Random Thoughts

I guess I should elaborate, as I am wont to do on almost everything. I've had BAD hair cutting experiences. Is it because I am not picky enough? I don't know. My dad used to MAKE me get my hair cut. My wish was for long hair, but when it was the only time I spent with him, I didn't push it too hard. My mom was always asking why I didn't just tell him. I think I did, but he didn't care? I don't know. He knew I didn't like it very much, somehow. I know this because one day when I was supposed be getting a hair cut, I woke up with a stiff neck. I told my dad this, and he said that I was faking it (oh, I was SO upset by that when I was younger, in retrospect, and after having my own kid, I understand.) and that I was getting my hair cut. I was not faking it, and instead had uneven hair until the next time. Then my stepbrother stuck gum in my hair and my stepsister had to cut a whole chunk out of the back of my hair. =( I'm sure I looked awful. Then, as a te...

This new blogger thing looks like I can do more with it. Will I ever have to time to check it out and see what I can do? Who knows. I've been off since Friday, which has been completely awesome. We've gone nowhere of importance. Besides shopping Thursday. We did clean. My bathroom is so fucking clean right now! It smells yummy. Also, the laundry has been folded. We officially have our couch back. It had been heaping with clean laundry, but I spent Friday morning folding. Then doing dishes, then scrubbing the wall in the kitchen. The one that Jesse sprayed 7-up all over. I don't see how he could have shaken it up that much, but it pretty much exploded. I noticed with the rare sunlight we had on Friday (? Who knows what day the sun shone around here?), I noticed that the wall was streaky. It's clean as hell now too. I even caught up on some CSI's while folding laundry. I have to say that I loved Liev Schriber's role in the past eps. I'm about 2 more episodes b...

The other day as I logged into Blogger, it informed me that I HAD to change over to the NEW blogger. I was pissed, because I am the type who likes things to stay the same and fuck all with your "improvement." *smirk* Mostly because this means I have to sign in using my gmail account. Which is long as hell, cause when I made it, I thought I'd make it my full internet tag. Which used to be She Who Shall Not Be Named. I've since shortened everything in this here blog to SWSNBN. It's a hell of a lot easier, and somewhat more original. Unfortunately, my gmail account is stuck. I suppose I could change it by opening a new gmail account and switching everything blog related to the other account. That just seems like too much work for lazy, little me. Instead, I've switched from the old blogger and at least it puts both of my blogs together. That makes things easier. Though I wasn't trying to link the two, really. Since I'm using photoshop more, it doesn't...

I'm gonna pull a Britney. I am SO sick of my hair. It's too long, officially now. I always wondered how long I could possibly let it get and how much I could stand to have truly long hair and you know what? I passed that stage about a month ago. Maybe two months ago. I don't even know how much I'm gonna get rid of when I finally can. I've never had much luck with going to hair salons and stuff like that. Plus, I hate the thought of spending the money when I don't have to. But I just can't cut my own hair. I used to, and I really shudder at the thought of how uneven it must have been. Cause really? How the hell do you cut the back of your hair? I'm not even sure how I used to do it, but I'd just get so sick of my hair that I would cut it down short. I think I've always longed for a short cut. Something that would be so cute, except I can't really pull it off. It makes me face look too long, and most shorter cuts look so cute cause people actua...

So, I had to stop and have a moment of complete WTF? the other day. Derek was watching some Saturday morning cartoon and I was half way listening when I realized he was watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I actually liked the stupid live action movies they did. At least the first one. I don't quite remember the second one and I'll never watch the third. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Samurai? That's a little too much to take, really. So, I listened in a little more and realized that they are in the year 2105! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Time Travelers? How many fucking syllables can we add on to this? I was like...what the hell? and asked Derek about it later. No, he says, the cartoon isn't about them being in the year 2105, they just accidentally went forward in time to the year 2105. Very patiently, he explained this, as if I were stupid. I say it's the same damn thing. While we are on cartoons, how the hell are the Power Rangers still on? I thought for sure by t...

I took my lunch break on Friday and went and got pierced again. Two times actually. One more hole in each ear. I love the way it looks. If I didn't have such a hard time with cartilage I would get hoops all the way up my ear. It was rather spur of the moment. I just went and asked if they could put captive rings in the second hole. I have a hard time putting jewelry in them, and I don't think they are straight, but Georg said he could do it. Georg is really rather awesome. We got back in the room to stretch out the second hole and slip the jewelry in and I asked if he thought they could get another piercing in the lobe without hitting cartilage. He asked if I just wanted to go ahead and do it now and I figured "what the hell?". There are four holes in the lobe, but I don't have jewelry in the bottom holes in the picture. I like to be able to change some jewelry. 15 minutes later, I was out of there, and Georg even dropped the sitting fee down and charged less for ...

