Random Thoughts

Actually. I knew it to begin with. But somehow I lost it today. We do our deposit on an excel spreadsheet. We are accountants, we do A LOT of things on spreadsheets. SO...I had finished the deposit and was just wrapping things up, when I decided that I should figure out which weekends I am working on for the upcoming months. Which is also on an Excel worksheet. Anyone see where I am going with this? I went and shut down the spreadsheet for the weekend rotation and when it asked me if I wanted to save changes...I thought it meant on the rotation list...so I said no. I didn't think I had changed anything, but those programs always ask that. I always say no. I shut down the ENTIRE Excel program. With my deposit NOT SAVED. I USUALLY save it a bunch....cause of things like this. But I hadn't. I tried in vain to find something that would help. I then called my boss, very upset, to see what I should do. I DID remember the totals at the end. I did have the ending deposit. She had me ...

Alright ladies, it's that time of year again!!! I think we need to be reminded of a few things. So my sisters, PLEASE, raise your big toes and repeat after me below.... The Open Toed Shoe Pledge As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wear sandals and other open-toe shoes: I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground,! nor wi ll my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps. I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I will shave the hairs off my big toe. I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there. If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping...

NO BAD DREAMS LAST NIGHT! I've been up since 5 though. I woke up and then Ben kept me awake. *wicked grin* I can't seem to get myself back to sleep when this happens usually though and today was no exception. Right away, I just kept running through this "letter to Heather" that I am endlessly revising. I'm like...how to word it? Cause I know blaming people is bad and I have a problem with this. I like to blame I guess. Instead I need to use, "I feel that" type of sentences, instead of you suck. Ok, I wouldn't write that but if I'm not careful it might come across that way. You could see why I was awake enough that I had to pee and after that I might just as well be awake. So I popped in one of my tapes and curled up under a blanket..(I just realized that I should have watched The Ring 2...maybe not in the dark, but by the time it was over, it would have been light.) Trying to get warm, cause DAMN, it is COLD in the morning. My feet never really w...

The other day I was waiting at the bus stop and this guy was waiting there, and I caught a waft of his cologne. Which took me back, almost instantly, to the New Roads prom. It must have been worn by one of the guys there. It was like I was sitting in that chair again, getting my hair all done up. I SO WISH I had a picture of my hair all cute. The dress was cute. I DO have a picture of that. We'll see if we can get a good copy of a copy. Smells always get me. Not all smells though....food smells do nothing for me. But the smell of a perfume. Or the smell of the fog in the morning. That ALWAYS reminds me of the hot springs. That walk back to the car in the early morning. When everyone would be freezing and wet, but at least you could see. At night, we would have to take a flash light. Why would they put a path right next to a hill? That's stupid. I think it was there to "weed out" the drunk people who couldn't make it. *smirk* No smell has ever reminded me of anythi...

I actually think I like a Leann Rimes song. I wasn't trying to, it just happened. It's called Life Goes On...and that's the truth. I like this part especially. "Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice. You've been a pretty hard case to crack. I shoulda known better but I didn't and I can't go back. Ohhh, life goes on and it's only gonna make me strong." Life goes on...until it doesn't. But that oughtta be a long ways away. We all hope right? My Grandpa is 75! Which just seems unimaginable to me. Course...my Grandma died at 49...so that doesn't bode well. That would make me middle aged already! But what with this bid to not be smoking as much (I CAN'T call it quitting, that's too final...it's more of a trying not to smoke every day type of thing. That way, when I fuck up, I don't just go...oh well. Might as well smoke. I just start fresh the next day.), I can at least avoid the lung cancer that kill...

It made me feel self-important and SO grown-up today to be able to tell people.. "I'm in and out of meetings all day." Imagine me with my nose in the air, being all haughty, ok? Then I realized that that makes me kind of a dork, cause most people HATE meetings. Then I also realized that it makes me kind of a corporate whore to even say that I felt important cause of MEETINGS! I need an Office Space fix. Obviously, I need to get back to that disdain for the corporate world. Quickly, before I start wearing suits every day. (Ok, so I don't own any, but that wouldn't stop ME!) *smirk* (Also, The talker today was just OUTRAGEOUS! If she spent HALF her time working, instead of talking and being a "detective", she'd be far higher on the work totem pole. I mean, I think in terms of respect, I'm even higher than her and she's got five times my years)

She's not sniffing anymore. Instead, she bitches all the time about her schedule and then when no one is around to listen to her bitch, she will just sit and stare at the floor, or the desk, or the wall. Just staring. You know? I could TOTALLY see why she bitches so much about her job! It's SO hard./sarcasm I listen to her bitch to other people. I don't pay much attention to her otherwise. She never bitches TO me, just around me. First it's...I'm doing badly in class because of this job! This job where you sit there and stare at the floor? Then it's...OMG, don't you have to sign up for inventory? I didn't sign up. I was like...no one signs up, EVERYONE does it. Then...the OTHER reason I am doing so badly in class is because I've just been like I don't need to study. (maybe she's also too tired, too sniffy, and too stupid) Can you tell I harbor dislike? Even outright hating? I was HATEFUL today, just snarky all over the place. In my head of co...

