Random Thoughts

Woke up to Derek saying he was throwing up at 2:30 in the morning. Proceeded to clean up puke from the bath mats. Much as Ben is THE spider killer, I am the vomit cleaner. Damn my solid stomach. Great middle of the night crap. Got up this morning, thinking hurray, it's payday. Fell in the street on the way to the bus stop. Straight down on my ass. Knocked the wind out of me. I've never had that happen before. It's a bad feeling. I felt like I'd never be able to breath again. It still feels tight around my back and stomach. It hurts. I managed to crawl over to the side of the street so that I would not be hit by cars. My back hurts. It hurts a little bit to breath. I get to work after much gasping and tearing up, and I find out that I've given away money again. SUB cashed their check a little too fast. Oh well. And I've apparently gone back in time and now I've got to have people buy alcohol for me instead of buying it for myself. I don't believe in time ...

Utter calamity of course. And way TMI. You've been warned, all two of you who read this. So..last Saturday at the concert, I sat with Heather and made up my mind that I really DID have a yeast infection. The itchiness right around the vaginal opening was maddening and I had one applicator left from a previous bout with this shit. I started using that one and drug Ben with me to Fred Meyers to get more of this treatment. It seems to me that I used a shorter treatment before and it didn't really work for me. (I've come to find out that it might have worked, if I'd just waited a few days to see if the itchiness passed) So I bought the 7 day treatment. And spent the next 4 nights in complete uncomfortableness, hoping that I was laying still enough to keep the medicine "in there" and working. I even cried and made Ben go to sleep early on Sunday night, cause I was determined that I should have enough "sleep hours" to make the medicine work. I was pissed a...

That gave me the shin bruise. My fault really. I should not be allowed to walk around my own house. I thought I'd update. I had a hard week last week. I felt stressed and out of control of my life. I spent about 15 minutes composing a whole long email to someone about why I feel so stressed. But after re-reading it (yay for the internet), and putting a more positive spin on it, I didn't really feel the need to share it anymore. Would I be over sharing like I feel I usually do? Heh. I used to write in a diary all the time. Well, all the time when I was upset. The thing is, I forget I can still do that. Or I have some narcissistic need to have people read super personal things. So I may go back to hand writing when I'm really wound up. Otherwise people will just think I'm always angry. That's the way my diary has always sounded, super irritated. heh. Beyond any of that stuff; my kid has turned a new found corner of independence. I'm trying really hard to pull my o...

My back is sore. 8 trays of quarters will do that to you. Oy. I'm going to learn my lesson and not do much of anything today in the hopes that it will be better tomorrow. It's not really bad, but it's definitely something I felt the instant I woke up this morning. We have Josh over right now, and the boys are out in the tree, of course. In two days Derek starts 5th grade, and that just seems weird to me. I'm glad he got his friend to stay the night though. =) They were up early, but that might actually work in my favor as then Derek will fight less about going to bed at 9 tonight in preparation for school before we know it. Also, we're not paying Cricket. Ben tried to sway me, and said this time would work out different and that I would be able to change my due date, we'll just look specifically for the woman who helped us before. Three problems with that: 1. They almost always have different people in there when I go in. I've never seen the same people twic...

Monday, July 7th Grr. My back sucks. I can make it through the day when my back is just tired feeling, but sleeping sucks. Or rather, lying down SUCKS. I have to roll around like a turtle just to get off the bed and it hurts when I sit up straight. Then I kind of launch myself off the bed into the wall and hand walk up it. It's lame. I'm sick of it. I'm tempted to go to the damn doctor and get the medicine I hate. I was so hoping I'd feel much better by now. Meh. So I'm tired, I'm cranky, I cry at least once a night when I have to get up to use the bathroom...I'm surprised the boyfriend hasn't kicked me out of our bed. I don't know if sleeping on the couch would be better, or if the bed is better. The couch may be higher off the floor than the bed, which is nice. I dunno. I just wish that the shit hadn't happened days before my birthday. I can't even think about doing anything normally, and I'm already missing the fun time with the boyfri...

I ALMOST feel normal right now. I felt pretty normal last night too, almost to the point of being optimistic about my back maybe not hurting anymore. But this morning was rough, as evidenced by my early morning blog here. I feel better, perhaps it's because it's more stretched out than it was this morning? I don't know..it could have been that I got less than 6 hours of sleep after I could finally fall asleep last night, and then woke myself up at 5:25 with a tummy ache. Stupid frozen Mac-N-Cheese. =( It always affects my stomach that way, but it's so YUMMY. Right now, this moment, I feel almost normal. Like my back isn't even a problem. I'm going to continue to try and hold my body the right way so that I don't re-injure the spot. I'm going to be super careful about everything, including pushing myself...which I do too much. I very much want to not be in pain during my birthday. It's just that I know that moving in any way wrong will send off a fres...

