Random Thoughts

My first kid free weekend has gone pretty damn well. I've been meaning to go through the kids toys, and not getting much of anywhere. It's a very daunting prospect, honestly. I'm pretty sure there are TODDLER toys in the bottom of that fucking toy box. Eh. Maybe next weekend. However, I did clean up a bit, got to be lazy a bit, and had Heather over. It was her birthday yesterday, so I offered her beer and conversation at my house. We had a great time, just talking. Shooting the shit, so to speak. I like seeing her, I like how much we can just talk, and not even be embarrassed by stuff I can't say out loud to just anyone. Today I've already managed to make breakfast (which I NEVER DO, but I am truly awesome today) burn two CDs, got on the bus to head out to Jenn's, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENN!, got the bus back, got groped by an old lady on the bus. I like wearing shorts, but maybe I should not on the bus when people might snake their hand back to hold onto the back of t...

(Disclaimer: I don't talk much about my boyfriend here, because most of it is venting, and I think it leans towards him always doing something wrong, when he really doesn't. I'm not looking for advice really, cause no one knows us, no one really knows how we are. Unless someone has lived with him for years and years, I don't think I'm gonna get any sort of insight. I'm just venting. I'm just getting it out before I let it poison my emotions.) Had another one of those dreams last night. The one where I tell someone that I'm leaving my boyfriend, or at least intimate that I will. In any case, the guy in the dream was a completely fictional character from one of my soaps. So it feels safer than my dreams where idiot ex-boyfriend prevailed. It's helped me a LOT to realize he's a pretentious ass. His MySpace page even says he "is the elite geek". But you know, spelled like L33T. Cause he's SO on top of web speak and the internet. Yet I...

The summer brings summer hours. I get off an hour early, ALL SUMMER. Which is great, right? Not so much. I'd prefer to be getting out later right now. I have to wake up earlier and instead of going to bed earlier, I seem to be going to bed later. =( No, it's not smart. I understand that. But Derek doesn't even go to bed until 10 most nights since it's summer. Then he sleeps in and Ben gets to sleep a little later as well. YAY FOR THEM. REALLY. My all caps do not equal sarcasm. Maybe a little. By the time I put the kid in bed, I'm ready to go to sleep myself, but then Ben and I will have no time together. I'm so ready to just lay my head down right here and sleep. Tomorrow I have to get up even earlier, but that means I get out earlier, so that's something. I have things to do tonight, so I can't just go to bed. I need to tidy up the house, and I will apologize right now for my dirty kitchen floor. I am out of Swiffer refills and haven't cared enough ...

I just spent the better part of an hour listening to my son. Most of it went way over the top of my head (what the hell is a po anyway?) and I fear I am destined to be the square mom who doesn't know anything cool. Not that I haven't tried, I keep up with current music, but he only likes Ben's music I guess. Not sure if he connects with it cause Ben is a boy and I am not or what. We spent about...10 minutes talking about swimming and him going up to Portland soon and if he likes his baby sister better now that she is older and less squally. The rest of the time? Video games. I was kind of wondering how long he could go on and the answer to that folks? FOREVER. Really. Since I play..well, the most current game I play with any regularity is Crash Team Racing, and mostly Mario and Sonic, I really have no damn idea about his video games. They are all RPG and the bane of my existence. LOL. Not really. But seriously? I don't care much for them. I don't have that kind of t...

Every time I drink anything today I have had to pee. It's discouraging. I don't like having to pee this much. It makes me worried about pregnancy, when for all intents and purposes, Depo should be doing to worrying for me. Stupid bitch Depo. My long weekend was fun, marred only by my bad attitude when I was cleaning. But, OH is my bathroom CLEAN. Jenn brought me the most awesome tiny ninja ever. It had become the ninja-frog because when you hold it like it's on it's back, it looks kind of like Kermit. Then you flip it and it's a ninja. It makes sense really. What better way to hide than to become a mere frog? Ninjas are sneaky like that. However, I am not sneaky enough to be a ninja. I'm loud and abrasive, and can't look like a frog no matter how I try. In an effort to bring myself out of the birthday funk that came from my family forgetting me (one sister said happy birthday, and it was a comment on myspace. No phone calls, no cards. It's not like I...

First, background. I like porn. I'm not afraid to admit it. The other night I was looking for something with rough sex. Not like...beat me, but like...playfully rough. If that makes sense. Maybe a bit of hair pulling, maybe a slap on the ass. Something I found, and downloaded (ick) before I knew what it was had some guy putting this women's head in the toilet, in mid-fuck. I don't care what the situation is, unless maybe my hair is on fire, if some guy pushes my head into a toilet, we're done with the sex thank you. Most likely forever. I had mentioned to Ben how I found this, and giggled a little bit. He knows I look at porn, I know he looks at porn, somehow our tastes in porn are not the same. Go figure. Actual conversation with Ben- Me: God, I can't believe that guy put that woman's head in the toilet. It's sticking with me. Ben: What WERE you looking for when you downloaded that? Me: Something like rough sex. Then I looked straight at him and said, Well,...

I tend to forget that while birthdays are lovely, the whole world does not center around me when it is my birthday. As much as I might like it to. In any case, I got off work (I got a nice package with a cow, and snacks, and cards, and a book, and burt's bees face stuff, hurray!) and took my usual route downtown for the bus. I got on the bus amidst a flurry of people and only realized afterward that myHeather was sitting right outside next to the bus. No amount of tapping on the glass or waving wildly did any good. Much to the annoyance of the kid who was sitting right next to the window, with me practically sitting on his, hers it's lap. Hard to tell with it hiding behind it's hair and hood of it's sweater. I figure to hell with it, but then decide (after the bus has left of course) that it's some wild coincidence that myHeather is waiting near my bus. Maybe she was waiting for me, you never know. I get off two stops later and walk back downtown. Luckily, she was s...

