Movies
We had a "going away" party for one of our bigwigs on Friday.
Which meant wine, on the job. I had a glass (or two) and went downstairs to spell the person at customer service. So he could go up. It was supposed to be a half hour lunch, but he got a little drunk and spent an hour up there.
It offended me, to say the least.
I had wanted to take my break early and go back upstairs, but he didn't get back until it was too late.
It made me a little sad. Too many memories of being the one left behind when people went to the party and I couldn't. The perils of being a teen mom. Never mind that I NEVER seemed to have as much fun as everyone else at these things. =)
It only mattered that I couldn't go. Apparently, I've not come to terms with it as much as I would've liked....or else it wouldn't have bothered me?
I don't know...part of it was people not seeming to realize I was making sure they could have some fun, and then they coulda cared less about me having any fun.
It felt a little like I was being taken advantage of. So I climbed to the top of the Lillis building on campus and sat up there until I got too afraid of the birds circling.
I didn't want to get shit on.
I previewed the video. It's WEIRD to hear me...I don't sound like that in my head.
For the most part this video is just me being strange, loving the campus.
When I tried to explain how mad I was about the thing at work, my voice caught a little. I'm not even sure that anyone but me would catch it. I can hear it.
What's really strange is that if someone else had been up there, anyone I know and they'd show concern or caring, I woulda started bawling. It doesn't really make sense to me that I cry so much easier in front of people instead of when I am alone. I'm sure most people are the other way around. It's just that caring...I don't know why...perhaps I spent too much of my life thinking people didn't really care about me and when someone shows they do, I can't handle it?
I've been thinking about this....and I just don't know what to make of it.
I would like to know why I can't just be normal.
Crying easier in front of others makes me feel like it is manipulative. And I don't want to be that way. But it doesn't matter WHAT I do, if someone asks what's wrong, I just explode into waterworks.
It's gotta make me look stupid. I mean, really. I'm sure people think what the hell is wrong with her? Why can't she be like everyone else and just hide when she is sad?
I wish I had an answer for them and me.
Which meant wine, on the job. I had a glass (or two) and went downstairs to spell the person at customer service. So he could go up. It was supposed to be a half hour lunch, but he got a little drunk and spent an hour up there.
It offended me, to say the least.
I had wanted to take my break early and go back upstairs, but he didn't get back until it was too late.
It made me a little sad. Too many memories of being the one left behind when people went to the party and I couldn't. The perils of being a teen mom. Never mind that I NEVER seemed to have as much fun as everyone else at these things. =)
It only mattered that I couldn't go. Apparently, I've not come to terms with it as much as I would've liked....or else it wouldn't have bothered me?
I don't know...part of it was people not seeming to realize I was making sure they could have some fun, and then they coulda cared less about me having any fun.
It felt a little like I was being taken advantage of. So I climbed to the top of the Lillis building on campus and sat up there until I got too afraid of the birds circling.
I didn't want to get shit on.
I previewed the video. It's WEIRD to hear me...I don't sound like that in my head.
For the most part this video is just me being strange, loving the campus.
When I tried to explain how mad I was about the thing at work, my voice caught a little. I'm not even sure that anyone but me would catch it. I can hear it.
What's really strange is that if someone else had been up there, anyone I know and they'd show concern or caring, I woulda started bawling. It doesn't really make sense to me that I cry so much easier in front of people instead of when I am alone. I'm sure most people are the other way around. It's just that caring...I don't know why...perhaps I spent too much of my life thinking people didn't really care about me and when someone shows they do, I can't handle it?
I've been thinking about this....and I just don't know what to make of it.
I would like to know why I can't just be normal.
Crying easier in front of others makes me feel like it is manipulative. And I don't want to be that way. But it doesn't matter WHAT I do, if someone asks what's wrong, I just explode into waterworks.
It's gotta make me look stupid. I mean, really. I'm sure people think what the hell is wrong with her? Why can't she be like everyone else and just hide when she is sad?
I wish I had an answer for them and me.
Comments
Because I'm a sap like that.
Clairvoyant spitting. There is something I'd like to figure out. Then you'd even know who deserved it.
Karina ~ Then I woulda cried harder and we would have just set each other off over and over. I would not have been able to go back to work after that. As it was, I refused to take my sunglasses off, just in case. =)