Day 3 of back pain. Sometimes it seems fine and then it will twinge and I'm hurting all over again. It probably doesn't help that I'm overcompensating for the back strain by putting more weight on other places. Now my stomach is cramping and screaming at me. Could this have happened when I was working for 8 days in a row? Perhaps AFTER my birthday? I don't know if I'll make it without the damn doctor at this point. Last time it was this bad, I had to take vicodin and muscle relaxers. With a stern warning that the muscle relaxers were addictive. I didn't finish either prescription, I HATE taking pills, especially highly addictive ones. =( I'm still gonna have my damn party. I may be stoned on muscle relaxers, but there WILL be a party. =(

1. I just started a work week that is going to go through next Thursday. Yay for the money. I just hope I can hack it. 2. I've been cleaning while I'm not at work so that I can have my birthday party. Which brings us to.. 3. I tweaked my back something fierce yesterday doing normal stuff. I suppose the shopping the night before; nor the naughty time helped much. But the shopping needed to be done and the naughty time was worth it. So, for an update: Definite party goers : Jenn and family, Tammi (and family?), Eileen, Alma, Jess from work (I know a LOT of Jess'), Cat said she'd stop by (I'm thinking she meant Good Times as she didn't ask for directions. lol!), Sidney, Patrick, Ben and myself. Maybe : Becca (wouldn't that be awesome?), Liz and family (I really hope so!), um...that may be all of my "maybes". No idea: Heather mostly (Don't you love me anymore Heather?). Plus a few other people that I spammed with MySpace comments in the hopes ...

Suck. It hurts more today than yesterday, but at least my tailbone is better. It's just the back of my thigh that hurts. I can't bend over that leg, hurts too much. Tying my shoe was fun this morning. It's Deanna's last day today, and while it's fun to potluck, it's sad that she's going to be gone. I'm ready to sleep and hopefully hurt less, but alas, that's a long ways away still. We may have yard work to do on Saturday in any case, but if my leg hurts then it's going to be a problem. Maybe I can bribe Ben into doing the rest on his own? I suck. In any case, I'm tired, did I mention that? Obviously, my brain is not working so well. I know that my head is hurting, but mostly because I need to drink some water. So, my day? I did inventory, after a certain someone passed me by while I was limping down the street to our processing center. I've told about a million people about that, and they are going to give him the biggest amount of crap e...

I avoid the computer muchly while on vacation. No blogging, no comments, I did take a thousand hours to answer the Flicker "Never ending quiz"..it really doesn't end. As of yesterday, I was actually ahead of Tammi barely. She lives with the movie master, so I don't really have a lot of hope of beating her on the quizzes, just the time thing. I spend too much time answering the questions=I win, right? lol. Not really. I slept like crap last night, as per usual when I have to come back to work the next day. Doesn't matter if it's a Sunday night, or a Tuesday night. I'm doing my best to be present, but I'm so tired. Meh. I talked myself into coming to work today. Had I known what was going to happen on the bus, I would have stayed home..that would have cinched the deal. The rain did even more to make me irritated at having to come to work. But it's only a 3 day week, so I really oughtta suck it up and deal. Derek has a regular dentist appointment to...

My toe is better today. It's moving a lot easier. It's also a lighter purple. Hurray for that. Ben went out last night to run an errand for us. He left at 7, with the plan that we would eat when he got back. He didn't get home until 11, and I know it was an errand for the both of us, but I'm still a little peeved. Even though it's not his fault. I think I should be allowed to be peeved in general that I had an English muffin for dinner at ten. If I just knew when he would be home, I would plan to make my own dinner. Sadly, he had to take the phone with him and so could not call me. I'm not sure what I was more upset about, the avocado potentially going bad (those bastards are EXPENSIVE), or not getting nachos for dinner. He came in and knew I was peeved, and immediately said something about it not being his fault. Which might have made me more upset. I'm not sure now, but I realize it's not his fault, I can still be allowed to be angry, right? If he hadn...

This was taken yesterday, when I got home. And today, it's definitely spreading. If I turn into a bologna will someone kill me? I swear that I didn't actually kick the bed, it didn't feel like it looks when I stubbed it. Just a normal "ouch FUCK" pain from stubbing one's toe.

