Random Thoughts

I'm so very excited, I should have known that people would pull through for me. I forget that tone isn't always obvious via internet, so my bulletin on MySpace probably came across as "poor me", which was not how I intended it. However, in the meantime (and hopefully not out of pity, lol!) people sent me messages saying they'd love to come to a birthday thing. So it looks like I'm gonna have a real party! Certain people I know are out, as they are going to be going to the Country Fair (mainly Jesse, which is sad, but unavoidable), but Jenn wants to come, Alma wants to come, I think I could coerce a few more people from work, and I got a tentative yes from Liz, so that's awesome. I think I could coerce Sidney too, she's pretty awesome about coming to my birthday parties. Plus, I'll have to convince Heather that she must come. Cause she HAS to. =) This is going to be kid-friendly, just so everyone knows. Not that that means it can't be fun, just...

Oh, MySpace can bring out the emo in me..I didn't want to edit, cause this message is so me. From sad about losing a friend to goddamn indignant in the space of a few seconds. lol! Originally posted to MySpace on May 15th. ---------------------------------------------------- For a LONG time, I didn't post anything like surveys or the spam bulletin messages because it irritated my friend Frank. Guess what? He ended up killing himself, so I felt like I could use the bulletins more, but my buying people and having to place bulletins is irritating more people. (PS. this is not flippant at Frank, that's just the way my words come out.) Why can't I just use MySpace like I like? Is it my fault that while I only have 65 friends and the spamming is not so noticeable, other people have more, hence more spamming? I may be deleted by this friend due to my spamming and it makes me sad, but I'll admit that I'm also a bit annoyed. It's MY space, can't I do what I want?...

Originally posted to MySpace on May 13, 2008 ------------------------------------------------------ Ha. I've been working on my angry music post...but I keep adding to it. I guess most music can sound angry if you are angry. Or maybe I just have a lot of "in your face" music. Plus, I figured I'd throw in some regular music. Why not? Then MySpace went and picked up these application things, and now I'm addicted to buying people. How am I this addicted in such a short time? I've tried my best to stop buying people, but then I get all competitive and full of WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP BUYING MY PEOPLE?, and I buy them back. I've bought Paul and Lizbeth and my sister like…10 times now (not really), and boy is it getting expensive. Some people are "worth" more. I give this about 2 more weeks before I, 1. Lose interest, 2. Start a buying war (which I kind of already have), 3. Become worried about what I'm worth and give it up as sour grapes, 4. Run out of ...

Originally posted last Tuesday, April 15th. _____________________________________________________________________________ I find that I go and check it more and more often. It's so nice to be able to interact with my cousins and family and anyone of my friends that has moved far away from me. These people who live so far away and yet we can converse and actually get to know each other. I forget that while I remember them (as little kids, but I remember them), they probably don't remember me as well. I was 12 when we moved, they were much younger. It's that whole perspective thing. =) Friday night I was too afraid to have more than one window open in Windows, cause the computer keeps dying and taunting me. I worry about that computer. Is it the RAM we put in? Or is it just finally getting to the end of it's life? It has to happen at some point or another. Sadly, we may have to be big kids and get an Apple. I mean, our options are pretty limited. I don't know how to b...

I posted things to MySpace this weekend that I neglected to post here. I'm trying, really fucking hard, to be positive..but I kind of feel like this has become my negative blog, the one I don't want people to see who are on my MySpace. I may cross post them. They are so much fluff, like most of my MySpace entries. Besides that one entry that I put as a 'preferred' blog only. Tammi got added, as she asked, I'll add people if they want, I just want to make sure that the understand these won't be happy, full of life and fun Desiree blogs. I guess I was wondering who would notice or care. Plus, I left it open to everyone for like a day, but I kept feeling sick to my stomach with worry that I was being too republican or something, so who knows who read it in the mean time and thought...damn that Desiree, she's being too republican. No one made any comments, besides Tammi. In other news, the bump on my ass has returned. Yay for icky, bloody boils. This is the 3rd...

