Better friend?
So..I've been thinking lately that maybe I could be a better friend.
I mean...I find myself constantly answering someone's question about how my life is going...even just how was your weekend and I don't say the same thing back.
I mean....isn't that really fucking rude?
And yet, I hadn't even thought about it and I am trying to make a concious effort to questions others as they question me.
Cause often, I will just have a story and I don't think about someone else's stories.
So..anyway, I'm working at it. I was just starting to wonder why some people at work seem to be such good friends and I've managed to not really "get" that. They call each other outside of work and talk...
And maybe it's just that I tend to keep work and home seperate. I went to the talker's house a few times, and we all know how that turned out.
(She invited me to lunch by the way! On friday...just cause I asked her some innocent question...all the sudden I got asked to lunch! and she paid...so what was I supposed to say? I hate your company SO much that I will not take your money? Damn her. She spent the whole time talking about how she doesn't have any money. No MONEY. But she's inviting me too lunch? Ok there...can I feel a little more guilty?)
Then there is Tara, who went through a rough time last week. This guy she liked completely FUCKED her over. Completely..and she just kept asking me how he could do this to her...and all I had was...that some guys are assholes. That even if he gave her a "reason" that wouldn't make her feel any better and it wouldn't instantly make things better. She managed to surprise a response out of him by calling with someone else's phone. He was AVOIDING her calls...cause that would mean he wouldn't have to own up.
So he fed her a whole line of bullshit and she is back to being mad instead of almost crying...I mean..TARA CRYING???? I don't even know how to deal with such a thing. And it's easier for me...but that just makes me feel like a worse friend. Like I can't even be there for her when she is crying. I think I felt so awkward just because I didn't have an answer for her. I didn't know how to help her.
Yet...if I think about it, when I have to cry in front of people, I don't expect them to fix it..I just want an arm around me and someone that will listen.
Anyhow...it was a hard week.
And I've just been questioning how good of a friend I am if people can just write me off.
I'm still smarting over stupid Paul. I want him to want to be friends with me..I want him to care about my kid. I miss being friends and just bull shitting.
But every message is met with silence. He friended ME on Myspace, yet I get no response to anything.
It's been a little weird. Like I don't know if I should un-friend him since he won't say anything back or what...and then I'm like...what if he is like Jake? What if all guys are like Jake and once there is no chance of getting in my pants, they just won't talk to me?
Cause Jake and I shared a lot, but now, when I look at him, he's almost like a stranger.
It's lame. I've had good times with these people and it doesn't seem to matter.
So this just makes me think more that maybe I am just a selfish friend and I need to make myself better. I like to listen to people. I like to learn about people. Emotions make me uncomfortable...which is fucking ironic.
I have a better time reading about people.
Anyhow....I'm not exactly sure where I was going with this. I think maybe I was hoping for some feedback. Am I completely selfish?
Actually. I think I remember what my point was...just like Tara, I can't expect an answer from him. I can't expect an answer from anyone who "cut" me off. I can guess, but that doesn't mean I'm right.
Instead, I should really take my own advice about how if they don't want to be friends with me, they aren't worth it anyhow?
Right? That's not trite at all. *smirk*
I mean...I find myself constantly answering someone's question about how my life is going...even just how was your weekend and I don't say the same thing back.
I mean....isn't that really fucking rude?
And yet, I hadn't even thought about it and I am trying to make a concious effort to questions others as they question me.
Cause often, I will just have a story and I don't think about someone else's stories.
So..anyway, I'm working at it. I was just starting to wonder why some people at work seem to be such good friends and I've managed to not really "get" that. They call each other outside of work and talk...
And maybe it's just that I tend to keep work and home seperate. I went to the talker's house a few times, and we all know how that turned out.
(She invited me to lunch by the way! On friday...just cause I asked her some innocent question...all the sudden I got asked to lunch! and she paid...so what was I supposed to say? I hate your company SO much that I will not take your money? Damn her. She spent the whole time talking about how she doesn't have any money. No MONEY. But she's inviting me too lunch? Ok there...can I feel a little more guilty?)
Then there is Tara, who went through a rough time last week. This guy she liked completely FUCKED her over. Completely..and she just kept asking me how he could do this to her...and all I had was...that some guys are assholes. That even if he gave her a "reason" that wouldn't make her feel any better and it wouldn't instantly make things better. She managed to surprise a response out of him by calling with someone else's phone. He was AVOIDING her calls...cause that would mean he wouldn't have to own up.
So he fed her a whole line of bullshit and she is back to being mad instead of almost crying...I mean..TARA CRYING???? I don't even know how to deal with such a thing. And it's easier for me...but that just makes me feel like a worse friend. Like I can't even be there for her when she is crying. I think I felt so awkward just because I didn't have an answer for her. I didn't know how to help her.
Yet...if I think about it, when I have to cry in front of people, I don't expect them to fix it..I just want an arm around me and someone that will listen.
Anyhow...it was a hard week.
And I've just been questioning how good of a friend I am if people can just write me off.
I'm still smarting over stupid Paul. I want him to want to be friends with me..I want him to care about my kid. I miss being friends and just bull shitting.
But every message is met with silence. He friended ME on Myspace, yet I get no response to anything.
It's been a little weird. Like I don't know if I should un-friend him since he won't say anything back or what...and then I'm like...what if he is like Jake? What if all guys are like Jake and once there is no chance of getting in my pants, they just won't talk to me?
Cause Jake and I shared a lot, but now, when I look at him, he's almost like a stranger.
It's lame. I've had good times with these people and it doesn't seem to matter.
So this just makes me think more that maybe I am just a selfish friend and I need to make myself better. I like to listen to people. I like to learn about people. Emotions make me uncomfortable...which is fucking ironic.
I have a better time reading about people.
Anyhow....I'm not exactly sure where I was going with this. I think maybe I was hoping for some feedback. Am I completely selfish?
Actually. I think I remember what my point was...just like Tara, I can't expect an answer from him. I can't expect an answer from anyone who "cut" me off. I can guess, but that doesn't mean I'm right.
Instead, I should really take my own advice about how if they don't want to be friends with me, they aren't worth it anyhow?
Right? That's not trite at all. *smirk*
Comments
Isn't she with her guy anymore?
At least she got laid.