Random Thoughts

I stayed away from the internet ALL DAY yesterday. Monday was busy, in that Derek threw up twice, his fever hit 103, and we started dosing him up hardcore with Tylenol and Motrin. His fever stayed manageable. And since he's one of those kids where he's sick for like...a day...and then he's all better, I didn't worry to much about it the next day. I kept him home and I stayed home, just so that I could make sure. He looked fine all morning, not his usual fidgety self, but fine. I asked him if he thought I should take his temperature...which I should have been doing all along. It was at 104.4...I took the temp two more times, thinking for sure I was doing something wrong. I dosed him up with the Motrin, I took a cool rag and held it to his face, I checked his temp. about every 20 minutes. It wasn't going down fast enough for me. Inside I was panicking, outside I tried to be calm and I ALMOST did it. Ben asked me if I'd like to go outside with him and smoke before ...

I found the CUTEST boots at Walmart last night. They zipped up to mid calf, maybe a little higher and Ben's eyes went whoa when he came around the corner and saw me trying to put it on. It had a thick heel (which means less chance I'll die) and fit my foot just fine. It did not fit my calf, so I'm wondering if anyone has any secrets about where I could find some cute (not ridiculously expensive) boots that would fit a plus size calf...which I assume is what they call it. I looked on-line a bunch last night and all I could really find was either expensive, or had to thin of a heel. I can't walk on stilletos, and I don't know anyone who can. Another thing. I got to thinking, cause a lot of people are surprised when I tell them my bra size, and I just always thought that they deceptively looked bigger than they are. But you know what? They are definitely a D now. I had gone up in band size since having Derek, but somehow I never thought I'd have to go up a cup size...

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Birdie is a robot! She made the cutest little beeping noises. =) One view of my hair. Another, this side looks darker? Perhaps it's the hair underneath, and perhaps I should cough up the money for two boxes of hair dye when my hair is this length? They played together well. Please ignore the clean laundry in the corner. The boys don't care if their laundry is folded, so I'm the only one who folds. They'd just stuff crap where they could fit it if I didn't fold. I did it! I'm not a weenie. I thought I was gonna wuss out. I'm feeling like a bit of a badass at this point. I mean, I can take a bigger tattoo! The guy was even like..wow, I really like it when people come in and just get their tattoo, cause I've actually had people cry and be all like "this is the worst pain in the world." I told him they should all suck it up. It's not like it didn't hurt, but the worst pain? It looks better today, perhaps I'll make Ben take another pictu...

The other day at bedtime, Derek asked me if I believed he could use one sheet of paper to cut a hole large enough that he could fit through. I said yes, so he elaborates, and asks if I think he could cut it large enough to fit me and him, and again, I said yes. He looks at me and he says...oh, you've seen that trick, huh? I said...honey, I'm OLD, I've seen EVERYTHING. So, he said, you're not old, to be old you'd have to be 87 or something. He caps that off with...and you're only 34! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I was like...I'm only 26, thank you. Jeez. At least he doesn't think I'm old, just older than I am. LOL. I don't know. I don't think it really bothered me that much. I think as I get older, the concept of "old" changes greatly. It used to seem to me like being 26 would never happen, and that I would be so old. I don't feel old. I don't think I'm gonna feel old at 34, at least I hope not.

I've been thinking all day. About the whiny girl, anyhow. Someone tried to explain that it all makes more sense about why she can't close, and they tried to bring me around. Well, it's NOT gonna happen. I don't know if I would give her more credit if she didn't annoy me? I think so. And I can't even put my finger on why she puts me so on edge. I'd LOVE to be able to pinpoint it, but I just can't. She just mentioned (earlier) that she was a social smoker. Like me. Perhaps I annoy me? I do sometimes. But she just annoys me SO much. Maybe it's the incessant whining? It can't even be completely that, cause her laugh annoys me too. I mean, how ridiculous is that? Maybe it's that she always jumps in on my conversations, like I'm even talking to her? I do that same thing, I suppose. If only because I hear them talking about something I actually know and I'll shout it out so that they can stop asking everyone who doesn't know. Maybe I sho...

The other day I realized that I do not give myself NEARLY enough credit. I did something nice by picking up some hard cider for Ben, and I was all excited, like GO ME! I remembered which one and everything. But, I picked the wrong one. There are two, and I can't ever seem to remember which one is the one he likes better. So I was like...awww. But you know what? Once upon a time, I would have totally kicked myself for that for about....two weeks. Seriously. I give myself a whole raft of shit when I disappoint myself. But I've gotten better. Cause I was like...aww, but no big deal. He wasn't upset, so why should I be? This whole line of thought led me to thinking about how only a few months ago, I'd go through these spurts where I was just really down on myself and unnaturally upset over stupid crap. That isn't happening as much anymore. I'm not sure why, it could be all the fantastic sex I've been having and consequently feeling sexier? Maybe it was the birth...

