Too Eager To Please? Perhaps...
I'm not much for confrontation, as most of you know.
This may translate into me being a "yes man"...and maybe I am. It's just seems like in my 27 years I've never told someone something they wanted to hear when I disagreed with their views, their ideas, their hopes. Maybe that means I'm not a true friend, cause I'll just tell you what you want to hear.
But it's never gotten me anywhere to confront someone and be like..I don't think your (relationship, work, whatever) is going the way you think it is. I've tried before, and all it really got me was uncomfortable, and then when it turned out the way I thought it would (though I didn't want it to turn out that way..cryptic enough for ya?) I got a "why didn't you tell me?"...and I realized that my cries had fallen on deaf ears.
Does my being unconfrontational mean I am too eager to please? Perhaps...but what good does it do me to tell someone something they don't want to hear? Especially when more than likely they ALREADY fear or know my opinion. Most likely they worry about it every damn day, and am I helping by letting them know I see it too? Does it really change anything? Do people change their life, boyfriend, job, whatever before they are truly ready? Or does my sharing with them about how I doubt it just make them more inclined to be stubborn? Cause that's me..I'll just be stubborn...like..."what do you mean the stove is on? NO WAY, I'm STILL touching it"..while my fingers burn off...or something less drastic than this. I've just been thinking about this for days since my reaction to Scotty's life situation was so different from our cousin's reaction...perhaps he knows more than me?
I don't know, but I know this much. My stubbornness lead to me running away. I was told every day that I should be a better example, that I needed to teach my siblings (which isn't really a big brother or sister's job..it's more the parent's area...I suppose leading by example is some help.) to do better. That I should KNOW better. And while it's not the only reason I ran away from home, I do realize that I took it about as far away from a good example as I could..running away, being stupid, getting pregnant...and while becoming a parent helped me, I wouldn't recommend that way at life. I don't know that leading a "sheltered life" is much better, but you have to learn somewhere. You have to get into the world at some point, and it really shouldn't mean that Scotty never gets to do what he wants. I about lost my mind trying to hard to fulfill other's expectations, and I'm glad that he is looking to actively get out on his own. He can't ALWAYS be the "parent" or whatever you want to call it.
In my case, my sister tended to take over (she's in labor today!) and she became a "parent" of sorts. They survived without me, and while I felt (and still do feel) guilty for leaving them behind, I believe it turned out the way it was supposed to.
I'm so rambling now...I just didn't quite know how to respond my my cousin's comment on my blog. I can see each side, but I strongly feel that Scotty should be given this chance, maybe it'll be the best thing ever, and maybe it won't, but he'll never know unless he TRIES.
Sorry, Scotty, didn't really mean to "talk" about you like you weren't here, reading this, cause I know you are.
And again, I'm not trying to start a confrontation, I just needed to say something. I needed to explain the way I see it.
My fear of confrontation runs over into other areas of my life too, I recently had a friend contact me out of nowhere. I have a few friends who do this..and I don't know if I just give off that kind of vibe (a sort of "it's ok if we only hang out when you want to" vibe) or what, but I tend to gloss it over. Which is probably why it keeps happening, but I feel like if I make a big deal over it, then my friends will be mad at me and I won't get to see them at all. They'll just think I'm a bitch, and write me off.
Issues much? LOL. Yeah, I know.
So people contact me, ask me to hang out (when we haven't even talked in ages, when I've made an effort to talk to someone and they ignore me), and in my heart and mind I'm all like...what the hell?, but I let it slide. I would much rather just hang out with them in their time than not at all. I'd rather just accept the invite and pretend like we see each other all the time. Blasé about it? Yes, I need to be. Part of it may just be because I don't want people to know I care? Yes, more issues. I'm FULL of issues people...it just makes me interesting.
But I won't lie..it bothers me. I don't feel like I expect a lot..I mean...seeing someone every two months for a little "date night" if you will (yes, I have dates with friends, that's what I call them) would make me happy. Some people I don't see for months..some for years...and then I'm just supposed to pretend that it doesn't bother me?
Ah well. I'm a good pretender...I just don't like it when I have to be. I'd rather tell the truth nowadays.
So perhaps I live in a rose colored glasses type of world, but it's so much nicer here than where I used to live...forgive me if I plan on staying here for awhile.
It's still all about attitude, baby! =)
Now that I've vented and bitched, I'm off to clean more. Ugh. Sick of the cleaning. =S
I'm going to listen to "Weapon of Choice" while I clean. Nothing is better than Christopher Walken dancing and at least the song makes me think about it even if I can't see the video.
