Random Thoughts

I had a BALL. Not literally, of course. I met Heather at the liquor store downtown, we headed to Good Times to see Mike and have a beer or two. Then out to Heather's house to get ready. I got to play with her wiener dogs and Jager was competing with Ester for wiener dog who loves me most. He just kept laying on me, and showing me his belly. Then he would get this little gap tooth grin on his face when I would pet him. Jasper sat patiently in the middle of the room waiting for his ball. Or not so patiently at times, but he was trying. Then when given the ball, he barked ferociously at it when it would get away from him. He kept finding it, blind though he may be. We decided that we should eat something, so Heather bought us some cheeseburgers and we sat in front of Skinner's Butte park and ate. Watching the kids have fun. Saturday was truly a glorious day, perfect for ambling about outside. Which we did a bit of after parking Heather's car downtown. We sat on the mall for ab...

He assured me that we probably had photoshop on one of the non-labeled CDs. I've been through them all, and while I did find photos, a TON of Red Vs. Blue, and Clerks 2; I found no photoshop, and I'm too lazy to wait for it to download from a torrent, so no photo for you. I don't know how else to view this psd file right now. I tried renaming it, but that didn't work. Do you know what is an awesome song to belt out at the top of your lungs? Proud Mary. Am I getting really old or what? I do have other pictures, mostly random things, but that's only because I KNEW were the disc was for my camera to download the software. Then I went to upload pictures and realized that I had taken 38. I only felt like I'd taken maybe 10 or so. This was surely a sign of how drunk I was becoming at Sidney's party, cause not only did I take more photos than I thought, there were quite a few of me trying to get these guys out in the dark. In a row. Like I didn't understand wha...

The computer is fixed. I KNEW that having a boyfriend would come in handy. LOL. Between him and his dad, they seem to have got it fixed. Both hard drives have been tested with no problems, thank goodness, as they are not that old. One is just over a year old, the other is only months old. I would have been pissed if that was the case. Ben's dad's friend (is that confusing?) said that it's unlikely that the RAM is the real problem, so we were able to put the 512 back in, and now it seems to be running just fine. He also mentioned that trying to buy RAM for this specific computer would be stupid, as it would cost more to find this kind of RAM than just buying a new computer. So far, so good. Ben is still installing programs back onto the computer, but at least we were able to plug in our iPods and they worked. Perhaps the funky little weird problems were just an impending sign of doom. Perhaps now that we've re-installed and started anew, we won't have the monitor go ...

Oh, how Heather hates that song. Ha ha. Ben's dad was at my house when I got home at 7:20 or so. He left around 10:30 or so. I'm a grumpy pants when my night's get messed around, but I tried really hard to reign it in, as he WAS doing us a favor. And I'd like the computer to work. But I ended up eating dinner later than I wanted, I was already tired from sleeping like crap Sunday night (what else is new?) and I got grumpy. I ended up staying up until 11:30 or so anyhow. I think I'm getting a sore throat. =( I'd like to not be sick for this weekend, please. Ben's dad's opinion? "We should take the computer into the back yard and shoot it." I got oddly defensive when he told me that. I mean, it's an inanimate object, I should not care about it's feelings, huh? But you know what? 1. This computer has held out and been awesome for much longer than the computer I just finally finished paying for. Twice the amount that it may have been worth,...

Cross posted to MySpace today! ____________________________________________________________________________ I'm screwed. I was going to get into how much SNOW SUCKS IN APRIL, and all that happiness, but then a REAL problem presented itself. The computer has died. Or at least Windows has died. It says that we're missing a config file and it sounds pretty damn serious. It also says we may fix it, if we just insert the original Windows disc. Ha ha ha. The computer was made by a friend, and I'm pretty sure my version of Windows is not really legal. *shh* This means we have no back up disc. The A drive probably doesn't work at all, as we tried using a boot disc to get a command line to be able to try..oh, I dunno, ANYTHING besides hitting Y/N and having the computer restart. It has been taunting me a lot lately, and it may have something to do with the RAM we decided should work. Most of the time, it does work. But sometimes the computer gives us a blue screen and says that ...

