Sometimes you would think I thrive on drama

My life is going along nicely. I'm thinking a lot more, trying to talk a lot less. Just figuring things out.
Then Jesse left me a MySpace comment about how he misses us, and will "talk" to us soon. Cause leaving a message on my MySpace page suffices as a hello to both Ben and I, I guess? Ben hates MySpace, thinks it's dumb, doesn't take any messages from Jesse as actually talking to him, though I do relay these messages.
It hurts me for Ben. We're both upset and a little bit pissed off.

Still, how easy would it have been for me to just say nothing, and laugh it off? I find that I find more and more things in people annoying, and I find that I have been more likely to say things to people that I would not be able to get out in person through email. Chicken shit? I'll accept that, but I have to do something or eventually I just get pissed off enough to drop that person from my life. It's happened before, and I don't doubt that it will happen again, until I can get my shit together and adequately explain my problems with people, without coming off as a bitch. Cause that's what's been happening. I just don't say things right I guess. And I've read a LOT of books on how to disagree without being harsh. Or something to that effect.

Instead, I sent him a message via MySpace.
"I'd believe that more if you actually called. So would Ben.
Just so you know.
It's only been about two months since we've seen you, which is strange for us, since we like you, but I guess you've been busy hanging out with cooler people like Jared.

Anyhow. Someday, when you actually miss us, you might want to call and arrange to hang out."

Ok, in rereading it, I could have been nicer, I could have put in a smiley face at least, for Chrissakes. But it struck a nerve. Here goes another "friend". Someone who thinks that all they need to be my friend is to leave me comments on MySpace. Obviously, right? People don't need physical contact, they only need email. Except I come off harsh in email.
He sent this back.
"Well, there really is no reason to be harsh or nasty here. Yes, I see Jared more than you guys, because he comes over to MY house when I tell him I'm not in the mood to leave. Not to mention the fact that he's on my Dad's Dart team and comes to pick him up because Dad has Epilepsy and can't drive. I know that you guys don't have the ability to leave the house all the time beacuse of Shorty and the lack of Car, but that really isn't my fault. And I also have a Girlfriend now, whom I spend 4 nights a week (esp. weekends) with. And since Jared Lives a block away from her, he just kinda comes over to hang out with us, and can be hard to get rid of without makin' him butt-hurt. When you and Ben hooked up, and you guys were doin' yer alone thing alot, I missed you guys, but I gave you yer space cuz of the whole "Honeymoon" period. I was just hoping that you'd afford me the same courtesy, and understand that I just like spending my nights at home when I'm not with my Girlfriend. So please don't be offended. I've been anti-social to everybody. I hang with Jared because he shows up at Cecily's or my house, and I like spending alone time with my Girlfriend when he doesn't. So rest assured, I love you guys. And I always will. And I'm sorry I haven't had time to come over. I'm sorry if I have been hurting your feelings, but rest assured it was not intentional. But you will hear from me soon, cuz I love you guys no matter what!

All my love!
-Jess"

For all intents and purposes, EVERY TIME he comes over and talks about this girl, I get the impression that he doesn't really like her, only wants someone to sleep with. Ben gets the same impression, I asked him.
Has something changed? Does he really like her now? I don't know.
I'll believe that we'll hear from him when he calls.
But by getting out how I feel, I am harsh and nasty. I can't just get to the point and be like..hey, Jared sucks, and yet you spend more time with him. That's mean, even though Jared is a total ass. I can't just say that he sucks though. He's had such a hard life...sure, so have a lot of people. He's dumb. That's all there is too it. He tries to be nice, but he's an ass mostly. I suppose we should all be glad that he at least tries.

Ok, enough ranting about Jared.
I composed this and meant to send it to him, but when I was done, my fingers were shaking and I was SO FUCKING ANGRY that I thought I was probably being harsh and nasty again, so I figured I would say nothing and instead, I would just email myself what I wrote.
Which I will now share with the internet at large. Wouldn't it be funny if Jesse actually somehow found my blog. I can be more mean. At least he would still hang out with Ben.
"I just thought you might actually like to know that Ben doesn't really look on messages on Myspace as you actually talking to him.
And I know you are one of his rare friends and it bothers me for him when you don't want to hang out. I didn't mean it to be nasty, maybe a little harsh.
I might remind you how you always say "bros before hoes" (which I hate, even writing that out, it sounds so negative), does that only apply when you don't want someone hooking up with an ex? Cause I would say that applies as far as hanging out with friends as well. At least sometimes.
And maybe you don't get it, but a LOT of the time when you come over and hang out you say things about Cecily that don't necessarily translate into liking her very much.
So I end up getting the impression that you just want someone to sleep with, and somehow that wins out over us being friends.
I'm sorry if that's the wrong impression, but that's what I hear when you say some things.
I'm a girl, I take things differently.
I've just realized recently that I don't want to take crap from people and that includes people who say they are my friends, but only "see" me on Myspace.
How long do honeymoon periods go on and would you let that prevent you from going to Fair?
I didn't think so.
I don't believe that Ben and I didn't ask you to come over for 2 plus months during the time we were getting to know each other better. One of the best things about you is that we both get along with you, and I think that helped.
Instead we don't get to see you, and we don't even know your girlfriend, cause ANY attempt to hang out with her has been rebuffed besides that ONE night at the bar, in January.
So, yes, I am a little hurt. I believe Ben is too though he hasn't said anything.
Whatever dude. I just thought I should be honest with you and explain myself. You were the one who was so adamant about being Derek's god father, but even him asking about you all the time makes no difference.
I still hope we can hang out sometime, but at this point the ball is in your court. It's too humiliating for me to beg and when I get honest, I'm harsh and nasty."

I think I trailed off there. Cause once I get started, I tend to go off a little and make a dozen little points to beat my dead horse with. Like I haven't already gotten the message across.
In any case, I haven't replied. I've talked it over with Ben and I did come to conclusion that I'm not imagining him not really liking her much, due to what he says. I suppose he could be just venting, but if this is truly a honeymoon period, then wouldn't you not hate anything about the person yet?
Again, only the impression that I get.

I've thought about it a lot. I don't know what to say that isn't going to sound nastier. I kind of want to just write a note saying, "I hope she's worth it", but I think even that would be inflammatory. I don't know her, the only time I met her, she gave me advice on my new tattoo, which I thought was stupid, since she only had one, and I now had FOUR nice of her. Advice! From someone who doesn't know what they are talking about. She doesn't make an effort, and I don't even know what to talk to her about. She doesn't want to come out to my house, she doesn't want us at her house. We'll never get to know her, and this will probably be the girl he'll end up marrying or something.
God, I hate people.