Occasionally, anyhow. I worked yesterday. Which isn't too bad really, cause at least I only have to work with one other person in our department. Usually it's a calmer day. The phone rang a lot though. =( The day started badly. I got to the bus stop on time to catch the bus, and waited, and waited. The bus didn't show up until after 11, when it should have been there around 10:55. At this point, I was almost sure that I would be missing the bus, but I hoped not. We get to the station and my bus is still there somehow. So I ask the guy if I can get off the bus on the other side of the station. Sometimes they will let you. I figured if he would let me off, I would definitely make it. He says..oh, you have plenty of time, the bus driver isn't even on the bus yet. Before we even got to the street to pull out and back in to the station, she was on the bus. I ran as fast as I could, and they shut the doors maybe a minute, maybe only half a minute before I got there. She had p...

To not eat anything for 9+ hours. Derek ate a TV Dinner, and I have been waiting for Ben to see if I should wait for him to eat. I am perfectly fucking capable of making myself something simple. Like a grilled cheese. I was even going to give up and make one and then he got here. And I didn't know how to admit I hadn't eaten, cause I'm really stupid in the head when I don't eat. I feel sick to my stomach, I want to cry about everything, and I'm in a bad fucking mood. So I just sat here getting more annoyed until I finally decided the easy way out would be to just say I was hungry and ask for some toast. To be fair, I still don't feel good. Instead of laying down or something and so that Derek wouldn't have to sit in the kitchen all by himself I started to tidy up. An hour and a half later all the dishes were done, coffee is ready to be turned on in the morning, egg salad is made, from the hard boiling to the cutting and mixing, and I still don't feel any...

[Edit-This was written out Wednesday. I just don't sit in front of the computer long enough to copy and paste this over. =( Sorry. Pretend you've gone back in time and it's last Wednesday. /Edit] And it's really a good thing. It just means you get less postings. Sorry. Or not. It's probably nice not to hear me complain all the time. There is just not enough drama right now. Hee. Just weirdness. Let's start at the beginning of my day. I put on makeup (!) and even put on a skirt. Today was our gift lunch thing. Where I get to be honored for providing excellent customer service behind the scenes. So I thought I should be all pretty-ful. I also thought, hey great opportunity to try out the lipfinity with other make up and see how it looks. If I blot it, it's not as dark and I don't look like I'm trying too hard. It's more of a night color, most likely. I found this out with a LOT of trial and error, including a smudge on my chin that I scrubbed furi...

What kind of awful fucking person do you have to be for your own mother to not e-mail you back? I had a simple question like a month ago, and nothing. I understand that my beautiful sister is about to give birth, but dammit, she didn't really help me that much. Not that I asked her for help. Because jesus, then she could not give it and i would feel like a stupid fucking idiot for even asking. So, WTF? One simple question mom....it's really no wonder that I have such a hard FUCKING time asking anyone for help.

Well, I thought of about a million different things I could post today while I was on the bus, but I think I need to get my thoughts completely clear on all of them. Instead, I am just going to bitch about how my head hurts and I don't want to be here. Also about how my co-worker seems determined to go over and over this bus strike thing with me. She is fairly convinced it ain't really gonna happen, but no one thought it would get this far either. So, I just spent my whole break (20 minutes) trying to explain that all I see is that the drivers are being kind of unfair. She argued the whole time about how it was LTD's fault and she knows this because her boyfriend knows a bus driver. So forget about the whole thing looking different depending on whose point of view you get. Why the FUCK does she even care. She doesn't ride the bus. It just gets to be a little much, she always has something to complain about. When I tried to express LTD's side she listened, but it bas...

I am a big, dumb, dork sometimes. My boyfriend was prolly not really annoyed with me yesterday. I went home and we had a great night. He even stayed the night, so either he realized that he sounded annoyed, or he never was annoyed. I should know better, it takes a lot to annoy him. He was prolly just busy. Now how do I get the e-mail back apologizing for calling so much before he reads it? I can't, without being a super spy. Hope he doesn't think I am a big dork. It's ok if I think it, but I don't want anyone else to think it. God forbid.

Man, I am such a crab. Hard on the outside and soft and tender on the inside. I just called my house to check up on my boys, but didn't have much to share. So, my boyfriend kind of sounded annoyed. He prolly wasn't, but it made me sad. I like to call home and get a friendly voice (as opposed to the pissed off people who want their bills paid), and touch base. He should be happy I like to hear his voice. When I don't call at all during the day, he kind of looks at me funny or thinks I am annoyed. Which, I guess I can understand, seeing as how I call him all the time. It just kind of hurts my feelings. But, I'll pretend that it doesn't. Course, I did send off a quick email to let him know I am sorry. He prolly wasn't annoyed and I am reading too much into it. I like to think I can tell his moods, but he was unusually quiet last night and he said he wasn't in a bad mood. Maybe he is getting sick of dealing with my crap. As you all can read, I am one big mess. I...