Random Thoughts

But I KNEW I wasn't a goth. You scored as Understanding Outsider . You are not a goth yourself, but you may know goths and you understand and appreciate, or at least respect, the gothic subculture. What subcategory of Goth best fits you? created with QuizFarm.com

I've been tossing around this post in my head since late Saturday night/Sunday morning. Just writing and editing in my head, but no matter how long I edit it and come up with a good way of saying what I am trying to say, it never comes out exactly how I want it to. I'll think of something and then just be like....that's good. That's a GREAT way to put it, but then I don't write it down and it becomes "gone with the wind". Saturday night I realized that I had really pushed all these memories away about Paul. In true me fashion, I had pushed the bad memories away, and was remembering the good ones. What I remember of it all is mostly how we were friends, and not how we were when we were involved. We weren't involved for more than a month all together and we were friends for a couple years before that. And I realized that I kept pushing these memories away in the hopes that I wouldn't glorify our relationship and start feeling things I shouldn't. ...

Sunday brought hanging out with Jesse in the morning. Our own special time. After like noon or so. First I sat at my kitchen table and finished Cell, then Ben's BIG ASS book o' Douglas Adams. I FINALLY FINISHED IT! My rants about it will follow shortly. Actually I thought it was a pretty good book but I can't say that to Ben. Otherwise, he'll be like it's good. See, I TOLD YOU IT WAS GOOD. And so on and so forth FOREVER. Everything I don't like..he'll be like....I think it's good, so it must be good cause Douglas Adams is good. After Jesse left, there was not really much of anything that went on. While talking to Jesse, I came to the realization that MAYBE IT IS OK that I do not see the people I used to hang out with. It sounds like the same old drama and I kinda like being boring. I've chalked it all up to fate in my head, but that could just be "sour grapes". More on that later, after I think it out. It's a whole post in and of itself...

I HAD THE GREATEST WEEKEND EVAR. It really turned out to fabulous all around. Got good food at the barbecue on Saturday. Thanks Jenn. Got to see Mina! YAY! Mina! Got to talk about having babies. Got to politely decline Karina's suggestion that I should have another baby so she could play with it. I REALLY love babies..I do not so much love the little kids. Especially since my kid has decided to be the bad word police and decided that he is old enough to tell adults what to do. Ok, ok...so maybe he only asked the adults, but still. Sometimes I wish I could mute him before he says anything. That, however, is for another post. Because I am talking about how WONDERFUL my weekend is, and that does not fit. And I got to go to COSTCO! Costco really kinda rocks. They have everything, but especially the LARGE platter of sushi. Derek liked the shrimp ones, I LOVE the spicy ones. It was AWESOME. Jesse came over that night and we hung out, mano e mano e mano. If that's right. *smirk...

WOOT!

My Cancer tattoo, on the leg. Rose tattoo on boob, as seen from above...my view. =) My ear...it's a little hard to see the inside, but I have jewelry in every hole here! Which is rare for me. EVERYONE SAY HURRAY FOR NIPPLE PIERCINGS! =) HURRAY! Also, here is my nose again. Someone was asking..so here. I have that red line on my face from holding the cup to soak it...so it's funny, even if I am repeating.

I was revisiting my Johari and Nohari windows. I've linked over there...under qualities. I'm needy. And I call my own bad qualities almost as often as others do. I didn't say timid. But yeah, I can see it. Ariel named herself Ariel (This is not easy) I told you it wasn't. Why do you think I gave up on yours...I think anyhow...maybe I went back and picked some. It IS hard, I know. =)

Can you believe it? I can hardly believe it. I'm so freaking excited. You know...sometimes I have to stop at laugh at myself. Cause either I've realized I am talking to myself...or humming. Once I caught myself humming the wicked witch of the west theme while riding my bike. I had been up all night (VERY punch drunk), but still...it was kinda funny. It was actually my mom's bike, which made it funnier. =)

I've spent all day wondering if I should go delete my message to Paul. He's read it, but no response. I decided that perhaps my dream did mean something...but maybe it had nothing to do with him. Sadly, I'm pretty sure that we'll never be the friends we were. It pissed me off a bit today, but then I realized that I just need to deal. I went and "friended" her, and explained that I've looked at her page and I like some of the same stuff she likes and that I think that we have a bit in common. We'll see if she friends me. They (who?? I don't know) say that you get involved with people who remind you of yourself...or at least that that can be your best relationship. I don't know why, but maybe she could be the friend that Paul used to be and we can just make fun of him cause he is a smelly boy. =) It could happen. I'm a little afraid that she won't believe me though and instead think I am using her to get to him. But I just realized that o...