How much has MySpace rocked lately? First it gives me a nice little list of when my friends do anything..(sorry, not really a stalker, but I love knowing when someone has posted new pictures and things like that.) and now it is giving me song history on the music players. Now I can look at what people liked enough to put on their MySpace page and see if it's something I might like. I'm impressed, is what I'm trying to say. Also, I changed my song 'cause the neat little alert told me that there was new CPD music that I could use, and how can I resist that? I would play almost all of them on my MySpace page...maybe even all of them. Maybe even Zoot Suit Riot, which got overplayed IMO. And I changed my picture. This was my hair only two weeks ago. I got it cut, which I mentioned. I haven't gotten a good picture of it yet..=( So no picture of new hair, but I love it. A lot. It's so much better and feels so much nicer and is lighter on my head. But it was nice being ...

It's been a weird summer. I get home and I don't even want to LOOK at the computer, so I get all lax about posting. It's just that I know that nothing entertaining will have popped up. People are enjoying the summer and avoiding their computers much like myself. My cousin was the most contact I had on MySpace, and I think I offended him. I tried to be thoughtful and give a really good answer, or at least my point of view on my music, and he insisted that that wasn't what he meant at all. I think we got it sorted out, but I don't know. I find myself worrying that we will end up with nothing to talk about. He listens primarily to Country, and is a virgin, and will be until he is married. It's completely commendable, but I just have such a hard time with it. People talk about how the natural progression of a relationship is to have sex about 2 or 3 months into it. I'm pretty sure that since I've been doing "it" most boyfriends and I did it almost...

My life is going along nicely. I'm thinking a lot more, trying to talk a lot less. Just figuring things out. Then Jesse left me a MySpace comment about how he misses us, and will "talk" to us soon. Cause leaving a message on my MySpace page suffices as a hello to both Ben and I, I guess? Ben hates MySpace, thinks it's dumb, doesn't take any messages from Jesse as actually talking to him, though I do relay these messages. It hurts me for Ben. We're both upset and a little bit pissed off. Still, how easy would it have been for me to just say nothing, and laugh it off? I find that I find more and more things in people annoying, and I find that I have been more likely to say things to people that I would not be able to get out in person through email. Chicken shit? I'll accept that, but I have to do something or eventually I just get pissed off enough to drop that person from my life. It's happened before, and I don't doubt that it will happen again, u...

"I don't know where this road is going to lead. All I know is where we've been, and what we've been through." I'm starting to get into my older CDs. All the ones from the 90's. With things like Boys II Men. Why are all my older songs so sad? Or angry as hell? Apparently, those were my only two emotions as a teenager. I wouldn't be a teenager again for any amount of money. I actually feel quite removed from all of it now, but it was like some alien took over my body. I liked too many boys. I was sure I LOVED them all. I was equally sure that life would end if they didn't like me. I was sure that anyone else was better. A better body, a better face. I slept with too many boys thinking it meant some emotion on their part, when it was usually just sex. I've been thinking a lot about the past recently. I mean..well, I guess I always think about the past. More than others, maybe? I find myself endlessly fascinated with people, with their thoughts. ...

This new blogger thing looks like I can do more with it. Will I ever have to time to check it out and see what I can do? Who knows. I've been off since Friday, which has been completely awesome. We've gone nowhere of importance. Besides shopping Thursday. We did clean. My bathroom is so fucking clean right now! It smells yummy. Also, the laundry has been folded. We officially have our couch back. It had been heaping with clean laundry, but I spent Friday morning folding. Then doing dishes, then scrubbing the wall in the kitchen. The one that Jesse sprayed 7-up all over. I don't see how he could have shaken it up that much, but it pretty much exploded. I noticed with the rare sunlight we had on Friday (? Who knows what day the sun shone around here?), I noticed that the wall was streaky. It's clean as hell now too. I even caught up on some CSI's while folding laundry. I have to say that I loved Liev Schriber's role in the past eps. I'm about 2 more episodes b...