So, the other day I was looking at my site counter. I am having a hard time reconciling my nine hits a day when it used to be like 17. Apparently, I need to say bad words and talk about more pop related crap. I thought I did that enough, but apparently not. (Just for fun, let's see what happens - FUCK SHIT ASS HOT SEX COCK and THREESOME) HAHAHA What I realized is that my troll was 14 of my last 100 visits. I must make him REALLY sick to visit so much. HEE HEE. Isn't this cute? I liked it. He spends the most time here out of most of these hits. Either he's thinking of REALLY mean things to say, or he's fascinated, much as people are by train accidents or bad car crashes. But..yeah...some were the IP address I have come to see and know instantly to be him, but I also realized that there is another computer accessing this from the same place! On the map, you can't even see two different spots, even by zooming way in. This one isn't an IP address, instead it just sa...

ANOTHER bad dream last night. I went to a restaurant to hang out with some friends, and an ex was there. I was all excited, like YAY! We CAN be friends. And we were getting along really well. Normal joking and fun times we had. It was awesome. BUT THEN! My sister came outside to where we were and she was wearing this tiny little skirt and you could see her panties. And he started touching her panties and screwing around. It was creepy and made me feel sick (no wonder, huh? Older guys coming on to my sister, considering my background?, it's just NOT ok). Of course, my sister MIGHT have been Dawn from Buffy. (GOD! I HATED HER! They might as well have named her TARGET.) And there were other vampires, so it's not like it was really rooted in reality, but still... I just not okay with this crap. I'm really not. It screwed with me all morning, maybe even more so than the stabbing from the night before. Cause I don't stab people, not even in dreams. Even when they are chasin...

(SWEET! I got to use lyrics from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack, which is maybe the best soundtrack EVAR! Or maybe Reality Bites....I can't decide...or 10 Things I Hate About You... Ok, so maybe not the BEST, since I can't decide, but still a good soundtrack.) Does anyone know if birth control pills will give you nightmares? I am all set to blame EVERYTHING on birth control. SOMEHOW, SOMEDAY! I will not have to take the pill. I'm not sure how yet, but damn. Could I just please be infertile? I'm sorry, that's a bad joke. Anyhow, so...all those bad dreams? I had another last night and the only thing I can think of that is ANY different would be that I have started taking my pill before I go to bed. If it's right there, staring at me, it's less likely I'll forget it. Not that I forget it regularly, but I do sometimes. And that's not a good feeling, as I'm sure any girl could tell you. In this dream, a woman was coming after me, and she got me...b...

So...I thought...I'd put two posts up. And get twice the comments! Hee. I'm a tricky girl. Um..but I got none. And like no body is blogging today. Does Spring = non-blogging stuff? Does spring = no comments? Should I post one post every couple of days and then I would get comments? I can't really post any more often. Not without having NOTHING to do, which seems to rarely happen anymore. Or should I just post better? Like write clearly and punctuation properly and write real paragraphs? If that's the case, I gotta say I throw in the towel here people, I never was much of a writer. Part of the reason I went business in college was so I didn't have to write as many papers. It worked admirably. I never was good with papers. Honestly though? I'm a little jealous. I want some comments. Other people get comments. (It would seem that I am about as fun as Derek tonight)

We shut off the game, RIGHT before he could save it, so he got mad and threw the controller at the floor. And now he can't play with the Nintendo, but he doesn't care..HE HATES THE NINTENDO! HE HATES THIS WHOLE HOUSE! HE HATES EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE! WE ARE THE ENEMY! Or Ben is the enemy..I don't know, he just randomly spat out, "You are the enemy!" It's kind of funny when I'm not already upset. Then I'm like...my baby HATES me. Now, I can just chuckle a little to myself and wait for him to get a grip. (edit - He doesn't hate me, only Ben. He changed his story quickly when I told him that I would not be reading to him then. He told me that he won't talk to Ben until he can play the Nintendo again. We'll see how long that lasts.)