Yeah...that whole running up and down the steps? Didn't really pan out. And I always think...well, I should just walk around the campus. But getting myself motivated appears to be a problem. On other fronts, I've managed to keep up with the eating of the carrots. I figure..the less I eat, the better off I am. Which works to a degree, except then you must throw in how the metabolism works. More frequent, smaller meals is better. I get that. It just seems like the more meals I eat, the better chance I have of going overboard. My day goes much like this.. I get up, walk Derek to school. Come home and make coffee and have sensible, fiber-full cereal. Usually I need a snack in between breakfast and lunch. This ranges from somewhat healthy..like fruit...to a donut or croissant when I am just hungry and want to eat NOW. Today I had popcorn. Lunch consists of a sandwich. That is ALL I eat for lunch. Either lunch meat, or a peanut butter and honey, or egg salad. Not terribly healthy, bu...

Someone once told me that they loved my eyes and would wait, just staring at me, to see if I would look at them. It makes me a little sick now, thinking about it. Cause that's a really good compliment and it wasn't Ben. Which just means it was someone who I no longer am with. And the reminiscing is just bittersweet. (Like Strawberry wine, seventeen, a hot July moon saw everything. My first taste of love, was bittersweet, and green on the vine.) Sorry, had to break into song in my head there. (perhaps I feel sick because of the LARGE amounts of water I've been drinking...more on that later.) But I had a dream last night. A dream that him (the guy who gave me this compliment) and his wife came to my store to see me..and I got along well with her. Which amazed me a little. But I don't know why it should. She is a Cancer like me and just from the few times I've met her, I think we would have a lot in common. Not that I will ever know. Today I did something stupid.. What...

I can't STAND IT when people stare at me. It makes me uncomfortable and mean. I want to yell at them..."WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?" Even poor Ben when he is just looking at me. But I'm getting better, at least about people looking at me when I know them. I mean...eye contact is good for communication, I know that. But when people stare at me and I don't know them, I just want to scream. Lately, the bus that picks me up is so packed that I stand at the front when I get on. This standing makes people stare at me, I guess. I don't know. I don't know why. All I know is last week, I got on the bus and this chick, sitting across from where I was standing...with her BAG getting a seat next to her..granted, she was a fat chick, as am I. Which means I would more than likely have not sat next to her. I don't like touching people I don't know. It makes me feel squicky. She starts STARING at me..and it's the worst stare of all, it's just this blank sta...

I just got off the bus and I'm so mad. I was riding the Centennial today and I was thinking...this isn't so bad, at least I can sit down. Sure I get home later, but it outta be better than the Thurston bus. It wasn't. These two little punk ass teenagers get on the bus and the guy is in SUCH a hurry that the poor older gentleman gets something to the effect of "just fucking move" outta him. I don't know for sure, I didn't hear, but that is what it LOOKED like he was saying. And I'm ALMOST home when this teenage girl (kind of ditzy and giggly, but harmless) gets off the bus and her friend tells her goodbye. They laugh about something and the girl stops laughing and says "oh snap". Just kinda silly and almost like a way to keep her from continuing to laugh. Sometimes I have to take a deep breath, she apparently, says Snap. I thought it was cute. The punk bitch behind me says...snap, those bitches are retarded. Bitches? I only count one, but what...

He takes an HOUR to get ready for bed. Not really, but the other night, I was just like..fine, you will get ready five minutes early. That did little good today. Tomorrow, he gets ready ten minutes early. He just takes so long if I am not riding his ass, and it's frustrating. But what REALLY steamed my biscuit, was tonight when I asked him about something. Something was bothering me, the sun has been waking him up early and he would get up and shut the door. Most mornings, he would already be awake when I got up and have the door shut. I figured nothing of it. Until I realized that EVERY morning when I would go in there, he would look at me quickly, with that guilty look. He has the BEST guilty look. I'm SO glad he gives himself away, who knows how long it would have happened without me noticing. So...I start thinking about it...and I'm thinking...well...maybe he is playing with stuff...down there....everyone does. And perhaps that is the source of the guilty look? So, toni...

I think that maybe I am embarassing. I get loudly drunk and will talk to anyone. I asked people if I was embarassing and I got no response. In my head, that equals yes. I should not drink, apparently. =S

Is that you often run into people. Ok...so maybe some of those people aren't people you want to run into. I shall not name names here, but you know those people. The ones who you are like....crap, don't see me, don't see me. Mostly though I see people I want to see. Like last Monday. I got to see Tammy! And Tommy! It was awesome. (Our intern has got me saying Awesome. I'm like a retarded 80's surfer. She thought it was AWESOME, that I've been saying that.) I stood with Tammy, outside, with coffee and NEITHER ONE OF US SMOKED. I'm so USED to standing out their with coffee and smoking. Ok, so..I didn't have coffee, but she did and we still just stood there yapping. Then Tommy came into the store and I saw her leaving and instead of yelling out her name, as I would usually do, I yelled out "hey, pretty lady." And it worked. I should do that more often. Because who doesn't like being called pretty? I steered her in the right direction, sadly sh...

