Random Thoughts

I've become the talker at work. Ok, not directly, instead, what I've become is the person who doesn't have a lunch buddy. I'm just not that forthright with the people I work with I guess. I see Brandy go out on lunch with her new friend (I even think it's a new roommate) and Tara goes with Laura from LP a bunch. It seems lately, that if it's not Laura, it's one of the LP boys. Dammit! I am cooler than boys. My boss goes to lunch with her friends, and the only people who don't seem to have their pairing off lunch buddy is me and the talker. When did I get into her league? How did this happen? Why doesn't anyone I know work in the same area so that I could have lunch with someone. Most of the time, I am fine by myself, but sometimes, I just want to do more at lunch than sit around and read a book. By myself, downstairs. If I sat in the breakroom, I might get some conversation, but then I have to deal with the people who are trying to sleep, or someone ...

AH KNOW I'M NOT SOUTHERN, but I can pretend. *grin* Y'all, the beach is scary!

So, Tara is being strange. She looks pissed off all the time. Hardly ever talks to me and then asks me if I am pissed. I'm confused. I don't want her not to like me, but I can't just be trying all the time. I already ask how she is doing and all that, but I'm not gonna ask her to lunch all the time. Sometimes, she needs to ask me. I should just tell her, but I can't seem to get the courage. When she comes over, she has fun, but at work it's like she doesn't know me. OH MY GOD! It's high school all over again. It's like Wes, who thought I was good enough to make out with, but not good enough to hang out at school when we were actually boyfriend and girlfriend for that week and a half. Yet, I don't feel comfortable enough to be insecure with her. I just think she would think I was stupid if I told her that I miss hanging out with her and feel like she doesn't really like me anymore. I think it would just make it worse. That's what you d...

Of the poor circulation again. My fingers are FREEZING, and my toes. This hasn't happened since summer started. It must be getting colder. Everytime I have to touch my face or anything on my body, I am shocked anew by how cold my fingers are. (wow, that's sounds a little fancy for me, what I meant to write was) Damn, my fingers are fucking cold! Why are they on my face?

while bored as hell at work. So, why is it that everytime I get upset, my inner monologue keeps telling me it's stupid to feel this way? Why, why would I say that in my head? You'd think I would be justified when it's my own feelings, but instead, I always feel like I shouldn't feel this way or that way. What's up with that?

Deadline - gone = Motivation - gone I think I'll just sit here and eat these mini Babybel cheese things until I can't move. Ok, I really only bought 2, I'll still be able to move. But I don't want to. :(

Apparently, he just thought that I hated him cause we started talking about Jake and he had the nerve to ask why I hate him so much!!!?? WTF!?!?!?! First of all, When is this EVER a good topic of conversation, but more importantly why when I've had too much to drink? And after he's had too much to drink too, cause then he gets all butt hurt easily, like thinking I hate him when I don't. (ok, sometimes, I can almost hate him, but he just can't help it.) Isn't it totally apparent that Jake treats me like crap, since he knows he won't be sleeping with me anymore? He would never do the shit he does to me to his "friends". I went into my whole speil about how I think it's stupid for people to be mad at each other just cause they like someone I don't. I don't play that game, I don't care who you like. I will warn you, if I have good reason, about them, but I won't hate you if you don't take my advice. Someday, either you'll...

So, tomorrow you'll get a new album, I swear, but I was still listening to "Great Expectations" this morning. Not exactly happy music, but what about that movie is happy? Oh, and this song makes my non dancing ass want to dance! Her Ornament The Verve Pipe never really meant to volunteer felt the urge to stretch after a yawn and accidentally raised my hand i just want to be her special someone who will never pioneer i prefer to watch the mudd break off her heels and turn into cement i just want to be her ornament her shadow seems much cooler camouflage myself and plan a splendid entrance i just want to be her situation pending expectation... i just want to be her ornament i never really meant to volunteer i fought the urge to stretch after a yawn and accidentally lost my head i just want to be her exploitation and abbreviation... i just want to be her ornament

That the people who piss me off at work are supposed to accountants!! Shouldn't that mean that they can add shit together and clear it off a STATEMENT!?? Some can, an ALARMING amount cannot. They only put this and that on the statement and even though they all have the SAME reference number, they can't clear it up. It's just SIMPLE addition.

I feel like I could use some extra, if y'all wanna help me out. I am actually VERY, VERY close to being caught up at work and mainly cause they threw a deadline at me. I knew I was a procrastinator, I didn't know that I don't want to do crap without a deadline. They are taking away the old files. They are moving everything from last year to our warehouse. Last year, you say, so what, it's FUCKING AUGUST, get a grip. Our "last" year ended at the end of June. Which means I've had time to get all the shit off my desk and just basically hope I don't need anything from those files after tomorrow. Nothing new about old stuff better show up, or their will be hell to pay. It's gonna happen of course, I think some of the people I work with tend to do a "half assed" job, they'd prolly say I take it too far. I might, where is the line between taking so long it's not worth and being damn sure of yourself enough to do it? It takes me awhile to...

I need a haircut. Just a trim. Someone I know had said something about bringing scissors to girl's night. But then they didn't. And I forgot, but I really need my haircut. So does the boy, it's too bad his will cost me money. After that one time when I nicked him, I haven't been able to cut it since. I don't know how many people he went around telling, "My mom cut me." I don't even think it bled, but I was HORRIFIED.

I don't want to be here, it seems like nothing I do today really matters anyhow. Just that I be here and ready to jump around at a moments notice. It would almost seem that I am a good internet friend, when I can just read and not do anything, but not good for calling people, or travelling to their house, or even being the kind of friend most of my friends are to me. It would also seem that I am just too chicken shit when I think people might not really like me, once they really know me. I don't push myself on them, like I will with Ariel. I also seem to not know how to hang out with people, without drinking, or doing something fun. (read-doing something that is addictive and bad for me). I used to go to Tammy's and just hang out and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes. Otherwise, I feel like I am just too boring. Case in point, Saturday night. I ran outta things to say and then Jesse was convinced that since I wasn't laughing or talking at that moment, I hated him. Grant...

