Random Thoughts

I posted things to MySpace this weekend that I neglected to post here. I'm trying, really fucking hard, to be positive..but I kind of feel like this has become my negative blog, the one I don't want people to see who are on my MySpace. I may cross post them. They are so much fluff, like most of my MySpace entries. Besides that one entry that I put as a 'preferred' blog only. Tammi got added, as she asked, I'll add people if they want, I just want to make sure that the understand these won't be happy, full of life and fun Desiree blogs. I guess I was wondering who would notice or care. Plus, I left it open to everyone for like a day, but I kept feeling sick to my stomach with worry that I was being too republican or something, so who knows who read it in the mean time and thought...damn that Desiree, she's being too republican. No one made any comments, besides Tammi. In other news, the bump on my ass has returned. Yay for icky, bloody boils. This is the 3rd...

That song sucks. But I needed something that had "believe" in it. See, I BELIEVE that the reason I am losing my (figurative) shit all over the place over this court thing is because I've become too used to people being able to help me. It's a good thing, but it makes me worry that I've become too dependent on others. If I've learned nothing else in my life, it's that you can really only depend on yourself. At least that's what I learned from my family, what I've learned from friends is that they will help you if they can. They will bend over backwards to help you, even if your own mother can not send you some pictures of your grandmother. Pictures only. I don't ask her for any money, even though she did just buy a house. I don't ask her for anything. My own mother. The same person who was too busy stuffing her nose full of coke to do laundry. To even be able to PAY to do laundry. How many times did I sort through my dirty clothes, hoping to...

I love that cartoon. Makes me sad that it is no longer. Penguins are cool, m'kay? So, we (the Ducks) lost Saturday. We suck. Actually it was REALLY close. Which I guess makes for a good game. The power went off last night at 12:30 or so. Everything just quit. I was ALMOST asleep and then that happens. I didn't really get into a good sleep until it came back on...at 2 am. I was so worried that Derek would wake up, freak out when the hall light wasn't on, and just about lose it. Instead (Do you know the phrase "Driven to distraction"? - I would kind of like to take a scalpel and cut all my skin off. Every bit of it. I'm SO ITCHY, no rhyme or reason. I've taken to pinching my skin where it itches instead of itching. I'm SO irritated, both in my head and on my skin. When my skin stops itching, my head starts. I hate this weather. I hate Oregon right now. I'd like to live in Hawaii, and I think I'm going to once Derek gets older. Hopefully. I was ha...

It could be that I know I have to go home and then go shopping when I get home. It could be that I know the day is not going to be over until 10 or so what with the shopping. It could be that I slept through the alarm and have been scrambling ever since. It could be that I stayed up too late? Though I slept through the night and didn't wake up once that I remember which is rare for me, so you'd think I'd be ahead. I didn't have coffee at home, so maybe I just need to drink more. I just feel drained at this point. It is most likely because I worked Saturday, had one day off to do errands and a whole bunch of bullshit, and then came back to work. So maybe I just need a real weekend. I know that other people do it all the time, some people never have a day off and work 2 different jobs and my hat is off to them cause I could not handle that. I've made a ton of posts and tried to finish them, but they don't feel complete. I've been working on one for like a week...

That subject up there has nothing to do with what I am going to write about, I just love that lyric line. I thought I would rant a little here about how my life is going right now. Home is good, my health is not. =( I'm going to the doctor Tuesday, cause we were all informed not to call in Monday, and I'm sure they need me enough to not have time to get out to Springfield, via bus, then back. This is a big thing, cause I hate my doctor. A bunch. But I'm FREAKING OUT. Thanks Dad, for the hypochondriac gene. Like I need more to worry about. My skin has always been a source of irritation, I don't have nice skin. It likes to get weird little irritations, boils, all sorts of things. I'm not even going to go into detail on what my problem is exactly, cause it's kind of gross, but I'm just so sad. =( One of my best favorite parts of skin has a LOT of irritation, and I'm afraid it's going to scar, and I think I just might die then. (yes, I'm being melodr...