These Dreams...

I'm sure I'm recycling the title, but who cares.

I woke up this morning at 5 AM, from a dream that was rife with stupid Paul.
Him not really wanting to be with me, but he kept coming around.

I woke up and could't sleep until 7:00, just thinking about bull crap. Stuff like I should totally blog this and thinking about the way I was gonna set it up. And maybe if I coulda used the computer and got it outta my brain, I coulda gone back to sleep right away.

And not developed the AWFUL headache that I am still trying to fight.

From home, of course, if I went in I would fall asleep at my desk or start crying at someone. I cannot do less that 5 hours of sleep. I get far more emotional than I usually am and it's not a pretty sight.

I even woke Ben up and asked him to take Derek to school.

My thought before I finally feel back asleep at about 8?

Maybe the reason Paul doesn't ever seem to want to be with me in my own fucking dream is because I don't really want to be with him.

I am just reliving real life and how it was...."do you like me? Sure, but not today" with him. So confusing.

And so glad that I don't have to deal with that emotional train wreck anymore.

I actually threw something across the room once I was so mad at everything.
All the outside influences..
His inability to really seem like he loved me, even though he said so..
It really just pissed me off.

I mean, I do not throw things when pissed, but I was that pissed.

So, again, very happy not to be dealing with his emotional bullshit.

If I could just wipe it outta my dreams, I would be all set. =)