Random Thoughts

I've been craving things... Like Fries from McDonalds.. And Spicy Sushi.... And FRIED CHICKEN. Good fried chicken. I don't even usually like anything but the breast and sometimes I think the bone is a hassle, so I eat a lot of chicken breast instead. It doesn't make for a REALLY good piece of fried chicken though. :( Sushi is at Costco, but I ain't got a card and going way out there on the bus and bringing sushi back home via said bus? Prolly not a good thing. I'd prolly make myself sick. Fries are ALWAYS too far away. McDonalds is TOO far. I just never get there. I always go past it to Winco, or Walmart. There's not one really close to my work, or else I'd just go for lunch sometimes. I suppose it's not terribly far. By the time I walk there and then walk back, it takes up a good part of my lunch. And if I want to eat close to work, so that I don't have to walk right after I eat, the smell of french fries permeates my backpack, cause I don't wan...

So, it seems like the Talker doesn't do ANY work. She's just sitting there, finding one person after another to talk to. She runs upstairs to get the paperwork for 401K stuff, all the while talking EVERYONE'S ear off. Now she's working customer service, talking to one of the vendors. The other day, she pushed her stomach out and she was like...look, I look pregnant! Stay away from the DAMN CHOCOLATE then. She keeps going in Tara's room and getting the chocolates Tara puts out for everyone. She eats more than anyone else I would guess. K got gingerbread cookies from her Secret Santa at work. She passed them around and people would take one, always being careful to avoid taking the BIG one. It's her present after all. The talker took the big one. Every time I hear her talking to one person or another, I just want to throw things at her. It's not like me to be so annoyed over the little things, but DOES SHE WORK AT ALL? I bet SHE got a raise. I sure didn'...

When SBAW came down and she was like...we really need to give Jerri a big thank you for being the boss this week. I felt AWFUL. (I mighta kinda wanted to smack her in the face.) Cause I worked my ASS off last week covering everything that needed to be cover while people were gone and NO ONE thanked me. I was just sinking more and more into being SUPER pissed off and just dwelling on the whole thing (as I often do) when Charles (Super nice guy at work) gave me one of the little written thank you notes that people are supposed to be giving people when they see something they'd like to commend. This is what he wrote Desiree is always willing to answer questions concerning invoices. No matter what time of day or what she is in the middle of she always has time. Desiree frequently goes above and beyond when assisting us in the cash office with invoices. Often times she gives us hands on assistance when pressed for time with check run. Desiree consistently provides excellent knowledge...

Cause who doesn't like Jack Black? Tribute (The Greatest Song in the World) Tenacious D This is the greatest and best song in the world...tribute. Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here We was hitch hiking down a long and lonesome road All of a sudden There shined a shiny demon In the middle of the road And he said Play the best song in the world or I'll eat your souls Well me and Kyle we looked at each other And we each said. OKAY And we played the first thing that came to our heads Just so happened to be The best song in the world It was the best song in the world Look into my eyes and it's easy to see one and one make two, two and one make three It was destiny Once every hundred thousand years or so when the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow and the grass doth grow Needless to say... The beast was stunned... Whip-crack with his whippy tail And the beast was done He asked us *snort*"Be you angels?" And we said nay We are but men Rock! Aaahhhh aaahhh ahhhh...

Ok, so the beginning is just some guy rapping, but I really like this song. It might actually be my favorite TLC song and the line I've bolded just makes the whole song for me. Cause I want to leave an impression. Something Wicked This Way Comes TLC Remember back in da time When da only sign we had was picket But now in '94 it be This way somethin' come wicked G-angs killin' others fo colors Thangs that we wear fo fashion Other brothers take it fo a reason To be blastin' what da kcuf is goin' on Not soft like buttercups but Had enough of singin' dat same song See I stayed across da street from da projects Took out yo momma trash and groceries To her trunk to keep my pockets Fat like cellulite only been to jail one week Fo some shullbit and I pray to God I won't repeat I shoulda pulled it when I had da chance to No I shouldn't did dat 'cause if I did dat Yall would not hear dat fat shit Dat keeps you on yo tippy- Toes like dat sellout not callin...

With the holidays behind us, I can admit. I did a fair amount of reminiscing. I wondered whether this family member or that would remember me. I got some cards. I got MONEY. Which is lovely. As the days wore on, I started to think that I wasn't gonna get anything from my Dad. This is the ONE time of the year, I've been able to count on him for years now. I talked it out over and over in my head and to K at work. Then I started to realize, that EVEN worse! My mother had not mentioned Christmas or sent me an e-mail or anything. She doesn't usually send presents. I understand, she still has little kids in the house, she is still spending massive amounts on Christmas. But I thought I'd get an e-mail. To be fair, I didn't send her one. My pride got in the way. I might e-mail her soon, but part of me is scared that she won't respond and wouldn't that be WORSE than not getting an e-mail at all? Just now I realized, my parents have switched roles. My dad gives me th...

Like EVERYONE else is cooler than you? I do too often. Like I can't be cool enough to manage my money so that I can go anywhere. I can't be cool enough to get comments much lately. I can't be cool enough to not snap at the boyfriend when he is just trying to talk to me, and I'm already annoyed. It's not like I have an HUGE abundance of friends and all these things contribute to making me feel like I am just gonna manage to run everyone off cause everyone else is so much cooler than me. Which is hard to believe, cause I am SO effing cold right now, how can I not be cool enough?

