It's really fucking stupid
To not eat anything for 9+ hours. Derek ate a TV Dinner, and I have been waiting for Ben to see if I should wait for him to eat. I am perfectly fucking capable of making myself something simple. Like a grilled cheese. I was even going to give up and make one and then he got here.
And I didn't know how to admit I hadn't eaten, cause I'm really stupid in the head when I don't eat. I feel sick to my stomach, I want to cry about everything, and I'm in a bad fucking mood.
So I just sat here getting more annoyed until I finally decided the easy way out would be to just say I was hungry and ask for some toast.
To be fair, I still don't feel good.
Instead of laying down or something and so that Derek wouldn't have to sit in the kitchen all by himself I started to tidy up.
An hour and a half later all the dishes were done, coffee is ready to be turned on in the morning, egg salad is made, from the hard boiling to the cutting and mixing, and I still don't feel any better about having to get up in the morning.
I'd talk about work and try and make something funny about all the training I've been doing, like how "the "n" word" has taken on an entirely new meaning. Something I actually think is funny and not just sad and makes me upset.
But I'm too tired and I'm not sure I should ever talk about work at this point. Someone heard something from someone else and it could have very well been a bad thing. Luckily my co-worker took it all in stride, and laughed it off, but she did warn me. Like watch out, cause who knows what could be said to people who don't have a sense of humor.
You see that last sentence? I shouldn't even say that, cause lord that's still talking about work.
So we'll leave work at work, and instead just say that I feel like crap, I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm ready to bite heads off, I'm super fucking stressed.
And Ben is making me a grilled cheese as I type this, so I can eat and not be such a raging bitch. I hope he realizes that I'm just starving and pissed off, I think he does. When I mentioned being hungry, he looked visibly relieved, cause at least he can do something about that.
But you know what else?
Today my kid behaved beautifully. I had him at work for the last hour, but I was also in the training, bad timing on my part, so he sat upstairs in the admin office while I finished up my training and read quietly. Kathy said he behaved well. I did say something about having LP hand cuff him if he ran out the door or anything.
But he's really becoming a little man. He sat, he read (Harry Potter 5), and then I brought him downstairs for a bit. He wanted to look at the toys in the gift section so I let him, and had Ruby keep an eye on him while he shopped.
He picked out a toy, and then pulled out his wallet, and paid for it himself. He was even really excited when she rang him up at my discount. He was all ready to pay the price on the price tag, and then he got to save money.
He came home with a wallet, allowance (shit, I gotta get the kid some chores!), and a more grown up attitude. He gets up and just pours himself milk. And today he just came over and used the scissors without asking. It's just weird. The scissors aren't sharp, which is part of the problem right? A sharper cut would be better than a dull one.
It's strange, and it feels like he grew up a lot in those five weeks of being gone.
He did get taller, and his sandals bought at the beginning of summer do not fit anymore.
I just stared at him as he came up to the counter and paid for his merchandise, being all serious and quiet about it.
He's becoming a mini-adult. I'm not sure I like that. I suppose it's bound to happen sooner or later. I guess I hoped it would still be later.
Oh well. At least it's not puberty or anything. Not yet. Just the thought makes my brain hurt worse than it already does. I've stopped counting the number of consecutive days in which I've had a headache. I should buy some decongestant, but I just haven't yet. They make me stupid in the head, so I should only use them before bed anyhow.
And I didn't know how to admit I hadn't eaten, cause I'm really stupid in the head when I don't eat. I feel sick to my stomach, I want to cry about everything, and I'm in a bad fucking mood.
So I just sat here getting more annoyed until I finally decided the easy way out would be to just say I was hungry and ask for some toast.
To be fair, I still don't feel good.
Instead of laying down or something and so that Derek wouldn't have to sit in the kitchen all by himself I started to tidy up.
An hour and a half later all the dishes were done, coffee is ready to be turned on in the morning, egg salad is made, from the hard boiling to the cutting and mixing, and I still don't feel any better about having to get up in the morning.
I'd talk about work and try and make something funny about all the training I've been doing, like how "the "n" word" has taken on an entirely new meaning. Something I actually think is funny and not just sad and makes me upset.
But I'm too tired and I'm not sure I should ever talk about work at this point. Someone heard something from someone else and it could have very well been a bad thing. Luckily my co-worker took it all in stride, and laughed it off, but she did warn me. Like watch out, cause who knows what could be said to people who don't have a sense of humor.
You see that last sentence? I shouldn't even say that, cause lord that's still talking about work.
So we'll leave work at work, and instead just say that I feel like crap, I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm ready to bite heads off, I'm super fucking stressed.
And Ben is making me a grilled cheese as I type this, so I can eat and not be such a raging bitch. I hope he realizes that I'm just starving and pissed off, I think he does. When I mentioned being hungry, he looked visibly relieved, cause at least he can do something about that.
But you know what else?
Today my kid behaved beautifully. I had him at work for the last hour, but I was also in the training, bad timing on my part, so he sat upstairs in the admin office while I finished up my training and read quietly. Kathy said he behaved well. I did say something about having LP hand cuff him if he ran out the door or anything.
But he's really becoming a little man. He sat, he read (Harry Potter 5), and then I brought him downstairs for a bit. He wanted to look at the toys in the gift section so I let him, and had Ruby keep an eye on him while he shopped.
He picked out a toy, and then pulled out his wallet, and paid for it himself. He was even really excited when she rang him up at my discount. He was all ready to pay the price on the price tag, and then he got to save money.
He came home with a wallet, allowance (shit, I gotta get the kid some chores!), and a more grown up attitude. He gets up and just pours himself milk. And today he just came over and used the scissors without asking. It's just weird. The scissors aren't sharp, which is part of the problem right? A sharper cut would be better than a dull one.
It's strange, and it feels like he grew up a lot in those five weeks of being gone.
He did get taller, and his sandals bought at the beginning of summer do not fit anymore.
I just stared at him as he came up to the counter and paid for his merchandise, being all serious and quiet about it.
He's becoming a mini-adult. I'm not sure I like that. I suppose it's bound to happen sooner or later. I guess I hoped it would still be later.
Oh well. At least it's not puberty or anything. Not yet. Just the thought makes my brain hurt worse than it already does. I've stopped counting the number of consecutive days in which I've had a headache. I should buy some decongestant, but I just haven't yet. They make me stupid in the head, so I should only use them before bed anyhow.
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