Wrong Impression?
With the holidays behind us, I can admit.
I did a fair amount of reminiscing. I wondered whether this family member or that would remember me. I got some cards. I got MONEY. Which is lovely.
As the days wore on, I started to think that I wasn't gonna get anything from my Dad. This is the ONE time of the year, I've been able to count on him for years now. I talked it out over and over in my head and to K at work.
Then I started to realize, that EVEN worse! My mother had not mentioned Christmas or sent me an e-mail or anything. She doesn't usually send presents. I understand, she still has little kids in the house, she is still spending massive amounts on Christmas.
But I thought I'd get an e-mail. To be fair, I didn't send her one. My pride got in the way. I might e-mail her soon, but part of me is scared that she won't respond and wouldn't that be WORSE than not getting an e-mail at all?
Just now I realized, my parents have switched roles. My dad gives me the money now, and my Mom ignores me mostly.
It was the other way around when I lived at home.
I, quite falsely, idolized my father in a "the grass is greener" kind of way that pissed my mom off to no end. She was the one taking care of me, and he was the favored parent.
I can totally see why she was so pissed now. But even without her badmouthing him, I would have come to the same conclusion that I have now. He never really had time for me. He had his new family and we didn't work together. I don't think my stepmom appreciated the reminder of his life before her. Or that I was his only "real" child. For all that mattered. He spent more time with her kids than me anyhow.
My mom would listen to me and while I didn't always like her, I always loved her. If that makes sense. She was taking care of me. She was my mom. The woman figure in my life.
She fell off her pedestal a long time ago though. But she is still my mom.
And I got nothing. No e-mail. No card. No phone call.
And instead, I get gifts from my Dad and I even talked to him on the phone. I HAD to call him for the information, but if I hadn't he WOULD have called me on Christmas, because that's what he does.
He pays "holiday attention" to me. It's nice to have the money, it's nice to talk to him and commiserate and working full time and stuff. I actually have something in common with him now.
The other day I was wondering if I was giving off the wrong impression, cause K at work seemed to think my Dad paid more attention to me and that it was more bothersome that my mom didn't even e-mail me. I was flippant, but I guess it's caused some bitterness.
Cause this post was going to originally be about how I really appreciate my mother more....And I do, more so now than ever. Being a mom is HARD.....but I think it's turned into more of a I think both my parents suck kinda post.
I did a fair amount of reminiscing. I wondered whether this family member or that would remember me. I got some cards. I got MONEY. Which is lovely.
As the days wore on, I started to think that I wasn't gonna get anything from my Dad. This is the ONE time of the year, I've been able to count on him for years now. I talked it out over and over in my head and to K at work.
Then I started to realize, that EVEN worse! My mother had not mentioned Christmas or sent me an e-mail or anything. She doesn't usually send presents. I understand, she still has little kids in the house, she is still spending massive amounts on Christmas.
But I thought I'd get an e-mail. To be fair, I didn't send her one. My pride got in the way. I might e-mail her soon, but part of me is scared that she won't respond and wouldn't that be WORSE than not getting an e-mail at all?
Just now I realized, my parents have switched roles. My dad gives me the money now, and my Mom ignores me mostly.
It was the other way around when I lived at home.
I, quite falsely, idolized my father in a "the grass is greener" kind of way that pissed my mom off to no end. She was the one taking care of me, and he was the favored parent.
I can totally see why she was so pissed now. But even without her badmouthing him, I would have come to the same conclusion that I have now. He never really had time for me. He had his new family and we didn't work together. I don't think my stepmom appreciated the reminder of his life before her. Or that I was his only "real" child. For all that mattered. He spent more time with her kids than me anyhow.
My mom would listen to me and while I didn't always like her, I always loved her. If that makes sense. She was taking care of me. She was my mom. The woman figure in my life.
She fell off her pedestal a long time ago though. But she is still my mom.
And I got nothing. No e-mail. No card. No phone call.
And instead, I get gifts from my Dad and I even talked to him on the phone. I HAD to call him for the information, but if I hadn't he WOULD have called me on Christmas, because that's what he does.
He pays "holiday attention" to me. It's nice to have the money, it's nice to talk to him and commiserate and working full time and stuff. I actually have something in common with him now.
The other day I was wondering if I was giving off the wrong impression, cause K at work seemed to think my Dad paid more attention to me and that it was more bothersome that my mom didn't even e-mail me. I was flippant, but I guess it's caused some bitterness.
Cause this post was going to originally be about how I really appreciate my mother more....And I do, more so now than ever. Being a mom is HARD.....but I think it's turned into more of a I think both my parents suck kinda post.
Comments
I just had to spew the words onto the internet and then I stop thinking about them.
It works.