Friends in general....
My co-worker is awesome. She's always looking out for me, she always listens to me, she has her own problems and I hope I listen as well as she listens to me, and she is just...a rock, for want of a better word.
Our kids may disagree, she doesn't care.
We've both done stupid things in our life, we both have children around the same age, we both have a quirky sense of humor.
Even though we are about 5 years apart in age.
I'm tempted to ask her to accompany me to a party I was invited to (more on that when I've made more sense of it in my head) as my back up.
I hope she never does quit, though I know she gets sick of this place. She's the person I see almost daily, and while we rarely hang out outside of work, we have so much fun when we do. Just talking forever.
After she saw how upset I was getting over Frank, she mentioned that she didn't think she could take seeing his face for much longer...which is so nice as they printed out his MySpace page full of tributes and where does it sit? So CONVENIENTLY on the side of my desk for others to look at.
I don't feel like I should move it, but it is rather fucking hard to look over at Frank's face every minute. When people ask if I'm ok, I just point vaguely in his picture direction and refer to "the craziness". I think Tara knew that I needed to have it gone, and I wouldn't surprised if I come in tomorrow to find it gone.
Not that he was crazy.
Someone (going off on a tangent) told me today that they never understand suicide. I admit, I have a hard time with it myself.
Nothing seems THAT bad.
But then I remember my emo-self, my teenage dumbass (before I was pregnant at 16, I was already a dumbass on more then one occasion) and I looked at her and I said...maybe I get it.
You have to be in that place where it feels like "nothing can ever get better", where it feels like life is pointless, where it feels like you can't do anything to make it better.
Was my emo-ness a result of a chemical imbalance? Or just a stupid ass teenage thing? Did I sit on the ledge of the parking garage so many times because I wanted to die? Or did I just want someone to notice?
Was Frank crying out for help?
I don't know any of these answers.
All I know is that my kid made me realize that I can't kill myself, I can not do that for him. What does it take for other people to realize that?
I'm thankful for each and every person I know right now that takes medication cause they feel they should....if this can be avoided that way, perhaps my "evil" medicine thoughts could be swayed?
I've always felt that the nation is over-medicated, but at the same time I've always admired Dooce, who talks out loud and proud about her need for medication.
If you need it, I hope you take it, anyone out there who may actually be reading this, anyone who I care about. If a small little pill will prevent my friends from killing themselves, can I have a prescription pad please?
And which one is best?
Yes, I'm making light of it. I HAVE to make light of it. I'm sick of crying, and while I do not look puffy anymore, my eyes are still very sore and burning from crying earlier.
(I mentioned that I was glad that February was almost over at dinner last night, and then I said..I mean deaduary. Derek laughed, and Ben made a sad face at me (cause he knows I'm sad), but then Derek was like...can we not talk about death? That kid is a party pooper - AND he hates it when I say "I heart" anything.)
Our kids may disagree, she doesn't care.
We've both done stupid things in our life, we both have children around the same age, we both have a quirky sense of humor.
Even though we are about 5 years apart in age.
I'm tempted to ask her to accompany me to a party I was invited to (more on that when I've made more sense of it in my head) as my back up.
I hope she never does quit, though I know she gets sick of this place. She's the person I see almost daily, and while we rarely hang out outside of work, we have so much fun when we do. Just talking forever.
After she saw how upset I was getting over Frank, she mentioned that she didn't think she could take seeing his face for much longer...which is so nice as they printed out his MySpace page full of tributes and where does it sit? So CONVENIENTLY on the side of my desk for others to look at.
I don't feel like I should move it, but it is rather fucking hard to look over at Frank's face every minute. When people ask if I'm ok, I just point vaguely in his picture direction and refer to "the craziness". I think Tara knew that I needed to have it gone, and I wouldn't surprised if I come in tomorrow to find it gone.
Not that he was crazy.
Someone (going off on a tangent) told me today that they never understand suicide. I admit, I have a hard time with it myself.
Nothing seems THAT bad.
But then I remember my emo-self, my teenage dumbass (before I was pregnant at 16, I was already a dumbass on more then one occasion) and I looked at her and I said...maybe I get it.
You have to be in that place where it feels like "nothing can ever get better", where it feels like life is pointless, where it feels like you can't do anything to make it better.
Was my emo-ness a result of a chemical imbalance? Or just a stupid ass teenage thing? Did I sit on the ledge of the parking garage so many times because I wanted to die? Or did I just want someone to notice?
Was Frank crying out for help?
I don't know any of these answers.
All I know is that my kid made me realize that I can't kill myself, I can not do that for him. What does it take for other people to realize that?
I'm thankful for each and every person I know right now that takes medication cause they feel they should....if this can be avoided that way, perhaps my "evil" medicine thoughts could be swayed?
I've always felt that the nation is over-medicated, but at the same time I've always admired Dooce, who talks out loud and proud about her need for medication.
If you need it, I hope you take it, anyone out there who may actually be reading this, anyone who I care about. If a small little pill will prevent my friends from killing themselves, can I have a prescription pad please?
And which one is best?
Yes, I'm making light of it. I HAVE to make light of it. I'm sick of crying, and while I do not look puffy anymore, my eyes are still very sore and burning from crying earlier.
(I mentioned that I was glad that February was almost over at dinner last night, and then I said..I mean deaduary. Derek laughed, and Ben made a sad face at me (cause he knows I'm sad), but then Derek was like...can we not talk about death? That kid is a party pooper - AND he hates it when I say "I heart" anything.)
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