Well, my mom sent me a MySpace comment to say Happy Valentine's Day and that she loves me. Once again, someone who only interacts with me via MySpace. How can you love me, if you never see me? If you don't know me? There's a line in a KT Tunstall song... "And can you still love me When you can't see me anymore?" I'd like to know that. Is that what unconditional love means? I don't even know what I mean anymore. I'm still so damn angry about my sisters not coming. Sure this solves the whole.."will my mother come or not?" problem, but I would have rather just had it done and over with. Either she'll come along or she won't. I've given up so much that I'm using the rest of my vacation next month. Wait up! This is not angsty day, this is happy YAY Valentine's day. Screw them if they can only talk to me on holidays...like my dad when I was growing up. Ok, for real now. I got chocolates! And a new CD (Christina Aguilera), a...

My sisters aren't coming. I've gone from petulant (I hope they NEVER visit) to depressed to sad, to keeping a stiff upper lip to not even caring and all the way back to petulant. I'm not even sure they would have mentioned it if I hadn't asked about the weather up there and if it was gonna impede the trip. I actually kind of believe they would have waited as long as they could until telling me. Like I would get all hysterical on them or something. Right, like I LET my family know how I feel. I'm raw. I wanted to see them, and now there are so many excuses. What it comes down to, is that with my family, I can't ever believe. I had hoped my sister was trustworthy, but after all the planning and my switching crap around for my vacation days, it turns out she isn't. I'm sad. And sure that I'll never see my family again. I could visit them, except I don't have a car, and I sure as hell don't have money for a plane trip. Especially not for Derek a...

The newest songs added to my iPod are as follows: Dangerous - The Ying Yang Twins - I "stole" my liking for this song from Deanna. It's amazing what you hear when you eavesdrop. It's actually a (sort of) cover for Man Eater (Hall and Oates), at least from what I can make out. I found a clean and not so clean version. Hurray for new (dirty) music. Grace Kelly - Mika - I heard this one morning while absently "watching" music videos. It's got a distinct Queen feeling to it. Ben said that it might be a sample. I think it was on purpose, as he says.."So I tried a little Freddie...". And while I don't "do" classic rock, even I know that the lead singer for Queen is Freddie Mercury. I'm not sure why I really like this song. I'm pretty sure it's about how people don't like him, but it's more upbeat music behind it. So it doesn't even matter that no one likes him. I really like the chorus what with the..."I cou...

Remember how excited I was about the bikes? YAY BIKES? Basically they kind of suck ass. They are cheap and basically worth what I paid for them. First, a spoke on Ben's tire was bent. He traded it in. Then, the brake wouldn't tighten on my bike. Then, he tried to work with his brake to see if he could fix it some other way that he didn't see. Now his brake won't tighten either. He took it into Hutch's, and they said that the brake wire is stripped. BRAND FUCKING NEW, and the brake wire is STRIPPED. $10 later, they informed him he could buy a new brake, it would cost $10 and then $15 to install the brake. And then they said that it basically wasn't worth it, cause we are only going to have more problems (which seems likely, at this point) with them and Walmart bikes aren't really meant to be ridden. Granted, as Karina pointed out, they will be biased. Of course they'd love it if you bought a bike from them, right now. But still, I don't want the bike ...

I'm seriously running out of lyrics that work for certain topics. Like dreams, or anything to do with my weight. People don't sing about their weight. Maybe there's a reason, but this is my blog so I talk about whatever the hell I want. ;p I went in for my depo shot on Friday. I was dreading it, as I seem to gain weight without realizing it. The whole trip was weird. The bus doesn't run when I thought it did, so instead I had to go a different route. I was there really early, and had to listen to people hack and argue and all this bullshit. They call me back and put me on the scale and I've lost 5 pounds! FIVE WHOLE POUNDS. If I've gained 3 (last time), then I'm 2 down! I know. It seems like I'm being far too excited, but 5 pounds actually sounds like a decent amount. I don't know. I guess it makes me hopeful. The lady was someone who I hadn't seen before, but she was like my cheerleader and just made a HUGE deal out of my losing weight. I walked...

I have a confession to make... I LOVE pop music. I've taken a LOT of crap for this. But you know what? Pop music is POPULAR. Duh. Which means I've been taken in along with the other unsuspecting consumers who are now addicted to the pop music. And I'm really kind of fine with that. Call me crazy, but I really am. I think it started long ago. Like maybe when MTV started. Or maybe it was dancing around my aunt's living room (the COOL, YOUNGER aunt) to Madonna. Meanwhile, my mother listened to things like Meatloaf and all the classic rock she could find. I instantly gravitated away from that crap and went towards the pop. Who could blame me? I've tried a few times over the years to break the habit. I even went through my teenage emo phase were all I really listened to was NIN...though now that I'm thinking about it, I'm pretty sure I listened to Salt-N-Pepa and TLC. I'm not angry enough anymore to listen solely to NIN. And then there was the phase were ever...

I stayed away from the internet ALL DAY yesterday. Monday was busy, in that Derek threw up twice, his fever hit 103, and we started dosing him up hardcore with Tylenol and Motrin. His fever stayed manageable. And since he's one of those kids where he's sick for like...a day...and then he's all better, I didn't worry to much about it the next day. I kept him home and I stayed home, just so that I could make sure. He looked fine all morning, not his usual fidgety self, but fine. I asked him if he thought I should take his temperature...which I should have been doing all along. It was at 104.4...I took the temp two more times, thinking for sure I was doing something wrong. I dosed him up with the Motrin, I took a cool rag and held it to his face, I checked his temp. about every 20 minutes. It wasn't going down fast enough for me. Inside I was panicking, outside I tried to be calm and I ALMOST did it. Ben asked me if I'd like to go outside with him and smoke before ...