Did anyone love the rain yesterday as much as I did? It's smells clean, it's refreshing, it wasn't 100 FUCKING degrees. It was rather nice, really. If a little gray.

There is a punk revival downtown, there must be. I've never seen so many mohawks in the space of ten minutes. Girls in girly dresses with BRIGHT pink spikes that stick up at least six inches. Boys in grungy clothes with mohawks. It was crazy.

Ok, so maybe Tomorrow is the day. I woke up this morning CONVINCED it was Wednesday. Why? I don't know. How I wish it was. Things are still weird around here cause not everyone is in. It's crazy, and I am exhausted. I fell asleep at 11:30, but I am still exhausted. I might have went to bed earlier, had Ben not decided that we needed to "exercise". Which makes me happy, he was very attentive, makes me wonder if he didn't start reading me. If it's gonna bring that sort of response, read on. Also, since I had sent him to the store for something sweet and he came back with muffins, at least we worked some of those calories off.

This was on the menu as the Special Hamburger at Rennies. YUCK! Burger Special: Le Whopper. 150 grams of an all Beef patty topped with a grilled egg and bacon strips on an onion bun with lettuce, tomato, and mayo. Served with soup, salad, or French fries. $5.95 OUTTA CONTROL Who needs an egg on a whopper? What the fuck?

Just not feeling it today. I'm tired and don't want to be here. I always feel like this after lunch. Why, oh why do I have to come back after lunch???

This song must be speaking about most of my exes. *grin* Like a Friend Pulp Don't bother to say you´re sorry Why don't you come in? Smoke all my cigarettes - again. Everytime I get no further How long has it been? Come on in now wipe your feet on my dreams. You take up my time Like some cheap magazine When I could have been learning something Oh well, you know what I mean. I've done this before And I will do it again C'mon and kill me baby While you smile like a friend Oh and I'll come running Just to do it - again. You are that last drink I never should have drunk You are the body hidden in the trunk You are the habit I can't seem to kick You are my secrets on the front page every week. You are the car I never should have bought You are the train I never should have caught You are the cut that makes me hide my face You are the party that makes me feel my age. Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid Like a plane I've been told I never should bo...

I so DID NOT want to be at work. Mondays suck, and when people are out on vacation and I have to close, it sucks more. I got Ariel to give me a ride home though. We fed her Spaghetti, to make up for it. I also let her borrow Shaun of the Dead. I think I should have a Shaun of the Dead party where everyone has to dress up as a character. I know you are thinking there aren't that many people and everyone will want to be ED, but there were a TON of zombies, just get the act down. On that note: "I'll do it on the night!" "This IS the night."

Somewhere out there. The sappiest of sappy songs, that I like to practice singing on.

I've started downloading Disney songs. It's a sickness. It all started with Lilo and Stitch being on. DAMN! *grin*

It's also a random chain letter I've gotten too. It's still funny. Subject: Fwd: Take Heed--a real threat to COMPUTER TYPES :) Read all of this ~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you receive an e-mail entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING. It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING?? It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your...

And on to the Great Expectations Soundtrack. Life in Mono Mono The stranger sang a theme From someone else’s dream The leaves began to fall And no one spoke at all But I can’t seem to recall When you came along Ingénue Ingénue I just don’t know what to do The tree-lined avenue Begins to fade from view Drowning past regrets In tea and cigarettes But I can’t seem to forget When you came along Ingénue Ingénue I just don’t know what to do Ingénue I just don’t know what to do

I really outta be slapped in the head for not mentioning Aqua Teen in my 5 shows. I am replacing Buffy with Aqua Teen, cause there are no new Buffys. So, they are outta the running.

10 years ago, I was wishing that I had some way to not live on the streets that didn't involve living with my mother or my stepfather. 5 years ago, I was waiting, very impatiently, to be 21. I was determined not be involved with guys maybe ever again (we see how that worked) after Paul, and I'd stopped taking my birth control so I wouldn't give in and sleep with Jake again, just to have some to sleep with. 1 year ago, I was working, always working, I didn't know some of the people I hang out with now. And I was getting prepared to go to Jake's wedding, physically and mentally. Yesterday, I cleaned and drank far too much. Woke up fine, though. There's no way I coulda drank as much a Jesse anyhow, and I had a sandwich at one point. I watched a bunch of Foamy the Neurotic Squirrel bits. I had no idea they get rid of the old ones, but I sure couldn't find the santa claus one. :( 5 snacks I enjoy? 1. CHEESE! 2. Taquitos 3. Vanilla Ice Cream 4. CHEETOS!, but not v...

HE IS HOME! And a full foot taller! Ok, not really, but he still seems taller, and VERY tan. He was outside for most of the summer, which I think is WONDERFUL. I'm glad he had so much fun. I'm glad he is back. I'm SOO GLAD FOR THE THREE TIGHT HUGS I GOT IN QUICK SUCCESSION. Sometimes it really is the little things in life. *HAPPY grin* I'll be back later, after his bedtime.

My kid should be home ANY minute. Yep! I just woke up from a nap where I dreamed I was already yelling at him :( Let's hope not, huh? I don't want to fall back into the yelling, I was doing good not yelling before he left.

how many times have I heard how I am just like a guy tonight? I'M NOT A GUY!

