sex. Not like...beat me, but like...playfully rough. If that makes sense. Maybe a bit of hair pulling, maybe a slap on the ass. Something I found, and downloaded (ick) before I knew what it was had some guy putting this women's head in the toilet, in mid-fuck. I don't care what the situation is, unless maybe my hair is on fire, if some guy pushes my head into a toilet, we're done with the sex thank you. Most likely forever. I had mentioned to Ben how I found this, and giggled a little bit. He knows I look at porn, I know he looks at porn, somehow our tastes in porn are not the same. Go figure. Actual conversation with Ben- Me: God, I can't believe that guy put that woman's head in the toilet. It's sticking with me. Ben: What WERE you looking for when you downloaded that? Me: Something like rough sex. Then I looked straight at him and said, Well,...

Stupid Ben is always right by internet standards. Wikipedia gave us the pronunciation, so I suppose it's not necessarily right, but DAMMIT. I told him that I would like to be right at least once, and he should stop being RIGHT about everything. Unless it's his opinion and then he is always wrong anyhow. LOL. I told him that too. I've been pronouncing it as Mem. ------------------ LJ Friends Meme by coolerq • You must tell 6 people about this game. • Ben is the one that you love. • Jesse is one you like but can't work out. • You care most about Penis . • Penis is the one who knows you very well. • Penis is your lucky star. • Penis is the song that matches with Ben . • Penis is the song for Jesse . • Penis is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind. • and Penis is the song telling you how you feel about life Take this quiz This is actually surprisingly accurate, even though I ran out of things to type and just typed penis in. This is what I do when I can not...

I love me some Sublime. Not all of it, and mostly the hits, cause that's what I bought. But one I hadn't heard much on the radio might be my favorite, which maybe makes sense since it wasn't over played like much else on the radio. I really love "40 oz. to Freedom". That song just makes me want to sing along, cause it's awesome. How descriptive of me, ha! Ben hates Sublime. Which means I listen to it rarely. He considers it punishment when I put it on, so I just listen to it on my iPod, but I can't exactly sing along with it. I will mouth along with it. Which is probably pretty funny looking, but I like singing, even fake singing. I like "Saw Red" too, cause it has Gwen in the version on the greatest hits. Heather or Paul had two Sublime CDs, which I can't remember the name of either of. (Maybe I should buy more that I can only listen to occasionally. LOL) I liked those songs too, and I only realized this the other day when I heard "Bur...

(Again, I'm on lunch, no worrying. =)) So, a week later, it's my first band aid free day! I've been so afraid to not bandage it up, and it's really kind of a pain in the ass. At least one of those bandages performed an impromptu bikini wax. Which was a little painful, but I'm kind of thinking maybe that's the way I should go. I don't like the hair, but between ingrown hairs, boils, glands going hay wire and puffing up, I don't even want to think about the hair for fear of something else happening. I wonder if I could take a wax, or maybe I should just trim. Maybe I'm a trimmer? I like the idea of no hair, as I kind of hate my body hair, it's weird and thin, and just looks like I'm going half bald on my BODY. Which is stupid looking. Oh well. In any case, everything appears to have calmed down and I'm loving not having a band aid that reminds me EVERY time I move that I have weird skin. There is still a little hard bump underneath where th...

So many things run through my head throughout the day and I never know what to make of them until I can actually write something down. And then they are gone. Like the wind. Pisses me off. Let's see, things to talk about.... Me, of course. I realized even before I got home from vacation how much I really love, adore, trust Ben. We don't say it back and forth all the time. I told him when we first got involved that I thought "I love you" was thrown around rather too easily. read: I'd fallen for it too many times. Love is not words, love is actions. Somehow that doesn't look like proper grammar, but whatever. And you can't love someone that you don't trust, at least in my life. I don't think I realized how much trust I had in him until I went away for a whole weekend. It's one thing for my kid to be in his care while I'm at work, entirely another for it to be so long. We aren't married, and sometimes I glitch on that. I would like a big...

I FORGOT this, and it's fantastic. Ben rather sheepishly admitted the other day that he liked a Fallout Boy song. !!!??! I was astounded. I mean, I'm the one who likes pop. I'm the one who likes all the pop rock on the radio right now. Fallout Boy and the Killers, Maroon 5 and all that crap. The only songs he does like are often ones I don't. For instance, he likes the Killers "Somebody told me" song. I like almost every other one, but not that one. I don't even think I understand it. "Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend, that looked like a girlfriend, that I had in February of last year". What the hell does that mean? Are we really talking about sex changes here? Hell if I know. Lyrics must have meaning to me for me to love them. At least to an extent. Sure, I like the Fergie stuff, but the lyrics aren't exactly thought provoking. For those, I think it's more the beat that sucks me in. And I think this because I'll listen to t...

I've got a LOT to say today. I'm not sure if I'll post it all, but apparently, with me, it's either feast or famine. Do you have any idea how irritating it is to have two iPods in the house? My Itunes isn't the same. I have to put up with his music ending up on certain lists. I think he's pretty much broken it up, it's just annoying that I'm not getting accurate play counts. Plus, he does some crap on-line where he has to sign in, plug in the damn iPod, and then it lists all the songs he listened to. It's some sort of obsessive compulsive society of iPod users who list all their songs, so they can compare and feel connected, or argue about their own music they love. I don't know. I only know that it means I can't fucking plug my iPod in whenever I want, cause then it won't register his songs from his iPod. And it often shows all my songs anyhow, so he still has to delete a bunch of my songs, so that he isn't laughed at by the ultra me...

Ben came in and stole my damn test! He went and answered the questions and then I already saw some of the right answers. (maybe) He was so kind to point out how I totally fell for one of the trick ones. =S He's only 2% stupid, according to the test. Even the ones he guessed on, HE GOT RIGHT. How annoying. Damn boys. Always trying to show a girl up.

This new blogger thing looks like I can do more with it. Will I ever have to time to check it out and see what I can do? Who knows. I've been off since Friday, which has been completely awesome. We've gone nowhere of importance. Besides shopping Thursday. We did clean. My bathroom is so fucking clean right now! It smells yummy. Also, the laundry has been folded. We officially have our couch back. It had been heaping with clean laundry, but I spent Friday morning folding. Then doing dishes, then scrubbing the wall in the kitchen. The one that Jesse sprayed 7-up all over. I don't see how he could have shaken it up that much, but it pretty much exploded. I noticed with the rare sunlight we had on Friday (? Who knows what day the sun shone around here?), I noticed that the wall was streaky. It's clean as hell now too. I even caught up on some CSI's while folding laundry. I have to say that I loved Liev Schriber's role in the past eps. I'm about 2 more episodes b...

So, the other day I was thinking to myself, God, I talk a lot at home about posting this and that. And I was thinking that I am TOTALLY giving myself away, and my fairly smart boyfriend prolly knows that I have a blog, but had too much common sense to try and find it. Until the other night, when I mentioned how crazy it was that people all over do this, and how I just thought it was only people that I kind of know. And he was like, "There is a ton of blogs, people have blogs, you could have a blog." And I had to restrain myself from saying, "well, actually I do have one." Cause that would give it away and I don't think I want him reading everything I have to say during the day. What would I have to tell him when I got home? How could I incessantly talk his ear off if he read it here already?