Originally posted to MySpace on Friday, April 18th _________________________________________________________________________ The dentist visit went well. The dentist seemed amused by Derek which is good. He does say funny things. Like on the bus he said Oh noes! today. That may be my influence. The kid is very ready to go to Tammi's. He's all about the skating tonight. I've decided to wear my hoodie and be a dork with an Oregon hoodie, so that I don't freeze tonight. I'm so totally sucked into "Queen of the Damned" on USA right now. Which is a sucky movie. Though I'm kind of enjoying this stage scene for all it's blurry-ness to indicate how fast vampires move. Cause I know this means that Akasha is coming, and the exploding into flames shall begin now. That's kind of a cool special effect, and I do like Aaliyah. Plus, I think Jonathan Davis does the singing, at least it sounds like him and I saw him in a bit part. I'm just irritated that ...

Originally posted to MySpace on Thursday, April 17th __________________________________________________________________________ I'm better now. Again, thanks to all who gave me words of encouragement. Having Hole's Violet on repeat has helped a bunch too. It tends to remind me of Beavis and Butthead, when they get all excited cause they think the video title is Violent, and they go off about it. I may have to watch that later. I have it on DVD, I can if I want to. More on the music later, I thought I would do a fun little post about the angry music I've had blaring on my iPod to better help me deal with the frustration. I also sent my boss a LONG email explaining how I was feeling this week about the whole damn thing. I think she realizes how irritated I really am, how sad I am that people can't just be happy, and how angry I get when people have lots to bitch about, but no solutions to offer. I'm a solution kind of girl. If you tell me a problem, I will try to fix ...

Originally posted on Thursday, April 16th to MySpace __________________________________________________________________________ How many times did I use to sing that exact lyric to Derek and he would get his boogie on? lol. Or what about when that one song came out...omg! I can't remember the name, but the one where it goes "WOOHOO!" during the chorus. Another one of those "alt-rock" songs that came out when Derek was small. edit- Blur - Song 2. How would I forget that? lol. He would always smile REALLY big at the "Woohoo!" part of it. =) I miss that cuteness of toddler hood/babyhood more and more. Not enough to have another, but I do miss it. =) Also, I'm having a huge mind screw. Does anyone know what Beastie Boys song it is that has a lyric along the lines of "We like the girl with the...."? It was on KNRQ the other night when I put Derek to bed, and I know it's Beastie Boys, I also know it's not a song that usually plays on t...

Originally posted on Wed. April 16, 2008 _________________________________________________________________________ "Why do you suppose that is? Because I'm the son of the devil. Uh huh, why else?" LOL I ----------------------------------------------------------- Yesterday was bad. I felt beat down every way I turned. I understand that people are inclined to have their own opinions and that they should air their grievances, but not necessarily at me. I only do this or that, I don't run the show. Throwing your attitude at me is not going to make anything better or change, I don't have that kind of power. It's the back biting ones who are the worst. At least the forthright ones say it out loud, even if they do say it ALL THE TIME. The ones who aren't "really" complaining feel worse to me. Just a snide comment that leaves me wondering what the hell that meant for about a week. It's awesome to work with all women. Mostly anyhow. All women accounta...

Originally posted last Tuesday, April 15th. _____________________________________________________________________________ I find that I go and check it more and more often. It's so nice to be able to interact with my cousins and family and anyone of my friends that has moved far away from me. These people who live so far away and yet we can converse and actually get to know each other. I forget that while I remember them (as little kids, but I remember them), they probably don't remember me as well. I was 12 when we moved, they were much younger. It's that whole perspective thing. =) Friday night I was too afraid to have more than one window open in Windows, cause the computer keeps dying and taunting me. I worry about that computer. Is it the RAM we put in? Or is it just finally getting to the end of it's life? It has to happen at some point or another. Sadly, we may have to be big kids and get an Apple. I mean, our options are pretty limited. I don't know how to b...

