Random Thoughts

I've decided that I hate middle school and I hate 11-12 year olds. The boy is full of arguments lately. Arguments and excuses...there is NOTHING I hate more than excuses. Just own up to what you did. He got Cs and Ds last term. My child whose almost always been at the top of his class, my child who I've always heard, "oh, he's SO smart" at conferences...my child who I want to do better. The teachers still think he's bright and indeed he is a quick thinker or else I wouldn't have such arguments with him. The problems? Turning in his homework. I MAKE him do it when I know he has homework (which is another point of contention, he'll argue that he didn't understand that it was homework) but I can not follow him to school and MAKE him turn it in on time. So a LOT of his homework is late, and graded down. He got A's for tests in math, but F's on the homework, so it was solidly a C. He's taking a 7th grade math class this term on top of his re...

I'm home. Been home for about an hour now. I've been feeling sorry for myself. And angry at all the assholes who keep saying how much they LOVE snow and oh, good, more snow. None of those assholes fell in the snow. None of them hurt their back. None of them have to walk in the goddamn snow. I'm gonna punch the next person who says how much they love snow in the face. Unless it's my child, and then I GUESS I won't punch him. That would just knock his teeth off anyhow. So I've managed to make myself feel a little better by sitting here thinking my hateful thoughts and listening to Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics. By far my best Christmas album. Ben and I had a discussion yesterday about how I rate my iTunes music. He thinks I rate things too high. And maybe he's right. But...it's all opinion anyhow, right? So after he proceeded to SHOW me how many songs I'd had rated at 5 (900 out of 4,000 - I STILL don't think that's too much) and how many...

Woke up to Derek saying he was throwing up at 2:30 in the morning. Proceeded to clean up puke from the bath mats. Much as Ben is THE spider killer, I am the vomit cleaner. Damn my solid stomach. Great middle of the night crap. Got up this morning, thinking hurray, it's payday. Fell in the street on the way to the bus stop. Straight down on my ass. Knocked the wind out of me. I've never had that happen before. It's a bad feeling. I felt like I'd never be able to breath again. It still feels tight around my back and stomach. It hurts. I managed to crawl over to the side of the street so that I would not be hit by cars. My back hurts. It hurts a little bit to breath. I get to work after much gasping and tearing up, and I find out that I've given away money again. SUB cashed their check a little too fast. Oh well. And I've apparently gone back in time and now I've got to have people buy alcohol for me instead of buying it for myself. I don't believe in time ...

Of work, that is. Meh. I'm so ready for this week to be over, but tomorrow should be fine anyhow. I mean, we only have 4 people here in the department, I get to be in the room I love, stressing out over getting everything done. Heh. I'm better than I was two days ago. Although today I found out that nestle crunches give me heartburn. =( I'm a sad panda, indeed. In other, not entirely about me news, Ariel has 4 weeks. A baby! I get to see a baby and play with one that I feel like I can take over. Ariel is the closest thing I have to a sister out here, so I'm gonna be like..an imaginary aunt. =) Jenn and I have a sushi date for Oct. 10th and I don't feel like it's going to get here fast enough, but I shall have to have some patience. It will be hard. Derek has a doctor's appt on Monday. I was trying to get a check up coinciding with it, but no such luck. The boy has a circular black spot on his foot. He is worried about it, and why shouldn't he be, he...

That gave me the shin bruise. My fault really. I should not be allowed to walk around my own house. I thought I'd update. I had a hard week last week. I felt stressed and out of control of my life. I spent about 15 minutes composing a whole long email to someone about why I feel so stressed. But after re-reading it (yay for the internet), and putting a more positive spin on it, I didn't really feel the need to share it anymore. Would I be over sharing like I feel I usually do? Heh. I used to write in a diary all the time. Well, all the time when I was upset. The thing is, I forget I can still do that. Or I have some narcissistic need to have people read super personal things. So I may go back to hand writing when I'm really wound up. Otherwise people will just think I'm always angry. That's the way my diary has always sounded, super irritated. heh. Beyond any of that stuff; my kid has turned a new found corner of independence. I'm trying really hard to pull my o...

