Random Thoughts

Yesterday they won. The people at my work, that is. Most of the time, I can just blow it off, or at least not get so worked up about it. Instead, she actually made me cry. Or I made me cry, or whatever is the case. I was busy, working on getting the returns caught up, which I had not done in a while. It actually takes a REALLY long time from start to finish. Not even completely finished, but close enough. The talker was working on matching said credits, but I guess someone downstairs needed to do a batch of invoices. And there were none, cause the person who does that was out Friday, and Monday. Before that even, she snarked at me about not having anyone to help me cover lunch. What the hell does she care? It was my fault, and I was doing what I had to do to make it work. I tried to explain the Mondays are hard to schedule. She didn't really want an explanation, she only wanted to bitch. She really likes to do that. I put out the schedule before I finalize it to have everyone look...

Every Monday feels about the same. I think...god, how can it already be Monday? Why do I have to get up? Cause I am stupid sometimes and stay up late on Sunday night. I have to watch the Aqua Teens! And then I just...well, I'm just stupid after that. I'm working on getting rid of a sore throat and a slight cough. Yes, I got sick AGAIN. This one is a hell of a lot tamer than the last one. At least so far. I'm not stuffy, and I HATE being stuffy. I can deal with almost anything else. The Monday after working Saturday and getting one day off is particularly hard. I did a ton of dishes yesterday. I had toyed with the idea of telling Ben I wasn't coming home until some dishes were done, but I'm just not that mean, I guess. He's going to finish them today. Or else. (No, I don't really know what I mean by "or else") Derek got a few things from Toys-R-Us last week, including Clue...which I've probably already told you. I really kind of love board gam...

All this talk and thinking about my mother has caused me to have some really strange dreams. I had another last night. One that almost exactly mirrored the way my life used to be. She wanted me to do something for Mike. Something that I didn't really feel it was my "job" to do. Which always pissed her off. Once she was on me about something to do with my little brother and I yelled out that he wasn't my kid. She was so pissed. I guess she figured we should all just help out. Whatever it was that she wanted me to do for Mike, it was something weird and I was just like...I'm not gonna. I don't have to and you can't make me. To which she dropped me off wherever I was, left me there, and then went on some rampage to ruin my life. She kept trying to find me, so that she could have my cell phone. Which I didn't understand, cause I paid for the damn thing, it was mine. I was an adult, as far as I know, but I still felt powerless. Like either...I knew that s...

Sometimes, I think I just like to type. I've been amusing myself with not looking at the keyboard, and then not even looking at the screen, and I lose some speed when I look away from the screen, but not much. I just love the feeling of my fingers moving along, and seeing them producing something. The words rolling out from the tips of my fingers. It's awesome. Still, I'm pretty sure I'm not meant for typing work, where people don't look and transcribe notes. I can't look at something else and type it. I can only type fast when the words are flowing from my mind. I know this because I wrote out my thankful post while Ben was sleeping and then tried to type it later. The funny thing is I censored myself while typing it out. Perhaps I should write all posts out first and then take out the crap I don't like. I don't know. Did anyone notice a difference between my Thankful post and the others? Maybe I'm just crazy. Perhaps there isn't a difference. ...

Do you know that special blog, all for my kid? The one that I even cross posted to MySpace and put out a bulletin to have all my friends look at it. I figured that people who hadn't seen my kid in awhile would appreciate it. So far, I only have comments from people who either hardly know me, or people from work, cause they are nice. My "friends" couldn't be bothered to leave a comment, and I don't know if they even read it. Not any of you people, of course, here I have some idea who is looking what with my trusty site meter. Even if you don't leave comments, I can guess and every time I see one from Eugene, or Springfield, I'm like...AWUH! That's one of my friends! There, I really have no idea. It tells me how many people have looked at it, but I don't know who or when or what area they come from. So, my old "friends" could really care less about me. And honestly? There isn't anything I can possibly do about it, so I'm trying not ...

