Random Thoughts

Grandpa’s birthday was St. Patrick’s Day. That’s how I remembered it so easily in a month filled with familial birthdays. My step father’s birthday was the 13th. I hate remembering that. But I do. This last weekend went by pretty uneventfully. Had myself a full on tantrum Friday night, even posted on twitter and sent messages directly to Ben ranting. Did I have a good reason? No, not really. It centered around food and I’d had too much to drink to be reasonable so instead I was an asshole. Woke up in the morning, feeling mortified at how angry I’d become. That’s me for you…throw food into the mix and if it’s not what I wanted I will either pout or rant. I need to stock up on snacks specifically for me I guess. So…I did something I’m not proud of. Ben was still sleeping, I saw that the messages I had sent didn’t say “read” so I deleted them from his iPod. Ha! He’d already read them but had chosen not to respond which was probably a good idea…of course later he was like…did you delete th...

I just told Ben he had a weak chin. But really, in comparison, EVERYONE has a weak chin compared to my chin. It's OUT there. Derek's is too. Which is good, cause between Jake and I's hair production, the kid will not be able to hide his chin behind a beard. Seriously. I've not shaven my legs since...well, I can't remember when. The only reason I do it is because I really like the fresh shaven feel after doing it. I'm tired today. Is it completely obvious? After insulting Ben, I sent him out to go shopping. I'm mean today. But that's ok, cause I made up for it earlier. Which is why my back hurts a bit more now, but DAMMIT! I should be able to do something. Just not dishes or cleaning. Wow, I'm being selective here, I guess. Tomorrow, back to work. Then Wednesday is Derek's first day of school and my doctors appt. YAY. Friday I sushi. Late, since I have to work late, but late sushi is better than no sushi. =) Also, Ben and I had a huge discussion l...

The computer is fixed. I KNEW that having a boyfriend would come in handy. LOL. Between him and his dad, they seem to have got it fixed. Both hard drives have been tested with no problems, thank goodness, as they are not that old. One is just over a year old, the other is only months old. I would have been pissed if that was the case. Ben's dad's friend (is that confusing?) said that it's unlikely that the RAM is the real problem, so we were able to put the 512 back in, and now it seems to be running just fine. He also mentioned that trying to buy RAM for this specific computer would be stupid, as it would cost more to find this kind of RAM than just buying a new computer. So far, so good. Ben is still installing programs back onto the computer, but at least we were able to plug in our iPods and they worked. Perhaps the funky little weird problems were just an impending sign of doom. Perhaps now that we've re-installed and started anew, we won't have the monitor go ...

I just realized something. NONE of my siblings (that lived with me, one is) are married. Some of them can't be, as they are too young, so that skews the odds, but Misty is at least as old as my mom was when she got married to my dad. I just think it's weird that the only person married is the one who didn't grow up with our mother all those times she was (unhappily) married. Marriage and hard and scary. It looks like that from my point of view. Perhaps theirs as well. Don't get me wrong, I beat my mom by a good 4 years when I got pregnant, and I think she might have miscarried before me, so maybe I only have 3 years on her? Still I beat her at that. And I'm still not married. And I only have one kid. And I'm only gonna have one kid. Will I ever be married? I really like the idea of the wedding, I think, and I don't imagine it's much different than living together. Except part of me is not sure of that at all. Will we take each other for granted? Will we ...

(Disclaimer: I don't talk much about my boyfriend here, because most of it is venting, and I think it leans towards him always doing something wrong, when he really doesn't. I'm not looking for advice really, cause no one knows us, no one really knows how we are. Unless someone has lived with him for years and years, I don't think I'm gonna get any sort of insight. I'm just venting. I'm just getting it out before I let it poison my emotions.) Had another one of those dreams last night. The one where I tell someone that I'm leaving my boyfriend, or at least intimate that I will. In any case, the guy in the dream was a completely fictional character from one of my soaps. So it feels safer than my dreams where idiot ex-boyfriend prevailed. It's helped me a LOT to realize he's a pretentious ass. His MySpace page even says he "is the elite geek". But you know, spelled like L33T. Cause he's SO on top of web speak and the internet. Yet I...

I was gonna type "men are clueless", but would have inevitably got some comment from an offended male-being, so, I figured I would write, "can be" instead. Rather than leave well enough alone and not say anything about my insaneness to the boyfriend, I sent him an e-mail. Cause I don't do confrontation. If you yell at me, I am gonna go hide in my room. So, in my email, I detailed my whole crazy descent into madness and how I was offended by Jesse's comments of the big-titted, small waisted bitch being excited about seeing my BF. Yes, he was kinda talking out his ass, it still offended me. So, I asked for some sort of compliments and what he liked about me. I didn't think that was too much to ask. And he did give me some nice things that he liked about me. So, I feel better. But then, he kinda ruined it by saying.....(in regards to the big-titted bitch) "Well, if that was what I wanted, I wouldn't be with you then." And I know he means it in...