I found the CUTEST boots at Walmart last night. They zipped up to mid calf, maybe a little higher and Ben's eyes went whoa when he came around the corner and saw me trying to put it on. It had a thick heel (which means less chance I'll die) and fit my foot just fine. It did not fit my calf, so I'm wondering if anyone has any secrets about where I could find some cute (not ridiculously expensive) boots that would fit a plus size calf...which I assume is what they call it. I looked on-line a bunch last night and all I could really find was either expensive, or had to thin of a heel. I can't walk on stilletos, and I don't know anyone who can. Another thing. I got to thinking, cause a lot of people are surprised when I tell them my bra size, and I just always thought that they deceptively looked bigger than they are. But you know what? They are definitely a D now. I had gone up in band size since having Derek, but somehow I never thought I'd have to go up a cup size...

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Birdie is a robot! She made the cutest little beeping noises. =) One view of my hair. Another, this side looks darker? Perhaps it's the hair underneath, and perhaps I should cough up the money for two boxes of hair dye when my hair is this length? They played together well. Please ignore the clean laundry in the corner. The boys don't care if their laundry is folded, so I'm the only one who folds. They'd just stuff crap where they could fit it if I didn't fold. I did it! I'm not a weenie. I thought I was gonna wuss out. I'm feeling like a bit of a badass at this point. I mean, I can take a bigger tattoo! The guy was even like..wow, I really like it when people come in and just get their tattoo, cause I've actually had people cry and be all like "this is the worst pain in the world." I told him they should all suck it up. It's not like it didn't hurt, but the worst pain? It looks better today, perhaps I'll make Ben take another pictu...

The other day at bedtime, Derek asked me if I believed he could use one sheet of paper to cut a hole large enough that he could fit through. I said yes, so he elaborates, and asks if I think he could cut it large enough to fit me and him, and again, I said yes. He looks at me and he says...oh, you've seen that trick, huh? I said...honey, I'm OLD, I've seen EVERYTHING. So, he said, you're not old, to be old you'd have to be 87 or something. He caps that off with...and you're only 34! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I was like...I'm only 26, thank you. Jeez. At least he doesn't think I'm old, just older than I am. LOL. I don't know. I don't think it really bothered me that much. I think as I get older, the concept of "old" changes greatly. It used to seem to me like being 26 would never happen, and that I would be so old. I don't feel old. I don't think I'm gonna feel old at 34, at least I hope not.

I've been thinking all day. About the whiny girl, anyhow. Someone tried to explain that it all makes more sense about why she can't close, and they tried to bring me around. Well, it's NOT gonna happen. I don't know if I would give her more credit if she didn't annoy me? I think so. And I can't even put my finger on why she puts me so on edge. I'd LOVE to be able to pinpoint it, but I just can't. She just mentioned (earlier) that she was a social smoker. Like me. Perhaps I annoy me? I do sometimes. But she just annoys me SO much. Maybe it's the incessant whining? It can't even be completely that, cause her laugh annoys me too. I mean, how ridiculous is that? Maybe it's that she always jumps in on my conversations, like I'm even talking to her? I do that same thing, I suppose. If only because I hear them talking about something I actually know and I'll shout it out so that they can stop asking everyone who doesn't know. Maybe I sho...

The other day I realized that I do not give myself NEARLY enough credit. I did something nice by picking up some hard cider for Ben, and I was all excited, like GO ME! I remembered which one and everything. But, I picked the wrong one. There are two, and I can't ever seem to remember which one is the one he likes better. So I was like...awww. But you know what? Once upon a time, I would have totally kicked myself for that for about....two weeks. Seriously. I give myself a whole raft of shit when I disappoint myself. But I've gotten better. Cause I was like...aww, but no big deal. He wasn't upset, so why should I be? This whole line of thought led me to thinking about how only a few months ago, I'd go through these spurts where I was just really down on myself and unnaturally upset over stupid crap. That isn't happening as much anymore. I'm not sure why, it could be all the fantastic sex I've been having and consequently feeling sexier? Maybe it was the birth...

She's planning like I am. She does some accounting work where she works, so perhaps Accountants just like everything planned out as far as possible. Or else as a family, we are all crazy as hell and huge control freaks. Perhaps. I can't imagine why, what with moving all the time as kids and no real steadiness and all that. We can't have taken it to the complete opposite extreme, right? =) She sounds just as excited as I am. When I thought about her visiting, I didn't quite realize she was bringing as many people as she is. I mean...she's bringing everyone. All the kids. All 5 besides me and Kylee as well, so six. And maybe Mom. Apparently, my own mother does not have the vacation time available to visit, but since she realizes that Misty is gung ho about coming and that it's going to happen whether she comes with or not, she is like...well, maybe. Save room in the car for me. Or some some bull crap. Nice that my own mom can only visit when my sister "makes...