I've been getting weird phone calls. First of all, they are restricted numbers. I don't answer restricted numbers. We didn't answer the first one on like...Saturday?? Don't remember exactly when, but then it rang right away again and with the restricted number. So Ben picked it up (I don't answer my phone and now that it's OURS, I will answer it even less) and they didn't say anything, just hung up. (Ok...maybe I answer the phone occasionally...when I am closer, or when he isn't there...mostly he picks it up though.) We think....well, that's weird...maybe wrong number? But they didn't ask for anyone, they just hung up. You'd think that they would ask for someone. Cause maybe someone else is answering their phone, you NEVER KNOW. Ok....anyhow, we don't really think much of it beyond that. Then Sunday night the phone rings again (close to the same time, which was kind of late maybe elevenish?) and it's restricted. Ben picks it up, and...

Remember when I alluded to things going on in my head, and things that were giving me bad dreams? WAY back when? The worst one...and I'll be damned if I know how this all fits together. At one point, I think I'd co-related the two, but now I can't remember why. So...I was in this dream and (OMG Y'ALL! I just realized that I have been dreaming about babies a bunch lately....maybe cause Jake and Karen are having one?) this woman was holding this baby. And she was like..hey, you should watch this, it's funny. And she let the baby crawl into what I KNEW (somehow...just KNEW) was a haunted room. Then she LOCKED the door! All of the sudden, she was holding the baby, but you could tell something was wrong with it. It was crying and all of the sudden it started gagging! All I could think was that it's spirit was in the room, still locked in and it was making the baby act that way. This was when I was just like...I CAN'T watch this anymore. And I woke up. Fucking cre...

So..I spent and hour and a half cutting Derek's hair today. I mean...fifteen fucking dollars for a haircut? I was not gonna spend that. I am seriously rethinking such crap of course. I got myself a little, and it took SO FUCKING LONG. Anyhow...hey...let me know what you think? Unless you hate it..and then FUCK you. Don't let me know. Seriously, I did the best I could. YES! That IS Ben holding Derek's arms back. The kid would not stop moving and putting shit in front of his face. What the HELL??? Why must he always manage to cover his face somehow? And a picture from last week, when his hair was TRULY out of control. And! Surprise...a totally incongruent picture! Esther, up close. I was trying to HARD to get a close up of her and then I ended up alerting her to the fact and she was ALL to willing to oblige. Too close, unfortunately. Esther is truly in her element here...although I got a really good one of Jenn and Esther lying on the floor together. I will put it up later, I...

So..I've been thinking lately that maybe I could be a better friend. I mean...I find myself constantly answering someone's question about how my life is going...even just how was your weekend and I don't say the same thing back. I mean....isn't that really fucking rude? And yet, I hadn't even thought about it and I am trying to make a concious effort to questions others as they question me. Cause often, I will just have a story and I don't think about someone else's stories. So..anyway, I'm working at it. I was just starting to wonder why some people at work seem to be such good friends and I've managed to not really "get" that. They call each other outside of work and talk... And maybe it's just that I tend to keep work and home seperate. I went to the talker's house a few times, and we all know how that turned out. (She invited me to lunch by the way! On friday...just cause I asked her some innocent question...all the sudden I got...

Sorry guys. WOMEN'S ASS STUDY There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses! I thought the results were pretty interesting: 30% of women think their ass is too fat... 10% of women think their ass is too skinny... The other 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him in for the world.

And then they sit in my inbox, cause I don't know how to spin it into a story. Here is one of them: There was a girl in the store with a shirt that says.."sarcasm - It beats killing people." I want one. Or this one I told Derek that Ben had really moved in and then Derek said...What? Does he get his own room now? I was like...do we have extras? Derek - He can have mine. Me - But then where would you sleep? Derek - In your room. Or this gem I picked up from my horoscope - It's what the poet William Wordsworth described as the best part of a person's life - their "little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love." The best part!!! How is that true if no one remembers? Anyhow...I was cleaning out my email and I was just like...dammit, I need to get rid of some emails.

So..I am a mean parent and I made Derek come out and dance to YMCA. I've shared it at work and everything, so I thought I'd share it here. When he came to visit and have lunch together, someone complimented him on his dancing and told him that she almost thought he was Micheal Jackson. I said...I don't think he knows who Micheal Jackson is. And he goes...yes, I do. And I asked who and he said...He's the guy who plays basketball. And we all laughed and I said no. So then..He's the guy who plays baseball? He doesn't have a clue. And the whole thing was TOO funny.

