Random Thoughts

Don't answer that. I've just been really down all day. The IRS acknowledges me again, Derek behaved for the two whole days he had school this week, I'll have money Friday if all goes well. So, no having to pay rent late. I'm getting everything I wanted, so why do I feel so crappy today? Was it that my stomach started rumbling the moment I got up? Was it the my ass exploded shortly after that? Maybe, but I should be used to that by now, I've never had a real solid stomach. Was it that I painstakingly picked out two pairs of socks from the wash this morning, and dropped them along with my bra for the day in the dryer, and when I took them out the bra was not dry? Or was it that ten seconds later I lost one of the socks. I looked up or down, and no sock ANYWHERE. Was it that Tara still wasn't at work today, and I am worried about her? Was it that my leg has been rubbed (I won't saw rubbed raw, it's not as bad as that, but it's rubbed sore, if that makes...

After the seriousness of my post earlier and how I'm feeling particularly sensitive and sure that someone somewhere is reading that blog and thinking...god, what an idiot, it's time for a fluff blog. My favorite. The ones where I admit no weaknesses. How freaked out am I that that last blog is going to go wrong? That someone is going to decide that I'm dumb? Or worse yet, that someone will read it and not even care. Meh. That's all up to other people huh? They'll feel like they want to feel, the same as I will. OK, so ENOUGH of the seriousness dammit! > (WARNING - SPOILERS) I've been dying to watch 1408 since I saw trailers. I didn't quite get through it while trying to re-read it beforehand (I don't spend enough time at the library and I need to not buy books! LOL) so I didn't quite remember it all, but I'm pretty sure that in the book the guy dies. If they are even that clear, it may just be open ended, but at the end of the movie I kept ex...

I've always been a big fan of children. I know this sounds like I'm lying, cause sometimes I really dislike children. But I've always liked my friend's children. And so many of my friends have come and gone, and I sit and wonder how their children are doing often. How my old friends themselves are doing sometimes, but sometimes friendships don't work for a reason, so I try really hard not to get too melancholy about it. I keep coming back to the kids...like I wonder how Eric is doing (Larry's kid) or how Mina (Paul's daughter) is doing (how many times did Derek call people Mina? He just didn't understand why she was gone when she left...and I don't really get any sort of response when I ask about her, so I stopped. It just makes me sad, I had a totally awesome conversation with her one night about barbies and dragons, and all sorts of things), or how Birdie is doing (besides what I read in blog form). I always thought that Val's little girl Katie...

The day started out well. The IRS acknowledges my presence as of Thursday, and I'm so glad cause it was like the IRS never knew me. Like it was just giving me that awful high school head nod in recognition from that boy I really liked. Or maybe I'm just crazy. They kept telling me they had received my information and that if no errors were found I would have my refund by the 5th. I've only checked it about ten thousand times since then, cause I KNOW that before the end they will have an actual refund date, not just that crap about having it "by" the 5th. I kept thinking that it would happen by this Friday, and my step was lighter as this would save my ass from paying rent late. Instead? After 3 (or 4) checks today, it has reverted back to not acknowledging me. Now it says that I may have entered information incorrectly and to check back in three weeks. Is the IRS stupid? As stupid as that? To think that my white trash poor ass would not be waiting rather impatient...

I've labeled a blog the same way before. It's just that I REALLY hate snow. The kids here (read: Ben and Derek) love snow. It's so rare around here that they all freak out when it snows. Imagine my disgruntlement when I realized that though I thought I had moved to a snow-less area, it only had not snowed for many years in a row, but it snows at least once a year here it would seem. I know I should suck it up. I only have to deal with it for mainly a day. Though the snow today has effectively cut off school in Springfield tomorrow. Derek was suspended from school on Friday, I don't even want to get into it here, let's just say the boy has a spectacular temper. He didn't hit anyone, just threw one hell of a temper tantrum. He's been very grounded all weekend. And people wonder why I get so worried about how he could act in public. There are no warning signs, the boy just goes full on ANGER. I like to think it's not genetic, but I moved out after Jake kick...

