It's all in my head
I have two rather big rant-worth items that have plagued me recently.
First of all (and definitely less of a problem, but still annoying) is when you are so used to doing something, that you automatically do it, but then you have to wonder later, if you really did do it. Like flushing the toilet. Or closing and locking the door. Or this thing I have to do at work with the check signing machine. Then, you don't want to go back, but it keeps bugging you until you check. ARGH!
Then, secondly, I hate all the guilt that comes with this season. For instance, a friend of mine, (who shall remain nameless) decided that he should get me something. And even though I have bought him things before and he did not return the favor, I felt like I had to buy him something. So, I found the perfect things, and he was excited. Now, I do enjoy shopping and I did enjoy the look on his face, but I felt like I was forced into it.
Then, I invited someone else over and felt bad because I went on and on about the first person's present and didn't have anything for her. So, I got her Army of Darkness and she was extremely happy about it. Then, another friend calls (who I had invited over, and didn't come) and the second friend basically gushes about her present. So, I talk to the other friend (one who didn't come over) and feel like I have to justify myself. "Well, you have a boyfriend and she doesn't", and blah, blah, blah.
Well, her boyfriend just lost his job, and he can't buy her much and, I know she wasn't trying to make me feel guilty but she did.
But she didn't even come over. She blew me off (yet again) because someone else needed her to babysit. (someone she doesn't even like very much) So, why the hell do I still feel guilty?
I've decided that I must like to feel guilty, or I wouldn't do it so much. What the hell?
First of all (and definitely less of a problem, but still annoying) is when you are so used to doing something, that you automatically do it, but then you have to wonder later, if you really did do it. Like flushing the toilet. Or closing and locking the door. Or this thing I have to do at work with the check signing machine. Then, you don't want to go back, but it keeps bugging you until you check. ARGH!
Then, secondly, I hate all the guilt that comes with this season. For instance, a friend of mine, (who shall remain nameless) decided that he should get me something. And even though I have bought him things before and he did not return the favor, I felt like I had to buy him something. So, I found the perfect things, and he was excited. Now, I do enjoy shopping and I did enjoy the look on his face, but I felt like I was forced into it.
Then, I invited someone else over and felt bad because I went on and on about the first person's present and didn't have anything for her. So, I got her Army of Darkness and she was extremely happy about it. Then, another friend calls (who I had invited over, and didn't come) and the second friend basically gushes about her present. So, I talk to the other friend (one who didn't come over) and feel like I have to justify myself. "Well, you have a boyfriend and she doesn't", and blah, blah, blah.
Well, her boyfriend just lost his job, and he can't buy her much and, I know she wasn't trying to make me feel guilty but she did.
But she didn't even come over. She blew me off (yet again) because someone else needed her to babysit. (someone she doesn't even like very much) So, why the hell do I still feel guilty?
I've decided that I must like to feel guilty, or I wouldn't do it so much. What the hell?
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