Trying to cross post on lunch since my computer at home SUCKS. Originally posted to MySpace on April 11, 2008 ____________________________________________________________________________ I'm sitting here listening to that Tom Petty song. I decided I loved it from "Silence of the Lambs", before I knew how very, very good it really was. But I really like the part of that movie where she is rocking out in her car to that song. Before all the "lotion in the basket" crap. It figures it would be a scary movie to draw my attention to a kick ass song. I've decided that pretty much the best part is the lyric.."God, it's so painful for something that's so close, but still so far out of reach". I wait for that moment in the song each time and sing out loud as loud as I can. I pour my heart into it. I mean, who hasn't felt something like that in their life? Meh. The good news? Ben is making dinner cause I could not bring myself to cook, and my kid...

Just when I think I am being better about cross posting from MySpace, I do something like this. I don't hate you blogger, it's just that a lot more people comment on MySpace, plus I get more legit hits instead of people searching for random crap on the internet. I know, I suck, I don't know when MySpace became my bigger blog, but it apparently has. Oh yeah, this was supposed to be posted Friday, the part that I didn't post to MySpace is this - I'm seriously still freaked out. Like I don't really want my kid leaving the house, or running, or making motions near his head at all. It's my anxiety getting the better of me. I'm trying to fight it, but really I just want to cry for about a thousand hours and try to feel better. I mean..my kid's mouth is RUINED. All by two teeth. He doesn't view it this way, and I know I'm just being melodramatic, but I'm so very worried about what I'm feeding him and everything, just in case it could pop off...

Don't you hate THOSE phone calls? The ones from the school where your kid is? Lately those calls have been focused on my child's behavior, or lack of behavior in certain situations. Very rarely is it a hurt call. It has happened, like that one time when he hit his tail bone and managed to bruise it. He got to come home for that one, I think he even stayed home the next day. These things seem to largely happen on Thursday, which tends to be my busiest day at work, but there isn't much to do when your kid does something like this. I groaned when she said it was the school's office. Until she mentioned the word accident. At least that's what permeated to my brain. She may have started with more than just "there's been an accident", but that seems to be all I really heard. How that word sets my heart to racing. Probably any mom's heart. He slipped (tripped? He said both words) on a jump rope and went face first into the concrete. I'm so very lucky ...

A lot of that has to do with not being around the person I’ve been having problems with. I was trying to let it go, but this is my BLOG and this may be the only damn place I can be indignant. lol. We had some major problems with this girl last week. Communication problems, getting to work on time problems, working too many hours and leaving us in the lurch when she had to leave early problems. A LOT of problems. And I say last week, but it’s been little things for months now. She’s always so uppity, like she knows exactly what she is doing, except she’s still making mistakes, so she really DOESN’T KNOW EVERYTHING like she acts. And since I’m bashing a person you don’t even know on my blog, I may as well go all the way. She often does her hair up like she’s a reject from the 80’s. I’m sorry, but big hair went out a LONG time ago. Body in your hair is good, but teased hair? Not so much. Unless I’m behind in the times, maybe I am, cause I saw a girl with her hair pulled back, but it was ...

Posted to MySpace on Saturday, YAY I'm caught up! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I’ve been thinking about past crushes of mine. It’s weird. I mean, duh, right? It’s ALWAYS weird when you look back at things. I was always so very focused on the person. I crushed hard lol. I’ve been having a dream lately where one of my ex-crushes is sitting at a long table full of other people and the seat next to him is always open, yet I ALWAYS chose a different seat. Strange, but it makes sense. I just think it’s funny that way my brain manifests things into my subconscious. I had some other rather strange ones the other day, but I can’t remember what they were. Just that I woke up and thought..hey, that’s weird. Ha ha. But that lyric above from Pretty Hate Machine was so me in my teenage crush years. It’s so EMO. lol. I was always ready to do what other people wanted me to do. Less so now, in fact I may over do my stubborn-ness. I really kind of compromise...

