Everybody needs to feel real special....
Guess what?
It's Thursday and we all know what that means. I CAN'T be in a good mood. It just doesn't seem physically possible. I thought I would break the cycle this week. Last Thursday I wasn't in a bad mood per se, but I had a fever and was dazed and confused.
So, last night the guy friend came over and brought us rum. Yay, right?
Well, kinda. Except every time he comes over, he tries to take my BF away. Last night was no exception. He tried twice to get my BF to leave an hour early. When that didn't work, he convinced him to go to the bar after he left my house, as opposed to getting some decent sleep. Almost every time he goes out with him, he asks me to remind him next time why he doesn't go out with him. He is always promised a ride and then doesn't get one. Because our guy friend is the biggest flake ever. So, I asked him last night if he was going to go out with Jesse before Jess asked him to go out and he was like "no, I am not". Then he did.
I'm not sure what fucks with me about this most. I'm faintly resentful because I don't even get the chance to go out past 10 when he leaves. Or if I am upset because I feel like a nag for reminding him about Jesse's flakiness. Even though he told me to. If he goes anyway, it feels like I am the one with the problem. Ok, so I am.
Or maybe it was Jesse using my phone to call the bar to see if this chick will give him and my BF a ride home. Then he gets off the phone and he is like, oh, she is really excited to see you. (you=BF).
This girl has been describe to me as Big Tits, and small frame. Oh boy, yay, a beautiful, big-titted, small waisted woman is excited to see my boyfriend. Which just made me think about how every time a guy cheated on me, I had no idea and maybe he would and I wouldn't know. OK, so he prolly wouldn't. I am just screwed up obviously. I don't know up or down anymore.
But it really doesn't help that I don't get compliments anymore. I know we are way beyond the "not being able to keep our hands off each other" stage, but a compliment every once in awhile would be nice. I try and compliment him, I kinda thought it would end up being "monkey see, monkey do", and something about treating others the way you want to be treated. But he doesn't get it apparently.
So, of course, since my brain will never stop and just let me rest and not think - For fuck's sake - I end up thinking, Jeez, why does anyone like me?
I know what I like about myself, but it is all to easy to number the things that I don't like. I'm petty, and mean, and stupid sometimes. My brain is always going and god forbid it should think about important things, all I can think about is me.
I am responsible, but why would people like you for that? Because you do things for them and not flake out? I don't really know. So, if you guys have some time, maybe you could tell me what it is that makes me a good friend.
Cause I am just feeling a little too fragile today. If you don't have the time, oh well. Don't feel bad, I am sure I will bounce back later.
It's Thursday and we all know what that means. I CAN'T be in a good mood. It just doesn't seem physically possible. I thought I would break the cycle this week. Last Thursday I wasn't in a bad mood per se, but I had a fever and was dazed and confused.
So, last night the guy friend came over and brought us rum. Yay, right?
Well, kinda. Except every time he comes over, he tries to take my BF away. Last night was no exception. He tried twice to get my BF to leave an hour early. When that didn't work, he convinced him to go to the bar after he left my house, as opposed to getting some decent sleep. Almost every time he goes out with him, he asks me to remind him next time why he doesn't go out with him. He is always promised a ride and then doesn't get one. Because our guy friend is the biggest flake ever. So, I asked him last night if he was going to go out with Jesse before Jess asked him to go out and he was like "no, I am not". Then he did.
I'm not sure what fucks with me about this most. I'm faintly resentful because I don't even get the chance to go out past 10 when he leaves. Or if I am upset because I feel like a nag for reminding him about Jesse's flakiness. Even though he told me to. If he goes anyway, it feels like I am the one with the problem. Ok, so I am.
Or maybe it was Jesse using my phone to call the bar to see if this chick will give him and my BF a ride home. Then he gets off the phone and he is like, oh, she is really excited to see you. (you=BF).
This girl has been describe to me as Big Tits, and small frame. Oh boy, yay, a beautiful, big-titted, small waisted woman is excited to see my boyfriend. Which just made me think about how every time a guy cheated on me, I had no idea and maybe he would and I wouldn't know. OK, so he prolly wouldn't. I am just screwed up obviously. I don't know up or down anymore.
But it really doesn't help that I don't get compliments anymore. I know we are way beyond the "not being able to keep our hands off each other" stage, but a compliment every once in awhile would be nice. I try and compliment him, I kinda thought it would end up being "monkey see, monkey do", and something about treating others the way you want to be treated. But he doesn't get it apparently.
So, of course, since my brain will never stop and just let me rest and not think - For fuck's sake - I end up thinking, Jeez, why does anyone like me?
I know what I like about myself, but it is all to easy to number the things that I don't like. I'm petty, and mean, and stupid sometimes. My brain is always going and god forbid it should think about important things, all I can think about is me.
I am responsible, but why would people like you for that? Because you do things for them and not flake out? I don't really know. So, if you guys have some time, maybe you could tell me what it is that makes me a good friend.
Cause I am just feeling a little too fragile today. If you don't have the time, oh well. Don't feel bad, I am sure I will bounce back later.
Comments
My eyes are watering, work is busy, and I'm sick now too :( *SULKSULKSULK*
I had called to drag you and your son out, and ditch your bf.. but you didn't get home 'til late. I still haven't listened to the phone message yet (damn.)
I'm "off" tonight, Hubby lets me have Thursdays, if you wanna do something, give me a call. I can pick you up from work, we can grab kid, and take off somewhere :)