Before I got home and got all introspective, my day wasn't going too bad. I have been wearing my name tag more at work. So people know me? GO figure, right? So...then since I've been wearing the name tag more, this guy comes in (the hotdog guy) and gets change, and both times I've helped him recently, he comes in, barely looks at me, and says...can I get some change, Debbie? Debbie? Debbie? I DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A DEBBIE. And I just kinda thought it was funny. But slightly annoying. You know? Maybe the name is too hard to pronouce, so he just says Debbie? Perhaps next time I should say..no, you can't have change until you learn my name? But I can't do that.

I'm confused today. I'm not sure what I want. See, I have a REALLY hard time expressing when people have hurt my "feelers", as Tara would put it. (Trying to inject humor, really) And maybe some of you would disagree. Maybe I managed to get something across to you that I didn't realize. And I HOPE it doesn't come out wrong. But, too often, I think it backfires. See...I hold it all in, I don't let anyone know there's a problem, and then when I do, it explodes. And BECAUSE I CAN NOT get my feelings out, I assume that others feel the same. All too often, I wonder..did I make someone mad? Is that why they aren't talking to me? Maybe they don't have anything to say, maybe they are just tired. But I am all too often CONVINCED that I've done something. And admitting the hurt when I've felt wronged? It's like impossible for me. It's like painting a HUGE target on my heart and saying...see, right here is where you can hit for the maximum ...

This whole obsession with My Space? It's like that boyfriend I couldn't have, or something. The one I ALWAYS wanted...except now it's just friends. I think that I always want what I can't have. As long as I am content, than I don't feel satisfied? I don't know. I've managed to curb my impulses to go check it out EVERY FIVE minutes. Just barely. I only go and check it out after I get an email letting me know someone actually had SOMETHING to say. Hence, yay! Cool stuff from friends. Otherwise, I ignore it. It's working fairly well, really.

Karina is my hero. She has my CD Player. I am SO happy! Maybe someday I shall get that IPOD. Actually, I'm determined that that will be my large electronics purchase with the tax returns next year. This year I got the camera, next year I shall get an IPOD. Just a tiny one, I don't need movies or anything. I just need music. A little 1GB Black Nano. IPOD Nano..How I love thee.

I've managed to lose my headphones. And when I say headphones, I mean the WHOLE DAMN THING. Not just the headphones, but everything. i.e. No music. I can't really take this. Those headphones are my armor. I don't know if I left them at work and someone took them, I don't know if I took them outta my bag at Walmart while changing (I have a bad history of losing crap while changing), I don't know if I left them in Karina's car. I emailed her, but today is Ruby day (cringe) and so she's busy and hasn't gotten back to me. If I did, I have a fear that they might have well been nabbed, or even fell out the numerous times I was in and out of the car, trying to get everything together. Making sure my ID and bus pass were where I could find them easily, making sure my lip gloss was put away. This and that and the other thing. I was a little drunk when I got out of the car, so perhaps I didn't see them and left them? I don't know people. I am sad. If I did...

Your Linguistic Profile:: 50% General American English 15% Upper Midwestern 15% Yankee 10% Dixie 5% Midwestern What Kind of American English Do You Speak? NO SURPRISE HERE You Should Be A Cancer What's good about you: you're incredibly kind, caring, and generous What's bad about you: you can be too moody and impossible to understand In love: you enjoy wining and dining the object of your affection In friendship, you're: likely to depend on other friends for emotional support Your ideal job: historian, marine biologist, or religious figure Your sense of fashion: you dress to match your mood You like to pig out on: classic home cooked meals, like mac and cheese What Sign Should You Be? Your Pimp Name Is... Auntie Money What's Your Pimp Name? You Are Likely a First Born At your darkest moments, you feel guilty. At work and school, you do best when you're researching. When you love someone, you tend to agree with them often. In friendship, you are considerate and co...