A NINJA! Y'all!!?? My face is SHINY up close. I had to smudge some stuff around and shrink it down so it was less noticeable. But I have a presentable ninja picture. YAY!

I'm better. Actually, my rib was better yesterday. But I was BUSY BUSY BUSY yesterday. I left work and ran downtown and sold some old CDs that I don't really want. I condensed and took down like...16 CDs. Ten whole dollars. It's pretty sad that some CDs that I thought were cool when I bought them are worth less than a dollar a peice. Anyhow, then I came home and cooked. And then I went shopping (oh and shopping was FUN! I love shopping when there is no one there, and Birdie is CUTE. She helping push my cart and I asked her if she knew where the ice was and she said yes (by the way, she says yes and it is just SO cute) and I asked her where and she said...in the freezer..and she was perfectly right, I thought maybe she knew where the freezer was, but we had to find it together), and then I fell asleep. Cause I'm lame like that. Lamer? Jess has not called and he's neglected his MySpace, which is weird. He's either doing it to avoid me, or else something is wrong.....

Thanks a lot body. I TRULY appreciate the bruised rib. I'm very excited about the whole thing. I realize that it must not have been enough to have my feet constantly hurting, so you had to add a new pain in to it. Of course the feet weren't enough. And I was doing pretty good with it too. I mean....it really only hurts when I breathe deeply..who needs to get a full breath anyhow?...and I suppose it hurts when I turn to the left (someone mentioned I was like Zoolander..HA HA...I love it when people make jokes when I am in pain...so funny. Especially when it hurts when I laugh), or when I cough, or yawn, or sigh, or when I have to bend over (I don't need to tie my shoes), or when I laugh...did I mention that it hurts to LAUGH?? And this does not amuse me...cause I like laughing. Anyhow...I was doing well with it. This happens to me sometimes. I get a little bit of a bruised rib and it's no big deal. It just hurts a little when I breathe. But this one is worse. And I don...

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.. don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they tak...

I randomly send myself e-mails through out the day. Just my ideas, so that I don't forget. A lot of them are all about how I hate SBAW. Some don't make the cut. But MAN, I HATE HER. Today, I was sitting with her and she complimented me! On my laugh...which is nice. I always think I laugh too loud, like Roseanne, at the beginning of that sitcom. It makes it hard to be hateful when she compliments me. Maybe she's the bigger person, maybe I need to stop the hating. But I just get so pissed. She just drives me crazy. I don't quite know how to deal with this.

I'm reading a lot of things lately that just seem to make so much sense. Teresina . And Erin Warning, some of it has little to do with women power! But his platform for presidency at the end would make me vote for him. I like his voting idea! And Opiom She left me a comment the other day! She lives in Portland and I ran into her through Jessica Rabbit..I am sad to say I'd almost forgotten her and then she left a comment. I will more than likely be adding a permanent link soon. She has her own page and does things like "code" - which in my head, just means anything that makes a web page look good. She just might be my new internet crush. =) Through Opiom, I found Cecily . Cecily had a choice to terminate her pregnancy or die. And giving birth would have put the baby in horrible agony for the little time he would live. He was too young and she developed Pre-enclampsia (sp?) and had to make this choice. She's gotten too much flak for it, this link seems to just run w...

Did you know that when you post a blog in My Space, there is a cancel button right next to the preview and post? Do you know how easy it is to hit that and lose a good twenty minutes of typing? See, here you only get save as draft and publish post. Which rocks muchly. Blogger, you are sofa king awesome. ---------------------------------------------------- The concert was good. No one got kicked out! YAY, I didn't have to be a bitch to anyone cause they were being an ass. I danced and danced and I'm sweaty, but glowy and tingly and happy. They played Shake Your Lovemaker for the encore which makes me all sorts of happy. That's my song! Some drunk lady outside was waiting for her friend as well..so she came and talked to me and said something (more than likely trying to be funny) about how she didn't see her friend, so she was hoping I had. I'm friendly, so I talked with her. She asked my name and then asked if I was kidding her when I told her. (Um..yeah, I TOTALLY l...

Also, isn't this fucking cute!!!

Today on the bus, a breeze ran across my neck and it reminded me of someone a long time ago, touching the side of my neck on the bus. I love being touched. Know what else? Living with someone = getting laid in the morning before work. I go to work looking at everyone like....Ha. I win. Cause it's all about winning. I am all ready for the Daddies show. I got off (hee hee) at 2 and I came home and napped. It's hard to figure out what to wear...cause I know it's gonna be hot...but I want to be cute. Most of my really cute shirts are tanks though and I don't want my arms showing. Even with the tattoo, I can't quite bring myself to running around in public without something over my arms. So, it's a tight (for me, anyhow) black t-shirt..with my favorite blue long sleeved button up for me. As for make-up, when I get in there...it gets hot, I get sweaty...I don't know if I'll wear it...maybe. Maybe just some light stuff, so that my face doesn't melt. At leas...