1. When he mentions something to your boyfriend about how they should get an apartment together, tell your boyfriend that you will break up with him if he does get an apartment with Jesse 2. Realize that that is really over the line and you should not say such things. 3. Instead decide not to say ANYTHING for fear of something atrocious coming outta your mouth. 4. At this point, Jesse should start to bug you about not talking, especially if you ask your boyfriend to make you a drink. Cause, of course, if you are asking for a drink, then you are talking, but not to him, so you must hate him. When did boys get so complicated? 5. Keep playing FreeCell until he has to leave the room cause he can't take it anymore. He will enlist the help of your boyfriend in going outside to smoke instead. 6. Repeat steps 1 - 5 when they come back in, by repeat I mean, keep not talking, cause you don't want your drunk dumbass to get in trouble. 7. After two rounds of smoking, Jesse should just sit ...

J: Ben, give me something to throw! I really want to throw something at your girlfriend, cause she is my sister and I want to. B: No, why would I do that? D: Do NOT THROW THINGS AT ME! There is a conspiracy thing going on behind me right now. Me: Shut Up! J: Pulls out my ponytail and starts fucking with it. It'll prolly be tangled for years. No more smooth hair for me! Just kidding, I made him stop.

I wanna be tagged! I want a five things thing, or a 100 things about you. I have so much to say (type?) rattling around in head. Help me get it all out!! I better get a tag after Ariel gets her tag done. The one from BlogZilla! Yes, I FIXED it, it doesn't say CoffeeHouser anymore Altough I almost just typed CoffeeHouser instead of BlogZilla. Wow, apparently, I can't fix it in my head.

Ok, strange. So, I see that someone visiting this here blog is in the vicinity of Boulder, Colorado. I used to live in Denver, well, the a small little suburb on the edge of Denver. Sheridan. Boy, is it wierd to think of Sheridan. Anyhow, hi there. Hope that you all like this. Maybe I know you?? Wouldn't that be REALLY wierd.

It's officially a new day now, so here you go. This one's been going through my head over and over for days. It's beautiful! White Houses Vanessa Carlton Crashed on the floor when I moved in This little bungalow with some strange new friends Stay up too late, and I'm too thin We promise each other it's til the end Now we're spinning empty bottles It's the five of us With pretty-eyed boys girls die to trust I can't resist the day No, I can't resist the day Jenny screams out and it's no pose 'Cause when she dances she goes and goes Beer through the nose on an inside joke I'm so excited, I haven't spoken And she's so pretty, and she's so sure Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her The summer's all in bloom The summer is ending soon It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone But I hold on to your secrets in white houses Maybe I'm a little bit over my head I come undone at the things he said And he's ...

Why, why can I NOT STOP THROWING THIS CHICK AROUND? And why do I know know how to link it up? I'm not a coder, that's why. (OK, so this guy is WAY too smooth and made it so that I CANNOT link to it.) Instead go here and go down to the 13th. Karina, you've already seen it, maybe even Ariel has seen it. It's wrong that I just want to do this for EVER! I know, it's wrong. But, I CAN'T stop.

So, I have another funny story about our receptionist, Jackie. We ended up matching checks together on Faculty night, in the office. We would wander out, find some food, or refill our wine and get someone to give us cigarettes. (After pouring wine that last year, I wanted to be as far AWAY as possible) Free food, free wine, it was pretty cool. Of course, it was mostly cheap box wine, but there was A LOT. We had a bunch of fun refilling and giggling like little girls. They were making fun of us a little, but it was good natured and they just thought we were funny. After a little, she had to go home cause her back hurt, so it was on me to get everything closed up. Anyone who has seen me have to be serious and accomplish things while drunk can attest that I go completely straight faced and freak out a little. But, I can pretend that I'm not giggly drunk. I cleared it all up and only got back to my high on the way home, when I started talking to my ride about all sorts of things. I usu...

So, am I done with the dishes? Not really, but almost. It's enough for right now. I am hot and sweaty. I got sucked into the last half of the grudge on HBO. That movie is still creepy, but not as creepy as the first time.

I am completely ADDICTED TO FREE CELL. I just want to sit her and play a million games of Free Cell. But, I can't. There are dishes waiting for me. :( I hate dishes, but without eating entirely on paper plates, we have to do dishes.

I'd been there about an hour and my boss and her boss wandered off somewhere, while Tara had gone outside for a cigarette. This chick comes in and wants to get a gift certificate with a company check. It wasn't working with the numbers the cashier was using, so he asked me for help. Well, I go over to help and she is just being obnoxious about it. She kept saying, "I do this all the time!" I had him look in our returned checks book and we didn't see anything. I couldn't remember what the override code was and of course, I couldn't find anyone. This chick is still saying the same thing over and over, which is just annoying me. I run out to see if Tara is smoking outside and she isn't. So, I go back in and figure I'll try to put it through. Turns out he was putting in the wrong number (most of the time, they are in the middle, but this time they were at the front. I got it to go through and sent her on her way. Otherwise, yesterday was a REALLY good ...

Some article somewhere, I don't know. I have no source, but I TOTALLY understand. This happens to me ALL the time. I told y'all I was neurotic. :) Feb. 27, 2003 -- They bore into your head. They won't let go. There's no known cure. Earworms can attack almost anyone at almost any time. No, it's not an invasion of jungle insects. It's worse. Earworms are those songs, jingles, and tunes that get stuck inside your head. You're almost certain to know the feeling, according to marketing professor James J. Kellaris, PhD, of the University of Cincinnati. Nearly 98% of people have had songs stuck in their head, Kellaris reported at the recent meeting of the Society for Consumer Psychology. The 559 students -- at an average age of 23 -- had lots of trouble with the Chili's "Baby Back Ribs" Jingle and with the Baha Men song "Who Let the Dogs Out." But Kellaris found tha...

Since Jenn shared her favorite Mina story, I thought I should share mine. (OK, I went PAGES AND PAGES back and I cannot find it to link to it, I'm sorry) We were out at Ariel's (I believe, anyhow) and Mina was tired and a little upset about something. I, trying to be funny, was like...oh, she's a sad panda. She looked at me and she was like... I'm not a panda! I'm a tiger! (She had just been asking about the Chinese years, and she WAS a tiger =). It was too funny, we all cracked up.

