It's not healthy, for me to feel this..
Ok...well, I don't want to leave My Space forever. I do like screwing around with the page.
And Heather (old roommate) just subscribed to my blog.
I think I might limit myself to checking it once a week though.
Then I'll be sure to have something new.
Pouring my heart out and getting no response is just not good.
Even if I do censor myself more over there.
I'm not quite ready to let Jesse read this here blog. I'm not quite ready to let anyone I used to know read this.
There are SO many things that I never said to anyone. And I don't want to explain now..well, why didn't you say anything?
I can just hear it.
And what am I supposed to say..cause I didn't trust you with this information? Cause I just COULDN'T? Cause it's not the happy, upbeat, lighthearted, shallow kind of friendly talk that they all thrived on.
I don't remember having ANY really good deep talks with those people. Perhaps we did and I really just don't remember?
Says a LOT about me if that's the case.
I'm sorry Ariel, you can't make me stop feeling bad, by taking away the My Space. Thank you for trying.
Why do I keep doing it?
Cause I'm dumb sometimes and I have to hit my head against the brick wall over and over again.
In the hope that MAYBE something will change.
I can't stop anymore then I can stop thinking about getting married someday, even when Ben and I DON'T agree. And it would seem that I will never get married if I want to be with him. His parents divorce didn't help. Yet I love him and I can't help but hope that someday he will realize that I will not turn into a psycho crazy woman the minute he puts a ring on my finger.
Why does it matter? Because someday I want to have experienced that. To feel even more like it's US AGAINST THE WORLD.
But this has droned on long enough and I'm probably not making any sense anymore, which is when I stop typing.
And Heather (old roommate) just subscribed to my blog.
I think I might limit myself to checking it once a week though.
Then I'll be sure to have something new.
Pouring my heart out and getting no response is just not good.
Even if I do censor myself more over there.
I'm not quite ready to let Jesse read this here blog. I'm not quite ready to let anyone I used to know read this.
There are SO many things that I never said to anyone. And I don't want to explain now..well, why didn't you say anything?
I can just hear it.
And what am I supposed to say..cause I didn't trust you with this information? Cause I just COULDN'T? Cause it's not the happy, upbeat, lighthearted, shallow kind of friendly talk that they all thrived on.
I don't remember having ANY really good deep talks with those people. Perhaps we did and I really just don't remember?
Says a LOT about me if that's the case.
I'm sorry Ariel, you can't make me stop feeling bad, by taking away the My Space. Thank you for trying.
Why do I keep doing it?
Cause I'm dumb sometimes and I have to hit my head against the brick wall over and over again.
In the hope that MAYBE something will change.
I can't stop anymore then I can stop thinking about getting married someday, even when Ben and I DON'T agree. And it would seem that I will never get married if I want to be with him. His parents divorce didn't help. Yet I love him and I can't help but hope that someday he will realize that I will not turn into a psycho crazy woman the minute he puts a ring on my finger.
Why does it matter? Because someday I want to have experienced that. To feel even more like it's US AGAINST THE WORLD.
But this has droned on long enough and I'm probably not making any sense anymore, which is when I stop typing.
Comments
Even if you never get married, just knowing that someone was committed enough to you to ask you to marry them is a good feeling.
I'm still waiting for it. We might as well be married... I wash his undies for god's sake. But we shall see if we go any further, I kinda like living in sin... but it would be nice to be asked, just one time in my life before I die.
We really need to go back to being married, than we can say we were married once.
I would marry you.