This may translate into me being a "yes man"...and maybe I am. It's just seems like in my 27 years I've never told someone something they wanted to hear when I disagreed with their views, their ideas, their hopes. Maybe that means I'm not a true friend, cause I'll just tell you what you want to hear.
But it's never gotten me anywhere to confront someone and be like..I don't think your (relationship, work, whatever) is going the way you think it is. I've tried before, and all it really got me was uncomfortable, and then when it turned out the way I thought it would (though I didn't want it to turn out that way..cryptic enough for ya?) I got a "why didn't you tell me?"...and I realized that my cries had fallen on deaf ears.
Does my being unconfrontational mean I am too eager to please? Perhaps...but what good does it do me to tell someone something they don't want to hear? Especially when more than likely they ALREADY fear or know my opinion. Most likely they worry about it every damn day, and am I helping by letting them know I see it too? Does it really change anything? Do people change their life, boyfriend, job, whatever before they are truly ready? Or does my sharing with them about how I doubt it just make them more inclined to be stubborn? Cause that's me..I'll just be stubborn...like..."what do you mean the stove is on? NO WAY, I'm STILL touching it"..while my fingers burn off...or something less drastic than this. I've just been thinking about this for days since my reaction to Scotty's life situation was so different from our cousin's reaction...perhaps he knows more than me?
I don't know, but I know this much. My stubbornness lead to me running away. I was told every day that I should be a better example, that I needed to teach my siblings (which isn't really a big brother or sister's job..it's more the parent's area...I suppose leading by example is some help.) to do better. That I should KNOW better. And while it's not the only reason I ran away from home, I do realize that I took it about as far away from a good example as I could..running away, being stupid, getting pregnant...and while becoming a parent helped me, I wouldn't recommend that way at life. I don't know that leading a "sheltered life" is much better, but you have to learn somewhere. You have to get into the world at some point, and it really shouldn't mean that Scotty never gets to do what he wants. I about lost my mind trying to hard to fulfill other's expectations, and I'm glad that he is looking to actively get out on his own. He can't ALWAYS be the "parent" or whatever you want to call it.
In my case, my sister tended to take over (she's in labor today!) and she became a "parent" of sorts. They survived without me, and while I felt (and still do feel) guilty for leaving them behind, I believe it turned out the way it was supposed to.
I'm so rambling now...I just didn't quite know how to respond my my cousin's comment on my blog. I can see each side, but I strongly feel that Scotty should be given this chance, maybe it'll be the best thing ever, and maybe it won't, but he'll never know unless he TRIES.
Sorry, Scotty, didn't really mean to "talk" about you like you weren't here, reading this, cause I know you are.
And again, I'm not trying to start a confrontation, I just needed to say something. I needed to explain the way I see it.
My fear of confrontation runs over into other areas of my life too, I recently had a friend contact me out of nowhere. I have a few friends who do this..and I don't know if I just give off that kind of vibe (a sort of "it's ok if we only hang out when you want to" vibe) or what, but I tend to gloss it over. Which is probably why it keeps happening, but I feel like if I make a big deal over it, then my friends will be mad at me and I won't get to see them at all. They'll just think I'm a bitch, and write me off.
Issues much? LOL. Yeah, I know.
So people contact me, ask me to hang out (when we haven't even talked in ages, when I've made an effort to talk to someone and they ignore me), and in my heart and mind I'm all like...what the hell?, but I let it slide. I would much rather just hang out with them in their time than not at all. I'd rather just accept the invite and pretend like we see each other all the time. Blasé about it? Yes, I need to be. Part of it may just be because I don't want people to know I care? Yes, more issues. I'm FULL of issues people...it just makes me interesting.
But I won't lie..it bothers me. I don't feel like I expect a lot..I mean...seeing someone every two months for a little "date night" if you will (yes, I have dates with friends, that's what I call them) would make me happy. Some people I don't see for months..some for years...and then I'm just supposed to pretend that it doesn't bother me?
Ah well. I'm a good pretender...I just don't like it when I have to be. I'd rather tell the truth nowadays.
So perhaps I live in a rose colored glasses type of world, but it's so much nicer here than where I used to live...forgive me if I plan on staying here for awhile.
It's still all about attitude, baby! =)
Now that I've vented and bitched, I'm off to clean more. Ugh. Sick of the cleaning. =S
I'm going to listen to "Weapon of Choice" while I clean. Nothing is better than Christopher Walken dancing and at least the song makes me think about it even if I can't see the video.
Comments