Random Thoughts

I've decided that I hate middle school and I hate 11-12 year olds. The boy is full of arguments lately. Arguments and excuses...there is NOTHING I hate more than excuses. Just own up to what you did. He got Cs and Ds last term. My child whose almost always been at the top of his class, my child who I've always heard, "oh, he's SO smart" at conferences...my child who I want to do better. The teachers still think he's bright and indeed he is a quick thinker or else I wouldn't have such arguments with him. The problems? Turning in his homework. I MAKE him do it when I know he has homework (which is another point of contention, he'll argue that he didn't understand that it was homework) but I can not follow him to school and MAKE him turn it in on time. So a LOT of his homework is late, and graded down. He got A's for tests in math, but F's on the homework, so it was solidly a C. He's taking a 7th grade math class this term on top of his re...

Ugh. My kid keeps thinking that normal things are weird things and that something must be wrong with him. Like Friday night, he asked me if red dots on his tongue were normal. Ack. Tonight he was worried about something he found in the bath, probably moss from the tree he loves to climb in. WTF? He has no fear when out and about and being active, but things like this worry him? One night, many, many years ago, I went into the bathroom to see him scrubbing the hell out of his foot. When I asked what the problem was, he responded with something along the lines of he was trying to scrub the pinkness off. The bottom of his foot...where it's USUALLY pink? Right? Mine is. Oh lord. I worry for that boy.

The kid went back to school yesterday. You do not get the requisite picture taken in front of the sign at school, because the kid wanted to walk (most of the way) to school on his own. ..That was the sound of my heart breaking a little bit. Ah. Such is life. Obviously, I'm feeling a bit nostalgic lately. In any case, 5th grade has been started, summer is over in our house, sushi with Tammi tomorrow. The phone officially doesn't work, and now the boyfriend is not really sure that buying a new phone will be best. It sounds like I'm going to have to deal with these people again. My head hurts, and I honestly DO NOT expect to get my damn due date on the phone changed. Plus, since the phone has been shut off, now I'll have to pay a ten dollar fee on top of that. I'm kind of pissed. It's a bit late to try and talk me out of buying the new phone. And I'll have to go on Saturday, or Monday AFTER WORK (WTF?) and without Ben. Which means they'll give me the run ar...

I've been inordinately pleased with my kid's report card. In true me fashion, I'm focusing on the good, which is that my kid rocks the math and reading tests. Better than average. Plus...well, he's rocking the algebraic problems and the decimals, and all I can think while looking at it is "screw those fractions!" Fractions are stupid, but Algebra is important. Don't ask me why I've had such a problem with fractions while decimals are completely normal to me, but somehow I've transferred it on to my child? Again, not something I'd consider genetic, so how the hell does this happen? He loves video games (I blame Jake), and Algebra. Which I blame me for. =) YAY ALGEBRA. One of the interns and myself were talking earlier today and he said..that's how I knew I was a dork. I found out that little fact about myself all over again daily. I'm a big dork. lol. Beyond my math dorkiness, I've done good things tonight. I wrote Juliette a letter....

WOOT! I'm caught up! I rock. Probably for about ten seconds. Meh. ------------------------------------------------------- Monday, June 16th Title: Attitude I'm full of it today. I'm trying to realize that it's all in the way I take it, but I'm kind of pissed. Situation: My boss appeared the be throwing around over time. Something that would be fantastic right about now..no kid to be neglecting, extra money for my birthday, yada yada. So I volunteered to work the 6th of July. The next week the over time became, "oh you can have a three day weekend instead." =( I just screwed myself into working two weekends in July now. And I just worked two weekends a month for the past 3 months beside that. =( At least 2 of those months are because I volunteered myself for it. Am I stupid or what? Pretty much. I'm doing my best to remember that it's not all about the money. But dammit! I also volunteered to work the 4th, and while it's time and a half for the ...

Meaning my own over not realizing that my kid's tooth nerve was exposed to the world. I'm trying really hard to reign it in. Over all? I'm doing much better over the physical aspect, it bothered me for awhile that his smile would not be perfect anymore, though I did not say that out loud to Derek (my boy will have a complex enough, I'm sure, being my kid, inheriting my endlessly thinking brain) nor really out loud to much of anyone. Just mentioned it here and to a few friends, close friends. So I'm doing better with the physical look, which is strange, cause it's way more noticeable now than it was before. Perhaps it's just relief that it is taken care of? This kind of guilt (which is ridiculous, I do realize that in my head, but my feelings are a different matter altogether) is painful to deal with. Like I should have known my kid was having a major problem, even though he wasn't in major pain. Perhaps I just don't let him show me his pain? I know t...

Oh, MySpace can bring out the emo in me..I didn't want to edit, cause this message is so me. From sad about losing a friend to goddamn indignant in the space of a few seconds. lol! Originally posted to MySpace on May 15th. ---------------------------------------------------- For a LONG time, I didn't post anything like surveys or the spam bulletin messages because it irritated my friend Frank. Guess what? He ended up killing himself, so I felt like I could use the bulletins more, but my buying people and having to place bulletins is irritating more people. (PS. this is not flippant at Frank, that's just the way my words come out.) Why can't I just use MySpace like I like? Is it my fault that while I only have 65 friends and the spamming is not so noticeable, other people have more, hence more spamming? I may be deleted by this friend due to my spamming and it makes me sad, but I'll admit that I'm also a bit annoyed. It's MY space, can't I do what I want?...