I REALLY appreciate having a landlord who cares enough to do things like re-roof before it becomes a problem and there is leakage, but WTF?? The roofers NEEDED to be there at EIGHT THIS MORNING????? Derek and Ben could not sleep in, since Derek is out of school and they had to use my porch light for their outlet. All fine...in regards to having a brand new roof. But it flipped my breaker this morning and I had to run out to the garage, toothbrush in mouth, while I flipped both breakers off and on again. The light ALWAYS goes out in the bathroom, and there is no window...who needs to see? It's a good thing I wasn't in the shower. So, I storm back through the house, wishing I could get away with the CUSSING, and make sure Ben is awake, cause now the alarm is screwed and everything else is blinking 00:00! Also, the cable went off. (I admit, I am a stupid spoiled person and I LOVE my cable), and this made everything come up as not known. I could not see what was on..not my bigge...

I am working on it people! I'm doing SO good. I've been practicing willpower. And hoping I can apply said willpower to other areas of my life..such as the junk food that I love a little too much. I was slipping....slipping into the smoking thing again. I had been "stealing" cigarettes from Ben in the morning...two, at first..one while I waited for the bus in the morning, and one while I waited for the bus at night. That turned into...well, maybe I need 3 or 4...what if Tara wants me to come smoke with her? I don't want to be "that" person...we all know that person. The one who only smokes other people's cigarettes. Of course, I AM that person, by default. I'm not saying I haven't had any. I am very bad when presented with company. Oh, a lull in the conversation? Time to go smoke. Oh, someone is leaving? Time to go smoke. Oh, my lungs are DYING??? Time to go smoke. Yeah, so, ANYHOW! It was getting bad. It had progressed into smoking every day...

I AM HATEFUL TODAY. Seriously (there I go again) I can't find the link to upload the photos so that I can get free digital pictures (the bookstore is trying something out, so I've gotten the other ones for free!! HAHAHA) and the person who's working customer service will NOT STOP SNIFFING. It seems she's constantly sick (maybe she should try eating something besides cookies! and she's so freaking thin!!! GOD I HATE PEOPLE.) and she just sniffs EVERY FIVE SECONDS. I deal with this enough at home people. BLOW YOUR FREAKING NOSES BEFORE I BLOW YOUR FREAKING HEADS OFF! GAH! It just puts me on edge. I'm so tense right now that I would like to grit my teeth until they explode. I just wanted to upload the pictures. And I want her to stop sniffing. Maybe she has a coke problem. Maybe that's why she's sniffing all the time. If I did coke, I'd be thin too bitches. I think that maybe people should stay away from me today. If you hear about some bus that some...

Why is this week TAKING SO LONG? My feet have been hurting pretty much non stop for months now. I don't know if it's my shoes or what. It's not like I'm on my feet all day, yet my feet hurt ALL THE TIME. When I get up in the morning, I'm like..WHY!!!! Why must I stand up? I know what some people would say. (insert troll picture) They would say it's cause I'm too fat and I suppose I should just be happy it's not my knees, but when it gets to the point where I don't even want to stand, how am I supposed to use them to lose any weight? Sometimes when I work them a lot, they just go past hurt into numb. I actually look forward to that. I hate to go to the doctor for stupid things like that. The beginning of the week, brought on an EXTREMELY sore stomach. Which has transferred into cramping. For no reason. I just get cramping. Again, I should just be happy I'm not bleeding, but this constant aching is just pissing me off.

I've not been able to get my Christina Aguilera CD out of my CD player...I've thought about it, even so far as to put the Daddie's in so I can "prep" myself, but I don't do it. It gets to the end, and I'm all....remember that one song at the beginning that rocks? I never thought I'd like a Christina CD, but I really like this one. It flows from the beginning introduction, which I think I should use for one of my blog areas, to a girl power song...to love gone wrong...maybe not even love...more like obsession gone wrong..to Fighter, which is almost like my theme song. Although I would make it more suitable to my childhood than to a man making me feel that way. Then you get all these songs that seem to flip from being sexy, to being in love (maybe), to being happy the way you are. Which is really what it comes down to. Being happy the way you are. Loving yourself and realizing that you are worth it all. The last song really gets me though. It's call...

