Random Thoughts

I'm home. Been home for about an hour now. I've been feeling sorry for myself. And angry at all the assholes who keep saying how much they LOVE snow and oh, good, more snow. None of those assholes fell in the snow. None of them hurt their back. None of them have to walk in the goddamn snow. I'm gonna punch the next person who says how much they love snow in the face. Unless it's my child, and then I GUESS I won't punch him. That would just knock his teeth off anyhow. So I've managed to make myself feel a little better by sitting here thinking my hateful thoughts and listening to Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics. By far my best Christmas album. Ben and I had a discussion yesterday about how I rate my iTunes music. He thinks I rate things too high. And maybe he's right. But...it's all opinion anyhow, right? So after he proceeded to SHOW me how many songs I'd had rated at 5 (900 out of 4,000 - I STILL don't think that's too much) and how many...

That song sucks. But I needed something that had "believe" in it. See, I BELIEVE that the reason I am losing my (figurative) shit all over the place over this court thing is because I've become too used to people being able to help me. It's a good thing, but it makes me worry that I've become too dependent on others. If I've learned nothing else in my life, it's that you can really only depend on yourself. At least that's what I learned from my family, what I've learned from friends is that they will help you if they can. They will bend over backwards to help you, even if your own mother can not send you some pictures of your grandmother. Pictures only. I don't ask her for any money, even though she did just buy a house. I don't ask her for anything. My own mother. The same person who was too busy stuffing her nose full of coke to do laundry. To even be able to PAY to do laundry. How many times did I sort through my dirty clothes, hoping to...

1. I hate headaches. Especially constant ones. It was residing behind my right eye, but now is lodged firmly in the back of my neck. 2. I hate that sickly feeling in the back of my throat. 3. I hate how tired I am, and how everyone thinks I look like I'm mad. I am mad, so I guess I should just deal. 4. I hate doing the schedule. 5. I hate that I have a mountain of sick time built up, but I can't use it cause I am running out of time. Time to research last year's credits, time to do the schedule, and time in training for the system. Why must it all be at the same time? 6. I hate tonsiliths. For some reason whenever one pops out (which is often, since I seem to be eternally sick at this point), I have to smell it and poke at it. And they smell like horse buttholes. Hickory smoked horse buttholes. Actually, they might smell better if they had hickory smoke smell. Instead all I can think of is how bad my breath must smell. 7. I hate everything today. I hate tip-toeing around an...

I HATE it when crap disappears from my desk. I have to work here, I need my white out. Why does all the white out disappear? Not just from my desk, but from everywhere. Are there little white out elves who come and steal all the white out? Are they hungry? Does white out taste good? (sorry guys, I have a weird imagination. This is the only way I make it through the day. Thinking of weird crap) I just bought that damn white out. And I can't even say for sure that it's not here. My desk is a disaster area, and while I've felt around, it could very well be hiding. Some things I hate: 1. My things missing. 2. Doing the schedule at work. 3. One ear hurting more than the other one when they were both pierced at the SAME time. 4. Hitting said earring and pushing the earring up, and hurting my ear. 5. Bruised ribs 6. That it's not Friday 7. That I haven't been able to see my Heather in forever, cause I missed her last text, and she is a busy girl. 8. Not seeing the new Aqua...

I hate everyone today. Apparently, Wednesday is the day when I lost it. Anyone start a poll to see when I finally lost my freaking mind after not having enough time off? If you guessed Wednesday, you win! What you win? I don't know. My subconscious threw that damn dream at me, and I am just fucking annoyed after all of that. I've been thinking about it all freaking morning. I'm almost at the end of this book that I am loving. I'm not sure if it's coloring my mood or not. It's so close to the end, and I'm rooting for these people, but all of the sudden, they are all divorced. NOT A SINGLE COUPLE MADE IT through the years. I'm totally pissed. I had such hope for at least one of the couples. I really don't want a book to be able to put me in such a bad mood. Perhaps it's flowing over from all my Grandma thoughts. I don't know why this has been such a bad year. Most of the time I don't even think of my Grandma. I guess most of the time I just...