This weather has severly FUCKED with my skin. I've been using Shea butter on my hands (See, Ariel, I don't NEED lotion, it's Shea Butter) to keep them somewhat soft and not so fucking dry... I wanted to say keep them moist, but that just didn't sound right. I've also kicked up the water drinking. But this morning when I got out of the shower, I was putting socks on when I found this EXTREMELY dry spot on my leg. Like flaky dry. It's gross. And it's pissing me off. I shall have to go back to the lotion, cause the Shea Butter? If I put that on my legs, I'd have to wait for like half an hour to sit on my bed. (My FAVORITE SPOT) Cause you know how it doesn't soak in immediately. It just sits there and looks GREASY and then all of the sudden you can't see or feel it. It just feels nice instead. It's VERY dry right next to my tattoo, scratching it is prolly not a good thing. I will be scrubbing like hell tonight to get the flakiness off and then I ...

The kid just asked me what "Mounds" was. I was like....Piles, like a mound of potatoes. He comes into the kitchen and says...oh, you know when they sing that song? Deck the halls with mounds of holly? I just looked at him and tried not to laugh as I explained...no that's boughs of holly. Oh, what's boughs? A branch. OH!!

I had an unexpected visitor at work today! It's been awhile since I've had a visitor. I think each time she's been there, they've had to call me from upstairs. Most of the time, I really do work downstairs, just not today. It was lovely to see Karina and Birdie. I've missed unexpected visits. As long as there is coverage, my work doesn't really care. I miss when Ariel and Tammy went to school there and would drop in. Then I could take a break and actually feel comfortable and not have to listen to Twyla, just because I took a break at the same time as her. Karina got to meet SBAW. And found some stickers! Birdie was rather more impressed with the gum and the lip gloss (a girl after my own heart), I think. *grin* And it's wonderful to have a visit from someone who smells so FANTASTIC! Plus, the cute kid with her makes people smile. I saw a few people I know who were peering around the corners to see the little girl with the sweet voice. Plus, I got smiles on ...

I had no idea there was ANOTHER song by her. It's faintly reminiscent of Pink, I almost thought it was, until I realized what it was called and then remembered seeing the song somewhere with her name. Unwritten Natasha Bedingfield I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way Staring at the b...

My DVD adapter is broken. I'm sad, I can't use the DVD player until it's fixed or I buy a new one. For like 20 bucks. Which is twenty bucks I don't have. I guess we COULD watch the DVDs without the adapter, but then the movie is funny looking. I can't explain it, but when we first bought it we thought it was broken and someone was like....oh, no, you just need an adapter. I can't NOT have this working at a party. I NEED music, and the DVD player is how I listen to music. Plus, now Derek can't play the games, cause we've hooked everything through there and otherwise, we have to hook it through the extremely hard to reach VCR. And we just haven't yet. This also means that all the cool movies he got for Christmas, he hasn't been able to watch. Luckily, the one in my room still works fine, so they can watch movies in there if the adults don't want to have all the kids running underfoot on Saturday. Some prolly won't care about a movie, bu...

I called people today. Big surprise, I know. Anyhow, I talk to this lady at a RATHER large book company. Ok, WAIT A MINUTE, I'M NOT STARTING AT THE BEGINNING. So, I call and this LARGE book company has a automated phone system, y'know, the ones were you get to pick ten different options before you get to anyone? Well with this one, you also have to put your account number in. I NEVER have any luck with this particular system. I usually figure that it must be something that's entered wrong in our system. But even on our statement, we have the same account number. I've never been able to figure out what the hell is going on and how this phone system helps anyone get anything accomplished. I hit a couple numbers, it asks me for our account number, I enter it. It tells me it can't find it. I enter it again and now at least it doesn't say anything. I get a real person and she asks me what our account number is???!!!! Why does the system ask this if she is just gonna ...

Jake FINALLY showed up at 8 or so. It was originally supposed to be during the day. Then Jake called and said...well, instead we're gonna be there later...like 5, 6, or 7. And then they got there at 8. They called from what must be there cell phone (they coulda called when they were stuck in traffic like they said - then we woulda known why they were running late, but god forbid) They got there just when we started dinner, of course. I was like...well, Derek you have to eat dinner first. They were impatient, but they should learn that they need to give me some heads up. We could had dinner done if we'd known. Instead we waited for them and finally decided to make dinner. (THIS IS WHY I HATE HIM - ALL HE NEEDS TO DO IS CALL ME BUT HE NEVER DOES) Karen's parents were already on there way so Ben had to deal with Jake's in-laws. *WEIRD* They brought the Pokemon movie and some other stuff. Including a cow.... That poops out brown jelly beans. (Ok, NOW I LOVE THE COWS, but t...

Why is it that I just don't want to work? Last week went SO fast and this week already feels like it's dragging and it's not even halfway through the second day. Am I just excited about the party? (that hopefully will happen *fingers crossed*) I emailed a few people. I texted Alspaugh last night. I finally managed to get this site that does (supposedly anyhow) free text messaging to phones. I sent her a message along the lines of .....New Years Plans? Cause I don't know how long the message can be. I even sent myself a test text to see if it worked. I didn't even get mine, but soon she sent me a text that said. You got got it! ?????? I'm not sure if she meant "I got it!" as in...Hurray, you have text messaging or Hurray, you got the site to work, or if she means...I got it, as in...yes, she'll come over. So, I texted her again, so far I got nothing. I'm hoping she'll come over and hang out, maybe bring Mike with her. He's fun. And fo...