But I try to quit work about every two weeks. Today was hard. I've been working on a huge project and today I realized two things. 1. I've been going overboard. Did not need to do as much as I had been doing. 2. Someone went in and changed a bunch of things much easier, but in the WRONG spot. It will be fixed tonight, but I just refused to even look at that damn spreadsheet again after that. I tried on the shirt again this morning. I'm happier with it today. I may even wear it out of the house on Friday. =) We'll see. I miss Eileen, she is sick and I hope that she gets better soon. Last night, Derek told me that he thinks piercings are stupid. "Why would anyone even want to have a metal ring in their ear?" I retorted back with "I don't have a metal ring in my tongue", and he said..fine, barbell, whatever. I managed to prevent myself from telling him that I thought HE was stupid then, instead I told him..well, that's fine. That's because y...

I ALMOST feel normal right now. I felt pretty normal last night too, almost to the point of being optimistic about my back maybe not hurting anymore. But this morning was rough, as evidenced by my early morning blog here. I feel better, perhaps it's because it's more stretched out than it was this morning? I don't know..it could have been that I got less than 6 hours of sleep after I could finally fall asleep last night, and then woke myself up at 5:25 with a tummy ache. Stupid frozen Mac-N-Cheese. =( It always affects my stomach that way, but it's so YUMMY. Right now, this moment, I feel almost normal. Like my back isn't even a problem. I'm going to continue to try and hold my body the right way so that I don't re-injure the spot. I'm going to be super careful about everything, including pushing myself...which I do too much. I very much want to not be in pain during my birthday. It's just that I know that moving in any way wrong will send off a fres...

Meaning my own over not realizing that my kid's tooth nerve was exposed to the world. I'm trying really hard to reign it in. Over all? I'm doing much better over the physical aspect, it bothered me for awhile that his smile would not be perfect anymore, though I did not say that out loud to Derek (my boy will have a complex enough, I'm sure, being my kid, inheriting my endlessly thinking brain) nor really out loud to much of anyone. Just mentioned it here and to a few friends, close friends. So I'm doing better with the physical look, which is strange, cause it's way more noticeable now than it was before. Perhaps it's just relief that it is taken care of? This kind of guilt (which is ridiculous, I do realize that in my head, but my feelings are a different matter altogether) is painful to deal with. Like I should have known my kid was having a major problem, even though he wasn't in major pain. Perhaps I just don't let him show me his pain? I know t...

Originally posted to MySpace on May 15th, 2008 --------------------------------------------------- Or at least as much as I ever stop worrying. =( The kid's tooth part came out last night while I was brushing his teeth. Just popped right out. It may have to do with the basketball to the face that he gave himself, or maybe it was just getting looser and looser over time, or perhaps it was some sticky candy that he wasn't supposed to eat. All I know is last night at dinner he took a bite of a chicken nugget, got a weird look on his face and said his tooth felt weird. Then we brushed and it came out. =( We can't get into the dentist until tomorrow, he appears to be doing ok...it's just freaky. I kept him home from school and now I'm second guessing that. Perhaps he would have been fine? He's already trying to get out of doing his homework on time since I'm not sure I'm sending him to school tomorrow either. What a bunch of crap. I'm angry, scared, runni...

Originally posted to MySpace on May 13, 2008 ------------------------------------------------------ Ha. I've been working on my angry music post...but I keep adding to it. I guess most music can sound angry if you are angry. Or maybe I just have a lot of "in your face" music. Plus, I figured I'd throw in some regular music. Why not? Then MySpace went and picked up these application things, and now I'm addicted to buying people. How am I this addicted in such a short time? I've tried my best to stop buying people, but then I get all competitive and full of WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP BUYING MY PEOPLE?, and I buy them back. I've bought Paul and Lizbeth and my sister like…10 times now (not really), and boy is it getting expensive. Some people are "worth" more. I give this about 2 more weeks before I, 1. Lose interest, 2. Start a buying war (which I kind of already have), 3. Become worried about what I'm worth and give it up as sour grapes, 4. Run out of ...