Guess what? It's Thursday and we all know what that means. I CAN'T be in a good mood. It just doesn't seem physically possible. I thought I would break the cycle this week. Last Thursday I wasn't in a bad mood per se, but I had a fever and was dazed and confused. So, last night the guy friend came over and brought us rum. Yay, right? Well, kinda. Except every time he comes over, he tries to take my BF away. Last night was no exception. He tried twice to get my BF to leave an hour early. When that didn't work, he convinced him to go to the bar after he left my house, as opposed to getting some decent sleep. Almost every time he goes out with him, he asks me to remind him next time why he doesn't go out with him. He is always promised a ride and then doesn't get one. Because our guy friend is the biggest flake ever. So, I asked him last night if he was going to go out with Jesse before Jess asked him to go out and he was like "no, I am not". Then he ...

My boyfriend amazes me sometimes. It seems like I got everything all set in my mind regarding who he is, how he fits into my life, how we get along, how we don't like much of the same things at all. Then, he goes and does something that just blows my mind. He was super-helpful when I was sick, not that he isn't helpful most of the time. So, that really isn't what surprised me. I was hinting about my v-day present, asking if he would like it (I knew it was a DVD) and watch it with me. He said that No, he didn't really like it, but he hadn't really even given it a chance and that he would prolly watch it with me. Now, I feel this way about him sometimes and then I get stubborn and start thinking, well, if he isn't going to watch my stuff, then I won't watch his. (the movie was Grease, by the way, yes, I like Grease. I even like Grease 2. I even fancy I can sing along with the soundtrack, just not in company. End tangent) I just have this fear of losing my pers...

So, can you tell I am in a better mood? One day off filled with sex can do that to you. WooHoo! So, I was otherwise involved when my shopping buddy called and I didn't answer it. I called her back when I could *grin* and told her I had been in the shower. People always ask why you didn't answer (at least to me), and she asked if she had woken me up and I was like, No, I was in the shower. Well, she shows up a half-hour later and I had to fess up, I mean, my hair wasn't even wet. So, she was like, how do you do that with the little one in the house. Aren't you afraid he is gonna walk in, I was like, No, I have a lock on the door, thank you. Damn, I couldn't imagine having to explain that to my 7 year old. Now, I just have to work on my volume and he won't even have to know that I even have sex. It's not really something you want to think about your parents doing. My mom was LOUD. I always knew and was terribly embarrassed. My child wanted to watch Lilo and St...

Coming up on a 4 year anniversary type thing. I have informed the boy that he is too buy me a present, because it occurred to me maybe he doesn't realize. Our anniversary is also his birthday, so I end up feeling bad and paying for everything and buying him a present. Then I feel upset because he doesn't buy anything....but what, am I gonna yell at him on his birthday? No way. So, I came to the conclusion maybe he doesn't look at it as an anniversary since we aren't married. I set him right on that though. I expect a present. We really had a great weekend. He was so nice to me, prolly because he understood how crazy my week was and how much I needed to de-stress. We were just calm and wonderful. My friend called and came over to drink with us. I started falling asleep sitting up at about 2 a.m. So she decided to go to bed and wonder of wonder's, he decided to come to bed with me. It was nice. I passed out but the morning was nice ;p. Also, he decided to stay last ni...

So, I have an interesting dilemma. First of all, I am fairly grouchy today. So, sorry if it comes through. It has to do with spending my whole weekend running in circles. I am tired, and staying up last night didn't help. But, it gives me time to be with the boy. So, I've come to realize that while I love sleep, sometimes I gotta give some up to be able to do fun things. Unfortunately, it makes me grouchy the next day. Is this my dilemma? NO....it is something much bigger than that. I started this blog as a way to get all my thoughts out without censure. But after posting so much and seeing that people read, part of me really wants to share this with my boyfriend and friends. I don't know that I could continue to not censure myself though. Sometimes, I just want to bitch about people and get it out without becoming crazy about it. But, if this is going to be a part of my life, shouldn't I be able to share it with my boyfriend at least. It kind of feels like I am doing s...

Hey, I even made this song lyric work. I'm feeling in a kind of NIN mood. Mostly because I am screwed. Completly screwed. And not in a fun way, I wish. I am screwed due to the fact that the union of bus drivers has decided that they are going to strike in 10 days. Time to find "alternate transportation" that I don't have. My brain keeps thinking about this, hopefully trying to find a solution, but I can't seem to. I've done a pretty good job holding it together, even though it could mean not coming to work. Well, until someone asked if it was going to effect me and I tried to explain (oh my god, I spelled this esplain to begin with, I feel like Ricky Ricardo...Now, Lucy). For Christ's sake, I don't even have a license. I have a permit. If I could afford a car, there wouldn't be parking by the time I got to work. If I could change my schedule and come in earlier, I couldn't take my kid to school. If my boyfriend couldn't get to my house to w...

I am a big, dumb, dork sometimes. My boyfriend was prolly not really annoyed with me yesterday. I went home and we had a great night. He even stayed the night, so either he realized that he sounded annoyed, or he never was annoyed. I should know better, it takes a lot to annoy him. He was prolly just busy. Now how do I get the e-mail back apologizing for calling so much before he reads it? I can't, without being a super spy. Hope he doesn't think I am a big dork. It's ok if I think it, but I don't want anyone else to think it. God forbid.