So, I am sitting here, being boring, and waiting for the mail to show up. I'm dreading calling Jake again...it's like..I remember all my bills. Does he need a reminder? Do I need to call and be like..hey dickface, it's time to send the child support again? It's frustrating, and telling him that gets me no where. He really could care less how I feel. I don't know how many times I have expressed that I do not want to sit around my house all day, not knowing when he will show up for Derek. Once, as a way of expressing my point, I left with Ariel to go get coffee and we had to take the bus, then we walked back. It was fun, and I was hoping that he was waiting with each step towards my house. But no, he didn't show up until much later and then just expected me to be instantly ready. But I wasn't about to not have Derek finish dinner, and I didn't want to kick Ariel out. The bus wasn't coming for an hour. He's such an ass. =S

I didn't have to work today! YAY! They didn't need me to precount art supplies...HURRAY, I might add. Cause counting a hundred pencils would be lame. And not having to work today did rather influence me to hang out late at Heather's party, with Karina. We were each others dates. And I got to see Amber and Angie and SYDNEY, who I was not expecting. It was awesome to see someone I know, like Sydney. Amber and Angie rock, but I don't know them terribly well....yet, hopefully. It was kind of a last minute decision to go, based on Karina's presence and being willing to drive me everywhere. THANKS HONEY. And a little bit based on the prospect of bleu-cheese stuffed mushrooms. Which were REALLY good, I might add. I made my own drinks, which somehow always end in me being rather drunk. I hope I did not embarass anyone. Since it was a dressy party, Karina brought me a dress to wear...I am not big on dresses, so I was expecting to politely try it on and then be like....um, no...

I'm sitting here thinking...how many times do I say, I'm leaving you with this and then do another post? Apparently, I have just as much trouble getting off the blog as I do getting off the phone. I don't call people much and when I do, it's like some small victory. So..I stay on the phone as long as I can, I guess? I tend to say...ok, so I'm gonna let you go. Wait! Too many times. I'm pretty sure Ben expects it of me at this point. He just keeps listening. Smart boy, that one. I'm sure people notice it. I don't often initiate the end of the phone call. Maybe when I am eating. Otherwise, I will just continue to talk. One night I stayed up for awhile having this GREAT phone discussion with a guy friend in high school. It was so cool, that I might have developed a little crush on him, but he was older and I wasn't direct enough. /sigh. Nice guy though. Anyhow...what I really meant to come here and do was share my first "bad boy" crush with yo...

Derek has a very high metabolism. Anyone who knows Jake, understands. It's just the way it is. He gets hot really easily. Even with his hair so short, his head is pretty much drenched within ten minutes of him really playing. He sweats a lot. A couple of times recently, he's looked at Ben or I and said...and this IS a direct quote.. "I'm sweating mullets." Yes, mullets. We gently explained that it is bullets, not mullets. After we laughed at him, of course. Cause we are mean like that. But really, I can't make this up. He's funny, but only when he is not trying to be, otherwise, he will tell "jokes" that usually resemble short stories and he doesn't do the punch line right. He doesn't get sarcasm either...well, one day he asked if I was being sarcastic, but he can't USE sarcasm yet. Which is good, he is already using my own words against me. The other day I was saying how I think Magic is creepy and he was like...SOMEONE in this house...

(That's what I kept calling it..I was trying to be all "godfather-y", even though I've never seen it...so maybe I don't even know what I'm talking about...wouldn't be the first time.) =) Mine was pretty lazy, as it should be. I spent FAR too much time playing Dinomyte on Popcap. I love those games. It's just like bubble crack. And it is just as addictive. I also randomly cruised around to people's blogs. Not much going on on Sundays, really. Besides Zilla. I also found the Soap Opera Digest website starting reading back history. Some stuff I remember, but some of it was in between the time I used to watch and the last couple of years. It's not very updated. They had stuff from at least a year ago. Maybe more. I could update the damn thing better than they had. Grumble. But mostly I was only looking for the back history, so it didn't really matter. They have message boards, but mostly it's just people saying, I hate this person and I hat...

Just because I KNOW he is gonna do stupid crap. I did stupid crap, it's only nature that he will. So...I'm thinking about doing some sort of installment on the stupid stunts I pulled as a kid. In order of age, I think...as long as I am remembering correctly. I found some cigarettes of my mom's when I was nine. I thought maybe that it would be COOL to smoke. I tried it, without inhaling, cause I didn't know anything about that. I was rather impressed with myself, that I KNEW how to smoke and that I didn't cough or anything. She found the cigarettes in my drawer. I'm about as sneaky as Derek is turning out to be, which, thankfully is not very sneaky. She found them and I got a whole raft of crap for it. Of course, I was NINE. I shoulda been beat, really. I didn't do that again until I was 12....boy I sure don't learn quickly. That was when I was escaping the house, baby brother in tow, to hang out on the other side of our apartments, where I would not be s...

Charles brought me the mother of all cake pieces today. I like the coconut on the German Chocolate cake, even though Chocolate cake is not my favorite. I finally had to throw a fourth of it away, I just COULDN'T EAT ANY MORE SUGAR. It's SO ingrained in me not to waste food that it drove me crazy even though I do not need more cake. But it's cake. Like usual, my eyes were too big for my head. I should shared the piece, it was too rich. It's encouraging that my body is getting to the point where I don't really care for the sugar as much. Now I just want melty cheese....I'm not sure which is worse. At least with cheese, I am fighting the war on osteoporosis. I'm ALL ABOUT THE CALCIUM. Cheese rocks. All but the swiss.