I've been saying seriously a lot. Too much, really. Also? I'm just a little sick to my stomach. So this shall be quick and then I am off the computer. I shall catch up on you all tomorrow. This is gonna be a busy week. Taking short lunches and trying to make up enough time to get outta here by 4 at the latest on Friday. Of course, now I also might have to come in late Friday, cause Derek's teacher HAS to have a conference with me. Which is making me nervous. I sit there and listen and wonder what they want from me. Yes, I know my kid, yes, he can be emotional and quick to fly off the handle... Do they want some magical explanation? Some magical word that will make him behave? All I have for them is to not budge an inch. If you mean business, he'll know. How is it that sometimes I can get him to behave with just a well placed glance (maybe, more like a glare), but his teachers can't? Because I stick to it. Last year, everything was fine. In kindergarten, he had a HAR...

I took a LOT of fucking pictures this day. I might save some for another occasion. I found COOL ART! Like it's own seperate post. And a bench. I WISH I had known about the bench! Tops of buildings amuse me. The other side of the building. The river...which? I don't know. Whichever one is over there on Franklin. It's weird seeing it from this angle. Nature tamed! Nature destroys! All right, so this is mostly filler. I am VERY excited that the concert is less than a week away. Today was a typical Monday. The talker was out with Strep Throat. Great....this is all I need. I will go to the fucking concert anyhow...and I haven't been around her since Thursday, so I'd prolly already feel bad and I don't. I might be back tonight...I have some ideas..I get them at work and email them to me quickly, so that I remember later.

I just spent a LARGE chunk of time re-sizing pictures and stuff. And re-naming so that I know what the hell I'm picking. AnYhOw. I spent much of spring break week wondering the campus. Less kids = better pictures, more solitude. =) I had seen a building poking up out of the trees when the bus goes around the corner, right before my stop. And I realized that I don't know all of campus! After all this time, I don't know all of it. I set out to find this building and I had success, plus more things I found. Follow the yellow brick road! Or the paved path...whatever. This is the new business building..I so want to climb to the top one day and go out on the veranda....I am SO tempted to lean over the railing to get an AWESOME picture, but then I am worried I will die. I don't want to die for a good picture, but it would be AWESOME. I took a second picture of this thing and I STILL didn't get it. But then I got past that and rounded the corner and LO AND BEHOLD! There was...

That she hadn't seen any baby pictures of me. I'd thought I'd inundated everyone with the cuteness that was me. Cause GODDAMN! I was a cute baby. Seriously. So...here are some picture of pictures, I did the best I could. This one is me and my "hippy" dad...what the hell is up with that beard? Just me, prolly holding myself up a the coffee table. It took me a BUNCH of tries to get this right. I had been drinking, but I was determined. And one last one...I musta been at least 11...more like 12? Not sure, but god that shirt is atrocious. What you can't see is the pink and purple nail polish alternating on my finger nails. Even if the shirt was atrocious, I FUCKING matched, bitches. (I'm sorry, I keep saying bitches in my head, and now it's translated to the internet. I just mean bitches in general and definitely not in a bad way. So don't get pissed at me. It's not my fault.)

I got an e-mail at work on Thursday from Ben. It said YAY. He'd sent me a picture. It was really my first indication that he was as amused by this move as I. I called him and right off the bat, I just HAD to say...How cute are you? He laughed. Now he officially lives here according to the DMV. It was like...his first official piece of mail! =)

Damn the sun for going down on time! =) They had SO much fun.

This was too cute. Warning though, I don't use the camera and rock well, it prolly looks pretty shaky. =S

God, Jim Carrey is about the only person you still hear about. It's weird to see him from so long ago, and I wish you still heard about Damon Wayans cause damn, he is HOT and funny. "Homey don't play that." Anyhow, I'm back from coffee-ing. I finally watched Boondock Saints. There were some gory parts, but it was a pretty good movie. Give me a few days and then I'll start quoting stuff. Willem Dafoe, though, damn, I had no idea. It's SO cute to watch Ben around people he feels comfortable with. I've noticed that as I get to know people more, he hangs out with them and he's kinda quiet to begin with. He takes a little while to be comfortable. But I've been hanging out with Tammy since before I even started going out with him, so he's very used to her. I hope no one thinks he's stuck up, he's just quiet, really. He even played soccor with the kids. Unfortunately, it was getting rather dark, so it was hard to get any pictures. I even g...

I'm coffeeing at Tammy's today. Anyone who'd like to visit at her house should call me. Cause she likes people. Anyhow, I have more posts when I get home, but I have to leave soon or I'll sit here forever. =) It's scary how fast time goes when you are playing on the computer.

