I've run out of titles. Fuck it.
I had a dream about him the night before last.
I dreamt that his wife and him came over to watch a movie, and then his wife fell asleep? And Ben was coming to watch the movie too, but he wasn't there yet, which effectively left us alone together.
And NOTHING weird happened. We didn't flirt like we always used to (it made me uncomfortable when he tried to do it after being married), and we didn't get mad at each other. We also didn't do anything stupid like kiss.
I view this dream as progress. It's awesome that I put that time alone together in there, cause often I wonder what would happen if we were alone together. That's when he always got to me. When other people were around, I had some pride and knew better, but by myself? All I wanted was to be with him.
Anyhow. Waking up from that dream and getting laid really started my day off right. Now I can rest assured that I would not be retarded and do anything stupid if left alone with him. I can even rest assured that I WOULD NOT WANT to do anything stupid.
Yesterday was strange after my pleasant morning. I forgot that Derek had school an hour late, and so I started walking him to school and then had to turn around and come home and leave later. It was a nuisance. It was just strange how I only realized it after half the way. When I was like...there are no other kids were around.
All in all, it's been a fairly run of the mill week.
I've been working more on getting things out, as opposed to holding them in. I've got a post brewing. All about how saying something makes me feel better and then I don't sit and "stew" about it. Actually, that might be all of a "post" that really needs. While I might be sensitive, having said something when someone bothers me means I won't just be resentful forever. Otherwise...I start counting things in my head. And once they reach some magical number (I don't even know how many "transgressions" people get), I'm like...fuck it.
But when I say something, I feel better. And I don't keep ruminating on it.
And I don't think about is so long that I make it worse in my head. Cause I will. =( It's something I do well. If only I didn't.
For once, I wouldn't mind being mediocre, if it meant my brain didn't "turn" on me. =(
Oh well.
After I get something out, I always feel like I've been too big a baby or bitch about it. So, I guess I'm sorry that I even had to say something, but I just know that if I don't, it will turn out so much worse.
Anyhow. That's all I got right now. I'm about to post my post from MySpace, about boring, non-serious shit.
I dreamt that his wife and him came over to watch a movie, and then his wife fell asleep? And Ben was coming to watch the movie too, but he wasn't there yet, which effectively left us alone together.
And NOTHING weird happened. We didn't flirt like we always used to (it made me uncomfortable when he tried to do it after being married), and we didn't get mad at each other. We also didn't do anything stupid like kiss.
I view this dream as progress. It's awesome that I put that time alone together in there, cause often I wonder what would happen if we were alone together. That's when he always got to me. When other people were around, I had some pride and knew better, but by myself? All I wanted was to be with him.
Anyhow. Waking up from that dream and getting laid really started my day off right. Now I can rest assured that I would not be retarded and do anything stupid if left alone with him. I can even rest assured that I WOULD NOT WANT to do anything stupid.
Yesterday was strange after my pleasant morning. I forgot that Derek had school an hour late, and so I started walking him to school and then had to turn around and come home and leave later. It was a nuisance. It was just strange how I only realized it after half the way. When I was like...there are no other kids were around.
All in all, it's been a fairly run of the mill week.
I've been working more on getting things out, as opposed to holding them in. I've got a post brewing. All about how saying something makes me feel better and then I don't sit and "stew" about it. Actually, that might be all of a "post" that really needs. While I might be sensitive, having said something when someone bothers me means I won't just be resentful forever. Otherwise...I start counting things in my head. And once they reach some magical number (I don't even know how many "transgressions" people get), I'm like...fuck it.
But when I say something, I feel better. And I don't keep ruminating on it.
And I don't think about is so long that I make it worse in my head. Cause I will. =( It's something I do well. If only I didn't.
For once, I wouldn't mind being mediocre, if it meant my brain didn't "turn" on me. =(
Oh well.
After I get something out, I always feel like I've been too big a baby or bitch about it. So, I guess I'm sorry that I even had to say something, but I just know that if I don't, it will turn out so much worse.
Anyhow. That's all I got right now. I'm about to post my post from MySpace, about boring, non-serious shit.
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