This would have to be the most outrageous song on the soundtrack. And who am I kidding? It might even be a part of why I watched the movie. I was like....TITSLING? What the hell is that all about? :) Otto Titsling Bette Midler Otto Titsling, inventor and crout, had nothing to get very worked up about. His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak. He fled to the opera at least twice a week. One night at the opera he saw an Aida who's bust was so big it would often impede her. Bug-eyed he watched her fall into the pit, done in by the weight of those terrible tits. Oh, my god! There she goes! Aerodynamically this girl was a mess. Otto eye-balled the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds, and he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration flood his soul. He ran back to his workshop where he futzed and futzed and futzed. For Otto Titsling had found his quest: to lift and mold the female breast; to point the small ones to the sky; to keep the big ones high and dry! Every night he'...

I know it's late for Christmas. There's two different ones. I liked them both. Anyhow, read on. Subject: The X Rated Night Before Christmas -The X Rated Night Before Christmas - Twas the night befor Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner, and momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt! When what to my wondering eyes should appear? But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he ye...

Yesterday morning, Derek and I were talking about something......I think it was the fire place channel. I was explaining, that some people like to pretend they are opening their presents in front of a fire. This lead into some story about how HIS DAD says that Sometimes, Girl's can't do ANYTHING right. Cause he didn't like the way Karen started the fire. I looked at him and I said...Next time your dad says something like that you should tell him that your mom said that sometimes, Boy's can't do anything right and tell him that I remember when he tried to start a fire and didn't open the flue and tried to kill us all. Also from Derek When Ben's mom came and took the boys to the Narnia movie, Derek pipes up with something along the lines of.....I think my mom kinda hates my dad, cause he lets me watch PG-13 movies. Which is the LEAST of my problems with Jake. My problems with Jake revolve around how he can NEVER seem to show up on time, how he lies to me, ho...

36 have been accused of spousal abuse 7 have been arrested for fraud 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses 3 have done time for assault 71, repeat 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges 8 have been arrested for shoplifting 21 currently are defendants in lawsuits. and 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year Can you guess which organization this is? Give up yet? . . Scroll down, citizen! It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

I got so many GREAT things for Christmas. I got earrings from our Secret Santa thing at work I got WRINKLES under my eyes. (Maybe I was just tired, I don't know) I got a check from my Grandpa (GO GRANDPA) I got the gift card from my Dad, which will at some point turn into money. I got a BLOGGING (OMFGBBQ) book from Ariel....and something to be seen. I got a coffee mug and a wreath from Derek. I got earrings and the Mike Judge Beavis and Butthead collection from Ben. (So, I shall be talking like Butthead for awhile now - I can't help it) A gift certificate for a POUND of See's Candie, from Ben's mom. She gave Derek cookies, she must think we just sit around and eat all day. :p I have to get out to VRC so maybe I can share for New Year's and then I won't have to eat a POUND of chocolates. (She gave Ben some of the yummiest truffles. I wish I knew where she got them from...they just said Truffles on the bag.) Free coffee for having to be at work on Christmas Eve. E...

I used to sing this to Derek. Just because. I haven't for awhile though. He would prolly make faces at me if I did. Anyhow, Beaches made me remember it. I LOVE that Soundtrack, and shall be sampling from it. Baby Mine Bette Midler Baby mine, don't you cry Baby mine, dry your eyes Rest your head close to my heart Never to part, baby of mine Little one, when you play Don't you mind what they say Let those eyes sparkle and shine Never a tear, baby of mine If they knew all about you They'd end up loving you, too All those same people who scold you What they'd give just for the right to hold you From your head down to your toes You're not much, goodness knows But, you're so precious to me Sweet as can be, baby of mine All of those people who scold you What they'd give just for the right to hold you From your head down to your toes You're not much, goodness knows But, you're so precious to me Sweet as can be, baby of mine Baby of mine

Yep, it's here. We played with toys all morning. I got cool presents that I shall detail later. Anyhow, I figured no Christmas is complete without South Park Christmas music. Don't be offended, I didn't write it!!! Merry Fucking Christmas Mr. Garrison (Mr. Garrison) I heard there is no Christmas, In the silly Middle East. No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus. They have different religious beliefs. They believe in Muhammad, And not in our holiday, and so every December, I go to the Middle East and say... Hey there, mister Muslim! Merry Fuckin' Christmas! Put down that book the Koran, and here's some holiday wishes.. In case you haven't noticed, It's Jesus' birthday. So get off your heathen Muslim ass, And fuckin' celebrate. There is no holiday season, In India, I've heard. They don't hang up their stockings, And that is just absurd. They never read a Christmas story. They don't know what Rudolph is about. And that is why every December, I...

Weird Habits Ground Rules: The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yours" and people who get tagged need to write a post about their 5 quirky habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names. (disclaimer: I changed this a little bit, cause it said LJ - so, it's not the EXACT rule) 1. I used to repeat myself. Like, I would say something and then say it really quietly again. Or just mouth it. My mom started mimicking me when I would do, so I managed to lose it. Just typing about it, I'm a little afraid I'll pick it back up. 2. I gravitate more towards female singers than men. I don't know why. I like the tone and everything better I guess. 3. I need my earrings to be perfect. The ball must be pointed to the exact right spot. Yeah, I KNOW it's weird. 4. If there is no one else in the house, I NEED to have my bedroom door locked. Cause if any...

