Random Thoughts

It’s only Friday. And I work tomorrow. And I’m fucking whiny about it. B was no help and all wishy washy so I just decided I should make every effort to not be in the hole at the end of the month… But it’s just…ack. I don’t think anyone but me will appreciate me any more for it. I mean, I’ll be happy I put forth the effort, but disgruntled that it’s always me dealing with it. In the marriage email of doom (as it shall hence forth be called), I basically told him that if he doesn’t figure this shit out, it’s not gonna work. I’m not going the ultimatum route, that never ends well with him. But what the fuck do I do then? His dad won’t be here, where will he go? It’s like I uprooted him from his home and then I’m gonna kick him out? *sigh* Sometimes I wonder if he’s just not in this because it’s easy.. And then I laugh and laugh, because I am NOT easy. But he doesn’t have to work this way, you know? I hadn’t been stressing so much about the money lately, mostly because of t...

This helped me a lot. However, I have a hard time listening to that song now. And sometimes it wrecks me instead of helping, but it's CHARLES. Talking. Alive. http://vimeo.com/289961

I have kept to my promise. I have spoken not at all of marriage since I sent the email. Good job me. It’s really a lot nicer to not become emotionally wrecked when I can’t explain myself to Ben in a way that he agrees and it’s certainly not getting me any closer to being married. Dad’s death day came and went. I mostly ignored it, even with all the wine and day drinking for Katie’s birthday party. It was awesome. I LOVE being ridiculous for the camera. Try to get a good picture and I’m like..oh hell no, I look horrid, but when I am trying to look ridiculous, I don’t mind so much. Go figure. There were so many pictures of me taken, cat ears, wigs, pimp hats, a sombrero. ..I’m excited to see them. And judiciously share them. There was one where I was grabbing someone’s boob, that will not be available for all my face book friends, only the cool ones! Charles’ birthday was Friday. I feel like I’ve come to terms more with it. It sucks. He didn’t deserve it. But it’s how it is. I’m still ...