Isn't it messed up, how I'm just dying to be him?

I had to go do something in Tara's room tonight. I put on the music and SANG LOUDLY with it. I figure door shut = people can't hear me, right?

If I can't see them, they can't hear me. Some sort of logic like that.
I've REALLY been getting into the Fallout Boy song. So much so that I actually sing with my full voice and not high and trying to be a soprano-like.

I KNOW a lot of people TRY to be sopranos. I know that I did this in my middle school choir class. Had I give it my all, I mighta got that solo.

It coulda happened.

So, I'm just singing as LOUD as I can in the back room when Charles sticks his head in and goes "Oh..."
I was like....yes?
He says...well, I heard this song and I was like....I didn't THINK a girl did that song.
I was like.....0_o...No, that's me. Now I can be all shy and red faced.
When I came back out, he was like....no, it was fine singing. I didn't go in there to tell you to stop or anything. It wasn't BAD singing.

Not quite the dazzling compliment I fantasize about when I think about people hearing me sing and being impressed.

I make such a big deal out of it, that I kinda feel like I should blow somebody away with it. One of these days.

I guess I'm still looking for "my" song. The song that will work so well with my voice that people will be amazed.

Will I ever find it? And why can't I just be happy that I don't sing terribly? Like some people.....ahem (Jake)....who sing off key and don't realize it. And why can't I just sing and not give a CRAP what anyone thinks?

I think part of me is still holding on to that whole..I'm gonna be a famous singer when I grow up dream I had so many years ago.

I don't really have a chance in hell at 25 1/2. That's too old for most of these music people.

Just another dream that won't come true.