She's planning like I am. She does some accounting work where she works, so perhaps Accountants just like everything planned out as far as possible. Or else as a family, we are all crazy as hell and huge control freaks. Perhaps. I can't imagine why, what with moving all the time as kids and no real steadiness and all that. We can't have taken it to the complete opposite extreme, right? =) She sounds just as excited as I am. When I thought about her visiting, I didn't quite realize she was bringing as many people as she is. I mean...she's bringing everyone. All the kids. All 5 besides me and Kylee as well, so six. And maybe Mom. Apparently, my own mother does not have the vacation time available to visit, but since she realizes that Misty is gung ho about coming and that it's going to happen whether she comes with or not, she is like...well, maybe. Save room in the car for me. Or some some bull crap. Nice that my own mom can only visit when my sister "makes...

That's my lesson for this week. So the whiny girl at work got the karma back on her. We almost got into it on Wednesday, she actually told our boss (and me, since I was within hearing range) that she was PMSing and that's why she was so easily annoyed. Now that's not WHY we almost got into it. We almost got into it cause this girl came into my work and she had had her backpack stolen. It, unfortunately, had an in-store credit in it that was worth almost two hundred dollars. So, she wanted us to have all the cashiers ask for IDs so people could use their own in-store credit. I'm sorry but the cashiers are going to want to get the customer out the door as fast as they can and not be asking people for proof of who they are to basically use a piece of paper that is just as good as cash in our store. They are cash, in effect, and if she'd lost two hundred dollars, she wouldn't be asking us to refund it. It's just not gonna happen. I can see that it hasn't bee...

My sisters say that they are coming down at the end of February! So much closer than I thought. This is awesome. I'm so freaking excited and having visions of a week long girly slumber party, though that might be a little extreme. Now I'm just trying to figure out how much vacation I actually have. And when I can use it, and how they are getting here and how many. I'm totally not gonna have enough couches, but people are gonna have to deal. They can just suck it up. And maybe they are planning on a hotel, I have no idea. I don't care, I'm just SO excited. ALL MY SISTERS! And maybe my brother and littlest sister. I dunno yet. I'm verifying. Also, my taxes were accepted today, the IRS doesn't show them yet, but probably will soon. It actually looks like my impulsive spending for Christmas isn't going to totally screw me. Which is pretty exciting, really. While I'm getting $25.00 more than last year, I am spending $31 more on the State taxes, so I guess...

I woke up at 5:30 yesterday morning, thanking someone for the alarm clock. Normally, I would be pissed off, but I was having a horrific dream, yet again. Apparently, I lived in this house with a bunch of people and we were making dinner or something, when this couple started killing everyone off. It was like a husband-wife team? I don't know. All I know is that I spent the majority of the dream running from room to room, thinking that somehow I was "hiding" from these people. I don't know if it was working. At one point they caught me, then they put me outside when I showed them the food, I guess they were hungry? I think they put me outside to find easier when they were done eating, but instead I ran back into the house. And tried to hide in another room somewhere. I woke up, like I said and then hit the snooze button, and tried to doze back off. Which didn't feel right, cause I kept feeling trapped or something. I'm so very tired still. I took a nap yesterda...

Ok, so even the people who love the snow probably wish it was gone. Four days later and I'm just more and more pissed off by it still being here. I thought I escaped the snow. I'm sitting here, waiting for the time to be up to rinse this exceedingly fume-y hair dye from my hair. I am more than a little intimidated, as Ariel did it last time and did a good job. Since this seems to be the year in which I fall over, draw blood, bite my lip, draw blood, hit my fingers everyone, and get a bunch of paper cuts, drawing blood, I'm a little worried that my hair will quit on me after being bleached once again. So, cross your fingers and hope my hair does not fall out, nor that I become some one with orange hair. Cause orange hair just doesn't work for most people. I am one of them, wrong coloring or something. But, since the box promises that it shouldn't turn out brassy, I'm only going to leave it on for about...10 extra minutes. I want it to be pretty blond, but not dea...

So, I'm having a rough week. Saved only by tomorrow being my Friday. Only one more day of seeing those fuckers. I seriously kind of hate them all this week. Tara and I were joking about it. It's too stressful. We've had one person out for the first two days of rush week, they came in today, but had lost their voice, so could not actually do their job. Which means we still needed coverage in that area. My boss is freaking out trying to get the financials done, and therefore being rather snippy with everyone, and asking me to do things I don't always do which means I spend half the time asking her questions and not really feeling like I am helping. Since I have to do this, I can't help Tara in the one thing that I excel at. I can bust ass in that room. I can get shit done. I know what needs to be done and I do it. When I run out of things to do, I grab something else. I don't sit around and wait to be told what to do next. She's annoyed cause other people just...