I've been working since Sunday, and I am SO ready for the weekend. I even have plans Friday. And the whole day off to be lazy and get ready to go out. Tammi and Jenn and I are going for sushis, and then possible coffees, and maybe even dessert! The height of decadence! And I deserve it! LOL. Today is officially my Thursday and I've been working in Tara's room which means little distractions from others, and it's not any sort of big deal that I am lunching at "my" desk today. Cause it's not really my desk and no one can be worried that I'm supposed to be working, as I am totally isolated. I like the isolation occasionally, I know it can drive Tara crazy and I could see that. If I was FORCED to do it every day, I'd probably get sick of it too. Anyhow. YAY! I'm so happy that I'm almost at the end of my week. It's been crazy, late one day, early the next. Tomorrow I can somewhat sleep in and then come in and get check run done. Check run da...

I HATE the IRS today. I hated them yesterday, I hated them Sunday. I am going to hate them until they can give me some sort of date on when I can expect my return. It was "accepted" on Saturday, but then we had to have a "holiday" weekend. Holiday for everyone except us that is. Seriously, the school was closed and we STILL had to be open. I guess it's too much to ask to have 2 paid holidays in January. GOD FORBID. I'm so not having money by this Friday, my day off like last year. It's sucked, cause the company sent the W-2's here to the company instead of sending them to my house, or else I would have actually had them like...Tuesday last week. And I would probably have money by now. It's just that the longer it takes for the IRS to even acknowledge they have them, the longer it takes until I can pay my rent. The longer it takes until I can spend money freely. Instead I'm freaking as every tiny cent disappears. Like...we need milk? NO WE DON...

Oh Heath, How could you take away the hotness? I'm not linking to a specific page as my computer slowed WAY down when I accessed at least 3 of them. You can pick which you want to read. I predict (and I've already told Jenn this) that in about a week, everyone will be all "Anna Nicole" about it and be talking about how he had so many people who hated him (though I don't know how anyone could hate the hotness) and how it was definitely foul play. My theory is that it was Britney. She killed him to take the heat off her. Oh Heath. Now we can never be together.

That's a very good question. He's past boob height now. Unless the girls have just dropped lately. Ha ha. It will not be long at all before he's taller than me. And he's only 10! He's very grounded, as I referenced before. We were dealing with his anger problems, his inability to hold his shit together some days (it doesn't make sense, other days he's just fine and it would take some catastrophe to actually throw him into a tantrum), and his smart ass mouth. Which has been in full force lately. We've stopped talking to him on occasion when he can not talk politely to us. I will not be talked to like I'm stupid, least of all talked to that way by my own ten year old son. When he was a baby, he used to bite. I guess I shouldn't say it that way, cause we actually managed to nip that in the bud. He did it a few times, and then I started swatting him (NOT HARD) on the mouth when he did it. It was enough force to make him pay attention and even though ...

How much has MySpace rocked lately? First it gives me a nice little list of when my friends do anything..(sorry, not really a stalker, but I love knowing when someone has posted new pictures and things like that.) and now it is giving me song history on the music players. Now I can look at what people liked enough to put on their MySpace page and see if it's something I might like. I'm impressed, is what I'm trying to say. Also, I changed my song 'cause the neat little alert told me that there was new CPD music that I could use, and how can I resist that? I would play almost all of them on my MySpace page...maybe even all of them. Maybe even Zoot Suit Riot, which got overplayed IMO. And I changed my picture. This was my hair only two weeks ago. I got it cut, which I mentioned. I haven't gotten a good picture of it yet..=( So no picture of new hair, but I love it. A lot. It's so much better and feels so much nicer and is lighter on my head. But it was nice being ...

What fresh hell is this ? Now I love David Boreanaz as much as the next person,(not as much as I love Buffy) but why for the love of god is there a Crow 4? Once upon a time I watched "The Crow" and bawled my eyes out. Maybe many times, and it doesn't help that poor Brandon Lee died for real making that movie. It just makes me sadder. The first one was fantastic, the perfect revenge movie, with a bit of eye makeup and emo-ness thrown in. I don't care if Tara Reid and David are in that movie, I will never watch it. Not even with the goodness of Edward Furlong thrown in. -------------- Ok, off my soap box. I'm sitting at work, having lunch in Tara's office, listening to all the 80's and 90's music that I have on my iPod. The sappier the better. Richard Marx? You bet. Followed up with Janet. (who really needs no last name) -------------- Tammy and I went out for a bit Friday, looked at some items we may purchase, and then just sat at Gateway and drank coff...