Originally posted to MySpace on May 13, 2008 ------------------------------------------------------ Ha. I've been working on my angry music post...but I keep adding to it. I guess most music can sound angry if you are angry. Or maybe I just have a lot of "in your face" music. Plus, I figured I'd throw in some regular music. Why not? Then MySpace went and picked up these application things, and now I'm addicted to buying people. How am I this addicted in such a short time? I've tried my best to stop buying people, but then I get all competitive and full of WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP BUYING MY PEOPLE?, and I buy them back. I've bought Paul and Lizbeth and my sister like…10 times now (not really), and boy is it getting expensive. Some people are "worth" more. I give this about 2 more weeks before I, 1. Lose interest, 2. Start a buying war (which I kind of already have), 3. Become worried about what I'm worth and give it up as sour grapes, 4. Run out of ...

You know that post I hinted at? The one where I spoke of a show I am watching lately? I lie, I've watched it forever. It's a soap opera. I know that half of you probably are like..whoa! and your estimation of me just went down a few notches. I'll accept that, but I have to share what story line is making me think lately. This teenage pregnancy story line is kicking my ass. I cry almost every time they get to that part. And why shouldn't I? I know more than most how hard being pregnant at 16 can be. 16! It blows my mind now. That's so YOUNG. It's mere years away for my child, and he's so young. When I see young moms on the bus, I'll admit that I feel sad for them. Cause there is so much you don't know when faced with something like that at that age. Like how some of my hardest times have been recently, or perhaps they are only just freshest in my memory. Or how I looked at ALL my options. I ultimately decided that abortion was not something I could do...

Originally posted on Thursday, April 16th to MySpace __________________________________________________________________________ How many times did I use to sing that exact lyric to Derek and he would get his boogie on? lol. Or what about when that one song came out...omg! I can't remember the name, but the one where it goes "WOOHOO!" during the chorus. Another one of those "alt-rock" songs that came out when Derek was small. edit- Blur - Song 2. How would I forget that? lol. He would always smile REALLY big at the "Woohoo!" part of it. =) I miss that cuteness of toddler hood/babyhood more and more. Not enough to have another, but I do miss it. =) Also, I'm having a huge mind screw. Does anyone know what Beastie Boys song it is that has a lyric along the lines of "We like the girl with the...."? It was on KNRQ the other night when I put Derek to bed, and I know it's Beastie Boys, I also know it's not a song that usually plays on t...

Originally posted last Tuesday, April 15th. _____________________________________________________________________________ I find that I go and check it more and more often. It's so nice to be able to interact with my cousins and family and anyone of my friends that has moved far away from me. These people who live so far away and yet we can converse and actually get to know each other. I forget that while I remember them (as little kids, but I remember them), they probably don't remember me as well. I was 12 when we moved, they were much younger. It's that whole perspective thing. =) Friday night I was too afraid to have more than one window open in Windows, cause the computer keeps dying and taunting me. I worry about that computer. Is it the RAM we put in? Or is it just finally getting to the end of it's life? It has to happen at some point or another. Sadly, we may have to be big kids and get an Apple. I mean, our options are pretty limited. I don't know how to b...

My night out was canceled, as Jenn did not feel well. It's actually worked out for me as I sat on the couch after the boys left and fell asleep for about an hour. Woke up with a nasty headache, which 4 ibuprofen have not really helped. That's what I get for not drinking coffee in the morning, I guess. We'll hope I can get through this blog entry, as the other night a headache turned into something much worse. I don't know that I would call it a migraine, but it was damn close. So I went to bed early and woke up fine. Does it make sense? Not really. I was certain I'd wake up with the same damn headache, but I didn't, so I guess the solution is bed for many hours. Hurray. I love getting older. So I woke up, drank coffee, watched "Ed Gein"...it would appear to be serial killer month On Demand. Hurray for me, right? Except totally not, cause I needed to take a shower later. The shower is where I feel most vulnerable, especially when no one else is in the h...

I've labeled a blog the same way before. It's just that I REALLY hate snow. The kids here (read: Ben and Derek) love snow. It's so rare around here that they all freak out when it snows. Imagine my disgruntlement when I realized that though I thought I had moved to a snow-less area, it only had not snowed for many years in a row, but it snows at least once a year here it would seem. I know I should suck it up. I only have to deal with it for mainly a day. Though the snow today has effectively cut off school in Springfield tomorrow. Derek was suspended from school on Friday, I don't even want to get into it here, let's just say the boy has a spectacular temper. He didn't hit anyone, just threw one hell of a temper tantrum. He's been very grounded all weekend. And people wonder why I get so worried about how he could act in public. There are no warning signs, the boy just goes full on ANGER. I like to think it's not genetic, but I moved out after Jake kick...