Ok, here's an easy simple cheating post. I KNOW I'm late, but it came to me late. SORRY. :) It's just an email. Subject: Things You Can Only Say on Thanksgiving Things You Can Only Say on Thanksgiving 1. Talk about a huge breast! 2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 3. It's Cool Whip time! 4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst! 5. Whew, that's one terrific spread! 6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat. 7. Are you ready for seconds yet? 8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it? 9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some! 10. Don't play with your meat. 11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in. 12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once? 13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once! 14. You still have a little bit on your chin. 15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

This song makes me feel sappy....and bad, cause my grown-up Christmas list should be as full of un-selfishness. Grown-Up Christmas List Micheal Buble Do you remember me? I sat upon you're knee I wrote to you with childhood fantasies Well, I'm all grown up now And still need help somehow I'm not a child but my heart still can dream So here's my life-long wish My grown-up Christmas list Not for myself, but for a world in need No more lives torn apart That wars would never start and time would heal the heart And everyone would have a friend And right would always win And love would never end, oh This is my grown-up Christmas List As children we believed The grandest sight to see Was something lovely, wrapped beneath the tree Well, Heaven surely knows That packages and bows Can never heal a hurting human soul No more lives torn apart That wars would never start And time would heal the heart And everyone would have a friend And right would always win And love would never end...

Do you know what else is driving me crazy these days? EVERYONE took vacation this week, so I am the go to. Today I did the things that 3 people usually do. And I tried not to do them half-assed. Some I had to pick the most important things to take care off so that I don't fuck it up. I think I could mostly do Twyla's job though. This also means that I have been answering the phones a LOT lately, cause she's usually the one who has to run up. I have more work to take care of than her and it just seems fair to them I guess. Plus, I need the phone more than she does, so I can't be answering it all day and actually getting some stuff done at the same time. Anyhow, it's made the week go pretty fast. I still have to work Saturday (groan), but at least it's only for 5 1/2 hours. That's pretty decent really. Shit....there was supposed to be angst, huh? All right, well. I FUCKING HATE THE IPOD NANO!!!!!! EVERYONE wants one. Apparently, NO ONE bought enough to keep s...

I'm pretty sure everything hates me. That's about the only explanation I got for this Christmas being so crazy. I'm tapped money wise, if I charge ANYMORE at work, I won't have a paycheck when they take it out, and I still don't have everything I need. I did manage not to BAWL at work, accomplishment! HURRAY! I'm so SICK of being poor. I'm tempted to find ANOTHER job. Like I have any time now. :( I had entertained some notion of applying for Harry and David's and doing it around work, but I just can't imagine not spending any time at home. Plus, it's too late now anyhow. I'm tempted to sell anything I have in the house, but mainly my stuff, like my DVDs and my CDs. Somedays I'm tempted to go run out in traffic. . . . . . . . . ANYHOW, In better news, the Christmas presents I shopped for VIA Internet are coming together. Ariel's came in the mail today. I got a message from DeepDiscount today about Ben's. They mailed it the 13th. I...

I'd REALLY like to know. Cause I would REALLY like to just lock myself up in a room somewhere and SCREAM myself hoarse. I'm MAD, can you tell? For one moment this afternoon there was hope. There was salvation. There was the chance to pay my bills AND finish my Christmas shopping. My Dad finally sent me something for Christmas...I get wonderfully, hopefully expectant and excited.....and it's.... Gift Cards.... Yes, maybe this sounds ungrateful, but I was REALLY hoping for money, so that maybe I could....oh, I dunno, pay my RENT on time! Yes, I overspent, thinking.....no problem, Dad won't forget me. And then he sends gift cards. What an ungrateful little bitch, you all are prolly thinking... Except they are gift cards to KMART!!!!!!!! We don't have a KMART ANYWHERE in Eugene/Springfield. Closest one is in Portland. I DETEST KMART. I couldn't get to KMART if I wanted to. He sent me a fifty dollar gift card. He sent Derek a hundred dollar gift card. What...

My favorite Christmas song. All I Want for Christmas is You Mariah Carey I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need I don't care about the presents Underneath the Christmas tree I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need And I don't care about the presents Underneath the Christmas tree I don't need to hang my stocking There upon the fireplace Santa Claus won't make me happy With a toy on Christmas day I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you I won't ask for much this Christmas I won't even wish for snow And I, I just wanna keep on waiting Underneath the mistletoe I won't make a list and send it To the North Pole for St. Nick I won't even stay awake To hear those magic reindeer click Cause I just want you here tonight Holding ...

I've done dishes. I went and got the rest of my Christmas shopping done. Mostly, anyhow. I still gotta find something for Ariel. And maybe ONE more thing for the kid. Still nothing decent in the mail. No money, no presents. My Dad sent stuff like two weeks early last year. I'm beginning to think he isn't sending anything. Jake called and told me he sent the money and it's in the mail. He actually had the nerve to blame it on Karen. First of all, DON'T pass the buck. She takes care of the bills cause YOU would ALWAYS fuck it up. Don't complain about someone else not being able to do something perfectly that you don't EVEN try to do. Plus, she's pregnant. So, LEAVE her alone. Jesse kinda went on and on about how HAPPY they are. My only thought? It must be nice to be so HAPPY about being pregnant. Jake's first words after he found out about Derek were something along the lines of why do I want to go sit in traffic? And aren't they SUPPOSED to have s...

