What I'll never have...
I was accosted by two little girl's this morning.
They were DAMN cute. One of them was like....I'm in Derek's class and she walked the rest of the way up to school with him, me trailing behind. They started talking about Pokemon (Derek's FAVORITE subject), or more accurately, Derek started talking about it. She was kinda quiet, but oh so cute with her little braids.
Then on the way home two little girls stopped and one of them was asking me if this was M street. I was like...no, that's M street, this is 5th street.
So she asked if it went through farther down, I'm not sure if that street is M or not, and I told her so.
She was extremely polite and again, so precious and cute, and I was half torn between just enjoying the interaction with another kid and telling her that she shouldn't talk to strangers.
I guess I'm not scary looking. I was just thinking gosh they were so soft spoken and sweet. And I got a boy.
But then I thought (cause I am malicious) It's ok, cause someday they will be teenagers. And I do believe that girl teenagers are harder to deal with than boys.
But maybe that's just because I was a teenager once and I know all about the craziness.
They were DAMN cute. One of them was like....I'm in Derek's class and she walked the rest of the way up to school with him, me trailing behind. They started talking about Pokemon (Derek's FAVORITE subject), or more accurately, Derek started talking about it. She was kinda quiet, but oh so cute with her little braids.
Then on the way home two little girls stopped and one of them was asking me if this was M street. I was like...no, that's M street, this is 5th street.
So she asked if it went through farther down, I'm not sure if that street is M or not, and I told her so.
She was extremely polite and again, so precious and cute, and I was half torn between just enjoying the interaction with another kid and telling her that she shouldn't talk to strangers.
I guess I'm not scary looking. I was just thinking gosh they were so soft spoken and sweet. And I got a boy.
But then I thought (cause I am malicious) It's ok, cause someday they will be teenagers. And I do believe that girl teenagers are harder to deal with than boys.
But maybe that's just because I was a teenager once and I know all about the craziness.
Comments
Plus, potty training? Again? And all the other things that were so FUCKING hard to do.
Most of all, I'm fairly certain Ben doesn't. I don't ever want to have a kid with someone (again) who didn't want that kid. Who didn't wait as anxiously as I did waiting for him. I just want to have a planned pregnancy, and he doesn't want to have a kid. I've tried to talk him into it, with things like...well, don't you want to pass your genes and yourself (in some form or another) on?
His answer, I already did.
Then, well don't you want to have a kid that you can pass your ideas on to and influence and pass on your legacy and kindness? (not this eloquently, I'm sure, I don't remember the exact words)
His answer, I got Derek.
I don't see it happening, it's kind of a trade off for all the things he does. Do I want a kid bad enough to move on? Or do I want to have someone who does my dishes and watches my kid, and loves me (even with all my bullshit) and is fantastic in bed?
Yeah, not really.
Realistically, can I ever AFFORD another kid? Not really.
Yet another very valid point, would be, how would Derek feel to have a little brother that was "really" Ben and mine's kid? There's too many different angles. Does this show how much I've thought about it? *laugh*
That's all I need, a horny teenager in my house. That's just wrong. :p
I hope he appreciates Ben, I really do. And I know that if I got pregnant, he prolly wouldn't leave me, but I don't think it's fair to have to tell two men who didn't want a kid that I was pregnant. I don't need that again. I'm not sure why Derek is different. He's told me himself, he's not real big on kids, but Derek is different, cause he's been around him everyday (mostly) for the past 4 years, and pretty regularly before that.
Jake and wife are trying to have a kid, but so far nothing. She might not be able to have kids, so it might not happen. It's entirely up to him at that point. I'm not sure they think of it that way. And Derek wouldn't be living there, so it won't make as much of an impact.
I've tried to talk to him about having kids, but he evades the issue and combats it all with his reasoning.
It's impossible to get him around to my side, like with the marriage thing. I want to, he doesn't.
Basically, it comes down to, do I want this stuff bad enough to move on to another guy.
The answer is no(most times, I'm sure we all get annoyed occasionally).