Everyday is a struggle, between what I want to say and what I should keep to myself.
My favorite work buddy has realized while I was gone that she can go to lunch with someone else.
No, I'm kidding, she always knew that, and I did too, so why am I feeling unaccountably sad that she hasn't gone to lunch with me since I have been back, and not even expressed interest in going to lunch with me? Or really expressed much of an interest in how my vacation went?
I don't know people. Wish I knew more people around this area that I could go to lunch with. I hate barging in and inviting myself all the time. I guess I am just feeling lonely.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my show buddy hasn't called or given me any indication that she is even going. (Which means I can't go, as I don't have a ride otherwise. Not even sure I am entirely up for it, but it would be nice to have a choice.) She prolly is, but with someone else, who doesn't make as big of a deal about it as I do. Fuck it, I have fun there. So, whatever. If she doesn't want to go with me, why even tell me about it?
Maybe I am just pissed because I am starving. My appetite has come back and now I can't get away with eating only a couple of times a day. And the thin line between starving and feeling sick is being reached really fast by my stomache today. I don't even know what to eat. Once I get to this point, nothing sounds good.
So for today blog readers, I will just pretend that everything is good and happy and fucking fantastic and leave the smile pasted in my face and only you will know that I am not happy right now. Because I am good at pretending nothing is wrong. I've been practicing for a long time now.
No, I'm kidding, she always knew that, and I did too, so why am I feeling unaccountably sad that she hasn't gone to lunch with me since I have been back, and not even expressed interest in going to lunch with me? Or really expressed much of an interest in how my vacation went?
I don't know people. Wish I knew more people around this area that I could go to lunch with. I hate barging in and inviting myself all the time. I guess I am just feeling lonely.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my show buddy hasn't called or given me any indication that she is even going. (Which means I can't go, as I don't have a ride otherwise. Not even sure I am entirely up for it, but it would be nice to have a choice.) She prolly is, but with someone else, who doesn't make as big of a deal about it as I do. Fuck it, I have fun there. So, whatever. If she doesn't want to go with me, why even tell me about it?
Maybe I am just pissed because I am starving. My appetite has come back and now I can't get away with eating only a couple of times a day. And the thin line between starving and feeling sick is being reached really fast by my stomache today. I don't even know what to eat. Once I get to this point, nothing sounds good.
So for today blog readers, I will just pretend that everything is good and happy and fucking fantastic and leave the smile pasted in my face and only you will know that I am not happy right now. Because I am good at pretending nothing is wrong. I've been practicing for a long time now.
Comments