My internet died last night for awhile. I don't know what the hell happened, but finally it came back up. I freaked out a little. Just a bit. I immediately called Tammy, cause I figured she would commiserate. And she did, but then I had to eat. Then I got to talk to Ariel, cause she thought she could help me fix the internet. Text messaging never gets the point across, not really. So...instead, we settled in to watch SP:BLU. That movie fucking rocks. I don't think I'd caught Pigfucker in the Terrance and Phillip movie before. It might be my favorite musical. "All the happy people stop to say hello. (Get outta my way!) Even though the temperature's low." Kyle's mom is a big fat bitch, and she has stupid hair. Plus, the REAL looking dildo picture. I don't want to think of Saddam with a penis. Ick. But the best part?? Perhaps the end when Cartman ends his "volley" of foul language with "Barbara Streisand!" Cause that's a GOOD cuss ...

We bought a SAW last night. The power! My yard will be even more massacred. Like we've decided to take down the tiny trees that are growing out stumps. I love trees, but one is enough for my tiny yard. That one is HUGE and the limbs reach almost all the way in every direction of the lawn. As much as I love the trees, I could really do without it there. The roots are big and it's just an accident waiting to happen really. One trip and someone could break their ankle, or hit their head on another root, or something equally awful. I worry that it will be my child, cause he just doesn't always look where he is going, especially while running around outside. The other day he ran out on front of a car! It was pretty far away, I was told and it wasn't coming fast, but still, he didn't look. It will be a long time before he is allowed to walk to school by himself. Fifth street can be quite busy, and I don't want him to die. I joke in my head that he will be in middle sc...

I got up a little late and then made coffee and sat in the tub and read my whole SOAP OPERA Digest. Cover to cover. It was heavenly. Then I decided that perhaps I should accomplish something, so I shaved my legs. They are smooth. Besides this one dry patch on my leg. I hate dry skin. Just sitting there and pulling the razor along my legs, reminds me how cute they are. I love them. I think legs are wonderful, really. The long, smooth lines! Those are fantastic. Following them down, or up, is just wildly entertaining to me. It's so slick and smooth, and just generally fantastic. Then I exfoliated the feet, cause they are cute too. Once, long ago, before we were involved, Ben was drinking and he was close to the ground, cause he was drinking and not feeling well, so lying down. And, all of the sudden, he was like..you have pretty feet. (I LOVE IT when people notice things about me that other people don't comment on.) I was pleased and felt the need to re-iterate to everyone else t...

This was TOO sweet. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers today.. One day I don't mind sharing with others.

Yesterday was EXACTLY TWO MONTHS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY. Yes, I have begun the countdown. I love my birthday. My birthday is my perfect, DAMMIT, DO WHAT I WANT DAY! Cause it's MY birthday. Yeah, I am VERY bossy like that sometimes. Too the extent that I am like...NEVER, I will not share my birthday with anyone. Just someone's due date being near, brings about a near panic. I CAN'T SHARE MY SPECIAL DAY. It's bad enough I have to share it with Bill Cosby. Sometimes, I'm just a spoiled brat. Some of it has to do with sharing NUMEROUS birthdays with my sister. Her birthday is the tenth and ever since she turned one (and I turned 7), our parties were in the middle and not on my birthday. Plus, I had to share the spotlight! It bugged me...more than I used to think. I would just be SO annoyed. I understand now that it would have been highly impractical and costly to have two birthday parties, two days apart, but then I was just pissed. She wanted chocolate cake, I abhore chocol...

So.. I've been ignoring some blogs...in favor of people I know IRL. I like to know what is going on with them. But I don't have time for content here and keeping up with everyone. I've ignored the Dooce. Every so often I get caught up. And Bucky. I hadn't went to Bucky's in a bit. And Jessica...they are both links on here, but I just haven't visited much. And now it would appear that Bucky has moved in with Jessica. And they are being one big happy family. It's a little strange to me, but it sounds wonderful . So HOORAY! And congrats to them.

OMGZ! I have to show this stuff off. It's VISO! Obviously, right. *smirk* And, it's REALLY good. And good for you. It's got 100 percent Vitamin A Vitamin D Vitamin E Vitamin B1 Vitamin B2 Vitamin B3 Vitamin B6 Vitamin B12 Vitamin C Biotin Folic Acid Pantothenic Acid (I don't know what this is..hm) Manganese Zinc Calcium - 25 percent Magnesium - 10 percent Potassium - 5 percent Caffeine - 300 mg (MY favorite, of course) It's enough caffeine that you get a RED warning sign on the side...I don't know if you can read it, so I shall type it. Cause this amuses me. Maybe it should alarm me, but whatever. "Caution! Viso Will (that's the flavor, they have others) contains the caffeine equivalent of three cups of coffee. People sensitive to caffeine, pregnant women, and the elderly (!) should not consume this beverage! Please try one of our non-caffeinated Viso flavors instead."

