Random Thoughts

But I don't suck as bad as my old journal. Filled with worries, stupid boys, dumb thoughts. Oh man. I was a dumb ass teenager. The next boy I set my sights on was no more worthy than many of the ones before him. His name was Caleb and he had bug eyes, but for some reason (confidence, I think?) I was drawn to him. I will say that I met Joi through him long before we did anything, so at least I got Joi out of it. =) He was full of himself. And I was willing to believe he was all that. I slept with him one night after watching "Dusk Till Dawn" at the Bijou. I was currently nursing quite a few crushes. I'd spent the night with him prior, but only cuddling, no sleeping together. It seemed like every time I started to realize what an asshole he really was, he'd do something nice or make me think he was cooler than he was. One night he took me out to a movie, "Fear" and I was impressed that he'd asked me. Turns out that the tickets were free and no one else...

I took so long to get back to this, but since the child is here and I can't watch my horror movies or porn now is as good a time as any. I ran away from home. I ended up gravitating towards campus after Heather introduced me to Julie and I realized that campus rarely sleeps. All the better for my running away endeavors. Not sleeping meant not having to find the place to sleep. I developed about 3 crushes simultaneously and ALL of them had crushes on Julie. I started to like her a little less, because I am a mere girl and unable to deal with girls who rock so much more than me. At least in direct competition. I met Joi somehow. Joi with an I as she always said. People thought she was a slut, but I loved her. Maybe she was a slut, but what the fuck did it really matter? She wasn't hurting anyone. One night after she was done working (she washed dishes at the Glenwood and often didn't get off work until 2 or 3 in the morning) she suggested we head out to the hot springs. I was...

See, I've already forgotten things...this is why I'm chronicling this now. Hell, before I know it, I could forget NAMES. I started a new crush, this became a habit with me..seemed like one crush a year at least. Why? Dunno. Did I know better? Certainly, but I couldn't seem to stop making excuses for every FUCKED up thing I saw that they did to their girl friends. Well, I would think, they wouldn't do that TO ME..I would be the best girlfriend if given the chance..blah, blah, blah. Short story? I seem to crush on the unobtainable....much like anyone else. I started to hang out with other people in high school and was instantly drawn to a boy who was completely emo. Eye liner (sometimes) and the attitude to go with it. Very "woe is me" in general. I didn't realize this until lately, but he's pretty much ALWAYS been woe is me. Just another step on my rung to wannabe vampire boyfriend. I seem to be attracted to the fucking drama. I spent many a time flirti...

See, I was going to start with this guy. I would have missed out on 4 whole guys and at the beginning all I really remembered was about David and Rogers and middle school..I'd almost forgotten about Jason. Oh..lol! He showed up during Christmas of Freshman year out of nowhere and was like.."Be my girlfriend?!" and I was like..no. So I hid in the bathroom with the door locked until my little sister Misty told me he had really left and wasn't just faking leaving so I would come out. The answer was obviously no, but I was not good at no so hiding in the bathroom (avoidance) seemed an equally good idea. Ok, end of Jason. Freshman year I went back to school and re crushed on the same guy from middle school. Wes. Way cooler than me, but he seemed to like me at least a little. Part of this story makes me want to SCREAM at High School me. WTF me? This was REALLY CRAZY, even by my standards. It started with phone calls. Outside of school he was really attentive and listened to...

After moving here to Oregon, we moved around a lot. Didn't give me a whole lot of time to develop crazy crushes on boys. I started to get one halfway through my 8th grade year, but it was pretty obvious he didn't have any idea that I existed. So off I went on summer vacation where we spent many days at Monroe Park. They had free lunch and my mom could get all of us kids out of the house. I was, of course, the babysitter and spent at least part of most of these days trying to explain to my little brother that catching bees in his leftover food cups was a bad idea. I don't know how many times he was stung that summer. Luckily, he did not appear to be allergic. I accidentally stepped on one and my foot swelled up to the size of a baseball. To this day, that is the ONLY bee I've ever been stung by. One of these days, I met a boy who was also bringing his siblings along and we decided we were "going out"..which meant a tiny bit of hand holding. It didn't take m...

Right? I was going to start at the first guy I had sex with, but my insecurity, boy problems, and general relationship craziness starts before that. I may; however, roll the first two boys into one story. They are semi-related. I was always boy crazy. My mom would tease me about it to no end. In middle school, I liked this guy David. David lived in the same apartments and we had some of the same friends. I don't know why I decided he was crush worthy, just a tiny blond boy but I did like him. And he seemed to like me too. We made plans to attend a dance together. Which I didn't go to in the end. I got myself so worked up that I was quite determined he was going to stand me up. Trust issues much? Instead I stood him up. He showed..my friend Michelle went and reported back. She told him that I was REALLY sick and maybe even embellished more about how sick. Did he believe her? I don't know..we didn't hang out much after that. Cut to a few months later and his cousin asks m...