30 Unknown Facts/Secrets About Yourself (I don't think these count as secrets, but whatever) 1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship? Anger (mis)management. 2. When was the last time you shaved your legs? Sunday 3. What were you doing this morning at 8am? Sleeping! HA HA BITCHES. 4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Watching Ben butter the turkey. Hee hee hee. 5. Are you any good at math? YES 6. Your prom night? DRAMA. All over the place. Went with Heather, danced with James, tried to prevent everyone from kicking Rose's ass. 7. Do you have any famous relatives? I think I'm somehow related to Evil Kneival. Which is stupid. 8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school? Only about $18,000 more to pay it off. (groan) 9. Do you know the words to your MySpace song? Mostly. It's kind of hard to understand her. 10. Last thing you received in the mail? Junk. Junk mail ALL the time. 11. How many different beverages have you drank today? Coffee, water....

Sometimes I'm thankful just to wake up. Last night I had a dream about....zombies, I think. Except much faster zombies. Smarter zombies, maybe they weren't zombie's at all. I have a lot of dreams where people try to kill me. So far as I know, no one has ever really tried to kill me, so I don't know why it's such a prevalent thought in my dreams. I had a couple of friends who were "normal" like me, and we kept running like hell. We kept thinking, if we could just hide, but they were EVERYWHERE. And too fast to lose. We tried, many times. Right before I woke up, we were at the top of some stairs trying to help someone who'd been hurt. And they started coming up the stairs and I kept trying to kick out at them. Trying to hit them in the head REALLY hard in the hopes of knocking one down the stairs. But being at the top of the stairs, I couldn't seem to get enough balance to throw that leg out hard enough. Instead they just kept dodging it, and one of ...

Ok, so maybe next year is a bigger milestone. The double digit birthday and finally realizing how fast they are growing. Except I already know how fast he is growing. I didn't for a bit. I was a teenager myself and when you are younger time seems to DRAG. Maybe being an adult fills up your days more. More responsibility, more activites, longer hours (then school anyhow), and having your own child. But it still took me a few years to actually realize how fast he really was growing up. I remember thinking...gosh, I wish he could do this or that already. Like talking, well now he talks all the time, and sometimes I'd like a break. Or walking, but now he can run away. Feeding himself...well, I actually really like that he can feed himself and wipe his own butt, those are certainly perks. And he does have a hell of a lot more personality. He's just his own little person. A mix of Jake and myself. Sometimes, he looks so much like Jake that it is weird. Like the way he'll eat ...

I had fun this weekend. Well, fun and craziness. Friday was Derek's birthday sleep over party. Why would I do that? I'm not sure. I counted and while they were awake, it was TEN hours. Birthday parties DO NOT LAST THAT LONG. 2 other 8 year olds, who all had my son's energy, and all hyped up on sugar, THAT I GAVE THEM!???? (I know you are all shaking your heads right now.) And an 11 year old, who was by far the quietest of the bunch. Even HE thought the younger kids were rowdy. Those first few hours weren't too bad. I got a cute little video where they all talk about butts and pooping. Cause apparently that's what 8 year olds do. I guess they weren't all talking. Josh was probably too busy wondering what he had gotten himself into at that point. Then they tried to watch a movie, with candy. I'm pretty sure there is candy in my new couches. Normally we DO NOT eat outside the kitchen much, so it was a real eye opener as to why. I actually had to STAND There and...

I keep thinking...well, I'm done with the computer now. Ok, now, ok, now. Seriously. It's not happening. Ben is off to do an errand for me, cause he is awesome like that, so I am sitting here alone. I've commented, I've blogged, I've checked MySpace about a hundred times. I'll tell you something though, people over there..well, I would guess the point is to have people look at your profile. Then they put videos on their profile that just randomly pop up. No warning. And if you don't stop them quickly, they pretty much fuck up my computer. I have to get into the task manager, cause there is no little clicky "x" at the top. No, you're just fucked. If I watch it through, I can't seem to get out of it at all. I would understand if they were videos people liked, but mostly I've getting fucking yahoo ads. You know what? I FUCKING KNOW WHERE TO FIND THE MOST VIDEOS, and I'm sick of the "yahoo" fucking yodeling. You people are pis...

