I was set up, I tell ya! =)

1) Des. I dislike exactly 385 1/2 things about myself, depending on my mood and the direction of the wind. Tell me the one thing you like least about yourself, and why. What comes to mind first?

First, huh? Well, I guess my insecurity. There is so much of it somedays. I hate it cause it tears up my self confidence and makes me do stupid things, or freak out. Which of course means that my blood pressure will shoot up even more than at my last doctor's appt.

2) Now, tell me three things you really like about being you. What are the three things that come to mind first, and why?

a) I really like that I can retain numbers so well. It's kind of a parlor trick, but I love it when my boss is like...ok, what's their vendor number (We deal with TONS!) and I can spout it off. I have a memory like that. Or if I've seen the number somewhere, I can usually place it with who it corresponds with.

b) I can speed read. I will often get to the bottom of something before others do and have to "spin my wheels" while they catch up. I'm not sure if it's in direct relation to how nosy I am (i.e. I read really fast so that I can snoop faster, I also read upside down really well and I have to actually remind myself not to stand behind people or I will read over their shoulders and no one likes that.), but I'm not complaining. It makes me feel good.

c) I'm completely loyal. If you fuck with my friends, I will hate you forever. For instance, even though I was already starting not to like Jake as much as I thought, when David ripped off Taco Bell and there was a really good possibility that Derek's dad was gonna go to jail for something he had no part of, I cut off all ties from David. My best gay guy friend from years before, when we were both homeless and ended up at the shelter together. I was completely amazed at how worldy he seemed, he would just leave towns and never go back. He had a car at seventeen and he let me sleep in it when I needed to. But, you can't fuck with people I care about. Even if they aren't the love of my life, like I had imagined.

3) When it comes to your son, the apple of your eye, what is your biggest concern for his future, what is your greatest hope for him, and how will you help him to grow into the best man he can possibly be?

My biggest concern is school bullies. Whether he'll be one, or be bullied by one. With far too many children losing it today (especially boys, who get beat up on the most, girl's get bullied psychologically), I fear that someday when I am listening to the radio, I will hear the awful news of some kid with a gun at his school. I do not have a gun. I do not know how to handle guns, therefore, there will never be a gun in my house. With the on at Thurston a few years back (my town, now) and the one in Columbine, very close to where we lived when we lived with my step grandma, it has hit all too close to home.

I will help him to respect others. I CAN NOT stand it when people have no respect for other people. Especially men who treat women differently. That's crap. That should solve him ending up being a bully. Maybe some classes in self defense to keep him from being the bullied. And even better, helping out those kids who are bullied.

4) You've had some tragic events in your past -- the sort of events it's tough to be honest about, but you have been honest about them here, and I applaud you for that. Hell, we all applaud you, I'm sure. My question is two-fold. a) If ever, at what point in your son's life would you find it appropriate to explain to him what happened to you, why it happened, how you felt about it then, and how you feel about it now? b) If you decide to tell him or not, what would he gain in either case?

a) I don't know, I've thought about it before. It wouldn't be until he was much older. And more than likely only after the offending parties were dead. It's not something I can ever get out easily in front of people. I try, I try really hard to just be flippant as hell about it. More of a, hey, you wanna hear this story? It's easier that way.

b) If not, he would not be jaded by it. Fiona Apple has a lyric.."My pretty mouth will frame the phrase that will disprove your faith in man", that's how I feel about it. It's like..Oh Fiona, a song just for me? Yeah, I know not really, but I can't help but feel that it does make people jaded to hear such things. Especially that things like that happen to little kids. They are supposed to be the protected ones.
What he would gain? Maybe a bigger appreciation for me as a person, not just mom. Maybe he would also read up on the subject and be better prepared if someone he knows has had a similar experience. Shit, maybe it would help him when he has kids, to know if something is up. Again, he would have to be an adult for me to even consider saying anything.

5) You mention wondering if emailing me directly would be overstepping a boundary. A kajillion spammers every day are less considerate than that, so I have to ask you, why on earth would I mind if you sent me an email at my regular email address, jenzback2@aol.com (yes, I'm an aol dork, so everybody just bite me now, okay?)? Why would you think I would possibly mind an email from you?

I just don't like to email people without getting their address expressly from them. I have the same thing with phone numbers. Email ettiquette, perhaps? Not sure, just didn't want to all of the sudden start sending a ton of emails or something. I will, however, be emailing all my replies to comments directly to you now, as well as posting them in comment form. I like to make sure that people get my responses.

5a) Pish-posh. Go ahead and send me an email. I do not bite, and you are more than worthy of my humble email box! Did you really think I would feel otherwise?

No, I didn't really, just a pre-caution. I have strange rules regarding some things and not others. I feel no problem with just talking to strangers, but I can't email someone directly without permission?

I don't know either. This whole thing is just curious, which would be why I went with Curiouser and curiouser. Alice in Wonderland is the best Disney movie EVER! =)

As for the whole be gentle or hit me thing, I totally didn't get it. I get it now, of course, but it took me til now to get the whole nice questions versus deep questions. I like to blog naked, so I don't have a problem with it.

I will give Derek two hugs. I take as many hugs as I can get, while I can. I hope we'll hear as soon as you can after becoming Granzilla! =)

So, anyone who wants 5 questions from me, just ask with a "be gentle" or "hit me".