Sobering
I just realized something.
NONE of my siblings (that lived with me, one is) are married. Some of them can't be, as they are too young, so that skews the odds, but Misty is at least as old as my mom was when she got married to my dad.
I just think it's weird that the only person married is the one who didn't grow up with our mother all those times she was (unhappily) married.
Marriage and hard and scary. It looks like that from my point of view. Perhaps theirs as well.
Don't get me wrong, I beat my mom by a good 4 years when I got pregnant, and I think she might have miscarried before me, so maybe I only have 3 years on her?
Still I beat her at that. And I'm still not married. And I only have one kid. And I'm only gonna have one kid.
Will I ever be married? I really like the idea of the wedding, I think, and I don't imagine it's much different than living together. Except part of me is not sure of that at all. Will we take each other for granted? Will we be meaner, more quick to judge and argue?
I don't know any of that. Maybe I'll find out, maybe I'm too scared to go down the same road. Maybe I think the longer I wait, the more likely it will last?
I don't even know, and if Ben never wants to, I may never find out. Which would be a little sad.
But I have doubts, why wouldn't he have doubts? We'd never have to go through that baby phase, cause I don't want more. Babies are hard to raise. Jake and I disagreed a lot, about everything, and I started to feel a lot of resentment. I mean, this is my BABY, and he is suggesting that our kid is misbehaving or something? It's fuzzy now, I've blocked it all, but raising a baby with someone is very, very hard. I built up all the resentment until I hated him. I still hate him. It's sad really. It's getting better. I'm not sure if Karen makes it better or if he's just older and smarter.
I don't know. I'm sitting here over analyzing my initial thought. I'm done, I'm tired, I think my head might be getting better, we'll see. I would be so happy not to be sick anymore.
NONE of my siblings (that lived with me, one is) are married. Some of them can't be, as they are too young, so that skews the odds, but Misty is at least as old as my mom was when she got married to my dad.
I just think it's weird that the only person married is the one who didn't grow up with our mother all those times she was (unhappily) married.
Marriage and hard and scary. It looks like that from my point of view. Perhaps theirs as well.
Don't get me wrong, I beat my mom by a good 4 years when I got pregnant, and I think she might have miscarried before me, so maybe I only have 3 years on her?
Still I beat her at that. And I'm still not married. And I only have one kid. And I'm only gonna have one kid.
Will I ever be married? I really like the idea of the wedding, I think, and I don't imagine it's much different than living together. Except part of me is not sure of that at all. Will we take each other for granted? Will we be meaner, more quick to judge and argue?
I don't know any of that. Maybe I'll find out, maybe I'm too scared to go down the same road. Maybe I think the longer I wait, the more likely it will last?
I don't even know, and if Ben never wants to, I may never find out. Which would be a little sad.
But I have doubts, why wouldn't he have doubts? We'd never have to go through that baby phase, cause I don't want more. Babies are hard to raise. Jake and I disagreed a lot, about everything, and I started to feel a lot of resentment. I mean, this is my BABY, and he is suggesting that our kid is misbehaving or something? It's fuzzy now, I've blocked it all, but raising a baby with someone is very, very hard. I built up all the resentment until I hated him. I still hate him. It's sad really. It's getting better. I'm not sure if Karen makes it better or if he's just older and smarter.
I don't know. I'm sitting here over analyzing my initial thought. I'm done, I'm tired, I think my head might be getting better, we'll see. I would be so happy not to be sick anymore.
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