My arm REALLY FUCKING HURTS. I think I over-extended it, having to work my way around our printer at work. I had to drop this box behind the printer, but I had to do it carefully and it was kind of heavy, so I didn't want to just drop it. Instead I held on to it as long as I could, while it went over the back of the printer. Stupid idea, Desiree. Just so you know. You're prolly gonna be REALLY hurting tomorrow. HOORAY. Just in time for a slumber party sleep over party. Did you all know that boys like to call it that? I did not, being a girl. Derek didn't know the difference either, so I'm gonna turn him into a sissy boy who uses words like slumber party. Also, I think there is something in my water in this here house, you guys. I've gotten laid every night since Monday. And while I definitely made Monday and Tuesday happen, he was the one who brought it up (hee) last night. Tonight? I don't know. I think it was a combination of the perusing of "adult"...

Or Bookstore hate. I don't know which. Actually, a day and a half later, and some MUCH NEEDED perspective (cause really if this is ALL I have to bitch about, I'm doing good) and I'm not quite so pissed. Still kinda pissed, but not so bad. Ok, so remember how I was SO happy to buy a damn Ipod? I remember. Only 5 months ago, it's still fresh to me. So, they recently went on sale. They are now less than HALF what I paid less than half a year ago. I mean....ok, progress, I get it. I'm still pissed. For LESS then the same damn amount, I could have a 4 gig Ipod. I bought Ben a 4 gig at the beginning of November. The way everything falls, they don't take the money from our charge accounts until January. Last year (And HOPEFULLY this year), I got tax returns before the end of January. Is it stupid to hope? Yes. But is it fantastic to watch how excited Ben is over this thing? (even if he IS being a little over zealous) Yes, yes it is. He loves it. I paid $149.00 two w...

I was looking through the computer, idly looking at Ben's porn, when I realized that most of it is all about the tits. It didn't matter if they had a bit of stomach, nothing like that. It was all about boobs. And Boobs I got. Seriously, how amusing is it to guys to have girls put oil on their boobs and rub it in? He likes more upscale porn than I. I'm all about the penetration, and screw the story. These didn't try to have a story, but it was more about playing with boobs and bouncing up and down, ie. bouncing the boobs. Instead of being like...hers are bigger (because REALLY, mine are REAL, and not video), I used it to my advantage. Not oil, oil is too messy, but ice cubes are good. The whole thing worked out really well. Hurray for me.

I LOVE my new skirt. It's completely awesome. It's purple with butterflies and happiness. Ok, that happiness is all my own. I'm SO wearing this skirt to the concert. I've gotten nothing but compliments and few "are you wearing a skirt?" comments. Like I HATE skirts. I'm NOT anti-skirt, I just didn't own one for awhile. I'm probably fairly anti-dress, though I love that black one I got from Karina. But it's not like that dressy black dress works in normal working situations. Not when we are allowed to wear jeans and Oregon shirts. My skirt is SO purple, I LOVE it. (I'm still hacking and at one point my gobs of snot came out tinged with pink, which probably means blood, but really I'm doing MUCH better) (Aren't you all special to be able to share in my gross sickness?) I'm sitting here trying to think about what I should wear with this skirt on Saturday, the loveliest day of this week. The jeans are a little tight in the tummy ...

Once tagged by this entry, the assignment is to write a blog entry of some kind with six random facts about yourself. Then, pick six of your friends and tag them; no tag backs. This explanation should be included. 1) I really love my pictures. Maybe because even if someone has moved on from me, I have a picture and some way to remember them. This is both a blessing and a curse. Only, because some people I do not really want to remember. But I feel like getting rid of them is some sort of sacrilege. At the time, I took them for a reason, and maybe someday I'll look at them and then be like....oh, I remember that, and perhaps I won't be so angry with them any more. I guess I don't want to regret throwing them away. Likewise, I have any present ever given to me, at least since I've been living on my own. 2) I give people endless chances. Even people who I'm really pissed at, I'll be like...well, maybe they are better now. (For instance, hanging out with Jake, jesus...