MY TICKET! There is NO way I am not going! It's been planned from every MOTHERFUCKING ANGLE and I am SO going to this Daddies show. HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, JOY. Yes, that is a cow magnet. Wanna fight about it? It rocks. And a full on view, without the cow detracting from it at all. OMGZ! I'm SO FUCKING EXCITED. A week from tomorrow, and I get to go and hit the bar and then fucking shake my ass. How many fucks was that? I think I really need this outlet for my aggression. =)

That the starbucks store has hard words all over it. Words I DIDN'T KNOW! I was a little shocked. My cup said Elucubrate. I've looked it up since I got home. e·lu·cu·brate - To produce (a written work) by working long and diligently. Shall I elucubrate? Good lord, how do I work this one into conversation? I can't really. Not without coming off as someone who uses "big" words. Not that I don't already, but elucubrate is pretty big. =)

I say think...cause it's just been right there, on the edge of my subconscious. When Ariel had her car problems and couldn't come see me, she said something about how we should have known that wasn't like her. And I should've....and I kind of did, but my insecurities got the better of me and I sent her a text saying she hated me. I didn't mean it that way and it was definitely a joke.. I just realized today, sitting here, that I just don't ever think I "really" know someone. Part of me wonders if this is my fault, maybe I'm not observant enough, maybe I just don't pay attention to people. Maybe since I always feel like I'm holding something back (although I've told just about all I have here), I feel like others do the same thing. See, cause Ariel does TONS of introspective posts about herself and what she considers (I was going to say short-comings, but not even that - maybe her less than positive qualities?) some of her qualities t...

If I could just smush songs together. Do you ever think that a whole a song is too much...too whiny, or too loud, but that ONE little piece is SO worth it? I was listening to Sheryl Crow, when I realized that a lot of her music is really kind of whiny. But there are songs where I listen to the WHOLE FUCKING song, just to hear that part. I don't know what it would sound like, but the best lyrics (of hers) by far are the ones below. - Can't cry anymore "It could be worse I could've missed my calling Sometimes it hurts When you read the writing on the wall Can't cry anymore" and later in the song - "And too much time I've been spending With my heart in my hands waiting for time to come and mend it" Or from A Change Would Do You Good "Hello it's me, I'm not at home, If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone" Or If It Makes You Happy "I'm not the kind of girl you'd take home" Or Everyday is a Winding Road ...

The Dooce brought tears to my eyes today. *huge sigh*

Also? Ben officially moving in, DEMANDS A PARTY! I'm not sure when and I'd sure like Ariel to be there. *hint, hint*

I've spent too much time over at MySpace. The html is harder to get right. I can't seem to make some of the text black so that you can see it. I tried everything and I've given up for now. I'm sure I'll be back, trying to figure it out later. I'm stubborn like that. A couple of things...I wanted to post something, but I'm a little tired and I don't know how much I can blog. Anyhow! Ben is TRULY moved in. Not all of his stuff, but we've changed addresses and all that happy crap. Hurray! Also, Derek is so NOT amused by this little sister thing. He wants at the very least to have a little brother, and at the most, to not have a sibling at all. I MIGHT have gone overboard when he was trying to tell me that he wanted a sibling. I was just like...no...babies are hard work and loud and blah, blah, blah. So now he's a little less than amused by this whole sibling thing. We'll see.

I've come across some that I had to save, so I could write the best down together. Your hot 'n' spicy button isn't knobbly! I was glowing in the haze of an orange-flavoured Sony walkman, but heaven knows I'm lucky now... I remember when I wasn't rat-arsed...

(so much for my run on titles....I can't stick to anything. ^^) So....I did a little video of the Totoro kid's jacket, that I had only uploaded to YouTube, with the thought of putting it somewhere. I hadn't yet. People WANT this jacket. They think I should just give it to them, I guess. But I found it...and I know it won't fit Derek ever...I think I even found it after he could wear it. But I HAD to have it. It's TOTORO! And I love Totoro. Ben is actually moved in...kinda. Section 8 accepts him and doesn't care anymore, but they haven't got the official letter from the landlord. Which was weird. I emailed and she's just been busy. I just hope she sends it soon. She said she would fax it when she completed it. So far, so good. No need to freak out about rent anymore. Which is VERY good.

