Random Thoughts

My Monday was normal. Tuesday kicked off the weirdness. And it was fine at work, besides my angsty-ness for no good reason. (ok, so I just squeezed out a fart while no one was listening to me, and then this guy was like...the air smells good in here. 0_o I'm pretty sure he means the flowers that are currently assaulting my senses, but I thought it was funny nonetheless.) Back on track... (You hope) I got on the bus home from downtown and I got the last free seat. I was very happy about it. And it actually only happened cause Butters was nice enough to let everyone else on first. I never know what to say to him and each time I say nothing I feel like more and more of an ass. It's not him, I just don't really KNOW him. This one guy gets on and walks towards the back. I kinda notice this out of the corner of my eye. I see it, and dismiss it. I'm busy playing Solitaire on my iPod and not paying attention to anyone else. Then I feel someone staring at me. I look over and thi...

I FORGOT this, and it's fantastic. Ben rather sheepishly admitted the other day that he liked a Fallout Boy song. !!!??! I was astounded. I mean, I'm the one who likes pop. I'm the one who likes all the pop rock on the radio right now. Fallout Boy and the Killers, Maroon 5 and all that crap. The only songs he does like are often ones I don't. For instance, he likes the Killers "Somebody told me" song. I like almost every other one, but not that one. I don't even think I understand it. "Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend, that looked like a girlfriend, that I had in February of last year". What the hell does that mean? Are we really talking about sex changes here? Hell if I know. Lyrics must have meaning to me for me to love them. At least to an extent. Sure, I like the Fergie stuff, but the lyrics aren't exactly thought provoking. For those, I think it's more the beat that sucks me in. And I think this because I'll listen to t...

If not I'll go. I'm semi-angsty today. The thing is that nothing really bad happened to me. Maybe it's just work. Maybe it's having to get up and get ready. Maybe I should get up a couple of hours earlier than I need to, so that I can just lay around for awhile? I don't know. In about 20 minutes, I'll be down to less than 100 songs not listened to in my Itunes. I don't think you all really understand. I've gotten really damn competitive about the damn iPod stuff. First it was that Ben had more music than me. I have at least 200 more artists than he does at this point, and even a whole day's worth of music more. See, cause he had to needle me. Not meanly, just the regular crap we give each other. He was like..well, I have more music. I BEAT him at that. I WON. And I was bragging (my downfall) and he was like..sure, but you have about 900 songs you haven't even listened to in your library. Not that I haven't ever listened to them, just not in I...

I love Mondays where I get to stay home. I stayed up late last night, and even got to sleep in this morning. Derek is in Portland. Jake and Karen came to get him Saturday. So I've got to sleep in for two mornings in a row. Sadly, there will be no more. I have to work, and so have to get up. I even have to work Saturday, which is when they are bringing him back. I can go out Friday, but not too late. I can't go out Saturday. That's the end to crazy fun-ness. All in all, it was a good weekend. Like I said, Jake and Karen came and got him Saturday. They were gone by noon. It was weird. Lily is about 9 months old now. She's very serious. Hard to get a smile out of that baby. But she did squawk a few times. I miss those little indignant squawks. She had one of Derek's toys and he was like..ick, she's slobbering on it and went and took it from her. She just looked at him and let out one of those squawks and then she was done. Just like...WTH? And then she was over it....

I've been thinking a lot about my fat excuses after that last post. Actually, I've been thinking a lot about all my excuses. Because I use a lot. I hope I'm not the anamoly. I hope a lot of people have excuses. It's that whole head in the sand thing. I don't know how to explain it, but I was just thinking about how many times I'll be thinking about some shortcoming or another of mine and then think...well, my parents didn't do this or that for me. Shouldn't I be trying to make myself a better person if only to SPITE the way I was brought up? Or is that the wrong reason to want to better yourself? I just know how annoying it is to me when Derek has a million excuses for why he did something he wasn't supposed to. I don't care WHY, I only care that it happened. Perhaps that's the wrong way to look at it. Tied in with all this is this information we went over in our payroll meeting about "generation Y", born between 1977 and 1994. Ther...