That's a very good question. He's past boob height now. Unless the girls have just dropped lately. Ha ha. It will not be long at all before he's taller than me. And he's only 10! He's very grounded, as I referenced before. We were dealing with his anger problems, his inability to hold his shit together some days (it doesn't make sense, other days he's just fine and it would take some catastrophe to actually throw him into a tantrum), and his smart ass mouth. Which has been in full force lately. We've stopped talking to him on occasion when he can not talk politely to us. I will not be talked to like I'm stupid, least of all talked to that way by my own ten year old son. When he was a baby, he used to bite. I guess I shouldn't say it that way, cause we actually managed to nip that in the bud. He did it a few times, and then I started swatting him (NOT HARD) on the mouth when he did it. It was enough force to make him pay attention and even though ...

I don't like very many people. I have my friends, and I really like them, but I don't really like many others. I would call that not liking very many people. Especially the stupid ones. I've realized each year that there are more than I thought. I don't even mean technically stupid, but more like...well, sometimes I mean technically stupid, but also people who are only worried about something when it will directly affect them and to hell with anyone else's feelings or how it might affect them. I especially don't really like strangers, and I don't usually make the first move to talk to someone. Bear with me, I'm tired and not sure I'm making much sense. All of that stuff up there, it is leading to something. While I may not like talking to people I don't really know, my child LOVES to. I seem to have been "blessed" with a very precocious child. He loves EVERYONE and will talk to them all at length. I almost panic every time. Cause now I...

Here is another random thought for you all. If you have a newborn baby, you should switch the side your baby sleeps on every other time. My poor baby's head was lop-sided almost from the get-go, because NO ONE told me this. Not the hospital, not my mother, NO ONE. By the time the doctor said anything about it, there was no going back. The child favored one side and GODDAMIT, he was gonna sleep on that side. Consequently, I have some baby pictures that look kinda funky. The doctor did tell me that by the time he was in school it would even out. I'd like to think it did, or maybe I just grew accustomed to the lop-sidedness. Ariel, what do you think? You've seen my kid, does his head look normal to you?

I am slowly combing through the Dooce's first baby stuff . The posts about not sleeping and whatnot, that I can still remember, but only when I read her posts. Cause I try and block it all. I think that funniest new mom thing that happened when my child was born, was that I went home from the hospital (In November, I might add) and turned all the thermostats up to 80. People were seriously sweating in my house, they were like, what is wrong with you. And I was like. "The baby CANNOT be cold, ever in his life." I am getting beyond this craziness though. I swear. My thermostats don't go past 60 anymore. And that is only in the child's room, everywhere else they are at 50 or so. Cause, Damnit, I CANNOT deal with the electricity bill during the winter. Everytime I get a bill and I have gone down in usage since last year, I am like...."I win this month. I totally win, cause my bill is cheaper this month".

Not a song title, I know. Fuck it. So, I spend last night studiously avoiding looking or speaking to my boyfriend, cause I was still that pissed and upset. He did tell me that he almost didn't get a ride home and I had to resist gloating about it. Or even saying, I told you so. Instead, I helped the child do all the things that he normally does by himself (in preparation for bed) and just talked about stuff. He told me about his Sonic game (I bought a Genesis last Friday) and about how much he wants to come work with me when he is older. It was so SWEET. He was talking about working here, and having lunch together and I told him how beautiful the campus was. And how much fun we could have walking around it. Then we read some books. I have convinced him that there is more to reading than a picture and a sentence on every page. So, we are almost to the end of the Phantom Tollbooth, which is a VERY cute book. I remember reading it as a kid (jeez, was I ever a kid?) and I am so glad to...

Maybe if I start screaming obscenities, they will make me go home. Not that I particularly want to go home. What I want to do is run away somewhere and cry until I am fine again. That's what I used to do when I'd had too much. I'd run away. Can't run away from my own kid. And instead of letting it go and letting me work, my brain keeps thinking things like. "Why are you working?" and I think "For my son". Then my brain says "He doesn't really appreciate it, so what's the point?" He is a kid, he doesn't appreciate it, he would prolly rather have me at home with him. But I have to work. That is the thing with children, they don't really get how good they have it. To have no responsibilities again? Wow, ok, so I might be a crack whore without something to push me along. Just keep thinking, "This too shall pass", and not "Why am I here?, who am I doing this for?, Why does my boyfriend not make me feel secure enoug...

I bet you all wish that I was still sick. I have been spamming. Should take up entirely too much time of your life. Had to share this though: I do my best not to cuss in front of the child, because he is a parrot. He is getting better, although now he spells it out. Mom, I can't say A-S-S, right? What about "class"? Can I say that? One of my little sister's names is Aspen, which I know I thought of as partly naughty. As did my son, "Mom, that sounds like a bad word". We are trying to explain that it is fine, as long as it is part of a word. I was so sick and frazzled last weekend, that Fuck almost slipped out. My boyfriend looked at me, like I had grown another head, and he was like. WHOA!. I know, I know, I almost let it slip a couple weeks ago too. It is hard to flip back into "mommy" mode sometimes. Here is a funny story. My friend was driving me and son around and I asked her not to say anything bad while she was driving. Well, of course, someb...