I figured out the whole playlist thing on VLC! I got it all worked out. ROCK! Also, I just downloaded BRICK HOUSE ! I love that song. And Jackie from work asked me who sung it the other day, so it brought it to mind. It would seem I've become a source for music information. Cause I know the internet and can look stuff up. It's kinda strange how many people think it's something great that I can find out a song with some song lyrics. Come on, THE INTERNET IS ALL POWERFUL. Seriously, would any of us be here without it?

I just realized that I have 764 posts! Damn, I write a lot. Like I talk alot. "Nuh-uh! I got a lot to say" Fifteen points for you, if you know what and who that's from. =)

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showed me how to link up the RSS feeds in the bottom right corner of all these blogs and then I can see their posts from my bookmarks and not have to go there if there isn't anything new. I've got most of you already. Except Miss Jessica Rabbit, who does not have an RSS feed on her blog. :( I guess I'll just have to keep checking.

Musicology Prince Heard about the party now Just east o' Harlem Dougie's gonna b there But u got 2 call him Even the soldiers Need a break sometimes Listen 2 the groove ya'll Let it unwind ur mind No intoxication Unless u see what I see Dancin hot n' sweaty Right in font of me Call it what u like I'm gonna call it how it be This is just another one Of God's gifts Musicology Keep that party movin Just like I told you Kick the old school joint 4 the true funk soldiers Musicology Wish Ihad a dollar 4 everytime u say Don't u miss the feeling Music gave ya Back in the day? Let's Groove September Earth, Wind and Fire Hot Pants by James Sly's gonna take u higher Minor keys and drugs Don't make a rollerskate jam Take ur pick - turntable or a band? If it ain't Chuck D or Jam Master Jay Know what? They're losin' 'Cause we got a PhD in Advanced Body Movin' Keep the party movin' Just like eye told u Kick the old school joint 4 the tru...

This is my twisted sense of humor .

Kid's not home yet. I have quite the bar here and I will be making use of it. Three different bottles of rum. 1/3 a bottle of tequila. 1/2 a bottle of vodka. It's gonna definitely be enough. It's enough for more than just me and Ben. And doesn't she have wonderful timing? Cause Ariel's is gonna come over in about half an hour. And I love Ariel, and now I can hang out with a girl. I've hung out with Ben and Jessie A LOT lately, and I think I need some girl time. YAY!

I took my barbell out of my tongue. So that I could soak it in Listerine over night. It felt really strange without it. And then I started thinking about how it used to feel wierd with it, before I got used to it. This morning it almost felt normal not to have it in. Of course, I did put it back in. I spent money on it and I am not gonna take it out. Screw that! =)

While on the bus home, as I am wondering how many people I am pissing off, all on account of the bookstore, I realize that there is some guy a couple seats back who is darkly tanned, like almost red. All but his forehead, where there was a QUITE distinct WHITE, and the line from a baseball cap, (prolly worn backwards, come to think of it) and I try not to crack up. Some chick in the front was wearing a shirt that crisscrossed in the back and cheap white cotton bra straps were quite clearly in plain view. And for a moment, I felt slightly better, I was like...well, at least I don't have a line on my forehead, or my bra straps hanging out. But then I was like...who am I kidding? This bus is full of fashion rejects and I am one of them. I laughed my ass off when we got off the bus. I just couldn't take it anymore.

I wore my In"duck"ted shirt. Yep, BRIGHT SCREAMING YELLOW with a green outline of a duck foot on it. Interestingly enough, someone said it was actually my color. I NEVER wear yellow. Maybe it does look good, I don't know. I say, blue and black. And sometimes green and gray. Dark colors, I suppose. Anyhow, I got on the bus and the bus driver asked if they were the new shirts this year. Yes, was my stilted reply. (score 1 for free promotion for the bookstore, plus humiliation for me) I go on break and head down to Starbucks, where the cashier asks to read my shirt. (another one for the bookstore) I get back from lunch and read the comments people left at the store and what I read is (paraphrasing here) How can the bookstore be so insensitive, when there is the threat of the draft being re-instated over our heads? GREAT, now the whole way home, I can wonder how many people I am pissing off with my shirt. I mean, IT'S THE START OF HUNTING SEASON AND PEOPLE ALL OVER SPRING...

They are funny and not tightly strung and even though they have kids my age (shit on of their kids has a kid who's 2), I can get along with them. Usually pretty well. Wednesday I found a screw in our cabinet. It was just lying on some paperwork, and I picked it up and showed one of them (lets call her Charlotte) it and asked her if I she thought we should worry about it. We couldn't figure out where it went, so I taped it to a post it note and we figured I should leave this message. Jackie, There's a screw loose! =) (except this was done the right way up, of course) Seriously, it was in the cabinet of checks to be filed. Hope it's not important, I couldn't figure out what it went to. My post it note, with a another post it note was taped to my computer at work the next day. It said: Desiree- This is just plain nasty- I don't keep my loose screws at work- I keep them at home like other women do- in their goody drawer-- She has a great sense of humor.

Fitting, really Fly Hillary Duff An a moment, everything can change Feel the wind on your shoulder For a minute, all the world can wait Let go of your yesterday Can you hear it calling? Can you feel it in your soul? Can you trust this longing And take control? [Chorus] Fly Open up the part of you that wants to hide away You can shine Forget about the reasons why you can't in life And start to try Cause it's your time Time to fly All your worries, leave them somewhere else Find a dream you can follow Reach for something, when there's nothing left And the world's feeling hollow Can you hear it calling? Can you feel it in your soul? Can you trust this longing And take control? [Chorus] Fly Open up the part of you that wants to hide away You can shine Forget about the reasons why you can't in life And start to try Cause it's your time Time to fly And when you're down and feel alone Just wanna run away Trust yourself and don't give up You know you better tha...

