Always with the problems.

I hate the My Space. I am about to hit that time of the month and it's screwing with me. So I HATE the My space.
It's NOT ok for those people to make me feel inferior, because I'm not "popular".
(why does that line make me feel like I am in high school?)
Except, I think...in fact, I KNOW that most of the people I would like to talk to were NOT popular in high school. They had there group of friends.
But all of the sudden it's like high school and here they can show there best side and not show anyone anything of DEPTH.
Can you tell I hate the My Space?
It's all well and good to say that I should express how I feel and I am DAMN good at that through the Internet. I LOVE to say how I feel to the Internet.
I've put up meaningful messages, I've put up bulletins saying that I'd like to hang out, I've gone around commenting on everything.
And nothing. Jesse is the only one who seems to make any sort of regular response. Three people subscribed to my "blog" and I've subscribed to EVERYONE'S blog that are my friends.
I KNOW very soon afterwards that they've made a post. I take the time to go read it. I even try to comment, cause the big reason I hate the My Space is that there is just no good way to tell who reads and who cares.
I spout my feelings to these people, but it comes down to...what good does it do me, if they just ignore me?
The headway I do make, seems to just slide back into where we were.
I DON'T KNOW WHY IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH.
Yes, yes I do. My internet (and now real life!) friends love me more than my old friends ever did.
They can't handle my substance. One "deep" post, elicited this in response from Jesse...well, I knew that your home life was hard, and I just didn't know what to say.
Well...you know? I would take a =S, or even a that sucks.
I don't know if my word is reaching anyone. I don't know if they even care if it does reach them.
The last personal post? About how my step father was? And even though it was censored?
I censored it farther. I put it preferred friends only.
The real laugh? I HAVE no preferred friends and no one who has asked.
I put the post up for everyone to begin with, but then I started thinking that maybe someone who didn't like me so much could use that against me somehow.
Cause these people who don't seem to give a crap...apparently, I don't trust them.
The whole thing has got me so upset that I just can't even make sense.
What the hell was up with all those question marks up there?
Am I right?
I'd hoped to share these things and maybe get a little bit closer to these people. These "friends" of mine. Apparently, it's not about sharing, only finding cute, funny, stupid, or hot images to put in their comments.
Twice now I went to put a comment on the guy's page who deleted my first comment. I put a comment up and SOMEHOW, he didn't log on for like a week. I got nervous and deleted it. The next day? He's back and the day after that.
So...my paranoia could potentially be getting the better of me, but I KNOW he can look at his page without logging on. Maybe he was just trying to avoid even having to do anything with it?
I just don't know. And it's driving me crazy.
Cause people fascinate me, a little too much, and it manages to make me CRAZY when I do not know what they are thinking.
I mean....it's just a little paranoid to think...well, maybe they are just screwing with me?
Like they had SO much time on their hands that they need to mess with my head.
Then part of me starts to wonder if maybe they hate me for a reason, maybe I totally suck.

But at least I am working on the telling people when things bother me area, even if it's only the Internet right now. Someday it COULD be REAL people.
Which just might get me into trouble.
I can just imagine talling my boss one day how I really kinda hate the new person and part of me just wishes she would die. (I am HATEFUL today. I wanna listen to Bloodhound Gang and sing REALLY LOUDLY with it.)