This year is all about hurting myself. I was in a hurry today and I ended up biting the hell out of my lip, pinching my finger between two trays of coin, and pinching my thumb in a metal cabinet. Not terribly hard, hard enough to hurt. Not bleeding, well, besides my lip. And I'm afraid I'm going to continue biting the inside of my mouth, cause OF COURSE! It's right there in the way. I had to work late tonight, and the bus ride home was disgusting. Since it's the beginning of rush week, they give us free food for snacks and well, lunch, cause I am too lazy to bring lunch when I can eat something else. So I eat a bagel for lunch. Today, I figured since we were being fed and there was no reason why I could not eat a bagel at my desk, I thought I'd skip eating during lunch and instead roam campus. I didn't know where I was going, I only knew that I wanted away from the PEOPLE, and since Campus is the prettiest area I know, I figured I'd head that way. The only w...

So far, I've had a pretty good year. I know it's only...well, about a week into it. But a whole good week? That is awesome. Besides the falling down on New Years Eve. That wasn't very fun. But it's a whole new year and it just feels fresh. I don't know how to explain it. Last year I learned more about myself, about my kid, about Ben, about friends. Really, we are all continually learning and I'm fine with that. Unstructured learning works for me, seeing as how I wasn't so good at high school. =) I've connected with even more "relatives", just today. I put that in quotes cause technically, they are not relatives. They just feel like my relatives. My kid came back at the beginning of this week. I think he grew like half a foot! All of the sudden, his shirts aren't even fitting. I got used to his pants being high all of the sudden, but not the shirts. Clothes shopping is going to be order shortly. And it's a new year, which means tax seaso...

The other night I was screwing with my pony tail. It is so long it reaches over the top of my head and comes down over my eye. Derek asked if he can have his hair over his eye. I said..sure, grow your hair out this long and then your ponytail will reach over your eye. He says, well, why can't I just grow it out in the front and have it over one eye. I cracked up laughing and said no. He says why? I said...Cause that's SO emo. You can't do that. And he looks at me and he goes.....it would be "goth". I said..yes, Emo is the goth kids who have it wrong. (thanks for the definition, Karina) He's like what? And I tried to explain that no, he can't be goth. You have to have been a teenager for at LEAST a year before you can be goth. I told him you have to be 14. (I'm mean) I just didn't expect my not quite 9 year old to be talking about how he could be goth. And I had to restrain myself from calling Jake and telling him that his son already would like to ...

I dunno if this whole only writing about important stuff is going to work as well as I thought. It feels like pressure and I'm not sure I can always find something to write about. Plus, I like the whole stream of consciousness thing. That way when something seeps into my subconscious, you are all subject to it. (Like how the whiny girl listens to her iPod so loud that I can hear it through her headphones. Boy, she must be deaf. But she does whine less.) I mean, how could you not love hearing stories of my dumb co-workers? It's called comedy. Anyhow. I dunno. I thought I could do it, but sometimes I just have to rant, without form. When given a writing assignment, I never did well. I must be able to ramble. So, I guess I'm completely negating my "New Year's Resolution", even before the week is up. What I should be trying to do, is to write more about my memories, as opposed to only about my day. It's a great resource to draw on when nothing particularly f...

I'm getting that old familiar headache. The one that lodges right behind my left eye and feels like the eye is going to pop out. It's nice. Speaking of eyes popping out, I was watching VH1 and they were talking about House and I was treated to the wonderful vision of a guy's eye popping out of his head. There is a reason I do not watch that show, and I don't really like that VH1 forced it on me. I am a huge hypochondriac and I'm pretty convinced that I have everything. Like that one House where I got SUCKED in and they were talking about birth control. And how it was making this woman sick. Granted, she was taking fertility drugs and birth control, which is probably not a good mix, still, I looked at Ben afterwards and I was just like...I'm gonna die. The birth control will KILL ME! I'm getting weird cravings. I'm chalking it up to the birth control. Stuff I wouldn't normally think looked good, is now looking appetizing. And stuff like Mint, which I...

This being the third New Year's Eve post I've done, I wanted to make it something special. Something where I took the time to go back through the year. But honestly? It's after 3 in the morning and I can't even fucking type, so instead I shall just say this. Tonight rocked. It started out rocky, but it got better. Jesse kept hitting all these walls about somewhere to go. Half of me wonders if it wasn't my luck. Like people heard I wanted to party and they were like...um no. Not that people really dislike me that much, just being...complex-like. As in, I have a complex. About people not liking me. I shouldn't, but I do. Until I took off the skin on my knee. That hurt a little. Not as much as it would have, pre alcohol, but a bit. It still hurts a bit. So do the palms of my hands, which prevented my nose from hitting the pavement. Hurray for those instincts. They work even when drunk. My hair is still not dyed. Heather meant to come over yesterday or the day befo...