One more quick thing? I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna initiate until he does. Wish me luck on keeping to that, it's hard to remember in the morning. I mean, what more should I have to do to make him interested? Some women never initiate, and some women aren't as crazy as I am. It should be enough. I just know that we are past the can't keep our hands off each other phase. Now, it's like, I get a kiss on the lips and you wouldn't even know that we EVER hit that phase. I have proof, in the form of a picture that someone(Val??, I think so) took when we just hung out on a couch and kissed like we were in a "porn movie" or something. I think someone said that. Gone are the days when I would follow him into the kitchen and cop a feel (ok, I STILL do that), but what about him copping a feel? Not often enough for my liking. I'm just so fucking demanding.

to bed, y'all. My back has been screwing with me, and my head hurts, and I think my rib is still bruised. Plus, I stubbed my toe on the bed Monday night and it still fucking hurts. That's nothing compared to my self esteem right now, hopefully it will heal while I sleep like everything else. I can hope anyhow. Hey, everyone step up, you can see right through the holes in my self esteem. *crooked grin*

I know, but when he answers a question to my face, he still sounds annoyed. I thought I would let you figure out if this email should have made me feel stupid, cause it sure did. This was my message to begin with. Talking about the pop up that kept coming up this morning saying the computer was screwed. Here is where I also tell you that it DIDN'T happen once after he got here. So, how could I show him? Yeah, I didn't actually download anything, it just had an address to go to. It looked professional, but I guess it prolly wasn't. Hopefully, I didn't screw anything up. I went to the address and then shut it. Then it started talking about the registry, so I just kept closing it. So, it's really just because the internet is ALWAYS on? That makes sense, but I was freshly awake, with no coffee yet. I DID figure out how to play my judds though. I imported them into Windows Media and created a playlist. I'm so smart! =) This was how I felt this morning, smart. I g...

I got to downtown Springfield (always a prize /sarcasm) and got on my bus to work yesterday. They have this new thing were they will let people bring bikes onto the bus, if the people already occupying the seat doesn't mind moving. And if a wheelchair needs it, too bad for you. It's a nice thing to do considering they only have 2 holders on the front. Semi-often (especially coming from Springfield) they will have more than two people with bikes. So, yesterday such was the case. They have to place them in the wheelchair bays, so that the straps will hold them in. There were two bikes on the front, and one inside already. There were two waiting to get on. The bus driver gets on and asks if the lady (WHO IS NOT HANDICAPPED, BUT IS SITTING IN THE HANDICAPPED SEATS) would mind moving. Most of them time, people will willingly move. It's not really that big of a deal, and it's polite. This bitch would not move. She says "NO, I think it's stupid", in a smug ass to...

that I am gonna end my day crying and wondering what the hell the purpose of my life is. The day started off funny. It really did, it just didn't stay that way. I don't know that last time he initiated anything, most of the time when he talks to me he sounds like he is disgusted by how little I know, or else he sounds impatient and irritated. Not that I need a man to be happy, it's just that there isn't much else. Work doesn't do it, the kid isn't here right now. My friends are all busy. And I am too lazy to go anywhere. I should just stop bitching. I was tempted to email him and let him know all this, but then I just make him feel like I feel, and that solves nothing. Instead, I would like to scream, or throw things around the room. What I will do is just cry until I have a pounding headache and then tomorrow I should be normal again. It's really pointless, and I thought I was beyond feeling like this anymore. I thought this was a teenage thing. Dark, and d...

And I am actually sitting here kinda watching an infomercial. Yep, all about air purifying. At the cost of only $369.00! It's such a deal, nothing is as good as this air purifier. It's made using the same technology as used on submarines.

Ok, so it's not a song quote, it's a move quote. Suck it. I am an a black mood. Going over and over how I've become the stupid one has just pissed me off. Yes, I CAN BE DITZY. It's fun to be ditzy sometimes. And it helps me to let comments that I would maybe consider mean or rude to slide off my back. Cause I can at least pretend I just didn't get it. But, I have a COLLEGE DEGREE people. Sure, it's only a two year degree, but it's a degree. Again, not as good as some, but better (god, doesn't that sound like I am uppity? Like anyone is "better" than anyone else) than some. Ok, so I AM the OLDEST child, why am I always in the middle? I want to be the best at something. And I'm pretty sure I'm just not. Maybe I'm the best at being insecure. Yeah, right. My tummy hurts. Prolly stress related, right?

So, here we are again. I ask some simple question about the computer and get an answer outta Ben that makes me feel oh so dumb. I don't know if it's his tone or what, but it's getting old really fast. He always sounds annoyed and like....god, how can you be so stupid, don't you know anything about the computer? I know more than some, and obviously less than others. I am not an elitist computer geek. Just when I was feeling so proud of myself for traipsing around HTML in Blogger and fixing things. Now I just feel dumb. I guess it's time to surround myself with stupid people, so I can feel smart? I have no patience for stupid people. I don't really have a niche. Ariel's got computer geek, super expert Scrabble player, and big tits. What the hell? I used to think, well, at least I know words other people don't. But I'm sure she's got me beat. Ben's got the math and the computer geek thing. These are the two people I spend the most time w...

And why you ask? Cause they have cow cell phone covers. Why would this make me mad? Cause they only work on flip phones. I have a clunky old Nokia. Some of the cell phone cover animals come in the right type, but not the cow one. Only the Koala one. That is JUST NOT CUTE ENOUGH FOR ME!

The talker sits and talks FOREVER, with no repercussions, since they can't "track" her. She's not even sitting at her desk, pretending to work. She is just standing over by Customer Service talking with Brandy. Should this not piss me off? I can't use the internet, cause they can "watch" me, but she can talk for the last hour? I really just hate my job sometimes.