Last night was the third night in a row in which my traitorous mind and body had to wake me up either..a. way earlier than I needed and not be able to get back to sleep, or b. wake me up in the middle of the night and not be able to fall asleep for hours. I'm so exhausted, I feel dumb. It's almost like the feeling I would get when I would stay up all night to hang out, and then have to be up with my kid. That almost tingly feeling in my skin. I've gotten about 6 hours of sleep the past 3 nights, averaged out. Normal people would be fine, but I've always been one who can't get away with 6 hours in one day, let alone 6 for 3 days. I can't type, I can't talk. Add all that to the antihistamine I took because my skin was so itchy this morning, and I'm batting a hundred. Totally dumb in the head, but whatever. It's only Friday so what do I care? I've already gotten my taxes done today and I am heading off to see Tammy later. She and I have some plannin...

Who knows. I MIGHT not have gray hairs. Either the light in the bathroom at work is seriously frightening, or else my light at home just sucks. I know that my face often looks full of nastiness in that bathroom mirror, and yet while I'm at home I tend to think my face looks fairly good. I wonder how people find gray hairs, are they just that obsessive about it (seems like I should be able to pinpoint that damn thing, seeing as how I'm pretty obsessive) or do they just have really good (bad) lighting in their house? I found a start of a hair that looked gray, and I cut it off cause it wouldn't just pull off, but it was even harder to tell what color it was after it was a single hair. Go figure. I'm hoping that I might actually have some blond in my hair, and maybe that's what kept catching the light. I saw another one (maybe), but I can't isolate it to yank the fucker out. What with the glintiness of it, if it turns out to be a truly gray hair, maybe I'll get...

Full of hate today. SO MUCH. My W-2's are going to be later this year since some assholes had to quit on the 31st of December. I hate all those assholes. I had to do someone else's work all day yesterday, which was a nice change of pace I suppose, except I spent much of the day trying to fix what some idiot messed up on Sunday. I hate that idiot today too. I'm tired and I have to back up the phones all day because someone else can't do what they should be doing. I hate that idiot today as well. People have to change their schedule all the damn time, I hate them all too. I'm full of the hate today people and wondering why I make such a damn effort to be here everyday, such an effort to try and help people in whatever way I can, and it's never acknowledged, just assumed that that is what I do. I bend over backwards to change the schedule, only to have other people whine at me, or have people take off days after I've already figured it out for that day. Now I...

My stomach rebelled after lunch Thursday, but then seemed fine. Might it have been the turkey? I just ate another damn turkey sandwich, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Good weekend. I won at Risk, but only because Derek decided that he didn't care about winning, only making sure that Ben did not win. LOL. Ben should lose once in awhile dammit. > I almost lost in the end anyhow, but I managed to pull through. It was touch and go. Plus I got my hair cut. A lot of it. I'm SO happy about it. It's pretty and bouncy and can actually be worn down without me wanting to take scissors to it on my own. And I had a coupon, so it was only $5! Except I tipped her a dollar. But I have lovely hair again, so I shall try my hardest not to dye my hair and kill it again. It hates the bleach, go figure. And I just want to be blonde, so I should not dye my hair at all. That's the answer. I can't be blond, so no hair color. Maybe I can grow some gray hairs instead. Ha ha...

"The hallmark of placenta previa is bright red bleeding in the second or third trimester." No one knows this....ha ha, I lie. Jake knows this. I had an ENORMOUS amount of bleeding one time after intercourse while I was very pregnant. Like a "pool on the person you are on top of" amount of bleeding. Neither of us knew to be scared, I only knew that a LOT of bleeding occurred at that point, and I said nothing. Too afraid? Maybe. Part of me was completely reassured that since it was the worst time to get pregnant, nothing bad could happen. Part of me was scared as hell that the bleeding was my fault for taking that acid when I was pretty sure I was already pregnant. I was always prone to flights of fancy (read: Crazy) so I didn't worry too much (ha ha, right) when my brain was determined that I was pregnant. Instead, I went to Ben's 18th birthday and took the acid offered to me. And when I was REALLY pregnant, I had sex, like I'd been having sex already, th...