(that's close to a song lyric.) So I figured I would share some of my favorite pictures with you guys. Cause I am crazy camera lady. Anyhow, I hope I got enough that some of them were fantastic. I'm quite the amatuer picture taker, but I sure have fun. It was a good time. We all gabbed, caught up, some of us napped (and I like that people are comfortable enough in my house to nap, except Derek RUINED that comfortableness by tickling Cruz's feet. Derek is so unafraid of everything, but I think that Cruz is gonna end up getting him back. If I were Derek, I'd be more worried than he was. The funny thing is that about 5 seconds before Derek woke him up, Natalli was like...oh you shouldn't do that, he will be mad. The kids ran through the house for awhile, until it was lunch and cake time. Then they watched part of a movie and we still just gabbed. I really like just sitting around my coffee table and talking with people. So my favorites of the party pictures were: Don...

Your Vocabulary Score: B You have a zealous love for the English language, and many find your vocabulary edifying. Don't fret that you didn't get every word right, your vocabulary can be easily ameliorated! How's Your Vocabulary?

I'm starting to be able to breathe! I'm very excited. Plus, I told asked Ben to do some dishes tomorrow so they don't get scary, and he said yes. Hurray. If I could just say something I wouldn't get so damn worked up. Just to let you know that I'm doing better already.

I'm all freshly birth control-ified. Another shot in my butt, other butt cheek, I'm trying to avoid resting my hand on it, which would (of course) be the only place my hand would like to rest. I'm LUCKY like that. /sarcasm I've gained 3 pounds in as many months. I FELT like I was doing better, but instead I guess I am doing worse. What gets me is that the shot makes you FEEL hungry, even when you are not. I know it's only 3 pounds, but over a year, that could become 12. =( Now, I've trained myself for YEARS to just ignore my body, but then I read that that is JUST as bad, cause then you are STARVING and you tend to eat more to make up for it. And then it's all stored as fat because your body thinks...well, hell, we must be in some sort of famine, right? Since she starves her body, we better keep up that fat protection. Something to live off of. And I've also heard that eating less often slows your metabolism. So now...shit, I don't know. I guess I s...

Seriously. Ick. I HATE being sick. I slept almost 12 hours yesterday. And yet my nose is still stuffed up and it's FLAKING from the constant blowing. I'm more worried that I am gonna get an ear infection. I don't know what taking antibiotics will do to my new birth control. And an "oops" baby would not be fun. This just makes me more inclined to what to take care of the problem entirely. Anyhow. I had a pretty good vacation, even with getting sick. I cleaned like a madwoman. I had a GREAT conference with his teacher. (remember how I gloated the other day? Well, Derek was doing his version of the "robot" the other night, and I realized that he has NO rhythm. This is what I get for being so boastful.) I've been re-applying carmex to my nose every time I think about it. If I could just be in the shower PERMANENTLY, than I could breathe. (In an "isn't that cute" moment, Ben put about 6 pictures of ME on his Ipod. He can look at me whenever ...

I'm so DONE. I can't breathe out one side of my nose, I'm so SICK of cleaning, and while I can't breathe out my nose, apparently it can run like a motherfucker. I just cried into my pillow a little bit. My throat is sore on the same side where I can't breathe. I'm getting sick. I'm sure staying up so late last night didn't help. Then I got up at 9, so screw anything near 8 hours. Got up, started cleaning more, made lunch for Derek, made more of a mess that I'll just have to clean up later. I'm pretty sure it was the messy lunch that did it. I screwed up and poured wrong and now I'm gonna have to clean the damn stove too. Which is why I'm sitting here, writing out my tantrum, instead of crying into the pillow. I don't WANNA be sick when I am doing things this weekend. I don't WANNA be sick on my vacation. I was just thinking why the hell does my stomach hurt so much when I realized it's partly due to all the cleaning and furnit...