Originally posted to MySpace on Friday, April 18th _________________________________________________________________________ The dentist visit went well. The dentist seemed amused by Derek which is good. He does say funny things. Like on the bus he said Oh noes! today. That may be my influence. The kid is very ready to go to Tammi's. He's all about the skating tonight. I've decided to wear my hoodie and be a dork with an Oregon hoodie, so that I don't freeze tonight. I'm so totally sucked into "Queen of the Damned" on USA right now. Which is a sucky movie. Though I'm kind of enjoying this stage scene for all it's blurry-ness to indicate how fast vampires move. Cause I know this means that Akasha is coming, and the exploding into flames shall begin now. That's kind of a cool special effect, and I do like Aaliyah. Plus, I think Jonathan Davis does the singing, at least it sounds like him and I saw him in a bit part. I'm just irritated that ...

Just when I think I am being better about cross posting from MySpace, I do something like this. I don't hate you blogger, it's just that a lot more people comment on MySpace, plus I get more legit hits instead of people searching for random crap on the internet. I know, I suck, I don't know when MySpace became my bigger blog, but it apparently has. Oh yeah, this was supposed to be posted Friday, the part that I didn't post to MySpace is this - I'm seriously still freaked out. Like I don't really want my kid leaving the house, or running, or making motions near his head at all. It's my anxiety getting the better of me. I'm trying to fight it, but really I just want to cry for about a thousand hours and try to feel better. I mean..my kid's mouth is RUINED. All by two teeth. He doesn't view it this way, and I know I'm just being melodramatic, but I'm so very worried about what I'm feeding him and everything, just in case it could pop off...

Don't you hate THOSE phone calls? The ones from the school where your kid is? Lately those calls have been focused on my child's behavior, or lack of behavior in certain situations. Very rarely is it a hurt call. It has happened, like that one time when he hit his tail bone and managed to bruise it. He got to come home for that one, I think he even stayed home the next day. These things seem to largely happen on Thursday, which tends to be my busiest day at work, but there isn't much to do when your kid does something like this. I groaned when she said it was the school's office. Until she mentioned the word accident. At least that's what permeated to my brain. She may have started with more than just "there's been an accident", but that seems to be all I really heard. How that word sets my heart to racing. Probably any mom's heart. He slipped (tripped? He said both words) on a jump rope and went face first into the concrete. I'm so very lucky ...

What little I had of a weekend anyhow. I worked today, but I get next Friday off and have a three day weekend. It's the getting to Thursday that sucks. Actually Sundays are mellow. The phone hardly rings, I only have to work with one other person from my department, and today it's Mike. He's mellow, laid back, basically he's totally awesome to work with. I went out with Tammi for a beer and pool date yesterday. She had issued the invite since it's been a hell of a February, or rather it WAS a hell of a February, all done now. I ate spinach and artichoke dip and I liked it..0_o. I'm so picky, it's hard to get me to try things, but Tammi was encouraging and so I ate it, and it was GOOD. We also had the best bar fries ever, at Good Times. They always have the best fries. Cruz came out with us and it was very entertaining. He tried to show us how to shoot pool, but it was an uphill battle. I am truly lame at pool, but I always have fun playing. =) Turns out he k...

I'm having a bad day. Why do almost all my Thursdays turn out this way? I'm trying something new. I'm trying not to bitch about things without having something positive. Let's see if I can pull it off. Bad Thing - I woke up at 4...all the lights in the house seemed to be on. Good Thing - At least I VERY clearly could see the way to the bathroom. Bad Thing - I woke up late, and the kitchen light was on AGAIN. Good Thing - I'm not crazy, the kid readily admitted to it, like wth? What's the big deal? Bad Thing - I was a crab the whole way to school cause we were running late. Good Thing - The kid got to sleep in since I wasn't out of the shower on time. Bad Thing - I had to sit next to Jake's dad the whole ride into Eugene, not talking, not looking at him, pretending like I didn't know him, the same as he does to me. Good Thing - At least he didn't smell bad. And I was actually happy to get off the bus and go to work. Bad Thing - Columbia House are ...