It's TIME for Christmas. So, here we are. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) Mariah Carey Oh, Ohhhh Yeah, ohhhh ooooooo yeah (Christmas) The snows comin down (Christmas) I'm watchin it fall (Christmas) Lots of people around (Christmas) Baby please come home (Christmas) The church bells in town (Christmas) Are ringing in song (Christmas) Full of the happiest sounds (Christmas) Baby please come home They're singing "Deck The Halls" But it's not like Christmas at all Cuz I remember when you were here And all the fun we had last year (Christmas) Pretty lights on the tree (Christmas) I'm watching them shine (Christmas) You should be here with me (Christmas) Baby please come home *~*instrumental*~* They're singing "Deck The Halls" But it's not like Christmas at all Cuz I remember when you were here And all the fun we had last year (Christmas) If there was a way (Christmas) I'd hold back this tear (Christmas) But it's Christmas day (Pleas...

I'm laying here, BAWLING over Beaches. It's my own guilty pleasure. I'm just gonna lay here and watch the best (worst?) part now. The part were Barbara Hershey dies. I better take some pre-emptive tylenol. I'm gonna have quite a headache. I LOVE to listen to the Soundtrack and TRY to sing along with it. I'm like a closet Bette Midler fan but only this album. Also, the "From a Distance" song.

I'm fucked. Completely. My dad doesn't look like he's sending ANYTHING, cause he's usually right on top of it. Jake CAN'T SEND HIS MONEY ON TIME. I'm thinking about sending him an "invoice" each month. Something saying...since you can't remember you have a kid, here's your reminder, send me my money, or I'll start charging interest. I'm so SICK of being reasonable and EVERY TIME I HAVE TO CALL AND REMIND HIM, I GET A LITTLE MORE PISSED OFF. But do I say anything? No, because I can't YELL at him over the phone in front of Derek....so WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???? Man, I HATE Christmas. To top it all off, I managed to buy Ariel a present that she ALREADY has. I do that too often. Apparently, I DO know what people would like, but then I manage to buy them something they already have. Now I gotta figure something else out. And manage to keep it under my limit. :s And there are only 4 more shopping days. 3 of which I have to work...

I was thinking about making Ben a CD. Five years ago, he made me a CD. Before we were together, he made me this CD of songs that reminded him of me. I KNOW....I'll wait while you all go..."AWWWWWW." Done now? Ok, so it's was a fantastic idea. Someone made ME...THE LOVER OF MUSIC....a CD. Just for me. Full of songs that made him think of me!!! Cause it's all about me. So, this year I thought I should make him a CD. I'm not sure I could think up enough songs that make me think of him. At least not songs he would like to listen to, or "get" why they made me think of him. Instead, I thought I would make a CD full of his music that I actually LIKE. Then he would have a sure thing he could play and I would be cool. I think it's a good idea. We were talking about the things we are gonna get each other and I was like...well, I'm gonna make you something else. He gets this real smart ass look on his face and he goes.....what? Like a macaroni picture? ...

I'm PMSing. I don't want it to come off wrong. Karina tried to be funny and I sent off five emails trying to be funny, but coming across more as GODDAMN, I think. I took it ENTIRELY the wrong way. See, I have problems. It's like with my mom. She wasn't the best mom, and I talk shit about her sometimes, sure. But if someone else did, I'd prolly have to get a gun. She left a comment about Ben and I took it the wrong way and went off a little. I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was funny. I immediately jumped to the defensive. Don't have any idea what that says about me. But I would like to apologize. Especially since you deleted your comment. Now I feel bad. I just thought I would see why you thought that and then thought of other things. See, cause he's my guy. He's not perfect, but no one else can say anything like that. *smirk* Instead, right now, while I am PMSing, you must say that he is the most perfect man in the world and all that happy bullshi...

At least this one isn't from the same album. Every Day Dave Matthews Band Pick me up love, Pick me up love, Everyday Pick me up, love, from the bottom Up to the top love everyday Pay no mind to taunts or advances I take my chances on everyday Left to right Up and down love I push up love love everyday Jump in the mud, oh Get your hands dirty with Love it up oh everyday All you need is All you want is All you need is love All you need is What you want is All you need is love Everyday Everyday Pick me up love from the bottom Up onto the top love everyday Pay no mind to taunts or advances I’m gonna take my chances on everyday Left to right Up and up and inside out right Good love fight for everyday Jump in the mountain mud Get your hands filthy love Give it up love Everyday All you need is All you want is All you need is love All you need is What you want is All you need is love What you’ve got Lay it down on me What you’ve got Lay it down on me All you need is All you want is All you...