Originally posted Friday, April 4th. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I just crawled into the back of my closet to look at my books and realized I liked "The Stand" so much that I’ve got two copies. I only bought one, but I encouraged Ben to buy me the other. Granted, one is a hardback, the other a paperback, so at least they aren’t exactly the same. I’m a big fan of putting in roots and all that, but I’ve accumulated too much crap in the long run. I’m a bit of a pack rat, and I think I’m over compensating for those times when I was not able to have "things". Not extra things. I slept outside some times for god sakes. Not a whole lot of room for "things". I would not be as annoyed by this if I had enough room to have this much stuff. LOL. I am desperately racking my brain for a way in which I might actually have my bookcase somewhere where I can SEE it, and maybe not end up with two copies of books I already have. ...

Originally posted on April 2nd - ALMOST CAUGHT UP. lol. __________________________________________________________ I felt like I should say something, seeing as how it’s a new month and all that. Can you believe that it’s April? April fool’s day at that. I’ve not been tricked today, but the day isn’t over yet. I can’t ever think of a good trick, I just always think of that whole "I’m pregnant" thing. LOL. Ben might actually have a heart attack, but it’s so MEAN, I can’t quite bring myself to do it. If he even fell for it, he might not. He’s smart like that. I have so many thoughts going through my head lately. I’ve been thinking of the past, like usual. I do have good memories along with the weird ones, it’s just the weird ones that I dwell on. It’s the random lyrics that get me. I hear something and start formulating a blog around it. Like the above? It actually just popped out of the current Bjork song I am listening to. Speaking of dwelling, today is an anniversary of sort...

Originally posted to MySpace on March 29th. I've got three cross posted, so keep reading down, y'all. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I find that people who I used to know quite well are people I don’t know at all anymore. Maybe it was a delusion on my part to think I knew them well at all? Or maybe it’s just a natural progression of things. You’ll have to excuse me, my kid is still out of town and it seemed like the perfect time to become "a drunk and a sentimental mess". No time like the present. lol. I’m fine, just being a bit emo. Sad over things, but it’s a passing thought really. I’ve just always been the emotional type, I guess. Bad for almost all aspects of life, really, being overly sentimental. Alas, it’s not something I’ve "broken" yet. Sentimental for things that may not have ever been as friendly as I thought. It’s hard to get perspective sometimes. In any case, I’ve had a very good long weekend. Did ...

This was originally posted on Thursday, March 27th. ----------------------------------------------------------- I’ve fallen asleep every night since Monday around 9. I ALMOST made it to 9:30 last night, but I still fell asleep before South Park came on. Very sad. I’m lame, and apparently still sick? Or else just very, very tired. Hence not much MySpace going on. I’m back to being very un caught up. =S I have a long weekend, so maybe I’ll be caught up by the end. =) I’m not stuffy in my head, but I have a nice lump (which I HOPE is a gland) on the side of my neck and just today it moved to underneath my chin. Well, it’s really in both places, but less hurty on the side of my neck. You all didn’t want to hear from me anyhow, I’ve been a bit of a bitch this week. Tuesday was particularly bad, I think it’s because it was my mom’s birthday and while I didn’t not send email or anything (cause she didn’t on my birthday and I am just NOT the bigger person), I was aware of it all day. She’s 49....

Some guy said that to me the other day, and I thought..hey, maybe it’s making a come back. lol. Probably not, but you never really know. I’m just unbelievably excited, cause it’s AFTER 10 and I’m not even asleep yet! First night this week! This has set a precedent. I believe that the lumpiness of my nose and neck shall be gone! Maybe not entirely by tomorrow, but I feel like this is a turning point. I’m full of optimism and hope! And full of wondering why the hell I don’t own Gone With The Wind on DVD. It’s only one of my favorite books and movies. Boo!

I'm a lazy bastard. It's been a LONG time since I posted. But I'm a total MySpace whore, cause I did post there. Um. So. I will x-post later. Soon, I hope. But right now I have something else I have to do. It's just that I tried to type in the link to this here website and it wouldn't even come up for me, like windows does for my lazy ass, so I knew it had been far too long. Not that more than 2 people read this anymore, but hey, maybe they would like to know something about me occasionally? I'm sorry, I suck. I will try to do better.