I completely forgot at least two different songs I got from the commercials. Ack. My brain is fluff, but I shall try. My head has been hurting all day (I'm blaming it on my son) so I may not make sense. You've been warned. Ok..back to where I was.. I believe it was another i-something commercial where you get Mary J. Blige, who pretty much always makes me happy. That one was called "Work That" and I've been listening to it off an on. I guess I can't decide if it puts me in my happy place yet. I really dug the song from the Dentyne commercial with the frog..turns out it was called "Stuttering" from a band called Ben's Brother. The video on YouTube was pretty much "teh awesome", and I had it as my profile song for a bit, but it's been changed now. You can find it or them via MySpace if you should happen to care. Speaking of YouTube, I've been getting back into The Prodigy lately. So I went and found "Smack my b**** up" b...

Did I mention we actually got a tree this year? My kid is 10 and I FINALLY get a tree. I had to work that day, so Ben and Derek trudged off to Fred Meyers and came back with a tree. I came home and everything was moved around and the tree was set up on it's stand. Ben is awesome, but you knew that already. For not having a tree for 10 years, I still managed to somehow have ornaments. Some of them were suspiciously religious, so I think that my landlord may have passed them on to me. They were cute, mostly little wooden trinket type ornaments. What I really liked (cause I'm a dork) was the 12 little coaster type ornaments displaying all twelve of the 12 Night of Christmas. Ben put on the lights, I started going with the ornaments. Now Ben had to make sure that the lights were "perfect" and then he has the nerve to ask me if I put those ornaments up randomly. Um, NO, I'm an accountant, I can not just randomly put numbers out of order. LOL. We had fun decorating the ...

I hate commercials. A lot. I don't even listen to the radio anymore. So where do I get my new music? A few places - I subscribed to Blender, and it's given me quite a few songs I liked, including "Paper Planes" - MIA and "LDN" - Lily Allen. Every issue so far has me running to the computer to download music. Ironically enough, I've been getting quite a few songs lately from commercials for TV. Songs such as "Music is my hot, hot sex" (referenced in the title) from the iTouch commercial. I downloaded Fiest's "1234" after seeing it on the TV, and I can't seem to get enough of "You Give Me Something" from James Morrison (currently on my MySpace), which I caught in a commercial for some channel. All I know is I keep seeing Denis Leary's face on fire in that commercial. It's weird. More songs pop up on MTV and VH1 that I end up liking, such as Sara Barielles (which I got as a free iTune ages ago, and I've been...

And almost as suddenly as it began, it's done. I'm feeling a HUGE amount of relief at this point. This is the last debt, the last thing I stopped paying on when I realized I had no money left for all these people who gave my stupid 19 year old self credit cards, this is the only thing left that people can actually take me to court on. I'm SO SICK of the court house, I'm so sick of filing papers I know nothing about, I'm so sick of dealing with lawyers (though they haven't been terribly unpleasant). I'm just sick of trying to do things I know nothing about. I've been in so far over my head. I got home last night, already worrying about how I could possible pay 300.00 to attend the arbitration hearing, already racking my brain, thinking...well, I could possibly drop the cable this month...and the internet. It was an unhappy prospect. Ben mentioned I had a voice mail, so I checked it and it was an attorney, so I bit the bullet and called her right back. Ho...

What Desiree Means You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very...

I only wish that I had wrote elfing day. That's what it almost looks like. That would make me smile. Instead, I am just ANGRY. Like usual, it's all about money. So, I got a letter stating that we'd need to do an arbitration, and that it would need to be paid for within 14 days. I thought they meant 14 days of that letter. I went in to try and get a deferral (cause who has an extra 300 lying around?) on December 12th, cause I thought I needed to, and I expressed my need to have it quickly processed. She said no problem, but if I was worried, I should call back on Friday, maybe Monday morning. I did not call, cause that's when I went to see that lawyer, that's when I started trying to get this together, that's when I started trying to get the lawyers to work with me. For the record? Not ALL lawyers suck, but this company sure does. I have as of yet, still received NO PROOF and they said they would bring that up in the arbitration meeting. So I was happy to go. I c...