I have a crush people! I LOVE this girl. This girl is my HERO. She's so freaking right. Strangers probably don't talk to me cause I avoid all eye contact. I don't necessarily LIKE talking to people I don't know. If someone engages me, I like to think I'm fairly "good" at being nice and even gregarious. Some days I'm even funny. But mostly, I don't really make an effort to talk to people. And I always think...well, they probably are like..jeez, she's so fat. And you know what? Some people ARE gonna be like that. Screw them. They'll never know how awesome I can be. And all those boyfriends who left me or cheated on me? I was LESS fat then than I am now, and my boyfriend DOESN'T care. He's not gonna leave me for that. I especially liked the part where she talked about how she blamed her fat for EVERYTHING, cause there couldn't possibly be anything else wrong with her. How stuck up is that? I hadn't really realized it. Also, ...

I've got a LOT to say today. I'm not sure if I'll post it all, but apparently, with me, it's either feast or famine. Do you have any idea how irritating it is to have two iPods in the house? My Itunes isn't the same. I have to put up with his music ending up on certain lists. I think he's pretty much broken it up, it's just annoying that I'm not getting accurate play counts. Plus, he does some crap on-line where he has to sign in, plug in the damn iPod, and then it lists all the songs he listened to. It's some sort of obsessive compulsive society of iPod users who list all their songs, so they can compare and feel connected, or argue about their own music they love. I don't know. I only know that it means I can't fucking plug my iPod in whenever I want, cause then it won't register his songs from his iPod. And it often shows all my songs anyhow, so he still has to delete a bunch of my songs, so that he isn't laughed at by the ultra me...

I got a HAIR CUT. Seriously. I can FINALLY not hate my hair. It was strange, being able to wear it down today. It could use another dye job. I've been kind of listening when people have given advice about it. Someone said I should do the Burgundy that I used to do. Problem: Red fades FAST and then I end up orange. She liked the way it looked orange. I don't know. I could see doing some dark and drastic, but I don't have time or the inclination for up-keep on red hair. Much like the blonde, I just don't do it often enough. Karina mentioned brown or black. I've avoided black for fear of looking like a wannabe vampire, but maybe I could pull it off. Brown seems more do-able, the only problem being then I'd look more like my mom and I've avoided that for YEARS. I don't know. Maybe a REALLY dark brown. And having bangs would help, as she never had bangs. I've been fascinated with black ever since I started thinking about it. I just don't want to do so...

This post is brought to you by the Drunken Des. Why are bar bathrooms so small? I mean...why do they want the drunken people to contort to wipe? Wiping is sanitary, so I don't really understand. I'll probably be sore tomorrow from the contortionist positions. (She's built like a candy store, and lord I've had too much!) Cherry Poppin' Daddies are pretty much the best. Just so you know. I can't even fucking type right now. I still want to lobby for bigger bathrooms in bars. I mean, if people are gonna throw up, and I assume they are, why wouldn't the bathrooms be bigger? Still, me and Heather got to 2nd on Music Trivia. We both got loud and it was awesome. My bartender was named Desiree. Can you believe that shit? Neither can I. (I tasted the cool whip, and produced her my whipped cream) I love the Daddie's while drunk. (That man talks down to you, and you talk down to me to now) I'm so glad that I actually censor you from my inability to type. Heathe...

I love Jill Sobule. I have NO idea how to say her last name, but I love her music. I know "I kissed a girl" is pretty over done, and mainstream, but I still love listening to that song. I've been sick, people. A weird kind of sick where I'm too cold and sore and don't want to move. I cleaned the HELL out of my stove on Monday. It took about 45 minutes and an application of Easy off, left on over night. Easy my ass. It was all at the wrong angle and my legs were a bit sore afterwards, but I was like..whatever! I'm fine. And I was...until Tuesday. I woke up and I was immediately exhausted. Right off the bat. I got up and I was like...whoa boy. My legs HURT, and my stomach hurts; pretty much from the waist down hurt. Then I started getting cramps in my stomach and it was that much worse. Now, seriously, do I really think that 45 minutes of vigorous cleaning knocked my ass out like that? I thought maybe, but I'm still sore and it's since moved into other ...

