There might be something later...

I'm tired and whiny right now. I got nothing fun to share.

I'm having thoughts of..

"Sometimes, I kinda wanna die."

At least then, it will all be over. I mean, I run around, go to work, go home go to sleep, get up again.

It's all rather monotonous. At least when I'm dead I won't have to WORRY anymore.

It's all too much.

This isn't an...oh my god, I'm gonna kill myself post. I could NEVER do that to Derek. I'm just tired and at the end of the day, I got crap to show for it. Every day. This is just a whiny post, thinking about how when I'm dead, at least I won't have to go to WORK.

And worry every day that I'm not the best parent I could be. EVERY FUCKING DAY.

Right now he is seeing the counselor at school. Because he freaks out and hides and cries when he gets "out" in 4 square. I thought this was progress, at least he isn't yelling at people. But, not the teacher is worried about his "meltdowns". Often times he needs to go to his room and be away from people.

I guess since he CAN'T always just go to his bedroom, that really means that "he doesn't handle stress well".

Ben's thought? None of us in this house handle stress well. He's right.

I just don't know how to make it better.

Comments

AnywhereEden said…
I know what you mean about being dead.
I have days like that, when just not having to get up and go ever again sounds like a great idea.
10:23 PM
G3T Films said…
Oh please don't die... I couldn't put up with the whinging.
10:24 PM
SWSNBN said…
Actually, this would be my place to whine. So, by not reading it, you wouldn't have to experience it.

Like anyone believes you are really Satan anyway. Like I really believe there is a heaven or a hell. When you die, I'm pretty sure that's it.

If I could still whine, that would mean I was still fucking worrying and dealing with everything.
10:43 PM
SWSNBN said…
Ariel, thank you for understanding. I just have to bitch sometimes. This is the place where I can without getting all stupid over it.

Kids are fucking confusing, huh?

Where was that instruction manual?
10:45 PM
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