Random Thoughts

"I don't know where this road is going to lead. All I know is where we've been, and what we've been through." I'm starting to get into my older CDs. All the ones from the 90's. With things like Boys II Men. Why are all my older songs so sad? Or angry as hell? Apparently, those were my only two emotions as a teenager. I wouldn't be a teenager again for any amount of money. I actually feel quite removed from all of it now, but it was like some alien took over my body. I liked too many boys. I was sure I LOVED them all. I was equally sure that life would end if they didn't like me. I was sure that anyone else was better. A better body, a better face. I slept with too many boys thinking it meant some emotion on their part, when it was usually just sex. I've been thinking a lot about the past recently. I mean..well, I guess I always think about the past. More than others, maybe? I find myself endlessly fascinated with people, with their thoughts. ...

My sisters aren't coming. I've gone from petulant (I hope they NEVER visit) to depressed to sad, to keeping a stiff upper lip to not even caring and all the way back to petulant. I'm not even sure they would have mentioned it if I hadn't asked about the weather up there and if it was gonna impede the trip. I actually kind of believe they would have waited as long as they could until telling me. Like I would get all hysterical on them or something. Right, like I LET my family know how I feel. I'm raw. I wanted to see them, and now there are so many excuses. What it comes down to, is that with my family, I can't ever believe. I had hoped my sister was trustworthy, but after all the planning and my switching crap around for my vacation days, it turns out she isn't. I'm sad. And sure that I'll never see my family again. I could visit them, except I don't have a car, and I sure as hell don't have money for a plane trip. Especially not for Derek a...

She's planning like I am. She does some accounting work where she works, so perhaps Accountants just like everything planned out as far as possible. Or else as a family, we are all crazy as hell and huge control freaks. Perhaps. I can't imagine why, what with moving all the time as kids and no real steadiness and all that. We can't have taken it to the complete opposite extreme, right? =) She sounds just as excited as I am. When I thought about her visiting, I didn't quite realize she was bringing as many people as she is. I mean...she's bringing everyone. All the kids. All 5 besides me and Kylee as well, so six. And maybe Mom. Apparently, my own mother does not have the vacation time available to visit, but since she realizes that Misty is gung ho about coming and that it's going to happen whether she comes with or not, she is like...well, maybe. Save room in the car for me. Or some some bull crap. Nice that my own mom can only visit when my sister "makes...

My sisters say that they are coming down at the end of February! So much closer than I thought. This is awesome. I'm so freaking excited and having visions of a week long girly slumber party, though that might be a little extreme. Now I'm just trying to figure out how much vacation I actually have. And when I can use it, and how they are getting here and how many. I'm totally not gonna have enough couches, but people are gonna have to deal. They can just suck it up. And maybe they are planning on a hotel, I have no idea. I don't care, I'm just SO excited. ALL MY SISTERS! And maybe my brother and littlest sister. I dunno yet. I'm verifying. Also, my taxes were accepted today, the IRS doesn't show them yet, but probably will soon. It actually looks like my impulsive spending for Christmas isn't going to totally screw me. Which is pretty exciting, really. While I'm getting $25.00 more than last year, I am spending $31 more on the State taxes, so I guess...