But if this works, I don't care. I would like myself a free Ipod. Maybe it won't work and I just whored myself out for it. But it was a free trial that I signed up for, so what have I got to lose. Go here http://ipods.freepay.com/?r=26011936 and then you have to complete an offer. There's a bunch and some are free trials. I was told I need to get five referrals. Which means the whole offer must be completed. If you don't wanna, don't. I just had to try. :)

Saturday was a good day. We decided that the Holiday Market was a must see this year. (YAY, HIPPIES) We wandered around, looking at this and that. I managed not to spend money on things for me. Like stupid glittery hair scrunchies. Cause I totally need more scrunchies about as much as I need more lip gloss. It's an addiction, I know. At least I'm not addicted to crack. I did manage to spend almost ten dollars on lunch. :p The enchilada was good though. Derek's pizza was cheaper, I suppose I coulda bought that instead. I wanted Dutch Bros. to begin with, so of course, I had to stop downtown. We walked to the fairgrounds after that. It was a nice walk. I LOVE that neighborhood. I miss it. I would love to live in that area again. So long as it isn't the same owner of those apartments, he was creepy. It was nice living DIRECTLY across from the Fairgrounds. I think I shall make it a goal to get into the same area again. A sweatshirt caught my eye. Just a typical sweatshirt,...

After all my being mean about Heather, she came over Friday. I felt bad. A little. She called me around 8 and as per usual, asked if I wanted to go to the bar. I was like...I can't, Ben's not here right now. She was disappointed as usual. Cause she ALWAYS wants to go to the bar, or anywhere but hang out at my house. She could drive around in her car for HOURS and be happy. Circling downtown makes her happy. I'm not sure if it's cause she would like to smoke whenever she can, or what. So, then she was like....well, can I come over. I was like...please do. She brought beer and we hung out and drank beer at my house. She can put them away like no one's business. We spent about 10 minutes in my living room before she started giving my the "drowning" look. Every time Derek said ANYTHING to her, she was just like....uh huh and would give me a look like he was asking her to play with him or something. Yes, he talks a lot. Especially when I have a friend over and ...

For some reason Ben was getting married to Sydney. But we were still together? And I was supposed to go to the wedding, so I drove Heather's car to Amanda's house. And Heather was there and she might have been who Ben was getting married to.... And I DON'T know what Amanda had to do with anything. I started thinking about how there would be a wedding night and how I would think about them sleeping together and I started to PANIC. Cause I know that my brain will KEEP thinking such things, even though it's detrimental to my mental well-being. Then I woke up. I'm still trying to figure out WHAT this all means. But on the way in to work, I suddenly thought...I'll I'd really like for Christmas is to get engaged. Like that's gonna happen *smirk*.

I'm on a roll. I can't quit playing this CD. Even the songs I didn't like before, I'm liking now. The Stone Dave Matthews Band I've this creeping Suspicion that things here are not as they seem Oh Reassure me Why do I feel as if I'm in too deep Now I've been praying For some way to show them I'm not what they see Yes I have done wrong But what I did I thought needed be done I swear O Unholy day If I leave now I might get away Oh but this weighs on me As heavy as stone and as blue as I go I was just wondering if you'd come along hold up my head when my head won't hold on I'll do the same if the same's what you want But if not I'll go I will go alone I'm a long way From that fool's mistake and and now forever pay No, run I will run and I'll be ok But I was just wondering if you'd come along hold up my head when my head won't hold on I'll do the same if the same's what you want If not I'll go I will go alo...

My favorite BY FAR Dave Matthews Band CD is "Before These Crowded Streets". There are a lot of horns and it's by turns calming and energizing. Anyhow, I WISH I could share the actual tune instead of just putting the lyrics here. Cause the lyrics don't give you the whole thing. I am NOT so technologically advanced that I know how to put a song up though. Rapunzel Dave Matthews Band Ha, open wide, oh so good I'll eat you, take me for a ride In your sweet delicious, perfect little mouth Thereupon I linger, You will have no doubt that I do my best for you, I do Love, let's stop to get it going Lost myself just thinking about the two of us From each other drinking Begin with the lips, fingertip and kissing Turn me inside out, I do my best for you Yeah, yeah, aww, umm, ummm Up and down we go, from the top you push me This is such a thrill Lost in love and dancing, shake your tambourine You blow my head open Of one thing I'm sure, that I do my best for you, I do ...

Yesterday me and my boss' boss were talking about Portland and how she is gonna go up there for New Year's. I told her I was scared of Portland. She said...yeah, but she knows people, so it's all good. I started talking about how I know people too, and how I'd only just gotten back in touch with them (ahem, Kate) recently, through on-line antics. She was like...Do you have a MySpace account? I was like......umm, no my friends have a LJ account and that's how I keep up with them. I wasn't sure if she knew about Blogging, but when I got in trouble at work, they were like....you spend all your time in this sort of chat room and typing out SOME of these things. I didn't want to explain that it was ALL me. For once, my pride didn't get the better of me. I could totally see me giving it away...Well, ACTUALLY, I wrote ALL those things. ALL on company time. But I managed to not do it. So, I didn't want to be like....oh, I blog.

I want to dance. Sorry, that started to sound like a Doctor Seuss rhyme. But I didn't get my Daddy's fix. I haven't danced since my birthday. I just want to shake my a$$ around a bit. Unfortunately, this almost always equals being drunk enough to not be embarrassed. Can I just say right here that I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE GET DRUNK AND ALL OPEN to you. They answer questions they might not normally not. They say things...and you feel like they are sharing their best, most wonderful secrets with you. And you feel like you are special. It's definitely a false camaraderie though. Often the next day, people just act like they never revealed so much of themselves. It's like when Alspaugh came over and wanted to borrow my shirt. She was drunk and the FIRST thing out of her mouth was "I miss you". Did she show up at Derek's party the next night, after saying she would? She does this a lot. She gets drunk and we get everything out and we cry about it. And then ...