Had the urge to run away? I've been doing it my whole life. From one thing or another. Boyfriends? Just stop talking to them, don't see them, it worked to break up with them. Yes, I am a bitch, did you think anything else? I don't want to go home tonight. I really would just like to go sit somewhere and not go home until I know no one will be there. I can't, of course. That would just freak him out. I just know I am gonna be in a bad mood, and I don't like to share my mood with others. Part of me thinks that not going home and seeing him would make him more appreciative. Lately, he just sounds annoyed, with me, with everything. More to follow, when I get home. I have a whole FUN post about it/sarcasm.

Rythym of the Rain THe Judds Sittin on the porch swing Listenin to the light rain Beatin’ on the tin roof Baby, just me and you Rockin’ with the rhythm of the rain Slide on over Baby hold me closer Movin’ to and fro Just swayin’ like a slow freight train Rockin’ with the rhythm of the rain So let the breeze keep blowin’ (rockin with the rhythm of the rain) (night birds a singin’ the crickets a callin’) Oh, my heart will never be the same Keep the sweet feelin’ flowin’ (whisper in my ear baby) (oh, feels so fine) (nights like this come once in a lifetime) Me and my baby rockin’ with the rhythm of the rain Oh baby hold me tight Say you love me That’s all I wanna hear tonight Sittin on the porch swing Listenin to the light rain Beatin’ on the tin roof Baby, just me and you Rockin’ with the rhythm of the rain Slide on over Baby hold me closer Movin’ to and fro just swayin’ like a slow freight train Rockin’ with the rhythm of the rain (repeat chorus) Me and my baby rockin with the rhythm of...

And THIS PATCH costs me twenty fucking bucks. I hope it's not essential.

Like trying to play all the Judds songs in order while I am showering. I can't figure it out for the life of me. I made a folder and there was the easy button that said play all. I thought that would work, but instead it tried to play them all AT THE SAME TIME! That didn't work too well, and it sounded awful. Now windows is telling me I have to download a patch? System-Critical error! Last night the computer turned back on twice when I CLEARLY clicked on turn off. I just got it, it can't be fucked already. *pout*

I've decided that I am not gonna stay up half the night, playing on the internet. I'm determined. I did get most of the new Aqua Teen stuff. Woohoo! Spacecatazz.

1. Go to this site: http://www.musicoutfitters.com/ 2. In the search box in the upper right (it was on the left for me, I don't know) hand corner, enter the year you graduated from high school. 3. The first item returned should be the top 100 songs from that year. Cut and paste them into your journal. 4. Bold the ones you like, underline your favorite, and italicize or strike through the songs you loathe. Top 100 songs of 1998. 1. Too Close, Next 2. The Boy Is Mine, Brandy and Monica 3. You're Still The One, Shania Twain 4. Truly Madly Deeply, Savage Garden 5. How Do I Live, LeAnn Rimes 6. Together Again, Janet 7. All My Life, K-Ci and JoJo 8. Candle In The Wind 1997, Elton John 9. Nice and Slow, Usher 10. I Don't Want To Wait, Paula Cole 11. How's It Going To Be, Third Eye Blind 12. No, No, No, Destiny's Child 13. My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion 14. Gettin' Jiggy Wit, Will Smith 15. You Make Me Wanna..., Usher 16. My Way, Usher 17. My All, Mariah Carey 18. The...

My boss is bored, after one day of not having her lunch buddies around. The girls she plays Bunco with. Her friends. I guess I understand. It was just wierd when she decided that she needed to come and talk to me before she left today. Honestly, it makes me nervous. She's usually really nice right before she has to be my boss. She even asked me to go and do some shopping with her. What if she asks me to lunch with her tomorrow? She's nice, but so cookie cutter. Two teenage kids, a boy and a girl. Married, both people working. It's just so far from my life that I wouldn't know what to talk with her about. It would end up being talking about work, which I do enough already.

I know, that's smug. Anyhow, I just talked with Jake and he is bringing the kid home anywhere between Friday and Sunday. I know, typical Jake, not really pinning down a time. He DID apologize for not calling before they left. It got busy with moving and then with getting ready to go camping. He's not coming back tomorrow, cause Jake's sister needs a ride home (here) and she left something at the cool brother's house and he needs to drive down and give it to her. Yes, it's complicated. It's ALWAYS complicated with Jake. It's just the way it is. Can't exactly be like...um, no, he's not your kid, when he so obviously is. Derek is super excited about the computer and the internet. If I had a dollar for every time that boy saw some website advertised and was like......I wanna go there, I would be rich. Of course there will be limitations, just like the video games. Otherwise, he would never do anything else. Who could really blame him? But still, he's...

So, I'm tired as fuck, cause I am a dumbass who only wants to play with the computer. I could type happily all day, but then how would I pay this cable internet bill? No, instead, I am off to work. I'm sure I'll have something to blog about by 7, when I get home.

That bitch . Ok, Not really, I love her, but still, why can't I see Bruce?

"Dear Jessie" MADONNA Baby face don't grow so fast Make a special wish that will always last Rub this magic lantern He will make your dreams come true for you Ride the rainbow to the other side Catch a falling star and then take a ride To the river that sings and the clover that Brings good luck to you, it's all true [Chorus:] Pink elephants and lemonade, dear Jessie Hear the laughter running through the love parade Candy kisses and a sunny day, dear Jessie See the roses raining on the love parade If the land of make believe Is inside your heart it will never leave There's a golden gate where the fairies all wait And dancing moons, for you Close your eyes and you'll be there Where the mermaids sing as they comb their hair Like a fountain of gold you can never grow old Where dreams are made, your love parade [chorus] Your dreams are made inside the love parade It's a holiday inside the love parade On the merry-go-round of lovers and white turtle doves Lepre...