I love being alive in this day and age. I don't know how people survived without things like this. My almost miracle happy pills. Happy because I don't spend the entire allergy season miserable. =S Hurray. And then these, which are fantastic. Really. I mean...there were SO many different kinds of midol! It was ASTOUNDING. I didn't even know what to pick.

Finally! A whole week later I get to these pictures. I'm lazy, y'all. This is my kid being silly while drinking juice. He's silly. He's my kid, this makes sense. We met up with Karina and company at the Saturday Market. It's not as much fun as I remembered. I mean...you walk around it once and it's like...ok, I've seen everything. I think I used to hang out there all day...it would be easier to just lie on a blanket, sans kids. They don't want to sit. Case in point, I got a few really cute ones of Birdie, or at least half way decent, but the other kids were way too fast to get anything really good. =S Even she is fast, I got a few of her back. I take the best pictures. /sarcasm. That's my kid, WAY UP THERE. Too far away to see very well. He was having a very good time though. And one more of Birdie, almost the front. She was having a lot of fun. I mean, duh, kids LOVE playgrounds. I'm glad they had fun. And Hoodwinked was cute...I already said th...

This is my front yard as seen from the porch. The place where I usually stand. I was a little too embarassed to take a "before" picture, so this is all you get. An after picture. My weeding consists of taking the clippers (I LOVE the clippers) and cutting down anything I can reach. It was the yard MASSACRE. I took off a BUNCH of the brown, rusty, dead looking rhododendron leaves. Hopefully the color meant they were dead. Cause they are GONE. My flower not so close up. It's PRETTY. This is what the tree looks like from below AFTER I took out a bunch of branches I could reach. At one point, I was looking up and got moss or something in my eye. That hurt, but I got it out. Not immediately, but quickly afterwords. Next time I am cutting above my head, perhaps I should wear my sunglasses or our goggles. Protect your eyes people! The tree moss will come for you too.

And I'm pretty sure I can't have sushi, or nachos with melty cheese. This makes me unhappy. I just want some food that is good. After my VERY BAD AWFUL HORRIBLE DAY. Anyhow. I have pictures. These are my old windows and the BARENESS of the window sill after moving all my cow stuff. Now it looks so pretty and neat, that I am loathe to put stuff back up there. This is my bedroom window afterwards. I didn't seem to get one of the same window, but you can see it's better. =) Close up! My front window. Isn't this CUTE! I love the paneled look. I don't think it's paneled, it kinda looks like the strip running down the middle is tape or something. It's STILL cute. I used to look at windows like this and be like I want windows like that! And now I have them. This is my only bloom, a rhododendron in the front. It's SO pink, and I love it. I wish that more would show up.

I would kill for some sushi. And Hoodwinked. That was a CUTE movie and I think Ben would appreciate the squirrel-thingy. He's like the crazy coffee squirrel from Foamy. =)

That even though I am mean and sad today over petty crap, I DO realize that my life is damn good. I have good friends, even ones who put up with me being mean and petty occasionally. Thank god. Cause I have moments. And I have days. I'm bitchy today. Tomorrow I outta feel better. Unless the DMV TOTALLY sucks. =S

Did I mention how when I went into the bathroom, there wasn't ANY TAMPONS! How the hell am I supposed to buy one? I didn't want a whole fucking box. That pissed me off too. And perhaps I neglected to mention how sucky I was at Ariel. I miss her though. And it made me whiny and clingy today, especially after my day started going so wrong. I suck.

I'm back to hating pretty much everyone today. Everyone but the internet. It's better than just crying about everything, which is what I really want to do. My day was bad. It was just a bad day. It didn't start off bad, besides the Talker going on and on about getting a NEW DOG! She just killed one (basically, through her incompetence) and she is GONNA GET A NEW ONE. Apparently, she wasn't walking the dog or anything. It was like a toy for her to play with when she was bored. So now the kids just want a new one, while her pet rabbit is prolly bored as hell in the garage. The woman should not have pets. How many dogs must she kill before she is happy? Then my tummy started cramping, and that was fun. I went to lunch with Tara, cause she wanted to go to lunch and I bought, cause she is poor. Never mind that I am too. She needed lunch and I was like...ok. Plus, we had a free one, so I didn't really pay for hers. However, and this is where my day started going HORRIBLY ...

