Try to remind myself that I was happy here before.
When I first got my job, I thought it was the coolest fucking thing EVER. I was like...paid holidays and vacation days and sick time. I was grateful.
I'm still glad to have a job and glad for all those things.
But I REALLY don't like most of the people I work with. Either they just don't get it, or they are pissed cause they do.
I'm so FUCKING sick of hearing about how much this sucks and that sucks. And how it USED to be better. I don't need to add their dissatisfaction to my own. It makes it that much worse.
These are people who have been there for years. Am I supposed to be happy that I will just get more and more bitter?
I'm trying VERY hard not to be bitter. I'm trying very hard to go back to my naive state. When I was happy. When I was EXCITED. I just don't get as excited about work anymore. They think it's cause I want to do more. I think it's cause I don't want to do as much. I'd MUCH rather get away from the phone calls so much. I am NOT a good arguer and if I am flustered, it just gets worse. I love me some EMAIL, cause I can always go back and re-read and somehow inject *just* the right amount of confidence in my abilities to make people think I know what I am doing. Cause I do, but I tend to not want to disagree. At least with people I don't know. Especially about money. It's slightly easier since it's not my money, but still.
Sure, I prolly shoulda weighed this out when I was going to school, but I just didn't think about it. There is no class that prepares you for arguing with another accountant. Too often, I must rely on sending them directly to the person who made this or that decision. I'm like a glorified answering machine. I do some of the work, and then I CAN'T make any more decisions. I CAN NOT say sure..I think you are right, I must get the OK from the boss. It's been three years. They do give me some responsibility, but they don't give me enough to say...hey, we need to pay this $13.00 fucking dollars.
I guess I am discouraged. So much of what I do requires waiting for other people to say...ok, or, we believe you. I'd like some more concrete results. I float around so much that I don't get to SEE the final results on the things I've started.
But, it's ok. I've been working on a better attitude. Cause, yeah, it's work. I need to do it and as long as I keep busy, the day goes pretty fucking fast. But dreading getting up each day is a bit much sometimes. I think I need a vacation.
I might actually have a WHOLE WEEK racked up by March. Thinking of taking it around Ben's b-day and going to the coast for the weekend or something.
Or course, I've really ALREADY spent my tax returns in my head, prolly a few times over. I need a new comp. I need a new radio. I'd like a vacation. I'd LOVE a new tattoo, or piercing, but tattoo is what is calling to me. Right now, anyhow.
I'm still glad to have a job and glad for all those things.
But I REALLY don't like most of the people I work with. Either they just don't get it, or they are pissed cause they do.
I'm so FUCKING sick of hearing about how much this sucks and that sucks. And how it USED to be better. I don't need to add their dissatisfaction to my own. It makes it that much worse.
These are people who have been there for years. Am I supposed to be happy that I will just get more and more bitter?
I'm trying VERY hard not to be bitter. I'm trying very hard to go back to my naive state. When I was happy. When I was EXCITED. I just don't get as excited about work anymore. They think it's cause I want to do more. I think it's cause I don't want to do as much. I'd MUCH rather get away from the phone calls so much. I am NOT a good arguer and if I am flustered, it just gets worse. I love me some EMAIL, cause I can always go back and re-read and somehow inject *just* the right amount of confidence in my abilities to make people think I know what I am doing. Cause I do, but I tend to not want to disagree. At least with people I don't know. Especially about money. It's slightly easier since it's not my money, but still.
Sure, I prolly shoulda weighed this out when I was going to school, but I just didn't think about it. There is no class that prepares you for arguing with another accountant. Too often, I must rely on sending them directly to the person who made this or that decision. I'm like a glorified answering machine. I do some of the work, and then I CAN'T make any more decisions. I CAN NOT say sure..I think you are right, I must get the OK from the boss. It's been three years. They do give me some responsibility, but they don't give me enough to say...hey, we need to pay this $13.00 fucking dollars.
I guess I am discouraged. So much of what I do requires waiting for other people to say...ok, or, we believe you. I'd like some more concrete results. I float around so much that I don't get to SEE the final results on the things I've started.
But, it's ok. I've been working on a better attitude. Cause, yeah, it's work. I need to do it and as long as I keep busy, the day goes pretty fucking fast. But dreading getting up each day is a bit much sometimes. I think I need a vacation.
I might actually have a WHOLE WEEK racked up by March. Thinking of taking it around Ben's b-day and going to the coast for the weekend or something.
Or course, I've really ALREADY spent my tax returns in my head, prolly a few times over. I need a new comp. I need a new radio. I'd like a vacation. I'd LOVE a new tattoo, or piercing, but tattoo is what is calling to me. Right now, anyhow.
Comments
when I remember what it's like to work fast food. :(
when the prospect of going back to it looms on the horizon.
I've NEVER had to work fast food. I DID take phone surveys for a WHILE!
I don't think you will have to go back to it honey. I think you are sure to snag an office job after all the phone experience. You can file and help out with Accounting. That's a REALLY good find.
If we have openings, I'll let you know. Though after all the bitching I do, you prolly wouldn't want to work there. :p