I've been trying to get things ready, so I've been absent from this here blog. Obviously. I'm on vacation now. So it's better, but I also need to clean. And we've been re-arranging the house! I have NEW COUCHES and they are PRETTY. Now that most everything is put away I'll have to take a picture and show you all. But I'm cleaning for Mina's party, and because REALLY, I should clean my whole house at least occasionally. I had my doctor's appointment Tuesday, it threw me for a loop. I've gained weight, but I'll get into that later. I'm better now, especially after talking to our payroll person, who also deals with our insurance. She suggested just getting my tubes tied. Being down with it, and the hormonal birth control. That would be SO fantastic. She gave me a number to call to ask about how much it would cost me out of pocket. She said that anymore, they are usually a same day procedure and if I could go it on a Friday, I could even go b...

This seems to apply to many areas lately. I'm not even sure what I should use for "small talk". I've been quieter, and it's not even been a bad thing. My mom started up her own MySpace. The whole TWO people I've told (cause I ran into them on the street right afterwards) reacted with horror and an instinctive response of "don't friend her". I did, but locked my previous angry entry. It was only visible to friends before that, so no chance she snuck in. Unless she snuck in to my sister's account for some reason. I'm not even sure why I locked it. While my mom can be pretty petty and hold a grudge FOREVER, what could she possibly do to me out here? It doesn't matter, I instinctively say nothing to her. And while part of me thinks it's because telling her how I feel will really get me nowhere, cause she's such a teenager and likely to just push it back on me, another part wonders if I'm not still afraid of her. She is scary...

So, I get to use the computer cause Ben is done (for now) adding music to his Ipod. It's going to take FOREVER. He's trying to be like...the winner or something. Seriously. He HAS to have the cover art show, and he is putting them all in at a higher rate, to make it better quality. He's even already put a picture on it. Of me, which is SWEET. =) He's such an overachiever. *smirk* But he's making dinner so I am sitting here typing away for the moment. It's his Christmas present. Like I was gonna make him wait to open it. He thinks it's fantastic. They are fantastic. =) I've been busy all weekend. Like...well, not so much Friday night, but I did watch 2 movies. Meet the Fockers and Hellraiser..um the 5th one. I don't remember what it was called. Two vastly different movies. Blockbuster is trying to be as awesome as NetFlix and they are letting people turn in movies for new movies. Plus they send out new ones right away. And they keep sending 4 instead ...

So, remember how I said the whiny new girl MAYBE wasn't so bad? I lied. I didn't know it at the time, but I was fucking LYING. Today, someone came for a bag and the safe was locked (as it SHOULD be) and we needed to hunt down the closing manager. See, some people have taken to not always locking up the safe, which is RETARDED, in my opinion. SHE, however, seems to think that we should just ALWAYS have it open. Cause the Bookstore has NEVER been robbed. (Apparently, she KNOWS this, somehow) She asked if we could just leave it open, and I said NO. She says..well, it's kind of a pain to have to wait for someone to open it at night. (this was about when I starting thinking....I could just kill her here and stuff her body in the safe. They'd NEVER know it was me...oh...um...if I disable the cameras, they wouldn't) She asks why and I explain that it should always be locked when someone isn't in there. Well, I could stay in here, she says. I bet you could, I'm thin...

Last night, while watching Ben carve the pumpkin, I was screwing with my pony tail. It is so long it reaches over the top of my head and comes down over my eye. Derek asked if he can have his hair over his eye. I said..sure, grow your hair out this long and then your ponytail will reach over your eye. He says, well, why can't I just grow it out in the front and have it over one eye. I cracked up laughing and said no. He says why? I said...Cause that's SO emo. You can't do that. And he looks at me and he goes.....it would be "goth". I said..yes, Emo is the goth kids who have it wrong. (thanks for the definition, Karina) He's like what? And I tried to explain that no, he can't be goth. You have to have been a teenager for at LEAST a year before you can be goth. I told him you have to be 14. (I'm mean) I just didn't expect my not quite 9 year old to be talking about how he could be goth. And I had to restrain myself from calling Jake and telling him t...