And like usual, my family could really care less. Not even a MYSPACE birthday hello. Nothing from my dad, though it still could come today. If I didn't have Ben and friends and the lovely people I work with, I'd be presentless and feeling rather un-loved right now. As it is, I'm only feeling slightly unloved. I know I should be used to it. I abandoned them for my own sanity, and so apparently, I don't really count. /self pity Oh and I can't afford to shop for new pants. Now I really will end the self pity. Sorry, I had to have a moment of whining and it seems inappropriate to do it at work when they actually brought me in a cake and presents.

They like to look at me and I'm always like...why? And it's weird when they stare at me. I hate that. I am obviously hard at work at my desk and yes you can see me, but I am WORKING. Ass. But some days I just like to watch and listen to how ridiculous people are. Sometimes I catch their eye and try to silently telegraph that YES, YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS. Some times they actually have the decency to look ashamed. Some times they even move so that I can't look at them. I figure it's fair play. Some of them stare at me, and so I get to stare back.

I've decided I'm shopping for my birthday. I'm gonna get pants, we're gonna eat at the food court. ANYWHERE where there is no waiter for Derek to bug. Maybe I'll even get to shop for something fun at Victoria's Secret, or one of the DVD places. Who knows. I don't. Then home to drink Peach rum straight out of the bottle (the yummiest stuff I've ever tasted) and maybe watch a horror movie. Try to stay up and keep my eyes open, that's for sure. It's almost here! To get to the magical day (ha), I have to get through tomorrow. Tomorrow, the day of suck. I have to go back to the doctor and get my next birth control shot. Basically, it goes like this. 1. I get there, I wait. 2. I wait more. 3. The receptionists start talking in Spanish, I am convinced they are talking about me. It's always all about me. LOL. 4. I wait some more, while the phones ring and they laugh about some story one of them just told in Spanish. ANSWER THE PHONE. GAH. 5. I get c...

I've been rather loathe to leave my house most of my life. It's gotten worse lately. I don't even want to walk out the door some days. I don't know if I think the world is out to get me (PARANOIA!), or if I just hate most people that much, or maybe I just hate my "public" clothes. I can wear shorts and tank tops that I would not normally wear outside when I am inside my house. I think the bus plays a large part some times. I ride the bus to work 5 days a week. This equals out to 10 bus trips and usually I have to ride 2 buses each time. 20 different buses in a week, and I start to hate the whole bus system. People smell bad, I even ran into chicken guy on the EMX last week. I hate chicken guy. In the morning, it's usually not so bad. In the evening though? Sucks ass. A lot. People are generally more asshole-y as the day wears on. I avoid taking the bus at almost all costs otherwise. For instance, I was sitting around reading some back history on someone...

I don't like very many people. I have my friends, and I really like them, but I don't really like many others. I would call that not liking very many people. Especially the stupid ones. I've realized each year that there are more than I thought. I don't even mean technically stupid, but more like...well, sometimes I mean technically stupid, but also people who are only worried about something when it will directly affect them and to hell with anyone else's feelings or how it might affect them. I especially don't really like strangers, and I don't usually make the first move to talk to someone. Bear with me, I'm tired and not sure I'm making much sense. All of that stuff up there, it is leading to something. While I may not like talking to people I don't really know, my child LOVES to. I seem to have been "blessed" with a very precocious child. He loves EVERYONE and will talk to them all at length. I almost panic every time. Cause now I...

I have no idea what I am doing for my birthday. Still. I don't like not having set plans. I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but most likely dinner at the Mission and then maybe Good Times. I don't know. Now Ariel's car is broken (broken cars suck, I'm sorry Ariel) so maybe plans have shifted. I can still go out for dinner, but since I am taking my kid, I'm not going anywhere with a wait-person. Maybe McDonalds. And maybe Ice Cream. The only problem with that is by the time I finish McDonald's, I will not have room for Ice Cream. I am pre-emptively sad for Ice Cream. Ben suggested Fred Meyer, but I want GOOD ice cream. Like Dairy Queen or Cold Stone. If we have no baby sitter, then no Good Times, but no biggie there. Derek leaves town the next weekend so I can go out and pretend it's my birthday. LOL. I suppose that it's good I don't have any set plans, just in case things go wrong? I'm just not a "fly by the seat of my pants...

We have no real plans. Other than buying some fireworks and setting them off in the street. The bus runs only until 7:30, which is completely retarded, really. On the 4th? Oh well. I hope Derek has fun. He wanted someone to stay the night, but I do have to work in the morning, so I vetoed that. I woke up this morning and got hit with something. I don't know what, but my stomach is ANGRY. My ass is angry too. I'm literally butt hurt. Maybe I should invest in some fancy, lotion-y toilet paper? I just sat in the tub for a good half hour, trying to ease the pain. It's helped a bit. In other news? My back keeps twinging on me. Just really random and I'm not even sure what does it sometimes. All I know is all of the sudden, my back gets a second of very bad pain, and feels like it's spasming, and then it stops. Thank god. I'm not sure how to prevent it from becoming a real back problem. Five years ago, for my 22nd birthday, I threw my back out and had to go see my doc...