People keep FORGETTING me. I was supposed to come in early on Friday. I asked Tara to come get me. Had to wake up early, which of course MUST translate into not being able to sleep for crap. Tossing and turning non-stop. I was tired and had STRANGE dreams. The first one I dreamed that Tara couldn't come and get me because she was in a mental institute. Then I spent the rest of the day TRYING to figure out how I should get to work. In that hectic dream world, everything made sense, but it was all rushed. This was followed by Derek somehow being late for school (since I had to go to work early, Ben had to take him in to school - which obviously I am NOT entirely used to) and we wondered if he should even go in and back and forth, until we decided yes, he should definitely go in to school. This was followed VERY closely by a dream were I was walking right next to a cliff and I fell in a river, but it was fine, cause it was shallow (which shouldn't have been fine, seeing as how I...

I got home just now and I looked at what looked like your typical Christmas card, except it didn't have any of my relative's names on it. That's who I usually get Christmas cards from. I looked at it and thought....is this gonna be one of those chain letters, in the guise of a CHRISTMAS CARD???!!! Cause that would be taking it a bit far. After my sleuthing, I just figured...what the hell I should open it. Never mind that I have no idea who that person in the corner for the return address is. Boy, did I feel dumb. It's a VERY pretty Christmas card from 'Zilla. I was thinking....who the hell do I know who lives that far away? Caught me COMPLETELY by surprise. Here is my disclaimer though. As well as not buying a tree, I don't send out Christmas cards. I'm sorry. :( Maybe next year I'll feel like it's something I can afford to devote time to. I know I could do it on my lunch break or a BAZILLION other times. I just never think about it, until I start ge...

I don't care what Futurama tells me, the Dave Matthews Band DOES ROCK. FUCK YOU, FUTURAMA. Stay (Wasting time) Dave Matthews Band 'We were walking Just the other day It was so hot outside You could fry an egg Remember you were talking And I watched as sweat ran down your face Reached up and I caught it at your chin Licked my fingertip We were, we were just Wasting time Let the hours roll by Doing nothing for the fun A little taste of the good life Whether right or wrong Makes us want to stay, stay, stay, stay, stay for a while Then later on the sun began to fade Then well the clouds rolled over our heads And it began to rain Oh we were dancing mouths open We were splashing in the tongue taste For a moment this good time would never end You and me You and me Just wasting time I was kissing you You were kissing me love From good day into the moonlight Now a night so fine Makes us wanna stay, stay, stay, stay, stay for a while Wasting time I shall miss this thing When it all rolls...

I'm skipping my song of the day so that I can just get to a post. BECAUSE TODAY IT'S BEEN A YEAR SINCE I'VE BEEN DOING THIS. I know, INSANE. I was just looking at it the other day and I was SHOCKED. It's been a good year. I'm not gonna get into something hugely introspective, because I will do that in less than a month, when the new year gets here. Leave me a comment and tell me how entertained you've been this past year. Or however long you've been reading it. Or just congratulate me. Cause I DESERVE it, dammit! I love you people. I can share and see that people are amused by it. Or touched by it. Or EVEN just that you searched for something that you shall NEVER see here. Like Hayley Mill topless. Isn't that just wrong?

The other night I was invited for a night out with "the girls". I told my husband that I would be home by midnight "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing that my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed) in order to avoid a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock". When I asked him why he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said 'Oh. Shit, then cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled,...

I still refuse to buy a Christmas Tree. SOMEONE CONVINCE ME that this doesn't make me the worst kind of mother in the world. Cause it's too much time, it's too much money, I don't even know where I would put it. So I'm not buying one. I know you're SUPPOSED to have one, but I haven't bought one yet.

I watched the Billboard awards Tuesday night. How happy was I when they gave Tom Petty the Century award? But, I have questions.....WHAT THE HELL CENTURY are they talking about? Isn't a century 100 YEARS??? He even said he's been doing it for 30 years. I guess it wasn't supposed to be a literal thing. He needs a good hairstylist though. He looked like he's had the same haircut for those 30 years. Then, in his acceptance speech, he got a little high and mighty, almost smug. He said something about how with him, it's ALWAYS been about making music. He said something (and I can't quote it now) about how he never had the high (or maybe unusual) interest in jewelry...(I would guess he meant "bling") and that he was never trying to get into the gossip rags. It came off kinda smug. Some people stood and clapped for him, some didn't. Apparently, some people don't care. But when they played a little of "American Girl", I was bouncing around in...

THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing football without a cup. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family. Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book. Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.... A device for changing from on...

Last night, I woke up at 3, for no apparent reason. Just because I guess. Then Ben decided that he outta make good use of my already being up. Much fun was had. Thankfully, cause Monday morning, he kept brushing against me and I would kinda wake up and be excited and then he wouldn't do anything else. And I was tired, so I'd doze back off. Then he actually growled at me, in that low, sexy way, RIGHT BESIDE MY EAR and I was like.....ok, I'm ready. And then nothing, again. I complained the next day. Don't growl, if you don't mean it. :) So, anyhow, afterwards, he tried rubbing my back and everything to put me back to sleep easily. We aren't cuddlers. We both turn the other way while sleeping. Sometimes I try and touch my foot to his. Finally, we both had to turn the other way. I tossed and turned for at least an hour. And what kept going through my mind was the song by Fallout Boy We're going down, down In an earlier round, and baby we're going down...