That's a very good question. He's past boob height now. Unless the girls have just dropped lately. Ha ha. It will not be long at all before he's taller than me. And he's only 10! He's very grounded, as I referenced before. We were dealing with his anger problems, his inability to hold his shit together some days (it doesn't make sense, other days he's just fine and it would take some catastrophe to actually throw him into a tantrum), and his smart ass mouth. Which has been in full force lately. We've stopped talking to him on occasion when he can not talk politely to us. I will not be talked to like I'm stupid, least of all talked to that way by my own ten year old son. When he was a baby, he used to bite. I guess I shouldn't say it that way, cause we actually managed to nip that in the bud. He did it a few times, and then I started swatting him (NOT HARD) on the mouth when he did it. It was enough force to make him pay attention and even though ...

I think I'm beyond caring at this point. I hope so. No crying, just hopelessness. Awesome. My bank has charged me overdraft fees because I couldn't deposit money in the damn ATM. It wouldn't work or accept my cash, or whatever the hell. New and improved, my ass. 40 dollars. I sent them a message on line, we'll see what they do. I DID call and talk to someone yesterday, and she said they empty the bins out at night. I tried Tuesday night, and Wednesday. No luck, so OBVIOUSLY, they did not empty the bins the night before. They better waive those charges. My kid has been having major tantrums lately. Literally FREAKING out at home. And I guess he's had a rough time twice this week at school. I don't know what to do. We took away his video games for a week already from the tantrum the other night, and now he still had problems today. I don't know what else to do. I'm half tempted to take away his California trip with his dad. But that just means less time ...

Well that was a fairly dramatic note to leave the blog on. I haven't been upset or anything, just busy. Just something I had to say, but way dramatic. I'm like that. In any case. I meant to post this Tuesday, when I started it. It took longer than that, obviously. I meant to post this last night, but I got sucked into my book. I was about halfway through it yesterday, now I'm done. I devour books towards the end of them. Good ones, anyhow. On that note, here's my blog post. So, guess what I did this past week? Smucked up my back pretty badly. I fell asleep Friday night, woke up not even an hour later hurting badly. I can't sleep correctly. Or correctly to me, which is on my stomach. That hurts too bad and there is no moving easily, cause apparently, I use the muscle I smucked up to move my legs around in bed. Feels like I'm rolling around like a smucking turtle. I like smuck as a word. Just so you know. So, since it's been better after this weekend, I've...

Besides the hooligans. I hate the hooligan teenagers. It's how I know I'm getting old, I groan every time I have to be near a group of teenagers. And I really like the word "hooligan", cause it will not get me in trouble. Not like bitches! will. Pretty much all of Accounting dressed up, with a few exceptions. We decorated the whole place and I think we did a damn good job. It was a lot easier to mimic the toga party from "Animal House" than to mimic "Pleasantville". Our IT/Marketing/One extra person did "Shaun of the Dead". I'm so super jealous, but hardly anyone in Accounting has even watched that movie. They wouldn't have known how to dress. They did a fantastic job of it though! I'm glad someone got to use it, as it's pretty much the best zombie movie ever! At one point, talk turned to RHPS and someone was asking what it was about. They had never seen it 0_o. I KNOW! It's one thing not to have seen it live, entirely...

Maybe. Who knows. I offered today to work Saturday's game. At the game. Something I've never done. Will there be stupid people there? Most likely. Hopefully, I can muddle through. The only reason I agreed? A FULL DAY of overtime. I need it right now, and it should be lovely when I get there. 1:30 pm to 9:30 pm, so at least it won't be early on Saturday, and not terribly late since I don't have to work Sunday. Since it's after the new month, I won't see it until payday on the 21st, but still, it should even out birthday expenses incurred for Derek's birthday. Which I still have to make invitations for. Eek. We are trying to figure out how many kids, how long, if we want to feed them, if we should do a movie (like they'll sit still!), and all that. He's allowed one friend to stay the night, and for right now, he says that friend is Josh. I'm going to have to hold him to it soon, as I will also need to figure out how many people so that I can make...