I hate those last five minutes.. Without the cigarettes, I don't even know what to do with myself when I am waiting for the bus. I end up waiting until I can't wait anymore and than I have overtime. But it's better than smoking. I'm just sure that people are getting sick of me ALWAYS leaving early on Fridays. =S Maybe I should just plan to come in late one day and then I have something to shoot for (to make up the time?) Except I tend to over due it. I'm crazy like that. Instead I sit here and wait to get off from work so that I can wait for the bus. And those five minutes aren't really enough to get anything finished. Just to start something and then not be able to finish it.

I get one weekly. Last week it told me this... A stubborn attitude may prevent you from taking advantage of an exciting opportunity. Try and overcome your reluctance, my dear. It's so important for you to venture into new territory. ----------------------------------------- I LOVE it when my horoscope is SO obviously wrong for me. I'm FAR too stubborn.

The other day I was telling someone how we need to get Bruce Campbell in for an author signing. I REALLY want him to come. We have authors ALL the time, we should be able to get someone who lives in Oregon. But no luck so far...sorry, I hope I didn't get you too excited. What you have to brace yourselves for is... THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO DO NOT KNOW WHO BRUCE IS!!! I found it hard to believe as well. I tried to explain about Evil Dead and it's cult following, but then they just thought that he wrote about cults. And they didn't like that, I wouldn't either. Then when I tried to explain about how the movie was SUPPOSED to be scary, but it was just campy instead. AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT CAMPY MEANT? What??? Is this a new word? I am constantly using words that people question me on. Once we had a lively discussion on if "dowdy" was a word and I was right. It totally is. Maybe I should not expect vocabulary from accountants?

I'm feeling a little blah today. I did get a new comment from the troll, he didn't like me talking about not wearing pants. (HERE'S SOMETHING FOR YOU BUDDY!!) UNDERWEAR, underwear, underwear. FAT GIRL UNDERWEAR! I hope that hurts your head like you hurt mine. I'm just tired, probably from the pamprin. I have SO many things to relay. Like how I had to clean the house so much! Remember when I was complaining about moving everything and all that? I got NEW WINDOWS! And they rock. They are the ones I've always wanted. And I took pictures of that. Also, pictures of my yard after the massacre. We're NOT TALKING about the back yard. Or about Saturday when I went to the Saturday Market and got to hang out with Karina...also saw the creepy ex, but that's too be expected. I have pictures of that too. Mostly far away pictures. Kids move fast. I need to pre-emptively KNOW where they are gonna be and then aim there. It's hard. I also took some pictures of my NEW F...

Ok...well, I don't want to leave My Space forever. I do like screwing around with the page. And Heather (old roommate) just subscribed to my blog. I think I might limit myself to checking it once a week though. Then I'll be sure to have something new. Pouring my heart out and getting no response is just not good. Even if I do censor myself more over there. I'm not quite ready to let Jesse read this here blog. I'm not quite ready to let anyone I used to know read this. There are SO many things that I never said to anyone. And I don't want to explain now..well, why didn't you say anything? I can just hear it. And what am I supposed to say..cause I didn't trust you with this information? Cause I just COULDN'T? Cause it's not the happy, upbeat, lighthearted, shallow kind of friendly talk that they all thrived on. I don't remember having ANY really good deep talks with those people. Perhaps we did and I really just don't remember? Says a LOT about...

Also! I LOVE it when Ben is freshly shaved with stubble you can't even see and he kisses my neck. The little stubble rubs on my shoulder and neck and makes it OH SO Sensitive. =) It gives me goose bumps.

Makes me happy. Fake allergy medicine makes me just SO happy. And Midol. Midol is good. But apparently, it makes me tired and I am no good for the typing. Or the talking. Let's see what I got. Why do Wednesdays go so SLOW? Why do they seem so LONG?? Maybe cause I know by the end of the day, that my week is half over. Also Thursday is ALWAYS so fast that I guess Wednesday must drag because of that. I'm a little envious of someone today. I'm sure she knows who she is. I would rather be doing what she is doing than being at work. Of course I will survive. I always do. I think today I'm on a more even keel, and tomorrow the bleeding will start. Once that happens I get back into my happy go lucky phase. Really. I will get there. Today I don't feel as irritated. (Besides that bus driver this morning, he ALWAYS goes SO fast and I'm jostled back and forth. Kinda like how I drive...speed up..oh wait, that's over the limit, slow down. It's all very jerky) Speaking...

