Random Thoughts

Trying to explain a shitty life, shitty parents, teenage hormones on top of it all, to someone who’s always had “normal” (whatever the hell that is) parents. It’s pretty much impossible. As Michael pointed out, they have no point of reference. This thing with Ben’s kid is heartbreaking to me. I remember being 15, thinking no one wanted or cared about me, a mother who was too drunk/wasted on drugs to care. I remember wishing things were different, listening to mom and Mike fight when they were drunk as I tried to be the adult for my sisters and shield them from it, running away when it all became too fucking much for me to handle. The catalyst to my running away wasn’t even Mike in the beginning or at least that wasn’t my main concern. I’d figured out how to deflect him and use his attention for my own purposes. If I wanted something, I’d be nice and if I didn’t need anything, I’d be a fucking bitch to him so he wouldn’t want to be near me. Sadly, I think that’s something I still use to...

One day off always throws me. It’s funny; it was the perfect weekend, even in its smallness. Gave me less time to get upset or over think anything. Friday night we cooked dinner together, Saturday was a road trip to Portland to drop off the kid and visit with my lovelies…. Saturday night was a movie and getting ready for the work week. So…I blocked this site a long time ago to anyone but people who I want to read it. For fear of sisters finding my dark nightmarish past….I don’t want anyone to accidentally learn about such things. But a part of me is sad that I can’t be as open anymore. I guess that’s what I get for sharing. I should’ve kept it all story format or something. Like…once upon a time and not…these are the true happenings of my life. I’d like to share with the world, but how to cut out a certain part of it for fear of hurting it? Can I just block Wyoming? Hahaha. It just makes me sad that something I started so many years ago has gone the way of so much else…and as I keep ad...