That I can sit here and watch my soap operas while I type away. I am loving how Natalie was rescued on OLTL. I mean, it was wonderful the way John looked at Natalie, like she was the most precious person in the world. Dammit, Tess, leave Jessica alone, fucker! I do like Nash, but I like Jessica better. Maybe, I can't decide, when I see Tess with Nash, I almost like her. But when Jess has control, I don't want Tess fucking with her. How much sense does it make that Tess would be able to take full control so easily, and yet Jessica can't get out and doesn't know what's going on when she does. Tess seems to know what's going on. Now they want to bring back Christian? So, they can make him worse? Those fuckers. I'm loving Carly's descent on GH though, that's talent. Just looking at her, you can tell she's got a screw loose. It's good, and might be the real way to get me to like her. I miss Tamara though. Hell, I still miss Sarah Brown! As for Nik...

More like sitting on the edge of the chair, with how little room there is in my bedroom now. Whatever the case may be, I am very happy to be sitting here shirtless, typing to my hearts content. Should I post the full-on boob pic, with the nipple and everything? Let me know what you think.

I ran into Dylan again this weekend. He works at the duck, apparently. He said something about not getting laid since his girlfriend is pregnant. He said it like it was the way things were and that NO ONE has sex when they are pregnant. I don't know that I would be happy with that. But maybe he doesn't find her attractive since she is pregnant. Maybe the bias is all on his side. I just kinda thought it was prolly her idea, I mean, Dylan not having sex when he could? UnFUCKINGheard of. Anyone who knows him would agree.

It's ok that you can't come over. I am sorry you can't. I left the pouty message before I got yours. Any chance I could get you pinned down for next weekend? HAHAHA, I said pinned down. Hey! It's funny to my slightly drunk ass. Tammi and I are trying to get together for the 5th, or around there. Are you off for the holiday? I wish I could make it all better so that you wouldn't have to be stressed. If I had a million dollars, I would hire you as my personal assistant and we could spend our days around the pool, sipping coffee and talking about events. Ok, sure that sounds too glamourous for me, but I could try. *lopsided grin*

Cause I put Buffy wallpaper on my computer... You Know You're Addicted to Buffy When... You look at pieces of wood, deciding if they would make a good stake You decide that you will only see your boyfriend at night and in the graveyard "A happy slayer is a good slayer" becomes your motto You have the whole collection of Buffy T-shirts But you won't wear them - you want to keep them in mint condition. You've taken up karate and practise your Buffy moves regularly You refuse to go out after dark... just in case You have suddenly taken a liking to tweed You start calling your boyfriend Angel You prefer to watch Buffy alone because other people just "don't get it" You find yourself quoting the show several times a day You go shopping for clothes and only purchase things that have appeared on the show You always say the words "the wacky", "wiggins" and "a happy" All your user names on the internet are "Willow" You s...

Did I clean the garage? No, I sure didn't. Instead I sat here until the boy brought me dinner and now he is making me a margarita. And I'm still here.... I'm bored, cause no one is writing today. I've caught up on everything, and now what will I read when he goes home??? Damn.

In Your Eyes Peter Gabriel Love, I get so lost, sometimes Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are All my instincts, they return And the grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside In your eyes The light the heat In your eyes I am complete In your eyes I see the doorway In your eyes to a thousand churches In your eyes The resolution of all the fruitless searches In your eyes Oh, I see the light and the heat In your eyes Oh, I want to be that complete I want to touch the light The heat I see in your eyes Love, I don't like to see so much pain So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away I get so tired, working so hard for our survival I look to the time with you, to keep me awake and alive And all my instincts, they return And the grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside I...

So, I've basically done nothing all day but be on this computer. I love this computer. Ariel, you rock! You would, of course, rock more if you come over this weekend and have fun. *sly grin* I wanna kick your ass at Scrabble.

Right here . Funny, huh? Or this - Angry Chinchillas (explicit lyrics, not for those around children.)

So, I didn't quite go so far as to elminate anoymous posting. Instead I went and put a word verification on my comments. Sorry to all who really love having to put the word in, but that shit was getting outta control. I had like 12 comments for spamming. It was lame.

It's like Christmas around here. I have diskettes (I KNOW!!) with shit on them and a whole box of stuff to go through. Do I want this on the computer, well how about that, and so on. What I can't find is my super cool mousepad with the resty thing for your wrist. :( Of course, all this cleaning just makes me want to go through all the boxes in the garage. Do you know that I found all my wall decorations? Pictures from the oh-so-talented Candice. Pictures of half naked women. Olivia post cards. All the porn store stickers. Like I can put those anywhere since the boy can read. They have gone into a folder. No "Girls will do girls", or "I like my men peirced", or my Bettie Page sticker. The troubles with children *grin*. I am putting up the "art". Getting rid of the shot glass poster, and prolly the No Doubt one that was folded. How can this stuff sit there and me not know about it? I must go to the garage now. See you later.

Can anyone tell me how to put the button down on my taskbar so that I can go directly to my desktop. I know I've seen people do it, but I'll be damned if I know how.

Is it prostitution if I get paid for my day off and I have sex? I hope not. *grin*

I am home, cause I woke up with a nasty headache. I asked the nurse if I was getting them cause of the birth control, and she basically told me I get them cause I am in front of a computer all day. I called in, and then went back to bed until noon, I woulda posted sooner, but the boy was sleeping and the computer is in the room. Oh well. Wish that I feel better everyone, ok? Also, wish that my kid really does come home on Thursday. Or else I will be in jail for going postal on Jake's ass.

Had great fun at karaoke, but no guts to sing. I almost did Jason Mraz or some country, but couldn't work it. Anyhow. I came home to this... HYPNOGERMS! I'm the Basketball! What the FUCK?