I poked myself in the boob with a safety pin today. I tried to wear my name tag home, so I put it in my backpack and then forgot it this morning. So I made myself one. Just a post it note, pinned to my shirt. Someone asked me if my name tag was like a demotion thing? People have been getting gold name tags for EXCEPTIONAL customer service. And you know..since mine was just a piece of paper, it was the BAD customer service name tag. It was funny. I stole it and told people that all day..well, I did give her credit, so does that count as stealing? I cashiered a lot today. It's nice to get to talk to people and be friendly, and I am GOOD at the customer service. But I can see how they don't get a whole lot else done, during the day anyhow. It's busy around the lunch hours. I gotta go. I need to not be on the computer until midnight. I need to go to bed soon. I wanted to get some posts in. I read some stuff, but didn't get to listen to anything. =S Hopefully tomorrow I can ...

That lyric rocks. Cause it's TOO useful. Ok..so..I was surrounded today by stupidity. I don't do well with stupidity, but throw my PMS in with it and we are talking WHOLE new levels of hating stupid people. I've decided that I should just NEVER shut off my headphones while riding the bus. Never. I am waiting for the driver and she is running...wow, A WHOLE MINUTE LATE! But there are quite a few people on this bus this time..not usually, but today for SOME REASON there needed to be. Everyone starts talking about how the bus driver is late and one woman in the front...not sure if she was just trying to be funny or what, but she's like..maybe she forgot us. OR MAYBE! Maybe she just quit and ran off to join the circus, while we are being fanciful. Or maybe..she's peeing or something. I mean, they don't get to just go to the bathroom whenever they want. But the people on the bus are just going on and ON about it. Asses. Then the lady in the front DIDN'T EVEN KNOW...

I hate the My Space. I am about to hit that time of the month and it's screwing with me. So I HATE the My space. It's NOT ok for those people to make me feel inferior, because I'm not "popular". (why does that line make me feel like I am in high school?) Except, I think...in fact, I KNOW that most of the people I would like to talk to were NOT popular in high school. They had there group of friends. But all of the sudden it's like high school and here they can show there best side and not show anyone anything of DEPTH. Can you tell I hate the My Space? It's all well and good to say that I should express how I feel and I am DAMN good at that through the Internet. I LOVE to say how I feel to the Internet. I've put up meaningful messages, I've put up bulletins saying that I'd like to hang out, I've gone around commenting on everything. And nothing. Jesse is the only one who seems to make any sort of regular response. Three people subscribed to...

This isn't a permanent fixture again, I just REALLY like this song. Also? I had 1500 POSTS YESTERDAY. That's a lot over all. I'm a posty person. Be Without You Mary J. Blige I wanna be with you, Gotta be with you, Need to be with you I wanna be with you, Gotta be with you, Need to be with you [1st Verse:] Chemistry was crazy from the get go Neither one of us knew why We didn't build nothin' over night Cause a love like this takes some time People swore it off as a phase said "We can't see that" Now top from bottom they see that we did that(Yes) It's so true that (Yes) We've been through it(Yes) We got real sh.. (Yes) See, baby we've been [Chorus:] Too strong, for too long And I can't be without you baby And I'll be waitin' up until you get home Cause I can't sleep without you baby Anybody who's ever loved you knows just what I feel Too hard to fake it, Nothin' can replace it Call the radio, If you just can't be w...

My leg is better! My eye ISN'T twitching anymore. I had a RAGING headache on Saturday when I got home. I took tylenol and watched the Ring 2. Not as initially scaring, though I've woken up at night since then and immediately thought...holy crap, I bet she's in the corner. But I manage to shake that off and go back to bed. After almost 2 FUCKING hours, it got to the creepiest part...when she climbs up the well. That did NOT look right. That was the scariest part...about ten minutes before the end. I wouldn't really recommend it to anyone. I do intend to keep it, I bought it, and it HAS to be with the other one. Number 1 and Number 2. AND! Oh my god, I e-mailed someone at work about how I thought that something they did to the program (we must type in signoff...and I don't know HOW many times people type singoff) and he made it so that if people typed that, the bottom of the screen says..La Laa La La Laa. I thought it was funny. Funnier if he had done something like.....

So...the restricted calls? I got one Friday night and we didn't hear it. This chick left a message...saying something about her being Rick James bitch, and she needed TP, cause that thing is not gonna go down on it's own. Plus, am I fucking her wife? She knows I want to. (I tend to think it's a wrong number, though one of the funniest messages I've ever received, and I intend on leaving it on the phone to make people listen to it. Maybe if I listen to it enough I will understand the whole thing.) Cue to tonight, phone rings, it's Restricted, I pick it up. I don't like to pick up the phone when I don't know who it is, and maybe this is why. I answer and I get nothing...and I'm like hello?? And I get a hello back..and I can tell I don't know this guy and I ask who he is calling for and he says..Jessica? And I say...sorry, this isn't Jessica. And instead of saying sorry and hanging up, he goes what are you doing? My answer - Actually, just sitting h...