(I'm sorry, I LOVE saying teh. I say it at home. I probably sound like an idiot, but I love teh. I am teh suck too sometimes. =)) I'm so freaking angry you guys! Last month, for Valentine's day, I ordered a DVD for Ben. I ordered it within our NORMAL processing and shipping time. It took FOREVER to process the damn thing, and then I thought....well, it's not too bad, it will just get there a day late. I guess it's better than nothing and there wasn't much I could do at that point. We waited and waited. It came a WEEK after Valentine's day. This was within their 10 business day range, but I was still a little pissed. (even if I had no RIGHT to be pissed, I was. I'm pissed a lot when I have no right to be that way.) So this month (for his birthday), I ordered at the very beginning of the month, and paid 6 extra damn dollars for expedited shipping. This said that it would be shipped USPS Priority, UPS, or some other comparable method at the same price. It ...

You are Bettie Page Girl next door with a wild streak You're a famous beauty - with unique look And the people who like you are cultish about it What Famous Pinup Are You?

I realized the other day that not everyone actually knows as much about me as I thought they did. That might be the most confusing sentence I've ever written. I was listening to the Cranberries and thought of Derek. I was a wild teenager. I really cared very little about where my life was going, and I cared even less for all these "rules and regulations" that people thought I should follow. Things like going to school, or not sleeping outside on campus, or any other of my many transgressions. I was really a horrible teenager. I was very angry. At just about everything. I used to sit on the parking garage ledge sometimes and look over. Waiting to see if I would fall? I'm not sure. I guess I figured if that's what was going to happen it would. It's my idea of fate. I didn't really care if I lived or died, or what kind of life I would be left with if I didn't finish school, didn't start following rules, didn't start caring. All I cared about was h...

Ben came in and stole my damn test! He went and answered the questions and then I already saw some of the right answers. (maybe) He was so kind to point out how I totally fell for one of the trick ones. =S He's only 2% stupid, according to the test. Even the ones he guessed on, HE GOT RIGHT. How annoying. Damn boys. Always trying to show a girl up.

I'm just literally dazed and confused today. We had our housing inspection today, and so we spent much of the weekend cleaning. I was up until a little after midnight making sure our blankets were washed and that everything looked neat and tidy, if not outright clean. I could have dusted the entertainment center, and put away my random burned CDs that I haven't had time to. I'm running out of cases for them! =( What I didn't think about at all was the stove. Now we have to clean the stove. =( Which is fine, really. The stove has to be cleaned, something else as well, and the landlord has to secure the fence. Which has been a bit wobbly since being blown over by the wind last spring. (I think it was last spring. I don't even know anymore) Actually, come to think of it, I think it was the same last year, and wobbly, and they didn't say crap. Well, this year they want her to fix it. I'm dreading it. I mean, HURRAY for the fence being fixed, but every time she i...

I had a very weird week. I got a lot of questions as to why I wasn't on vacation, even though I told everyone I would not be on vacation. Mostly, people have left me the hell alone because they didn't know I was there. Which is kind of funny. Stupid whiny girl was actually somewhat funny, and I HATE it when she is funny about something. Cause I'll be on the edge, and all like..maybe she's not as bad as I think she is, and then she fucking says something else that reminds me how stupid she is. I was supposed to go out last night, but things happened and no go. Shit happens. Some other time, I'm sure. But to further my weirdness this past week, I think I committed some email faux pas while trying to make plans. I wasn't aware that email could make people hate you, but it's one more thing I'll have to remember. I mean, I don't forward pointless emails and I don't particularly like it when I get all of them, but they are from family and friends. I re...