This year I WILL not cry when I hear this song. I swear it. I'm better off out here as far away from my fucked up family as can be. Just that line...about how through the years we all will be together gets me choked up. I mean it's not very many people who actually stay together through the years and I KNOW it says if the fates allow. That part just makes me feel sorry for myself, cause some people are together but somehow my fate decided I shouldn't be. But this year, I shall be determined that I will just be happy that I have some family. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (Everyone and their mother has done this song, pick a performer) Have yourself a merry little christmas Let your heart be light From now on our troubles will be out of sight Have yourself a merry little christmas Make the yuletide gay From now on our troubles will be miles away Once again as in olden days Happy golden days of yore Faithful friends who are dear to us will be near to us once more Thro...

The punishment seems to be working on the boy. We'll hope. The other day, he went into breakfast with this other kid. Looks older, and he's ALWAYS waiting for Derek. Derek says he's cool - translation? The kid doesn't listen and is prolly rude as hell. I told Derek that the teacher said that kid had a mouth. He goes....well, so and so was talking smack first. HOLD UP! Talking smack? When did my kid start picking up the slang? Apparently, he told Ben the same thing and MADE SURE THAT BEN KNEW WHAT TALKING SMACK WAS. Yeah, I think we know. So, my first reaction is HOW the fuck do I keep my kid away from the bad one? This morning I started thinking more broadly. That kid might be labeled the "bad kid" forever. And some of these kids....who are so full of potential and promise aren't going to make it in this world. Especially the ones labeled bad...cause how will they know they can do better? Won't they just figure that all the adults are right and they mi...

She called to make sure that we put covers on the vents, cause it was gonna be beyond freezing. When Ben made sure, I asked him to call her back. Since I was at work. I paid the rent late AGAIN this month. I dashed off some little note about forgetting. I don't want her to think I can NEVER make the rent. :( She wanted to let me know that I beat myself up too much about it and she thinks that I am too angry with myself over it, when I pay the rent late a few times. I swear she has selective memory. It was the last thing I expected. I was hoping she didn't say anything about it. But if she had, I woulda bet money that it woulda been something along the lines of why do you pay late SO OFTEN? She's sweet, but just a little kooky.

Time for some light pop. This song makes me happy. Read the bolded lines, if nothing else. It's a good love song. And it's true, I'm running out of reasons to cry. Underneath Your Clothes Shakira You're a song Written by the hands of God Don't get me wrong 'cause This might sound to you a bit odd But you own the place Where all my thoughts go hiding Right under your clothes Is where I'll find them Underneath your clothes There's an endless story There's the man I chose There's my territory And all the things, I deserve For being such a good girl honey. 'Cause of you I forgot the smart ways to lie Because of you I'm running out of reasons to cry When the friends are gone When the party's over We will still belong to each other Underneath your clothes There's an endless story There's the man I chose There's my territory And all the things I deserve For being such a good girl honey Underneath your clothes There's an endle...

I think I'm watching Dawson's Creek. SOMEONE HELP ME.

I don't have a clue about the title. All I got for you today is how tired I am. I PASSED out at 9:30 last night. I'm looking forward to Saturday. After Wednesday, the week should be cake. I go in 9-6 Thursday...who knew an hour difference makes such a difference in how fast my day goes. Then I go in 7:30 - 4:30 on Friday. I get a ride both ways each day. That makes me day faster as well. In other news, my boy has decided that he must grow up. A little more each day, it would seem. Last night, he told me that he needed to get rid of all his Blue's Clues books. Cause he hates Blue's Clues. Anyone want them? Dora's been out for awhile, but now BLUE'S CLUES? *pout*

YAY PAYDAY Sugar, We're Going Down Fallout Boy am i more than you bargained for yet? i've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear cause that's just who i am this week lie in the grass next to the mausoleum i'm just a notch in your bedpost but you're just a line in a song drop a heart and break a name we're always sleeping in and sleeping for the wrong team we're going down, down in an earlier round and sugar we're going down swinging i'll be your number one with a bullet a loaded god complex cock it and pull it we're going down, down in an earlier round and sugar we're going down swinging i'll be your number one with a bullet a loaded god complex cock it and pull it is this more than you bargained for yet? oh, dont mind me. i'm watching you two from the closet wishing to be the friction in your jeans isn't it messed up how i'm just dying to be him i'm just a notch in your bed post but you're just a line in a s...

I know that I haven't blogged all weekend. I'm sorry, I was lazy as hell and didn't do much of anything. Besides being late to a birthday party and causing EVERYONE to have to wait. I'm sorry. 1 is not a time I can make apparently. I've tried twice now and I was late both times. Anyhow, I saw this video a couple of days ago and it was strange. But it stuck. Like the Shakira one. Dance, Dance Fallout Boy [she says she's no good with words but i'm worse barly stuttered out, " a joke of a romantic," or just stuck to my toungue weighed down with words too over dramatic tonight it's "it cant get much worse" vs "no one should ever feel like..." i'm two quarters and a heart down and i dont want to forget how your voice sounds these words are all i have so i'll write them so you need them just to get by dance, dance we're falling apart to half time dance, dance and these are the lives you'd love to lead dance this is...