I feel like I'm on a more even keel today. I'm still very butt hurt that people who I thought liked me don't care enough to include me, but I'm slowly getting over it. I shall just not believe Jesse next time he says everyone asks about me. If they asked about me, wouldn't they ask me? Apparently, he just wants to make me feel better. Which is nice. I thought about posting that last post on MySpace, I even put in you instead of Heather and Paul. But I didn't have the guts. I have managed to switch my Wednesday off with Friday! YAY! Three day weekend. If the boy didn't sleep all day, I could spend all morning on the computer with my coffee, just screwing around. Being on when everyone else is. But he'll be sleeping. This time change has made it even worse. He stays up until 5 or so and can't even get to sleep then. He was still kind of awake when my alarm started going off at six. Then he decided that I needed to wake up and gave me a better reason t...

what's up with the non-commenting? I've got some, but I have like WHOLE days with no comments. Something people....some story that I made you think of? Some good thing you did that day? Something that makes you smile. More comments shall be made. Please?

When Jesse was here the other night, we talked about who could kick who's ass.. (there might be a teensy reason why he thinks of me as one of the guys.) And he said that I had tiny feet and therefore, I could not kick his ass. I said - Tiny? These are NOT tiny feet, I can borrow shoes from no one....they're not huge feet either, I suppose..just not the size where I can share shoes. And then he said - Look at mine, mine are huge. And I said - Well, guys have bigger feet usually. He said - That's so we can "stand up" and go do our manly jobs. (I put quote marks there cause I'm pretty sure he meant it figuratively. I could be wrong...that may not be a DIRECT quote, it's close enough for my accounting senses *smirk*) And I just started laughing my ass off...cause seriously? I was the only girl in the house and the only one with a job. He thought it was funny too, he just says things like that to piss me off and make me play fight. Just sometimes, he really pis...

I think I should start using a bunch of string on sentences to title my posts. It amuses me. I really need to find a free picture place on-line. Uploading them to Blogger is SO time consuming. Add to that, that to put these pictures anywhere else, I have to downsize them and it looks more and more like I just really need to get a flicker account or something. (FLICK...Ha.) Then I could let people look at all of them and not have to upload them all to Blogger...cause I take a LOT of pictures. I guess I'm looking for the perfect one. Jesse came over yesterday. Jesse once again, did not piss me off. This could become a regular thing. We talked about MySpace and how he's really popular there and we figured the I am popular in real life (I guess), but he only gets to be popular on MySpace. I guess you can't have it all. He didn't stay the night, but he did manage to get me to let him check his MySpace....and he realized that his page is messed up. You can't see the who...

I've had a really nice case of indigestion. It's been the past couple of days, it'll feel like maybe I should just burp and I'll feel ok, but then when I burp, I get burning bile in the back of my throat. Like my food just won't go down or something. It's really nasty. I'm not too happy about it. Anyone know how to make it go away? Prolly the pink stuff...I'm used to heartburn, but this is like TEN THOUSAND times worse. It actually burns and that's not ok.

(that's a LONG title up there, sorry) I HATE it when people ignore me. Yell at me, call me names, but don't ignore me. Also, don't call me anything with the c word in it. I don't do the c word. That was the word my step dad would use all the time towards my mom. It's not a good word. It always makes me feel sad and like I need to start defending her...or me..I guess. Anyhow, don't ignore me. I don't like to be ignored. If you're truly my friend, you won't ignore me. You might get mad at me and I might get mad at you. But ignoring me signifies that you don't really want to be friends. Even if that is the case, please just tell me that instead of leaving me wondering and worrying, cause I will. I'm trying to be a good person, and a better friend. Every day of my life I am trying. I know I am demanding, and quick to be silently pissed. I won't lose my temper, but I will stew for awhile until I can find my own way to get over it. I read a...

1. He's almost sixty! My mom got started young, cause while Ben and I are close to the same age, my mom is only 46. 2. He LOVES Dirty Dancing (the movie of course, you pervs) (I mean, like OMGZ! He LIKES Dirty Dancing, one of my FAVORITE movies, yay something in common. And he recommended Chicago to me.) 3. He dresses pretty snazzy sometimes, but will still wear Birkenstocks. 4. He really likes having someone else in his house. 5. He talks while chewing, but he makes sure he puts his food off to the side, so you don't have to see it. (SO LIKE ME!) 6. I'm WAY more comfortable around his dad than his mom. His dad doesn't bring up the babies, or marriage. We talked a lot about Campus, cause he agrees it's a gorgeous campus. He likes the trees too! YAY TREES! 7. He used to smoke, way back before Ben was born. 8. He's extremely generous (ok, maybe I knew that). 9. He's got good hair and he's not balding! (ok, again, maybe I knew that, but I think it...