Back to good.
I am working on it people!
I'm doing SO good. I've been practicing willpower.
And hoping I can apply said willpower to other areas of my life..such as the junk food that I love a little too much.
I was slipping....slipping into the smoking thing again.
I had been "stealing" cigarettes from Ben in the morning...two, at first..one while I waited for the bus in the morning, and one while I waited for the bus at night.
That turned into...well, maybe I need 3 or 4...what if Tara wants me to come smoke with her? I don't want to be "that" person...we all know that person. The one who only smokes other people's cigarettes.
Of course, I AM that person, by default.
I'm not saying I haven't had any. I am very bad when presented with company.
Oh, a lull in the conversation? Time to go smoke.
Oh, someone is leaving? Time to go smoke.
Oh, my lungs are DYING??? Time to go smoke.
Yeah, so, ANYHOW! It was getting bad. It had progressed into smoking every day.
I'm back down to only smoking with the company.
I DID have a drag yesterday. Not even a whole cigarette, but I'm not stealing Ben's cigarettes anymore.
Part of this was that I was told they are raising the price by 60 CENTS A PACK!
I know it's expensive. I know it's bad for me. I know I am already likely to die young...do I need more adding to that?
This whole cutting down again has just made me remember how I CAN DO ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO.
I know that's some trite saying that people scribble onto a piece of paper for inspiration, but it's really true.
1. I needed to get out of my house, I left at 15..I managed to succeed, even though it was scary and required things like sleeping outside occasionally...and sneaking into my old bedroom, but getting up before my mom. (I got caught at least once)
2. I got pregnant at 16, I needed to put my life in order and finish high school.
I finished high school, did two part time jobs, and made a baby, all at once.
3. I had the baby, and really realized that to be a good parent and provider (and not have to depend on ANYONE - not sure what that says about me), I had to go to college.
Which I did, and graduated.
4. I needed to find a job, so I busted the pavement and went to classes and put up with the humility of welfare, just so that I could get that job and still provide for my little family.
Job found.
5. I needed to become a competent accountant with practical knowledge and not just book smarts.
Not only do I know what I am talking about in accounting, I understand inventory, I can work a cash register and help customers.
I have a "can-do" attitude.
It's gotten me REALLY far in life.
Totally. *smirk*
I'm doing SO good. I've been practicing willpower.
And hoping I can apply said willpower to other areas of my life..such as the junk food that I love a little too much.
I was slipping....slipping into the smoking thing again.
I had been "stealing" cigarettes from Ben in the morning...two, at first..one while I waited for the bus in the morning, and one while I waited for the bus at night.
That turned into...well, maybe I need 3 or 4...what if Tara wants me to come smoke with her? I don't want to be "that" person...we all know that person. The one who only smokes other people's cigarettes.
Of course, I AM that person, by default.
I'm not saying I haven't had any. I am very bad when presented with company.
Oh, a lull in the conversation? Time to go smoke.
Oh, someone is leaving? Time to go smoke.
Oh, my lungs are DYING??? Time to go smoke.
Yeah, so, ANYHOW! It was getting bad. It had progressed into smoking every day.
I'm back down to only smoking with the company.
I DID have a drag yesterday. Not even a whole cigarette, but I'm not stealing Ben's cigarettes anymore.
Part of this was that I was told they are raising the price by 60 CENTS A PACK!
I know it's expensive. I know it's bad for me. I know I am already likely to die young...do I need more adding to that?
This whole cutting down again has just made me remember how I CAN DO ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO.
I know that's some trite saying that people scribble onto a piece of paper for inspiration, but it's really true.
1. I needed to get out of my house, I left at 15..I managed to succeed, even though it was scary and required things like sleeping outside occasionally...and sneaking into my old bedroom, but getting up before my mom. (I got caught at least once)
2. I got pregnant at 16, I needed to put my life in order and finish high school.
I finished high school, did two part time jobs, and made a baby, all at once.
3. I had the baby, and really realized that to be a good parent and provider (and not have to depend on ANYONE - not sure what that says about me), I had to go to college.
Which I did, and graduated.
4. I needed to find a job, so I busted the pavement and went to classes and put up with the humility of welfare, just so that I could get that job and still provide for my little family.
Job found.
5. I needed to become a competent accountant with practical knowledge and not just book smarts.
Not only do I know what I am talking about in accounting, I understand inventory, I can work a cash register and help customers.
I have a "can-do" attitude.
It's gotten me REALLY far in life.
Totally. *smirk*
Comments
you're proof positive of so many cliches that i always thought were just tired old cliches.
i never thought a teenager could effectivly parent, but you did a darn good job. your kid is still alive and thriving. SURELY you can quit smoking. SURELY.
So that's good.
I'm still pretty loathe to call it quitting, per se.
It seems to me that when I don't have that all or nothing attitude, I do better. I don't feel like...well...I already smoked some, I might as well smoke more. I just try harder the next day.