Random Thoughts

A song set me off. Of course it did. What's the fucking point? When people die completely randomly like Charles with the leukemia for no fucking reason, or my dad falling and ending up brain dead... WTF? I suppose I should be thankful...but I'm just fucking pessimistic. Now my "mom" at work is in and out of the fucking hospital for some problems with her liver. A woman who is so healthy..and I just don't fucking get it. There doesn't seem to be an answer for her and it's been a month. 2 surgeries and another one a few days ago (and I haven't heard from her since...no need to tell you how fucking freaked out I am) and when I saw her last Tuesday she told me that during the first surgery, they "nicked" something. Had to get her out of surgery fast. It didn't hit me until later that night what she'd meant. She could have died on the motherfucking operating table. A place that was supposed to save her. Yes...I KNOW. Risks are ALWAYS invol...

I'm going to put in some posts to catch up. I'm not going to make a separate entry for each. I may do a weekly thing to get caught up. I'm sorry Ariel, I think you are probably the only person who really reads this anymore...well, and Jenn too, but Jenn also reads MySpace, so she keeps up between the two. Ariel - I post for you, ok? Just not right now. I must clock back in from lunch.

I think I'm beyond caring at this point. I hope so. No crying, just hopelessness. Awesome. My bank has charged me overdraft fees because I couldn't deposit money in the damn ATM. It wouldn't work or accept my cash, or whatever the hell. New and improved, my ass. 40 dollars. I sent them a message on line, we'll see what they do. I DID call and talk to someone yesterday, and she said they empty the bins out at night. I tried Tuesday night, and Wednesday. No luck, so OBVIOUSLY, they did not empty the bins the night before. They better waive those charges. My kid has been having major tantrums lately. Literally FREAKING out at home. And I guess he's had a rough time twice this week at school. I don't know what to do. We took away his video games for a week already from the tantrum the other night, and now he still had problems today. I don't know what else to do. I'm half tempted to take away his California trip with his dad. But that just means less time ...

I was thinking about my Grandma recently. As you all know. So, I went on to MySpace and messaged my mom on April 11th to see if she has any pictures of Grandma. Anything I might be able to have to feel closer to her. My mom said that she had a conference to go to, but that she would look when she got back. Actually, what she said was, "Desi, Sure sweetie. I am really busy this weekend, going to Casper for a conference but I will do it as soon as I can. I love you and miss you big time! Mom" I wrote back on April 12th: "Thanks mom. I hope your conference goes (went?) well. I miss you all too. I looked into the Greyhound, but it would take me three days to get there. I don't know if I'm not looking at it right or what, but that just seems like so long. I don't think Derek would like being on the bus for 3 days, and then have to turn around and go back. =(" From Mom (on April 16th): "Desi, I will check into the bus for u too. It didn't take us that...