Random Thoughts

Trying to explain a shitty life, shitty parents, teenage hormones on top of it all, to someone who’s always had “normal” (whatever the hell that is) parents. It’s pretty much impossible. As Michael pointed out, they have no point of reference. This thing with Ben’s kid is heartbreaking to me. I remember being 15, thinking no one wanted or cared about me, a mother who was too drunk/wasted on drugs to care. I remember wishing things were different, listening to mom and Mike fight when they were drunk as I tried to be the adult for my sisters and shield them from it, running away when it all became too fucking much for me to handle. The catalyst to my running away wasn’t even Mike in the beginning or at least that wasn’t my main concern. I’d figured out how to deflect him and use his attention for my own purposes. If I wanted something, I’d be nice and if I didn’t need anything, I’d be a fucking bitch to him so he wouldn’t want to be near me. Sadly, I think that’s something I still use to...

It's been a shitty week. I know, it's only Wednesday. And then after thinking about it? It was a shitty week last week. Maybe it'll be a shitty month. How exciting. Something to look forward to. Let's see....my weekend went far too fast. Last week was the week work broke me. When I'd had enough. Monday? Monday, I woke up with a bruised rib. I think. It's the only explanation I can come up with, as I've never been to see the doctor about it. I hate my doctor. And I don't know that he could tell me if it was a bruised rib. I'm just making an educated guess. Since it only hurts to breath, it must be something inside. And since it only hurts to breath deeply, it must be a rib. This happens to me all the time. I don't know why. I never know when I do it. Only, all of the sudden it hurts. Maybe I contorted while sleeping? Maybe it was during sex, that's happened before. But I don't know why it wouldn't hurt all day and then hurt in the mor...