Helena My Chemical Romance Long ago Just like the hearse, you die to get in again We are so far from you Burning on, just like a match you strike to incinerate The lives of everyone you know And what’s the worst you take (worst you take) From every heart you break (heart you break) And like a blade you stain (blade you stain) Well, I've been holding on tonight [chorus] What’s the worst that I can say? Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long not goodnight Came a time When every star falls Brought you to tears again We are the very hurt you sold And what’s the worst you take (worst you take) From every heart you break (heart you break) And like a blade you stain (blade you stain) Well, I've been holding on tonight [chorus] What’s the worst that I can say? Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long and goodnight Well, if you carry on this way Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long not goodnight Can you hear me Are you near me Can...

I'm supposed to ask Ariel something, but I don't know if she will read this, or email me.

I JUST DOWNLOADED THE FRAGGLE ROCK THEME SONG.

So, I sit here reading weeks of posts, all my favorites and then some. Downloading music....umm, I didn't say that. I'm only borrowing it to see if I want to buy the album. Good news? I've gotten my Judds back. WOOHOO! I know most of you won't care. Better news, I'm heading out to Karaoke in just under 2 hours with Miss Karina, cause she's all sorts of lovely and wants to hang out with me enough to cart my ass around. Have to work tomorrow, so no drinking. I might be affording one, but not enough to sing, so no stories for y'all about how bad I did. Seriously though? I haven't left the computer alone for more than 20 minutes since I got home. I think my boyfriend might leave me *grin* Like he doesn't love the cable internet as well. Who wouldn't love cable internet? My kid comes home on Thursday. I MISS HIM! Jake's being an ass too, unfortunately. I know they got busy and had to move and go camping, but he hasn't called me in 2 WEEKS! I t...

BOOBS! That's right. Thinking about using this as my photo, but that might be too much.

Can any of you believe that I am typing this from home!!!! I can't hardly. Anyhow, I gotta try to nap before Karaoke tonight. You'll get more later.

Hope you all had as good a weekend as I did. I went to the doctor on Friday, and I LOST 5 POUNDS since last month. I could hardly believe it myself. My blood pressure is back up, but not too high, just high for me. As this was the last weekend without the child, we went a little crazy. I think I've bruised a rib. *wicked grin*. And I think my kitchen table is a little shaky. Oops! Also, the computer is fully internet capable. Now it's just a question of when Comcast can come and hook it up. Hopefully soon, but maybe not until I pay the current bill to bring it down. I'll let you all know.

People seem to be super surprised anytime anything comes outta my mouth, that doesn't fit their ideal. I USED to be crazy, I STILL have potential. I really do! Believe me! Like when I told Tara about Jesse's comment on my bisexuality. She was like....WHAT! And acted like I should be totally offended. Maybe that's why she doesn't say anything about girls being cute until she is drunk. I got quite the head rub on my boob. It was nice. I don't know, but she seemed to think that there was no way I would think girls were cute. Or when I was talking about when I was younger and with my creepy ex, who had restraints in his waterbed. The person I was talking to was totally surprised that I could have ever done that. Why? It's not like I hang out with Vanilla people, why do they think I am? Do I need to have some disclaimer tattooed on my body? I can see it....."TOTALLY UN-VANILLA" So, this is my disclaimer. To all, I've made out with girls, I've done b...

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he is feeling. The 80-year-old man says, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins, "I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?" The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver." The doctor replied ... "My point exactly." ------------------------------------------------------------- I LIKE IT! I hope you all do too. =)

So, you should all be happy to know that I made it up to Ben. I know I freaked and I know the dream had something to do with it, and it's not his fault. Panic attack, or something. When I was done making it up *evil grin*, he ran his fingers all over my shoulders and neck and kissed my face all over. Which is really the way he shows me that he loves me. He's really not a talker. Someday I shall have to share how we got together, and the nice things he wrote to me. Unless he is too embarrassed, but maybe I don't have to tell him. *evil grin*

I've been thinking that maybe (maybe??? Of COURSE) I don’t really make my feelings known to Ben. I mean, we hang out and all that, and we talk, but mostly about inconsequential stuff. The other day I asked if he had realized that he didn't want to live with me yet, after I finally have one more step forward. He didn't say yes or no, but conveniently side-stepped the question with a "how is it going to work"? Does he need to apply for Section 8 as well. I said no, I have a form to add and I could just do that. Then another question about if I knew how they would handle his money (usually a 3rd of your income, but his income is funny) and if it would raise my rent. I said, probably. And that was the end of the discussion. I don't mind, if I get to have him around. Maybe he does mind? I don't know. So, I figured when I have an extra moment, I will send off a mushy email, with song lyrics, telling him how I feel. NOTHING in response, not even a response to my ...

I am on lunch right now, so I’m not being bad, if any of you care. Had MUCH fun last night. I hope everyone else did too. Thanks to all for coming, it was wonderful to see you all. Good news: Ariel brought me a computer that should work!!! Bad News: It needs one more part to be internet ready. She thinks she will get it this week, but we know about her luck with the mail, so maybe not. Then all I have to do is call Comcast and I will be a happy camper. I can blog to my heart’s content. I just have to find somewhere to put the computer desk now. *grin*

Unbelievable,huh? Let me just say that Jesse's computer sucks. I have to hit the space bar super hard. Just typing this has been a pain in the ass. Anyhow, looking forward to seeing people tomorrow. I can't type like this, especially after a few drinks, so I am going to end this. See you all later.

Very strange last night. All I remember clearly was that someone I loved was getting married. I don't even remember if I was a girl or boy. I did just read a book that was kinda like that, so maybe that's were I got it. It turned out that all I needed to do was say something and they wouldn't. I think I got the courage up and it worked out, but I don't know. So many times I let my pride get the better of me and don't say things that would help me.